by Pam Godwin
Her jaw was clenched so tightly, she had to focus to unlock it. “It’s more complicated than that, but yeah.” She shifted to face Nathan. “When did you talk to Jay?”
Nathan’s gaze was elsewhere, searching the passing streets. “I was at the tower when I got the call.”
So he was deep undercover within Roy’s ranks. “And you took the call?”
“Crane said Jay Mayard knew your name. I was afraid…” He rubbed the bridge of his nose, shifted his attention to her. “When one of our detectives discovered there was never a body for Sarah Teves, he dug in and connected your real name with Roy. He was hushed. At least, that’s what Roy thinks. The detective is in the witness protection program now.”
Her nod was taut with guilt. Roy would’ve put a hit on anyone looking for her.
Laz’s chest rose and fell, watching their exchange.
Regret over Jay’s involvement simmered through her. “Laz, if Jay was asking questions and using my real name, he would’ve become a target. Nathan shut that down the best way possible and saved his life.”
The air choked with his harsh laughter. “I assure you, you did not save him. He’s been in a three-year walking coma.”
“Why? He didn’t know me.” Her voice sounded as uneasy as the conversation.
“I don’t know.” Laz bent toward her. “Whatever you gave him made him look at things differently, made him want to get better. He wanted to explore it…the tattoo, you, I don’t know. But your death meant he would be forever incomplete…unfinished.”
She cleared her throat. “What’s his story? How did he get the scars?”
His eyebrows slammed together. “Scars?”
Just cover it. One big sheet of black.
Oh God. Jay had really wanted to keep his back covered, even from his friends. “Yeah.”
A wretched kind of silence fell between them. She tried to ride it out, but after an idle debate with her heart-shaped conscience, she couldn’t convince herself to walk away. “I want to talk to him.”
Nathan sighed, and Laz swung out an arm and pounded on the divider. “Come on, Tony. Can’t you make this thing go any faster?”
The smile he directed at her danced at the corners of his mouth, betraying his nervousness. “When we get there, try to see the man beneath the surface. Whatever you saw in him three years ago, look for that, okay?”
“I didn’t—”
“You did. The proof is permanently inked on his back, and he cherishes it more than life itself.”
20
The limo stopped in a private underground garage a few feet from the hotel’s service elevator. The ride to the top floor pulsated with impatience. Laz tapped the toe of his boot against the steel walls, sputtering Charlee’s heart more than it already was. Nathan clenched his fingers along with the Musak jingle trumpeting from a hidden speaker.
What would she say to Jay? The notion that he cherished his tattoo sung through her veins. Maybe he’d ask her to finish it.
The bell dinged, and they jerked in unison. The doors opened to an austere landing lined with more doors. She welcomed the stark privacy, but it surprised her. “Do you always take the sneaky way?”
Laz swiped his card key on a solid-looking door. “Jay prefers to be removed from the view and presence of strangers, and he hires the best security professionals in the business to ensure he gets that.”
“He chose the wrong damned lifestyle then.” Nathan held the door for her with a smirk on his face.
They walked through another service door, and…oh, wow. The entry engulfed them in another world. Marble pillars, gold-leafed mirrors and red velvet settees adorned the space. A heady reminder of how famous Jay was. Would he give a shit about a nobody like her? What if she’d misinterpreted his songs and she’d built up some ridiculous fantasy about him in her head? Her heart pounded and her hands trembled.
Laz led them down a hall. “Jay didn’t choose this life. It chose him. And to answer your question, Charlee…” He looked at her over his shoulder. “When our security personnel suggest we use the service elevator, we use the damned service elevator.”
Good to know. The lackluster elevator seemed like a small concession as she passed a junior suite, a grand elevator foyer, another long foyer, a second bedroom. The scale and quantity of the rooms floored her. “This is all part of your suite?”
An oval foyer opened to a powder room, a study, and a gym. He stopped them in the center. “For thirty thousand dollars a night, we should have our own fucking pool.” He smiled with a tinge of red in his cheeks. “And you’ve only seen the entrance.”
She’d lived with one of the richest men in the world and never experienced extravagance on this level. None of it was visible from her cell. She’d been nothing more than a pet. No, not even that. Rich people pampered their pets. She stared at her Doc Martens in a harrowing moment of clarity, and fuck her, but it stung.
Nathan scanned something on his phone and returned it to his pocket. “Charlee?” He narrowed his eyes.
Damn him and his awareness. “Just having a little awed moment. Sheltered girl, you know?” She pointed at herself.
His eyes narrowed. Yeah, sheltered was a nice way to put it.
Laz moved to the double doors. “We took the security team out with us tonight, which means Jay’s been in there without a chaperone for a few hours. Mind waiting here for a minute?”
What, was he twelve? She rubbed a sweaty palm on her jeans. “We’ll wait.”
When the doors snicked behind him, she leaned against the wall and tried to still her racing heart.
Nathan mimicked her lean beside her. He seemed strangely calm as he eyed her.
She rolled onto her shoulder to face him. “Why aren’t you lecturing me about my bad decision-making?”
“Maybe I’m impressed with their security.” He nodded his chin to the ceiling. “Cameras at every bend and doorway, the high-tech security gate at the garage entrance, and the preparedness of the bodyguards when we left the restaurant blows me away.” A shrug. “Crane just sent a text. He hasn’t found anything on the band or their staff to cause suspicion.” He smiled. “Enfolded in all these safety measures is a nice change.”
Oh, the things money could buy. The relief in his words melted over her. “The way to Nathan Winslow’s heart is through impressive protection.”
“True story.”
Their smiles were interrupted by the whoosh of the doors. Laz stuck his head out and looked at Nathan. “Can you…uh…help me a minute?”
She moved with Nathan and Laz blocked her entrance. “Just Nathan, okay?”
Her teeth sawed together. “I can handle it, whatever it is.”
“Maybe.” He pinched the bridge of his nose, took a deep breath, and met her gaze. “Jay wouldn’t want you to. Man’s ego and all that.”
Nathan wedged himself between them. “I prefer she stays with me.”
“The suite is locked down—”
“Let me in, Laz.” She stepped to the side and held his weary eyes.
A moan rumbled from behind him. A woman’s moan. It hit her like fingers digging around in her innards, stirring up feelings she didn’t have the right to act on.
Laz glanced over his shoulder and back at her. “You sure?”
Was she? She’d only met Jay once and had been through hell and back since that meeting. And how screwed up would it be for Jay if she walked in on something embarrassing? Depending on what she saw, he may not ever want to talk to her again.
Dammit. She needed to wrangle in her self-doubt. Famous Jay Mayard held an all-you-can-eat VIP pass to the pussy buffet, good for every night in every town. At least she wouldn’t have to worry about entangling her emotions in whatever waited on the other side of the door. Images of his feasting chased her heart far, far away.
She jerked her chin in a stubborn nod and followed him through the door.
21
Charlee strode through the suite, head high, shoulders back,
and stomach rolling. The moaning grew closer and laughter joined it. Her ankle wobbled, and she righted her gait without slowing.
“Jaaaaay.” A second woman.
Another foyer opened to a dining room set for a royal court. How many damned foyers were in this place? The gold-plated light fixtures, hand-carved mahogany chairs, and tinkling crystal glasses made her want to hold her breath for fear of breaking something. She wanted to break something.
She was thankful they skipped that room until they arrived in the living room. It exuded the same stuffy air with marble fireplaces and silk embroidered couches too sumptuous to sit on.
Her focus narrowed on the grand piano and the two naked women tied to the top of it.
“Holy guacamole, it’s Laz Bromwell. Untie us, Laz.”
“Or fuck us.” The other one laughed.
Did Jay restrain them? Whether they were willing or not, if that kind of thing turned him on, what else was he into? Would it be a scene like the Doms she played with? Or something more comparable to Roy’s breed of kink. She tensed against a shiver.
The first one jerked her hips. “Jay left like an hour ago. Come on, baby. We’re dying here.”
She couldn’t see the mouths that were polluting the air. She couldn’t see anything beyond the spread legs and the gaping vaginas. The light from the chandelier illuminated their glistening slits. Cloudy-white globs drenched their crevices from knees to hips. Oh, God. Jay had been there, in there, all over there.
A wave of disgust swept through her. The kind of disgust that seeped from open sewers. Maybe his dick would rot off.
Where was her sense of ownership over him coming from? What the hell was wrong with her? She couldn’t stop her cheeks from heating, her body from shaking, or the progression of vicious thoughts storming through her head.
“Charlee?” Nathan’s hand touched her back.
She startled. Was that normal behavior for women? Did they all look that debauched? She’d never witnessed another woman in a sexual situation. “Did I look like that?” she whispered for his ears only.
“No, Charlee.” It was a repulsed response.
She wanted to believe him. She also wanted to power wash those vaginas with a fire hose. Inside and out. Then hold them down in a tub of bleach.
Jesus, that was a hell of a thing to wish on someone. Why was she so appalled? Was she ashamed for them? For herself? How many hours had she spent tied down and wearing come just like that? She was no better than they were.
Despite her unraveling justifications, she knew her reaction was driven by jealousy. How important were those women in Jay’s life? Was he writing songs about them? She clutched her gut and circled, scanning the room. Where was he?
Nathan grabbed her shoulders. “Charlee?”
“Why do you keep calling her Charlee?” The woman struggled against the ropes. “I’m his Charlee tonight.”
A shiver chilled her spine. She pushed around Nathan and glared at the woman. “What did you say?”
“Whatever, bitch.” The other one tried to kick a tied foot. “He called me Charlee right before he ejaculated.”
Bile bubbled in her gut. She wasn’t sure what her expression held, but Laz ducked out of a bathroom and turned her toward the connecting bedroom. “Don’t pay attention to them. While I’m looking for Jay, can you just…” He nudged her forward. “Go turn down his bed or something.”
She twisted her head, searched his eyes, driven by a need for answers. “He calls them Charlee?”
His face tightened as he shifted his gaze to the piano. “Girls, where did Jay go?”
“He wandered off.” One woman giggled. “Didn’t look so good. Hey there, sexpot. Who are you?”
Nathan bent over the piano, untying the knots in the rope. They could stay there for all Charlee cared, but in the eyes of her benevolent protector, a restraint was a restraint, no matter how willing.
With a sudden need to be out of the room when the women were free, she trudged to bedroom. The maid service had already turned down the bed, but what caught her eye was a doorway in the furthest corner of the room. A walk-in closet? She moved toward it and flicked on the light.
A center island dominated the space. She walked around it and froze.
Jay sprawled on the floor, nude from the waist down, his face planted in the rug. Lines of white powder dusted a square plate beside him.
How many times had Laz warned her? She understood Jay had issues, but seeing him prone and pathetic on the closet floor squeezed things in her chest. “Laz!”
Should she check to see if he’d overdosed? Her experience with drugs was limited, as in nonexistent. She screamed louder, “Laz!”
Stomps pounded through the bedroom. A moment later, Laz dropped beside Jay, lifting his head up and to the side, and prodding his lips. “Lips aren’t blue. Still has his annoying bronze glow.” He rolled his eyes, hovered his mouth over Jay’s ear, and roared, “Faggot!”
A flinch rippled over Jay’s body, and his eyes opened and squeezed shut.
“He’s just high, not OD’d.” Laz grabbed a wadded towel from the floor, spread it over Jay’s very sculpted, too naked ass, and raised his eyes to her. “Remember what I said, Charlee. Look for the man beneath the—”
“Towel?”
He smirked. “You’re twisted.”
She shrugged, and it was stiff and forced. “When it fits the bill.”
“Fair enough. Any pants up there on the counter?”
She tagged a pair of workout shorts from the island where she leaned and tossed them. As Laz shoved them up Jay’s long legs, she tried not to watch, let alone think about how toned his calves and thighs were. Those legs were wrapped around piano sluts. Her cheeks heated and sparked. “I thought cocaine made a person jittery and excited. Why is he so out of it?”
Laz tugged and twisted the shorts over his friend’s ass and removed the towel. “Doesn’t look like he touched much blow tonight. He was probably drunk off his ass before he invited the girls up. I bet he hurls before he wakes.”
Here he was, rich and famous with the world salivating at his feet. Yet…”What a sad and lonely life, drinking, fucking wanton women…” She waved a hand over the bed. “Vomiting in his sleep. Is it a rock star thing?”
With a heave and a grunt, Laz threw Jay’s body over his shoulder in a fireman’s carry and carted him to the bed. “Is it a rock star thing to drink, fuck, and vomit? In the nineties, maybe. You won’t find much of that among modern musicians. Our schedules are hell, the media slaughters us for bad behavior, and most of us are businessmen in this industry.”
Laz rolled him into the bed facedown, and Jay bounced with a moan. Then he kicked a trash can with his foot until it bumped the bedside. “No, this is a Jay thing.”
A Jay thing? He’s been in a three-year walking coma.
With his hands hooked under Jay’s armpits, he pulled until Jay’s chin hung off the side of the bed and over the can. That done, he stepped back and stared down at her. “Be patient with him, and please, please, wait till he wakes up. Talk to him.” He softened his eyes, put the meaning of his words there. “It would kill him to learn you were alive without seeing you for himself.”
Despite the drama, there wasn’t a chance in hell she would leave without talking to Jay. She crawled across the bed, settled beside him, and hovered a hand over his shirt-covered back. “Can I touch?”
“Only when he’s comatose.” He studied her as if a sudden move might scare her off.
“I’ll stay with him. Go help Nathan with the leaking vaginas.”
A laugh burst out of him. “Jesus, you’re a hell of a woman.” His laughter cut off, and he stared at her, resolute in his stillness. “I see it now. I totally get what he saw in you.”
He didn’t see shit. Neither of them did.
She lowered her hand, tested the feel of his back with a finger, right over the ink. “Have you seen the tattoo?”
He shook his head, watching her. “No o
ne has.”
“You think he wants me to finish it?”
“More than anything.”
She was too stunned to respond. It wasn’t shock. It was the echo of her longing. She saw her drawings. The sketches of charred skin made to look like it was curling away. The flames. The steel plates and rivets beneath the hurt.
She wanted to finish the tattoo, but it wasn’t all. There was something deeper, something vibrating beneath, begging her to unveil. It was the strength of the man that had kept her alive during those long two months with Roy.
Footsteps approached, sped up, and one of the piano girls skidded into the room, flippant in her nudity. “We’re staying in here tonight. Jay invited us. Not her.”
Nathan charged in after her dragging the other woman by the arm. “Laz?”
Laz scooped up the one on the loose, tossed her over his shoulder, and smacked her butt. “Party’s over ladies. Let’s go.”
The woman pounded on his back. “Nooo. It’s not your decision. He didn’t fuck us yet. He promised this time.” Her voice faded as Nathan and Laz moved them through the suite.
Nathan left her alone? Apparently, he just needed a woman to protect and control, any woman—or two—would do. Not that she cared. It was a rare moment to be out of his watchful gaze.
She leaned over Jay’s back. Please, wake up. Thick lashes fanned his sculptured cheekbones.
If he hadn’t fucked the women, what was the white shit between their legs? A shudder barreled through her. Roy loved to jerk off on her and watch his come drip down her pussy. But why did the notion of Jay stroking off on them rather than in them soothe some of boiling in her blood?
She fell on her back with a sigh. How often did this kind of thing happen in his life? Jealousy surged anew, gripping her insides. She hated the feeling. It was a needy weakness, and she wasn’t weak.
She stretched out on the bed beside him while he slept and wondered how he felt about her, wondered if he felt anything. Maybe the only way he thought of her was in some bondage fantasy that he jerked off to?