by Pam Godwin
The indentions of his muscles bunched over his torso, and veins bulged in his rigid arms. What a stunning sight. She wanted to crawl up his body and drive them both beyond their mental and tactile boundaries. Maybe she was already doing that. She was touching him. Was he cured? Or would he need a distraction every time she initiated touch in the future?
She laced her fingers together and hugged her palms around him. Squeezing up to collect pre-cum—slicking down, up, down—she lured ragged noises from the back of his throat. Maybe she could stroke him past the point of restraint until he wrenched her head back, bent her over the sink, and took whatever he pleased. God help her, she trembled to please him.
His chest heaved with his grunts and his hands tangled in her hair as he watched. “Charlee.” A plea. “It’s unreal…your hands…on me. I can’t believe how good it feels.”
Nuzzling the crown with her lips and nose, she inhaled the arousing blend of suede, musk, and man. “If the touch gives more than it takes, isn’t it always good?”
He stared at her like he was on top of a new world, looking over the edge. “Yeah, Charlee. You’re showing me that.” He tugged the lock of hair wrapped around his finger and jerked her head back. “My turn to give.”
The twinge from his tug simmered the ache between her legs. Oh, the pain he could give, it would free her. It would. “Harder.”
His brows lowered over narrowed eyes, and he unraveled his fingers from her hair.
Shit. He’d never agree to hurt her. Her shoulders slumped. But she still had his climax, and it would be something to behold. She took him into her mouth, circling her tongue and raising her eyes.
His jaw opened and closed in soundless groans with each pump of her mouth. After a few minutes, he cupped her neck with both hands and halted her movements. “Come up here.”
Not yet. She released him with a slippery pop. Her kisses glistened over his foreskin. “Do you tan in the nude?”
He laughed, but it strangled as she drew him back into her mouth and strengthened the suction. Gasping, he let go of her face to catch his sag toward the counter’s ledge behind her. “Enough.” He jerked his hips away.
She sat on her heels. “I want you to finish.”
“No.” In a half-crouch, he wedged his fingers under the backs of her thighs, shifted her around his hips, and sat her on the leather bench seat that hid the toilet. As he yanked up his pants to cover his gorgeous ass, rejection punched her in the gut. That was until he settled between her knees and pinned her with a scorching stare. “I want to look in your eyes and feel your gasps on my lips the first time I come in you.”
A viscid, foreign feeling adhered to her heart, gluing her to him from the inside out. She closed her eyes. Their unexplainable bond took root over the three years that separated them, but in one day, they had knocked down a physical barrier, and he was weakening emotional walls she hadn’t acknowledged in a long time. “This is madness, Jay.”
He kissed her softly. “The comforts of madness are plenty. Enjoy them with me.”
When she opened her eyes, his were regarding her with a strength of energy that pulled her mouth back to his. The air around them stirred with their breaths. His lips rolled over hers, his whiskers abraded, and the fingers along her spine emitted electric shocks. His tongue moved in a rhythmic tenor, flicking and twirling. She rocked her hips and dragged her nails over his scars before she could stop.
“I want to keep going.” The scratch in his voice was at odds with the gentle stroke of his knuckle sliding over her cheek, down her neck, and circling her breastbone. “I don’t know if…” He pulled his hand away and rubbed his eyebrow. “I mean, I know you’ve been working through some things in your…sessions.” He gritted his teeth and looked away.
She touched his jaw, tried to smooth out the stiffness. “Outside of contractual sex—” His eyes squeezed shut, and she rushed on. “I honestly don’t know how I’d respond. I want to try.”
He interlaced his fingers with hers on his face and pressed a kiss on her palm. Then his eyes flashed open, branding her with their heat. “We are not too fucked up to make this work.”
It was a vehement promise. Holding his face, she slid a hand across his shoulder blade and traced the first raised edge she encountered. “Your pain brought us together.”
Tenderness melted his eyes. “I came to you that night to erase it, so I wouldn’t have to remember.” His cheeks lifted beneath her hand. “And you gave me something I never want to forget.” Shaking his head, his gaze shifted to her mouth, down her neck…
Her nipples tightened and her breasts grew heavy under his scrutiny. He moved his hands to glide them over her arms. Then he cupped them. First, one breast, then the other. The muscles in his back rippled under her caress and his breathing picked up.
He rotated his hips against the seat edge, his hands lifting and molding her. She caught sparks from each tug and twist, the sensations zipping straight to her womb.
Panting, he lowered his mouth and laved a nipple with the flat of his tongue. She arched her back. He flicked it with teasing laps. “I’ve wanted to do this since you first took your shirt off in your apartment.”
The air whispered over her kiss-soaked skin, chilling her. “Sorry about my indecent—”
“I’m not. I’ve never been this attracted to anyone. No one compares to you, Charlee.” He slid his torso up hers and found her lips. “This is what your three-year absence did to me.” He removed her hand from his back and pressed it against his erection. Warm and bare, pushing through the unfastened zipper, it seeped moisture on her palm.
“So what you’re saying is it’s been a hard three years?” She squeezed him.
Pressing his face into the crook of her neck, he groaned a strangled chuckle. “Funny thing is—Oh Jesus, I can’t tell you this.”
Tracing his ear with her tongue, she worked her hand over him in long twisting strokes.
“Ah fuck, you have to stop doing that.” He gripped her wrist, stopping her, and slid his mouth to her injured earlobe. The gentle kiss he placed there bathed her in tingles.
“Tell me what you were going to tell me.”
He rested his forehead on her shoulder. “I used to have the damnedest time maintaining an erection. Then I met you and…” He let out a shaky breath. “I’ve been hard for three years.”
She knew he hadn’t been celibate for years. He was trying to tell her he hadn’t been satisfied. Determined to fix that, she shook off his restraining hand and rotated her wrist, winding and compressing him with steady pumps.
“Unngh. Charlee, stop.” The force in his voice matched the lurch of his hips as he broke away. “Keep doing that and I’m going to come so hard, I’ll blow all the clouds from the sky.”
She burst into laughter. “Oh my God, that’s the cheesiest—”
His punishing kiss stole her capacity to think. “Ready to feel?”
The throb in her pussy ignited. “Don’t be gentle.”
47
Jay curled both hands around Charlee’s neck and attacked her mouth. His sudden aggression sizzled every cell in her body. He tasted and teased, deepening the kiss and swallowing her gasps with each thrust of his tongue. Their breaths became one and their hips rocked, reaching to close the gap between them.
The spicy scent of his mouth and skin overpowered her senses and magnified her hunger. She wanted him to bite her. Hard. She pulled at his waistband. Wanted him closer. Trembled to pull him inside.
He consumed her lips, pushing his tongue against hers, giving her glimpses of his gorgeous smile between nips. His hands moved over her shoulders and down her arms. When they bypassed her tingling breasts, she groaned in his mouth.
A laugh rolled over his tongue, half-suppressed by his rough exhale. His hands lowered to her belly, tickling a squeal from her, and slipped beneath the elastic at her hips.
He dipped his tongue for another taste and fluttered kisses over her cheekbone to her ear. “Lift.”
>
Body vibrating and head spinning, she arched her hips. Her leggings and panties lowered with his hands, bunching at her thighs.
“You’re shivering.” His naked chest pressed against hers, hot and silky with sweat.
“I’m not cold.” She combed her fingers through his hair and held onto his head as his nose stroked down her neck and over her breast.
Holding her gaze, he moved down her body and ran his lips over her stomach. Then he lowered his eyes.
Inhaling deeply, he twirled a finger through the wet hair between her legs. “Christ, Charlee. The red is natural?”
She nodded, slumping back. Her nipples ached so badly, she grabbed them, wiggling them up and down with pinched fingers to release some tension.
“Aw…God.” Eyes on her hands, he gripped the base of his dick and squeezed, his shoulders curling forward and his head dropping. Breathless seconds passed. Once he seemed to compose himself, he bent awkwardly in the confined space, tackled the laces on her boots, and yanked them off.
The rustling descent of her leggings and panties mingled with their heavy breaths. That done, her garments smacked the wall behind him. His hands shook as he spread her legs for his view.
A spasm hit her as suddenly as her thoughts, and she tried to close her legs. He was too close. He would see too much. Her scars…her shame.
He scooted her ass to the edge of the seat and looked up out of hooded eyes. “You okay?” He stroked a finger over her slit as he studied her face. It slid easily through her folds and chased away some of her fear. As long as he didn’t look inside. Her legs, bent over his muscular forearms, trembled with each touch. A wanton noise escaped her lips.
“Soaking wet, Charlee.” His lashes lowered as he watched his caress. “So fucking ready.”
If he knew what she was ready for, he wouldn’t sound so awed.
He crouched further to the floor, moving her legs to his shoulders, and dragging his lips along her thigh. When he reached the apex of her thighs, he spread her open with his fingers, his inspection scalding.
She squirmed and squeezed her legs around him. “Stop looking.”
He jerked his head up and his eyebrows climbed together. “Why?”
“The scars. They’re disgusting.” She choked back the flashes of Roy ripping and hurting, stealing everything, leaving her numb and empty.
Jay blinked, looked down, and his eyes narrowed. He eased his finger partially in, and she held her breath. He circled her entrance, stretching the skin. She wanted to feel it, tried to shed the shield that deadened her there.
He lowered his face, his breath warm on her thigh. “You should celebrate them.” His gaze drifted to hers and his mouth opened. As she watched with a mixture of horror and thrall, he flicked his tongue over her clit. “They’re a reminder.” Slowly, delicately, he licked along her outer lips. “That you survived.” His tongue passed over the scarred ridges inside her labia. “And healed.”
When he covered her with his mouth, she arched her back, hands flying to his head. His lips played over her as his tongue darted in and out, flicking and stirring. He made her want to feel. Made her want to try. But it was too easy to take herself to that contaminated part of her mind, where whips and canes beat her into numbness.
He swayed his hips with the thrust of his tongue, tasting her inside and out, his fingers digging into her thighs. One hand moved up to knead her breast. The other held her open for his mouth.
Doing her best to reach climax, she ground against his face and raked his hair, twisting and pulling. She swiveled her hips, tried to find the spot. Several minutes passed, maybe an hour. Small sensations gathered, but she couldn’t hang onto them.
Sexual tension clotted the room, thickening by the minute. He added a second finger and increased his effort. More pressure, more speed, and still she couldn’t let go.
Without slowing his hand, he buried his face against her contracting stomach. “Come for me, Charlee.”
“Harder.”
A third finger joined the first two, and his thrusts increased in rhythm and strength. Not enough.
“Harder, Jay. Like you’re punching me there.”
“Fuck,” he moaned against her damp skin. The muscles flexed in his pounding arm. He slid up her body, taking one of her legs with him, bending her in half. His knee landed on the seat beside her, and his dick ground against the back of her raised thigh. He kissed her fiercely, desperately, and his fingers drove in and out with hard hitting velocity.
She wanted to come. She wanted to hurt. What a worthless slut. His beautiful girl was so dirty and pathetic. She whimpered against his mouth and her shield quivered, threatened to collapse. No, she couldn’t let it. Couldn’t let her repulsive desires tumble out around him. She held it in place, stayed her orgasm, but she couldn’t stop the burn ripping through her sinuses or the achy feeling in her eyes.
His mouth was relentless, moving over hers, sucking her strength, and hammering her wall. “Fucking hell, you’re sexy.” He spread kisses over her lips as he banged her with his hand. “And you smell incredible.” He peppered a trail along her jaw. “You’re gorgeous.” His voice cracked and he dragged his nose along hers. “And brave.”
The storm around her heart thundered against his. She tried to blink away the wet blur as he caught her wretched wails in draining kisses.
“You’re perfect. You’re…” He leaned back and choked on a gasp, his eyes wide. “Crying?”
48
A tear curled into Charlee’s mouth. Embarrassed, she swiped at the streak on her cheek and squared her shoulders. “I’m not crying.”
Jay moved his hands to her knees and looked up, his face a white sheet. “What have I done?” he whispered.
In the next heartbeat, his arms were around her, lifting her. He took her seat, settled her sideways on his thighs, and pressed her face against his neck. “I fucked up. I’m so sorry.”
What? She pushed against his chest and grabbed his face with both hands. “You did not fuck up. It’s me. I fucked up.”
He flinched at her touch, but before she could move her hands, he gripped her arms to hold them in place.
She drew in a ragged breath. It was awful feeling guilty when she didn’t mean to upset him. Maybe it wasn’t guilt at all, but remorse over her inability to make him happy. She leaned in and brushed her mouth over his in an attempt to bring back the moment they had just shared.
His lips were tight, unresponsive, and a lump swelled in her throat. Twisting her hands out of his hold, she dropped them in her lap and turned her head away, the ache in her chest threatening to well her eyes again. “I’ll just…get dressed.”
Holding her hips to his lap, he helped her collect her clothes from the floor. As she dressed, he stared at the door behind her, his arm locked around her waist. He wouldn’t let her stand even as she dragged on her pants.
“I can’t decide if you’re mad at me or just appalled.” Her voice was so quiet, she felt it scratch more than she heard it.
He jerked his eyes to her and cocked his head, matching her volume. “What?”
She coughed. “We should go back to our seats. We’re probably missing dinner.” The thought of eating rippled nausea through her stomach.
“Bullshit.” He glared at her. “We’re going to talk about what just happened. Right here. Right now.” He scrubbed a hand over his face and mumbled, “Now that you have clothes on.”
Shame scalded her cheeks. Did he think she was dirty? She jumped up and he yanked her back to his lap.
She shoved at his arm. “If you find me so repulsive, let me go.”
His eyes bugged. “Repulsive? Good God, Charlee. Are you crazy?” He gripped her waist and scooted her to his knee, glaring at his erection and back at her.
Oh. “You still want me?”
“Of course I still want you. I’m trying to fucking restrain myself.”
“What I begged you to do…and I couldn’t…come…I thought—”
; “That’s part of your problem.” He tried to work his zipper up and couldn’t stretch the fly over his dwindling arousal. “You’re thinking instead of feeling.” He gave up on his pants and fixed his eyes on hers. “I don’t know why you feel bad about what we just did.” His tone softened. “From where I’m sitting—” He shoved a hand through his hair, closed his eyes, and breathed, “It was really, really sexy.”
Sexy? She shivered with memories of her orgasmic screams piercing the walls of Roy’s stockroom. “It’s not sexy. It’s sick. As in Roy Oxford’s favorite flavor.”
He lowered his hand to hers with a delicateness that contradicted the emotions marching across his glare. “Yeah, we’re going to talk about that, too. Hand me my shirt.” He pointed at the floor.
Woodenly, she slid off his lap and tagged the shirt.
He rose with her, never breaking contact, his leg against hers, a hand on her hip, and leaned against her backside as he slid up his zipper. She felt him all around her, as much a part of her as her own skin. Despite the descent in his mood, his nearness comforted her in ways she was growing alarmingly addicted to.
Shifting to face him, she startled when his breath rustled her hair from behind. He brushed a wayward strand off her shoulder and replaced it with his lips. Heat radiated from his body and kicked up her pulse. With a sigh, she let her head fall back to his chest.
He walked his fingers around her waist and tugged the shirt from her hand. “Thank you.” His whisper sent tingles dancing over her skin.
She turned as he raised the shirt over his head and shoved his arms through. The muscles in his shoulders and chest expanded and squeezed. A bead of sweat chased the crease between her breasts. Had the air vents stopped working?
His head emerged from the neck hole and his eyes instantly found hers. He was so powerfully attractive, she couldn’t look away. In fact, no one could. It wasn’t just his fame that drew people. It was him.
Wrinkles grooved his forehead. “What?”