by Ava Michaels
When I went to step out of the car he grabbed my arm and reached over and kissed me. It lasted for a few minutes before pulling away. Things were definitely heating up for me, and I couldn’t help but think that I just might be ready for it all. Oh… Big Stick…
-----------Chapter 12-----------
That day I was flying high. I relived the previous evening’s events, leaving out the boring stuff like the talking and the movie and couldn’t help but focus on the amazing kisses and the way he pulled my body onto his. I couldn’t help but smile like I had a real juicy secret.
I wanted to run around, take off work and school, and go show up at his job and take him out for lunch. I probably would have if I knew where he worked.
Oh well, I was happy and nothing could stop it, not even the bitch herself. I walked into the office with a swagger that must have been way too obvious, because Alex just lit up with a smile and held his hands about eight inches apart and mouthed the words "How big?"
I laughed but continued walking.
"Don't you turn your back on me, you little tramp," he said, getting up from his desk and following me into the accounting office. "What happened last night?"
"It wasn't anything, Alex," I said, blushing, trying to shuffle some papers as if I was doing actual work.
Alex put his hands on the papers, keeping them from being shuffled.
"So he is hung like a Clydesdale, eh?"
I slapped his arm.
"I don't know," I said, blushing. "I mean, last night we just watched a movie, kissed for a bit and then he brought me back to the apartment."
Veronica came into the room and snorted.
"No 'grab-the-fun-bags'?" she said, giving her breasts a little squeeze.
"No," I said. "Well, there was a little bit when we were kissing, but I quickly put an end to that. I’m not putting it down just for anyone to pick up on. I know that’s my goal but my head wants to be careful and my vagina is screaming ‘open the fly trap already’. Know what I mean?”
Alex laughed while holding his chest.
"Listen to the little college student try to explain that his hard-on was threatening to break loose of its denim prison and spear her like a martini-olive," he said.
"Okay, it was definitely pressing through and at a lower point in his jeans than I thought it would," I said, blushing furiously.
Veronica and Alex both 'oooh'ed, and slapped a high five with each other. Veronica sidled up to me.
"So, if you were going to take a guess, do you think it is closer to nine, or closer to six," she said, showing me an example of what those sizes would be with her hands.
I knew what they were up to.
"Do you guys have a bet about the size of his dick?" I asked, trying to look into their eyes as they suddenly averted them.
"No…" Veronica started.
"Yes, yes we do," Alex admitted. "It’s only twenty bucks."
"I can't believe you guys!" I said, a bit astonished, but also laughing on the inside. "You guys bet on everything about my sex life. This is getting out of control."
They both looked at each other.
"Well, as of right now we are nearly even with the bets," Alex said. "About three hundred dollars has changed hands so far... We need more excitement in our lives."
He hung his head a bit and Veronica hugged him in one arm.
"Baby, we will find it," Veronica said. "For now, we just are filling that space with a little off-track betting."
"So as your bookie, I should be taking a cut," I said.
It was only natural. I mean, even the horse in a race gets a bouquet of flowers for running his ass off.
"Well, maybe we won't send you to the glue factory after this one," Alex smirked and Veronica handed him a five.
"What was that bet even for?" I asked, astonished that anything of betting quality even transpired.
"That one was for when you would ask for a cut of the winnings," Alex said, pretending to count the five over again.
At that moment the Betty walked into the office and looked malevolently at Alex and Veronica, she began circling them like a predator.
"Oh, now this is too much," she said, clucking her tongue and handling a steel ball-point pen threateningly. "I know for a fact that all of you have more than enough work to be done. If you have finished then I can either find more for you to do or you can go home… And stay there?"
Alex gulped. Veronica retreated behind Alex and let him handle the Inquisition.
"You don't scare us Maleficent," he said in what he thought was under his breath while puffing out his chest and trying to not tremble.
"What did you just say?" Bartok asked. She trailed her long enameled fingernails down a list of names on the clip board she was carrying. "I believe all of you are going to be up for review within the next four weeks."
Her eyes glared at me in particular. “Whether you are full time staff or just an intern, it will be decided by me and a few members of the regional offices whether your services will be needed. So far, you are all making this very easy for me.”
Alex crumbled and ran out of the office with Veronica not far behind.
I was just puzzled. Today was supposed to be my good day. It was supposed to be a day where everything soared high, especially after last night. I should always plan for this psychotic bitch to screw things up.
Bartok watched them run back to their office to check their files. I saw in the distance Alex shuffling through papers, then an anguished look came over his face and he grabbed his hair. Veronica put her head in her hands at her computer and I saw her shoulders shake.
What did she do to them?
What was she going to do to me?
Bartok twisted her body around in a sinister motion to face me.
"You’ve really become a distraction to the other employees." she began.
I started to whistle Peter and the Wolf, thinking maybe it would distract her from her impending warpath.
"Don’t get smart with me, young lady." She smiled a Cheshire smile.
“I don’t even really know what I’ve done. I was just about to get to my files when Alex came by and it was no big catastrophe. He just wanted to ask me about the size of… My work load. That’s all.”
I looked at her as if her paranoia was really starting to concern me. Her eyes narrowed and I knew she didn’t believe my line of bullshit. But, I was going to make today a great day even if I had to get fired to do it.
"Watch your step, Olivia. We don’t have room around here for people who don’t respect this organization or the time of the people working in it."
Wow. This woman could really lay on the theatrics. This office environment was not only hostile, it was fucking surreal. Crazy bitch warning!
"Now," she began, a languid tone entering her voice. "I’ve noticed that you've been chatting with some of the financial staff as well..."
She let the accusation hang in the air for me to grab it.
"Yeah," I said a little confused. "We talked at one of the after-hours cocktail meet ups."
"Hmmm," Bartok said, drawing out the sound. "And what did you and Mr. Andrews talk about?"
I had no idea where she was going with this.
I also don't exactly remember what we were talking about and her creepy demeanor wasn't helping me think straight.
"Do you remember?" she asked, smiling.
"I think we were talking about a project that the company was considering in Southern Nigeria where we could lend under $10,000 dollars and double grain production this year," I said, thinking back to the project. "It would be an important project, especially after last year's harvest which hit them pretty hard. Normally they would have had more seed, but they are struggling this year..."
Bartok slammed her pen into the stack of papers she had laid on the desk.
"And when were you transferred to the Micro lending department?" she said, acid dripping from her fanged mouth. "I wasn't aware that your MBA was already in
hand and that George Fucking Soros had you on speed dial, Ms. Spurgeon!"
I flinched back. Holy shit, what was going on here?
“I'm not sure what's wrong…" I started.
"I know you love to strut your stuff around this place as the innocent little virgin and turn the heads of every man in the place," Bartok said.
What? How did Bartok know I was a virgin? And I was not strutting. Well, maybe today I was.
"But if you EVER try to use your undefiled innocence to tempt one of our financial officers and disrupt the flow of capital again, I will make sure your modesty doesn't leave here inTACT," she said, slamming her palm down on the desk with the last syllable. "You're dismissed for the day. Tomorrow when you come in there will be a new stack of assignments on your desk and the deadlines will be due by with absolutely no exceptions!”
Bartok left the office, stalking out the doors like a wolf into the deep woods. I stood there shocked. That meeting left me unable to think. I had no idea that was what I was doing to Gary Andrews. I thought I was just making a good case for the Nigerian farmers.
I picked up my backpack and zombie-shuffled out of the office. I couldn't wipe the look of shock off my face as I left. Veronica and Alex gave me looks of support as I walked by them and out the door.
………
When I kicked open the door to my apartment bedroom, there was no overactive puppy named Jess to greet me. I was alone for the time being. God, no matter how much that woman aggravated me at times, I couldn’t help but realize how much I needed her as my other half. She really would fit the portrait of my Freudian Double, thank you Intro to Psychology lecture classes.
I sat down at the desk where I magically pulled every crucial paper out of my magic bag of tricks and I began to work on my latest five page paper. It was an analysis of Chaucer's Canterbury Tales, specifically the Wife of Bath story.
Of course my teacher would assign that. Sometimes it felt like all of my teachers were watching me and knew the specific intricacies of my life to the detailed minutiae.
The story involved a 'so called knight' who raped some woman, then was brought before King Arthur's court. Strangely enough, King Arthur's wife decides to take this knight’s side and asks him to search the land for what 'women really want'. Hell, I was a woman and even I didn’t know. How could you expect a man who bathed once a month and threw stones at an eclipse to know the answer to this question?
It seemed a fair bit of bullshit to me, but I read it and I believed that maybe in that era, someone did give a shit about what women did want: the orgasm. Not really though.
So what really happened was that the knight was sent on a mission to figure out what women want.
That was apparently the punishment for rape back then.
I imagined what the court must have looked like:
Queen: Oh, Dear Knight, you have taken a poor vassal against her will!
Knight: Aye, I did. It is only a man's way.
Queen: I understand. Such is nature. Men lust and women are thine objects.
Knight: That's what she said.
Queen: I did. Anyway. My punishment for you is not gelding, castration or any manner of feminization, but rather that you take a year and a day to roam the countryside finding the secret to what women most desire.
Knight: I... Thought I was doing that already?
Queen: Nay. You were only divining the needs of the most ratchet of 'bitches'.
Knight: So I'm basically going to go work at Elle or Cosmo or something?
Queen: Exactly. That is your punishment for the most egregious crime of 'rape'. You are to work at a women's magazine for a year.
Knight: You only live once.
Queen: Precisely. However, if you do not come up with the answer to my question of what women desire most within one year and a day, I shall chop off your heads!
Knight: Heads?
Queen: Oh yes. And in the end, the judgment of whether you find out what we want is up to this fickle woman. Isn't it great to rely on a completely foreign gender for the preservation of your life?
Knight: It is lovely, your majesty
………
And scene.
Unfortunately what he came back with wasn't a lesson, but a back-handed insult at women. After meeting an old hag who tells him the secret, he tells the court that women most desire control over their husbands.
Although I hadn't yet written a single line about the arbitrary feminism displayed in that old bastard's tale, I felt that I had somewhat of a gist on what he was trying to say: woman can either be sluts or nags. Also, although men will give up and give into you, they still want the young, shapely maid over the old hag, even though the old hag was faithful.
So what does faithful even matter in this age-old story? Many hundreds of years ago, a man could rape a woman and his punishment was to go ask women what they really wanted.
If a woman was unfaithful, she could have been killed or have her limbs chopped off. It was a tough world out there for women and I had to be tougher.
And thanks, Betty, for ruining my perfect day. Even though I didn’t think she could. I was in such good mood when I woke up. Now, I felt like a little girl who just had the neighborhood bully steal her lollie-pop. I thought of Big Stick and wondered what he was doing. I wanted to see him again but didn’t want to seem like I wanted to see him too badly, if that makes any sense at all.
Just then, the whirlwind that was Jess came busting into the room. She was carrying books, which was strange for her.
"What’s with the books?" I said, pointing to the photography book in her hand.
"What?" she asked, a bit flustered from what must have been a run back here. "Oh, yeah. These books. Hah. I am taking this photography class because there is this boy I really like in it and we've been getting a bit hot and heavy."
I laughed. Of course that is why she was holding the books. She would never take a class out of an earnest desire to learn. No, it had to be a photography boy.
"So what's his name?" I asked.
"Oh... You know...," she said, twirling her hair and smiling.
"No. I actually don't know."
"Yeah, that's probably true," she said, smiling again. "We will have to make a ladies' bargain here. Quid pro quo."
I laughed. What a devious little girl. "What are you dating some boy in Latin class now too?"
Jess looked confused.
"Never mind," I said. "Okay, dish and then I'll dish about you know, Big Stick."
She sat down excitedly and gushed for an hour about Mario, a Turkish/Italian boy who is here taking photography and business classes. He was tall, statuesque, smelled like olives and cream, and was apparently the best sex Jess ever had. She had been around the block a few times but one thing I learned with Jess was that she always had the best sex ever. There was never a time where she just didn’t get into it or he was a little awkward. Every dude she dated had apparently perfected the sex act by the age of, oh, I don’t know, fourteen years old. So by the time they are in college they are masters, looking for Jess to confirm their talents.
Mario had taken her out on a picnic the other day, where they then screwed like it was a conjugal visit. Then he took her to see his favorite movie 'The Great Dictator', where they then screwed like a prison couple on a conjugal visit. She just came back from photography class with him where they were partnered up in the dark room and they screwed like they were on a conjugal visit.
"So I take it Mario is a pretty good plumber," I said, winking at Jess.
Jess laughed, then remembered to throw a pillow at me and laughed some more.
"So how’s Mr. Big Stick's plunging skills?" she asked.
"I don't know how he is yet," I said. "Also, remember, even if it does happen, I still won't have any idea whether he is good or bad, right?"
Jess nodded thoughtfully. "Touché, virgin, touché."
"Thanks Jess. But yeah, we had a movie date last night where I kicked his ass in p
ool, then we watched a movie and ate sushi," I said.
"Which movie did you watch?" Jess asked.
"Star Trek II: The Wrath of Kane," I admitted. Jess snorted and cracked open a pop from the fridge, handing me one.
“That’s Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, not Kane. Don’t make that mistake in front of him,” she warned, winking at me over the top of her pop can.
"But then, when we kissed, it was amazing," I said. "It didn't even matter what was on the television and I suspect that he put the movie on so that he wouldn’t have to worry about missing anything. He already knew how it ended and so he could take care of a little…Business…With me.” I blushed slightly.
"Oooh," Jess said. "So, was it just a few kisses? Heavy face sucking? Did he get to admire your assets?"
"It was a good half hour of kissing, and yeah, I let him admire my assets, but nothing further than that."
"No fun!" Jess said and threw another pillow at me. I swatted it away.
"The anticipation is half the fun!" I said, trying to make it real. "But what if I am not moving things fast enough for him? I mean, how do I know if he will want me afterwards? My lady parts have been screaming for attention... For too long."
"Relax," Jess said. "If there is anything that guys cannot be helped to be tempted into, it’s fucking a virgin."
"I don't want that to be why he wants me," I said. "This virgin thing is getting in the way of me having a normal relationship with someone. I should never have told him so early… I’m so freaking awkward."
"You told him already?" Jess asked, wide-eyed. "Wow, you're only supposed to mention that sort of thing when he is about half-way into you. It's called the Venus Fly Trap, hahaha."
I laughed with her on that one because of her weird laughing sound.
"Why is it called the Venus Fly Trap?"
"Well, at that point there is no man in the world who would turn away, even if he is the nice and stable sort of guy who doesn't like to fuck virgins. He's already halfway in and that way you can explain to him about the pain that might come from your first time without him backing out."
Well, that might have been a more clever way to go about this.
"To the Venus Fly Trap: Woman's best tactic," I said, raising my can.