by A N Britton
I didn’t have a clue what the ever loving fuck that dream meant, and I didn’t want to. At least, not then. I woke up in as close to a cold sweat as animals get, shivering violently and in a panic. Once I calmed down enough, you know - after a few hundred mantras of “it was just a dream”; I worked up the courage to crawl out into the light. At least the dappled light that fought its way through the trees had a serene quality. Still shook, but not admitting it; I transformed into my good old Chymaera face before I even bothered to look for Kai. I needed to make sure I could. It was only once I felt my familiar mask take shape, that I figured I was safe, from what - I couldn‘t say.
Kai, meanwhile sat poised, posed, and meditating. I squatted and hunched in the shadow of a nearby tree and waited. And waited. It was like that watched pot adage. Since I couldn’t interrupt him, I watched him and time moved with a painful sluggishness. He finished what I considered his daily mental ablutions, and I tried to appear relaxed, unconcerned.
I doubt it worked since he came over with a look of worried interest. (Side note: I still don’t understand how humans can claim to not see Thumbras when they are in animal disguises. Being around Kai made me aware of how expressive our faces are, despite the shell). Anyway, he came over and sat down on his haunches and waited for me to speak. “I’m fine, I wanted to walk around like this for a while.” He pondered my answer for a moment and transformed into the Asian teenager I thought of as his primary shell.
“Well, I figured we should match.” It wasn’t a funny line, but his rueful grin accompanied by the thought anyone would think we “matched” at first glance was funny as hell.
“Whatever, Mr. Funny Man. Let’s go.” We strolled in silence. Enjoying the surrounding beauty. I kind of regretted not paying attention to the various field trips and nature hikes I had been on. I loved looking at everything, but I didn’t remember the name for anything beyond the most generic, “tree”, “plant” and whatnot. It is weird when you think about it, our need for privacy and access to life-sustaining, well - life, Thumbras hang out in the wilderness more than humans. That doesn’t mean we took the time to know it and enjoy it. Eh, well, at least I never had. I had never felt the desire to go camping or check out any of the national parks. They were just places I passed by on the way to somewhere else. Kai didn’t share my problem, he seemed comfortable and knowledgeable in this environment.
I wanted to talk to Kai, understand him. I wanted to enjoy the surroundings. Mostly, I wanted to avoid any discussion of anything heavy or difficult.
“So, Kai, given the circumstances, we kind of skipped the whole Q&A thing you do with strangers. Can we do that today? Would you mind telling me about yourself?” For whatever reason, my request came out all sheepish and shy.
“You really want to know?” He didn’t sound against the idea, just not entirely on board with it.
“Um, yeah. You realize that you and Kels are the only people I will be familiar with in this new place, but I don’t KNOW either of you. I mean, I am like an assignment to you but I was hoping we could become friends, maybe. I’d like to have one.” That came out more vulnerable than I would have liked, but it was true. At that point, I wasn’t sure I had any friends anymore.
“Fair enough, but this can’t be a one sided exchange. Quid pro quo, okay?”
“Cool, just tell me whatever you feel comfortable with, and you can ask me questions later.”
“Sure, but I don’t think my life has been all that interesting so far. I was born in Hawaii. Um yeah, by the way, Queen Yesmin is my mother, well my stepmother.”
“Are you serious? This Queen I’m on my way to meet is your mom? Really? Did she raise you? Hmm, so Duana was your sister, stepsister. How freaking old are you? What happened to your mom and how did your dad snag the Queen? Oh shit, I didn’t mean that disrespectfully.” The words just exploded from my mouth, verbal diarrhea.
Kai laughed as I am sure I wasn’t the first person to choke on their foot like that. “Yeah, she is and yeah she did. I never knew Duana because I’m only a couple of decades older than you. As for my birth mother, she split one day. Both of my parents were in the original Thumbras to come here. My mother had been a hard core warrior type, who morphed into an explorer. I think that worked for my father for a long time; they would go their own way for a lifetime or two and find their way back to each other when stuff got stale, or they had different interests. However, he became more settled. Got into medicine and research. He studies the effect that exposure to alien life forms have had on human biology. Genetic diseases and degeneration. But anyway, he settled down, and she didn’t. He had to, the research he wanted to embark on meant having a public presence and legitimate credentials. So she tried, part of her trying was having me, they supposed I would domesticate her or something I think. She lasted about 3 and a half years, but she was my primary caregiver and I was still in those precious bonding years when she walked out.”
“They looked for her, but she was just gone. No one expected anything nefarious, no third party intrigue because this was exactly what my mom was so accomplished at. The more immediate concern was me, and dad tried to take over, tried to mother me, but he couldn’t, or I couldn’t let him. He called the Queen in a panic, and I gravitated to Yesmin, who I already knew. Both of my parents were a part of her inner circle. We lived on the big island and Yesmin was on Molokai, but we saw her often. She took me in, initially to get me through that tricky first stage of childhood and it was rough. I reverted almost back to being a newborn, and she had to raise me again. So I became her son and once I was older, she was the buffer between me and my father during the normal turbulence of adolescence; I think that brought them together.”
“Other than that, it was a pretty normal Thumbra childhood. I spent most of my childhood on Molokai, which has the least tourism of the Hawaiian islands. When I graduated high school, my parents wanted to go to the mainland for my father’s career, he was a university professor doing genetics research, then and now. I was 25 years old, remember the long childhood, and they had home-schooled me in a rather small environment for much of it, so I yearned for a change.”
“I told them I had to take a little me time, but I would come back if they ever needed me. My father saw it as a rejection, based on our difficult relationship, but I just wanted to see the world. I started off backpacking. In Europe. At first, I think I wanted to have the most typical young man out in the world experiences. So I traveled to Amsterdam, and I partied. Met a lot of young people like me who worked enough to live and spent most of their time having fun. I ran into Thumbras here and there, they weren’t any different.”
“I did the touristy stuff, saw all the sights. Then it all got old, I got bored. But I’ve always been into history and mythology, so I went to school. Picked up a few degrees. After a while, I needed to take a break and figure out my next steps. I needed to get away from the urban centers, I wanted something quieter. So, I ended up in Romania of all places, just to clear my head. To the foothills of the Carpathian Mountains I went. There was a quaint village I parked myself in. I ended up spending a lot of time in this bookstore, teaching myself the language and I discovered this thin volume of local legends. I read through them and one struck me as weird because it described something that just felt like a Thumbra. It was this story about a remote wood and how invaders had sought to cross it over the centuries. Apparently, they couldn’t because it was the burial ground of the old gods and those gods would rise and smash whoever dared to get too close. Something about the descriptions of the god creatures, there were many, but they saw only one at a time. They were all different looking - it made me suspicious and I couldn’t let it go.”
“I researched the area and played the college student on sabbatical. I tracked down the source documents for that story and based on some historical maps, I set out on a quest. It was exhilarating. I found the old Thumbra living in the woods and he was just a misanthrope who wanted to be left alone. He had a quiet e
xistence he was satisfied with. While he knew that time had passed and things had changed in the world, he didn’t desire any connection with it. He might never become a part of the world again, but I got his story, why he staked out that piece of land and protected it all these many centuries. That started a passion in me for our own mythology. I want to compile our stories of survival and document where and how they show up in human folklore and mythology as well. I spent several years both studying and searching out reclusive Thumbras. Along the way I discovered so many tales of pain, acceptance, fear and isolation, and, many stories of joy.”
“I returned home because I need to further aspects of my formal education and learn the tools to make this a real study. Obviously, I won’t be teaching this on a college campus and that is more than fine. However, I want to give our children more tools to understand who we are in relation to our home now. We have our own history and folklore and it is time for us to document it and teach it to our descendants.”
“That is my life right now. I’ve been back for like a year. But I was gone for decades, and my father is a public figure now. So, they told everyone I am their grandson, the only child of a long-estranged, recently deceased son. I’m sure that was my father‘s idea. It cracks me up. In public my parents are my grandparents, my sister is my aunt and my nephew is my cousin. Oh, and the nephew/cousin is also my best friend, Kels. He was my mom’s messenger while I was away. He could always find me, whether or not I wanted to be found. That’s how we got close.”
“That‘s it. I love my family even if they frustrate me and are a tad demanding. My closest companions and my biggest supporters have always been my family. I grew up more off the grid than you did, so I didn’t have all these close relationships with the others when I was young. I think that makes me not even look to have those kinds of relationships now. Even when I was in my partying phase, all of those friendships were superficial. I changed my name and face at every stop in my travels. My world is almost exclusively Thumbra. Really it consists of my family and my studies, oh by the way I meditate regularly and like long walks on the beach.” I punched him on the shoulder for that last comment. “Dude, did you really just say your life hasn’t been interesting so far? Who the hell are you comparing yourself to?”
He gave me a real laugh and even threw in a bonus smile. Looking sideways at me, I thought his eyes were twinkling. “Yeah, well, I probably compare myself to my parents, all of them, and they definitely have gotten into more shit than I have.”
I rolled my eyes. “So, this might be too personal, but in your travels, do you think you were ever looking for your birth mother?”
A human-like sigh. “I think it would be dishonest to say ‘no way, no how!’, but it isn’t that simple. I have never consciously looked for her or hoped for her to show up. When I was younger, I blamed my dad for the whole mess, I figured she tried to make herself into something she wasn’t for him and their relationship. To be honest, I blamed him more than her because he was always there, he was convenient. Either way, it was the stupidest thing ever for them to have a kid. But, I forgave my dad at least and got over it. I accepted they both made their choices and as my father and Yesmin came together, I couldn’t believe a better fit was out there for either of them. My mother is Yesmin. My birth mother is who she is and hopefully she is enjoying her life now. I don’t resent her, or miss her. I have curiosity, but I don’t assume we would or could find space for each other in our respective lives. If I see her again in life, fine. It is also fine if I don’t.”
“Geezus, could you be less grounded and balanced? Ugh.” I was only mocking him and he knew it.
“Hey, I have been around somewhat longer than you, I have worked out a few things. OK, now it’s your turn. Tell me all about Chy.”
I didn’t figure I had much to tell either, but what the hell. For the first time in my life I had the opportunity to be 100 with someone new, so I took it.
24 - Skin
Kai
He wanted a break from revelations and meaningful conversation (any conversation), yet he figured it was best to indulge Chy. The only reason he’d agreed to this exchange was because he wanted her to have a calm and peaceful day and it seemed like safe territory. They were far afield from any kind of established trail, so he figured they weren’t likely to run into any people at all. That certainly reduced his level of stress.
They continued their easy hike, and she shared her life. Some of which, (the factual stuff) he already had knowledge of, but he didn’t let on. She was the baby of the family; the only girl Martine and Simon had. There were three older brothers, two of whom worked in the desert studio with their father and one worked with an education focused NG0 in an East Asia country. He let most of what she said swirl around him like dandelion seeds, absorbing bits and pieces without paying too much attention.
“I’m basically an only child; I mean my brothers are decades older than me, like Louis is closest in age, but he was born towards the end of World War II. My parents had him a whole lifetime ago. The boys were all out of the house and doing their own thing when I came along. My mom said she knew she wanted to have a girl when she conceived me and she thought I would have a rough time, so they moved to Martinique. My dad already owned an old sugar plantation, and he restored it for us. I made my entrance during a hurricane while a few trusted friends attended my mother. We were on our own most of the time. The surrounding terrain was pretty aggressive and people were disinclined to visit, which was great, because I was a little monster!”
“You’re aware that I am an Empath, and that made for a challenging early childhood. Somehow, my mother knew it would have been a disaster to raise me in an urban environment. My parents joke about it now, but every single time I experienced any mild frustration, or god forbid, any actual anger or fear-I projected out strongly. I took years to get that under control. I also attempted to bend my parents, and others, to my will from a very early age. Just call me precocious!”
“It took my parents about nine years to get me ready for integration into human society. No one in my parents’ circle had my abilities, so they were hard pressed to teach me how to reign in what they couldn’t understand. When, we moved to Southern California and my parents needed to enroll me in first grade, they obtained documents that said I was six years old, I was more like 12. Because of that, because of my differences - my parents have always allowed me to act younger, be kind of irresponsible. What you see as a gift now, was a serious handicap when I was younger and couldn’t control it. Nana kind of hated that. Both how Mama and Papa let me get away with shit and that I didn’t pop out of Mama with my powers on lock and an instruction guide. I didn’t mind the spoiling until recently, when Nana got in my head because she needed something.”
“Anyway, I haven’t any idea how raising my brothers had gone, like I said they weren’t in the house when I was growing up. But my parents made every attempt for me to have an ideal, normal childhood. So I played soccer for like two years. They put me in the Girl Scouts, but I weaseled out of that in a much shorter length of time. Early on they involved me in dance, acting, gymnastics, chess, and too many art classes to count. I’ve done computer classes and days camps at science museums. Both of my parents are very artistic and active and they were constantly trying to help me find what ‘my thing’ would be.”
“After about 3 years of living in California, we visited friends of my parents who were human and they were professional musicians. So there came a time during the evening when the adults were distracted with each other, and all us kids were bored, having nothing in common. I disappeared and adventured around the house. And I found their music room. Now, it wasn’t like I hadn’t been exposed to music before. Both of my parents have extensive collections of various types, and it was always playing in the house. But it was also something that other people did. My mother writes and my father can make anything with his hands. Right now he focuses on ceramics and found art installation, which means he
finds discarded items and turns them into art. But no one in my family has a musical talent or interest.”
“Anyway, I’m in this music room that has a grand piano in the center. But there are all these other instruments on stands surrounding it. I picked up the violin because it was the only instrument that wasn’t daunting. I sat there alone, just trying to puzzle out what this thing did and how to make it do whatever it was supposed to do. And I didn’t touch the bow, I never realized that the bow went with the violin. But I plucked the strings, and I listened to the different sounds they made and it was this instinctual thing. I did something I liked the sound of, and I repeated it, and I played with it.”
“I had just found the best new toy!”
“Of course, the adults showed up to ruin my fun, and at first my parents admonished me for touching something that wasn’t mine. Their friends though, they had heard my plucking, or picking, as they came into the room and they shushed my parents-then they asked me to do it again.”