“Shoot, can’t we have another weekend in Palm Springs? I’m beginning to wonder if maybe I should leave Santa Fe and grow up like you’re doing.”
I swallowed hard and looked out the window. “Are you serious?” The last thing I needed was Carissa hanging around mothering me.
“I guess not. My life’s here in the desert. But you’ll be done with school soon. Lucky. Are you planning on staying in Point Loma?”
“I guess so. Jobs are pretty easy to come by here.”
“Yeah. I suppose all those athletes in San Diego’ll be needing a good physical therapist.” She paused. “How’d it go breaking up with Jax?” I was quiet for so long that she asked, “Hey, you still there?”
“Yes, I’m still here.”
“You talked to him, didn’t you?”
I picked up my bong, and took another toke. “Yes, I talked to him.”
“So, how’d he take it?”
“The thing of it is … I didn’t exactly break things off with him.”
“What! Why not?”
“Can we not talk about this?” I set the bong down and squeezed my legs together. Jax’s love juices, hot and wet, dripped out of me.
“Oh honey, you’re not still having sex with him, are you?”
“Well, it’s kind of like this …”
We were both silent. Finally, in a low voice, Carissa said, “I know you think you can control this thing, but you can’t trust him to keep quiet. Not to mention—”
I sat up straight. “I talked to him. We came to an agreement.”
“Agreement? What kind of agreement? When are you going to tell Lydia? While you’re opening Christmas presents?”
“Don’t make it sound so bad. He’s a good person. He’d never hurt me.”
She let out a huge exhale. “You’re playing with fire.”
I stood up and paced around the living room, the telephone cord trailing behind me. “We talked. And if … we have sex, we’ll do it real discreetly.”
“Rosalyn, you can’t—”
“I’m in control! I know what I’m doing.”
Carissa sighed dramatically. “Is the sex really that great?”
Hell yes, the sex was great. “It’s more than that.”
“Like what?”
“He cares about me. And I … care about him.” How could I explain what Jax meant to me? For one thing, the guys my age all had terrible attitudes because of the women they perceived had wronged them. I was only thirty, but a lot of men my age had already been married, some even had a couple of kids, and many of them were going through divorces. Their style was to use me for sex, keep a wary eye on me so I wouldn’t march them into matrimony, and then back off if they thought I wanted more than a few dates. Jax had a combination of a young boy naiveté mixed with a grown up dependability. He was gallant and helpful. He made me feel safe, and I could be myself around him. “He’s protective and gentle, and Carissa, I’ve never met anybody like him. He’s my friend.”
“Friend? Don’t you have enough friends? What if he falls in love with you?”
I sagged onto the sofa. “He won’t.”
She laughed. “Now, that’s funny. He’s too young to know better. Boys that age are a jumble of hormones. You’re really not going to cut things off?”
I bit my nail. “I suppose I could try.” I had no intention of cutting things off, even though I knew it was wrong. The thing of it was, the more time I spent with Jax, the more our affair felt like the most wonderful kind of normal.
She sighed. “You, my dear, are in deep shit. But, I’m your friend, and I’ll be here for you. I’m just afraid things aren’t going to turn out well. How about you come back to Santa Fe?”
I hung my head. “No. I’m here now.” The thought of being away from Jax made me instantly lonely. “Besides, I have to finish school.”
“Well, you be careful. Okay?”
I couldn’t hang up the phone fast enough. I tried to convince myself that I had the situation under control.
2001
Rosalyn
“I’d like to propose a toast,” Lydia said. She raised her margarita on the rocks. “To my good friend.” Our eyes locked. “Old friends are the best kind. Rosalyn knew me as a kid, she told me to go for it with Troy, and I’m so happy to have her back in my life. You’ve worked so hard and now it’s paid off. Congratulations, Rosalyn. Here’s to your graduation!” We all clinked glasses.
After the ceremony, Lydia, Troy, Tyler, his girlfriend Tracy, Jax, and I had gone to a celebration dinner at Las Banderas, one of the best local Mexican restaurants.
Tyler looked at me, then at Jax, then at me and said, “So, what are your plans? You got a job lined up?”
“Not yet, sweetheart.” I took a long sip of my margarita. “But I’ve got a couple of leads.” My plan was to get a steady paying job in physical therapy, and to then share with my clients the holistic practices I’d learned over the years.
“Rosalyn can do anything she sets her mind to,” Lydia said. “I’m so proud of you.”
I picked up my drink and held it aloft. “To my new family … well, you’re like a family. The people who have made me feel welcome and loved.”
I often caught Tyler looking at me extra long that night. He’d stare at me then at his brother as if trying to figure us out. Jax and I had been together for almost a year, and because of my precautions, no one had caught on. Jax had graduated high school and started community college; I would find a job in physical therapy. I didn’t want to think about what our future held.
We laughed, drank, and ate: chips, salsa, gooey quesadillas, and chili rellenos with the cheese melted just right. Tyler’s girlfriend was practically in his lap, hanging on him, kissing him on the neck. Get a room, I thought and took another sip of my cool margarita. The alcohol flowed pleasantly into my system, warming my veins. It was just the right buzz, and feeling mellow, I gazed across the table and caught Jax staring at me with his mesmerizing blue eyes. What I would like to do to you right now, baby. I gave a sidelong glance toward Lydia and Troy to make sure they weren’t paying attention, then slipped my sandal off and caressed Jax’s foot, then worked my way up his thigh. His legs were strong, and when his warm hand grabbed my foot, I felt dizzy with pleasure. I smiled imagining his hard-on, which I knew was materializing that very second.
After dinner, we gathered outside, the cool ocean air hitting our faces. The gravel crunched beneath my sandals, causing me to slip and sway.
“Rosalyn, be careful,” Jax said. His arm slid around my waist to catch me before I fell.
“I think I had a little too much to drink tonight,” I said with a small hiccup.
“How about if I drive Rosalyn home?” Jax said to his mom and dad. I had driven to the restaurant with Lydia and Troy while Jax had insisted on driving Tyler and Tracy in his new acquisition, a second hand car.
Troy said, “Fine. Tyler and Tracy can ride with us.”
Lydia looked at Jax through narrowed eyes. “Drop Rosalyn off then come on home. Your dad and I are going out of town for the weekend, and I want to see you before we leave. It seems you’re barely around anymore.”
“I see you all the time, Mom.”
She mussed his hair. “You never get to see your mom enough.”
I swayed and Jax caught me again. “Easy there, Rosalyn. Just lean on me.”
Lydia looked at Troy, and he said, “Jax’ll get Roz home. Come on, honey let’s get home ourselves. Surf’s up tomorrow, and it’s my day off.” His arm slipped around her waist, looking her in the eye. “And then I’ve got you all to myself.”
I smiled at Lydia and Troy through unfocused eyes. “I love you guys.” I moved in for a sloppy hug.
Jax helped me into his car then got behind the wheel. “You all strapped in?” He eyed me up and down, then checked my seatbelt. He put the car in gear, and when we were a block away, I unstrapped my seatbelt, stripped off my top and bra, and held the bra out the window. Jax’s ey
es grew wide. I held it for a few seconds before flinging it out onto the road. “Turn on some tunes, babe,” I said to Jax while looking for a joint in my bag.
“Rosalyn! What are you doing? Your bra.”
I took hold of his hand, making him touch my breasts. “Who needs clothes?”
“Stop it! I’m driving.” His foot eased up on the accelerator. “Don’t light that! What if we get pulled over?”
“We won’t. C’mon let’s listen to some rock and roll.” His eyebrows crept up his forehead but he turned on the music, and the sound of Pearl Jam filled the air.
“You’re no fun.” I leaned back, putting my feet up on the dash, rolled down the window, inhaled deeply of the ocean air, and then lit my joint as the road curved and pitched. I belted out the love song as Eddie Vedder sang “Oceans.”
Jax’s gaze roamed over my breasts. “Put your top back on.”
I crossed my arms. “You’re such a priss. Not doing it.”
When we arrived at my apartment, Jax parked and looked at me. “Much as I love seeing you naked, you’d better put your top back on.”
“You’re a hoot, Mr. Priest. Who’s going to see? That busybody who lives across the street?”
He reached into the backseat for my top. “Here you go. Don’t go getting us in trouble.”
I finally put it on, and when we entered the apartment, I slammed Jax down on the sofa, jumped on top of him, and kissed him passionately, running my fingers through his hair. The room swayed dangerously. “Baby, I need you.”
Jax kissed my alcohol-soaked mouth with those gentle and passionate kisses he’d mastered. I can’t say that was the best sex we’d ever had because I’d had too much to drink and smoke, but just like always, Jax was the eager lover, kissing me all over, running his hands through my hair, stimulating me with his fingers and tongue, and moving patiently.
When we were done, I must’ve dozed. As I surfaced into consciousness, Jax lay next to me, his blond hair messy, his head propped up on one elbow. His dreamy eyes admired my sleeping form.
“Hey, you,” I said.
He smiled and stroked my hair. “You are so beautiful. Rosalyn … I love you.”
I was instantly sober. I snapped up, pulling the sheets around me. “You can’t say that!”
“Hey, hey, calm down. I do love you. And I don’t care who knows it.”
I jumped up, tying my robe. “Don’t say that!” I stalked into the kitchen, opened a cabinet, and grabbed the cat food, Leo at my feet and Jax following me like a puppy. I spun around to fill Leo’s bowl, and bumped into Jax, then pushed him out of the way. “You can’t do this.” Good God, what did I create?
Jax smiled then filled the teapot with water and turned the burner on high. “Want some tea?”
“No. I do not want some tea. Didn’t your mom say she wanted you home?”
“After I have some tea,” he said, searching through the pantry.
“You need to get home. Now.” He ignored me.
I stomped into the living room, and huddled up on the sofa, my body shaking.
The kettle whistled, and Jax prepared his tea while I took deep breaths.
He strolled into the living room and sat next to me, cupping his steaming mug and taking a sip. “Rosalyn, we need to talk.”
The room stood still. I couldn’t breathe. I looked at Jax. Since we’d started our affair, Jax had matured. He had facial hair, which grew into a five o’clock shadow in the sexiest way, hormones in full overdrive resulting in broad shoulders, chest, and biceps, and his voice was deep and low. He had blossomed from a teenager to a man. He’d become a wildly competent lover and a responsible young man. Heck, he was always more adult than I ever was. I didn’t want to hear what Jax had to say, but he was determined.
“And, I think it’s time to start telling people that we’re together,” he said.
I sprang off the sofa like a jack-in-the-box. “Are you crazy? And what exactly do you plan on doing? You think it’s going to go over real well when you say, ‘Oh hey, mom, guess what I’ve been doing the past year? I’ve been banging Rosalyn.’ You think your mom is going to throw us a party and hire a band?” I pointed my index finger at Jax. “Your mom was afraid you were going to get involved in the wrong kind of relationship and she was right. She would never forgive me.” I shook with anger. “No, babe, this is not your call. No deal, bucko.” I sat down next to him. “You had better not tell a soul what we’ve been doing.”
His face collapsed a little, and he reached for my hand. “But, we’re together, Rosalyn. We’re good together. I’m tired of hiding.”
I leaned forward and put my face in my hands.
“Rosalyn? Are you crying?”
“Jax, you can’t do this. Promise me. Please? I think you’d better get home now, babe.”
Reluctantly, Jax left. “See you tomorrow. This conversation is not over,” he said.
“Oh, but it is over, Jax. You need to leave now.”
After he left, I hurled myself onto my bed in a fetal position and promptly passed out.
The following morning, as I roused from sleep with a nasty hangover, there was a knock on the door. It was Lydia.
When I answered the door, she said, “Do you even own another bathrobe?”
I pulled the robe around me. “Come on in.”
She bustled past me, making herself at home in the kitchen, Leo trailing at her feet. “I was worried about you. Got any coffee?” I set to work spooning grounds into the coffee maker. Soon the room was filled with the delicious aroma of coffee brewing. “Don’t you wish coffee tasted as good as it smells?” she said. She removed mugs from the cabinet and soy milk from the fridge, setting them on the counter, then peered at me. “Are you okay?”
I gave a wan smile. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
She smirked. “Seems you drank a lot last night.”
“Well, it was a celebration.”
We watched the coffee drip into the coffee pot, and when it was ready, Lydia took over. “Sit, I’ll serve you.” We settled at the table, the early morning sunshine streaming through the window, making me wish for another hour or two of sleep. I took a sip of the blessedly warm caffeinated drink, my eyes opening as the strong coffee hit my veins. Lydia took a long sip and set down her mug. “Ah, that’s good. You know, Roz, when Jax got home last night, he went straight to bed.” She twirled a strand of hair.
My heartbeat sped up at the sound of Jax’s name. “What’s wrong with that?”
“Nothing. I waited up for him, watching TV because I wanted to spend some time with him. He’s probably going to be on his own soon, and I already miss him.” She took another sip of coffee. “I’m really worried about him. Tyler’s got a girlfriend, but something’s wrong with Jax. He’s never dated that I know of. It’s not normal. And all his surfing buddies have girlfriends. Some of them have even teased him pretty bad about why he doesn’t.”
I picked up my coffee cup so fast that some of the hot liquid sloshed on my robe. “Shoot.” I smiled at Lydia. “Guess you’ll be happy that I need to wash this thing.” I dabbed at the stain with a napkin.
Lydia’s fingers drummed on the table. “Do you think I need to get Jax help? Like maybe see if he’ll get counseling or, oh, I don’t know. I’ve been trying to talk to him about this for months, but he shrugs me off.”
I stood up, my back to Lydia, pouring more coffee. “What does he say?”
“He claims there’s someone.”
My hand shook as I poured coffee. “Then there is someone. I’ll bet he’s private. He seems private. Yes, that’s it. He’s private.”
“I was hoping to talk to him last night. Not pry or anything, but maybe find out who this mystery person is. If there really is someone.” She laughed. “Tyler’s always calling him gay, but you know how boys are.”
I sat down at the table. “I don’t think he’s gay, Lyd’s.” I put my hand over hers.
“I don’t think that either. I’ve seen the way he l
ooks at chicks in movies or magazines. But something’s not right.”
I crossed and uncrossed my legs. “So, who do you think is the ‘someone’ he claims to like?”
“He won’t say. I try not to pressure him for information, but when I ask, he gets this faraway look and pretty much walks out of the room. I’m his mom, I can’t pry it out of him or search his room, much as I want to.”
“What does Troy say?”
She stood up to get more coffee. “I made him talk to Tyler about it. He said Jax is just psycho and has his own way with the ladies.”
“Is Troy worried, too?”
“Not particularly.” She stood clutching her coffee mug. “He thinks Jax is focusing on his surfing and that some boys are late bloomers.” She narrowed her eyes. “Did Jax tell you where he was going after he dropped you off last night? Not that I want to put him under a microscope, and he’s not a baby anymore, but he was out kind of late.”
“No, he didn’t say.” I needed to change the subject. “If Jax says there’s someone, and Tyler says he has his own way with the ladies, then I’m sure he’s fine. Just being private is all. I think you’re worried for nothing.”
She seemed to brighten. “Really?”
I forced myself to smile. “Yes, really.”
Lydia sat down at the table and crossed her legs. She cleared her throat. “Are you sure Jax didn’t tell you where he went last night?”
I swallowed hard. “No, he didn’t.”
Her eyes zeroed in on mine. “What time did he leave?”
I glanced at the clock on the kitchen wall. “Umm, I can’t remember the time. Right after he dropped me off.”
She drummed her fingers on the table and looked away, then she said, “I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, Rosalyn, but I’m wondering if it’s healthy that Jax hangs out with you so much.”
“He doesn’t—”
She put a hand up. “I know he likes to hang out here sometimes after school.”
My voice was higher pitched than I intended. “That was just when I first moved here. He was helping me get settled around the house, and helping paint the car, and teaching me to surf …” I was talking too fast.
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