He must have driven ever so fast, because he got to her before the ambulance did, kicking in the front door with one of his converse runners.
‘I can feel the baby’s head and this hall is most unsanitary,’ Ruth cried.
‘I’m here now. It’s going to be OK, Ruth. Trust me. I shall take care of you both.’
Dr O’Grady calmly delivered DJ into the world. He pulled his sweatshirt off and wrapped the tiny infant in it before placing him into Ruth’s arms.
‘I was not on my own after all. You were with me,’ Ruth sobbed.
She looked in wonder at her son and felt emotion unlike anything she had ever felt before. Love, tenderness, joy and, most of all, hope.
As the baby took his first breath, cried his first cry, a connection formed between the three of them. And even though they did not know it right then, it would last for ever.
24
RUTH
Now
Kian stood up to stretch, rubbing his belly as Ruth walked into the kitchen. She opened the fridge, peered in and took out her milk. Someone had been helping themselves again. The bottle was a third less full now than last night.
‘Saw you in the park yesterday,’ Kian said to Ruth’s back. ‘Talking to some old fella in a long grey overcoat. I’ve seen him around with his dog. Homeless, I’d say, by the cut of him.’
Ruth poured herself a glass of milk, then replaced it into the fridge. She then began to make a couple of rounds of chicken sandwiches.
‘Are those for him?’ Kian asked, looking over her shoulder.
‘As it happens, yes.’
‘Be careful with him,’ Kian advised.
Ruth looked at him in surprise. ‘Why?’
‘You’re a nice woman. And I’d hate you to get taken in, hurt. His kind would rob you blind as soon as look at you.’
‘His kind? What do you mean by that?’
‘Homeless!’ Kian said.
‘But we are homeless, too. So does that mean that I need to be wary of you?’ Ruth replied.
Kian shook his head. ‘No. Totally different. You see, he’s a rough sleeper. That’s a whole other kettle of fish than us lot in here.’
Ruth said, ‘The only stealing I have witnessed recently happened in this kitchen. Not out on the streets.’ Ruth forced herself to look at him, right in the eye. One, two, three, four, five. She felt a bead of sweat form on her upper lip, but despite how much she wanted to look at the ground, she kept her eyes locked on him.
He was startled by her comments and his mouth dropped open in cartoon-like reaction. Then he bellowed laughter and said, ‘Touché. Well played, Ruth, well played.’
She felt a flash of satisfaction. She had stuck up for her friend. She had not backed down.
Kian asked, ‘You had any more run-ins with herself downstairs?’
Ruth shook her head.
‘She’s losing her head with me. She doesn’t like me sneaking into the lobby to read the paper. It’s only for her …’ he used his fingers to make inverted commas, ‘… normal guests.’
They both laughed at this. How many times had they heard that phrase?
‘Here, stick the kettle on, I’ll have a cuppa with you,’ Kian said.
Ruth was startled by the suggestion. Did this mean he wanted to spend time in her company? She flicked the switch on and told him, ‘I do not drink hot beverages.’
‘But you do drink milk. I’ve seen you. Have another glass of that. Your pal in the park can wait five minutes for his sambo.’
‘I believe he can,’ Ruth agreed.
‘I hate it when me young fella isn’t here. Fecking lonely without him. But he has to go to school. Education is important. I know that. And I don’t want him ending up somewhere like this when he’s an adult. He’s got to be the one to get out, leave this fucking country,’ Kian said.
‘Hours feel like days in this hotel, I find. The weekends are better when DJ is here,’ Ruth said.
‘Same for me too. Sit down and rest your legs,’ Kian said, pulling back a chair for her. And to her surprise, she did as he asked. She was sure that he was the kind of man that she could not converse with. Yet here they were.
‘You seen Aisling today?’ Kian asked. He tried to sound casual, but failed.
‘Not since breakfast,’ Ruth replied.
‘Listen, I only took the lasagne from Ava for the craic, you know. I wonder if Aisling is annoyed with me over that. It was meant to be a wind-up. To pass the time of day here. Didn’t want to upset her husband Brian. The poor fecker.’
‘I try to remember that when DJ is older he will follow my example, not my advice,’ Ruth said.
He repeated her words to himself. ‘I’ll remember that, Ruthie girl. I’ll talk to Cormac later. Might be time to lay off nicking food. Jaysus, I hope my number comes up soon. This place would put years on you!’
‘What is your number?’ Ruth asked, referring to his place on the housing list. It was funny, but in the short time since Ruth had been in The Lodge, she’d heard all the residents of the first floor talking about their number, like others talked about the weather.
‘There are twelve months in the year, twelve days of Christmas. My Cormac is twelve years old and let’s not forget I’ve about twelve bleeding euro in my arse pocket! Twelve is my number.’
‘You are funny,’ Ruth said. ‘How is Cormac doing in school?’
Kian’s eyes darkened once more, this time with emotion, and he pounded the table with his fist in frustration. ‘It’s not fair on the young fella. He has to get two buses to school every day, traipsing across the city to his old school in Templeogue. Long enough day for anyone, just going to school, but add the commute … sure he’s bollixed by the time he gets home. I’d drive him, but the bus lanes are quicker. And then every night we have a row about homework. He didn’t want to go in yesterday and I hadn’t the heart to force him. So he stayed here with me. But that’s no good either. Had to send him in today, kicking and screaming.’
They each took a sip of their drink, lost in thought about their boys.
‘Hello.’ Aisling walked into the kitchen and Ruth noted the smile that lit up Kian’s face.
He jumped up and said, ‘Take a load off. I’ll make you a cuppa.’
‘Why not? I was going to prepare a meal for later while it’s quiet, but tea first of all would be great,’ Aisling said. ‘What you talking about?’
‘Our numbers, life, the universe. Usual kitchen chitchat,’ Kian said.
‘I’m still fourteen,’ Aisling replied, shaking her head in disbelief. ‘Feels like I’ve been stuck on that number for ever.’
‘I am still eighteen,’ Ruth said. ‘I rang Gillian today and expressed my concern over the speed I am moving.’
‘Good for you. Well, looks like I’ll be first out the door then. Don’t think that’s ever happened to me before!’ Kian said, placing a mug in front of Aisling.
‘You settling in OK?’ Aisling asked Ruth.
‘It is difficult. I do not have enough space for everything in my room. I like everything to have its place,’ Ruth replied.
Kian jumped in, ‘In a space this small there’s no room for clutter. I’ve most of our stuff stored in me ma’s. We stayed with her for a while when the landlord kicked us out, the aul’ bollix. No notice. He just told us we had to leave. Just like that. Said he was moving back in himself. And wouldn’t give me the deposit back either, saying there was damage to the wallpaper.’
He stood up and began pacing the small room, fury darkening his eyes. ‘The fucking wallpaper had no choice but to come off, because of the damp! But it was the only place we could afford. I spent weeks looking for another place. But if there’s a flat out there in my price bracket, I’d like someone to show it to me.’
Aisling reached a hand out and her touch brought him back from his tirade to them both. He smiled his thanks, then sat down again. Aisling blew onto the top of her tea, then said, ‘If you gave me a thousand guesses as to where I
might end up, I would never have said this. When Anna’s dad, my ex, lost his job, he went to the UK to look for work on a building site that a friend of his managed. But he never came home. And I think it’s fair to say that at this stage he never will. To add insult to injury, I lost my job soon after. Sure it was no wonder things spiralled out of control. I couldn’t afford the mortgage. Fast forward two years and they repossessed the house.’
‘I can’t get over that. What kind of man would leave a lovely woman and child like you both behind?’ Kian said.
‘I don’t miss him any more. But I do miss the house,’ Aisling said, trying to lighten the atmosphere. It worked, they all giggled along at her joke.
Somehow, for Ruth, hearing their stories, knowing that she was not the only one in this situation, helped. They were just as trapped as she was.
‘What’s your story, Ruth?’ Kian asked.
‘Similar to yours. Landlord evicted us and I could not afford to rent anywhere else. I tried so hard to find somewhere. This morning, out of 1,678 properties available to rent in Co. Dublin, only three were in my price range. Two were rooms to rent in an owner-occupied house. They stipulated no families and no pets. And the last one was gone when I rang it.’
‘Soul destroying,’ Kian said.
‘I had no choice but to ask for help. Here we are.’
‘Here we are,’ Kian repeated.
‘Here we are,’ Aisling agreed.
Then Aisling added, ‘It’s hard watching others leave. The ones that have gotten a call saying a house has become vacant. You try to be happy for them, but sometimes …’
Kian jumped in, ‘… you want to just shout out, “You jammy fecker, that should have been my house!!!”’
‘Yes!’ Aisling said. ‘Exactly that.’
‘Tell you what, ladies, when I get the call I give you both full permission to throw obscenities at me.’
They clinked mugs to seal the deal. And the three friends smiled at each other, in the way you do when you begin to recognise something of yourself in the person in front of you. A kinship. A tribe.
25
TOM
A plan had begun to take shape for the pregnant kid Sheila. With the help of the Peter McVerry Trust, they had formed solutions for both emergency housing and pre-natal and post-natal care for Sheila and the baby. But Bones sent the plans crashing to the floor like a deck of cards in the wind, when he shuffled up to Tom and said, ‘She’s not coming back. Bobby went mad when she told him about you.’
Tom felt like he’d let the girl down. He should have handled things differently. Taken her to the Rotunda Hospital last night and insisted she see someone there and then. He was so lost in recriminations he didn’t hear Ruth’s arrival until she said, ‘I thought a picnic lunch might be nice.’
He felt light-headed with a sudden burst of happiness. He brushed down his hair with his hands as he moved to make room on the bench for Ruth. Bette Davis yelped in excitement, too.
Ruth pulled out a tea towel from a large black tote bag. She laid it on the bench between them, then placed a flask in front of Tom, unscrewing the plastic cup. ‘I had to guess how you would like your coffee. I made it strong and black, but I have milk and sugar. If you tell me how you like it, I will make it that way the next time.’
The next time! Tom felt tears spring to his eyes. Damn it. What is wrong with me? ‘I drink it exactly as you have made it, Ruth. Thank you.’
She then unwrapped a tin-foil bundle of sandwiches, made in white bread with the crusts cut off. ‘I made chicken. I hope you are not a vegetarian.’
‘I’d be a vegetarian if bacon grew on trees,’ Tom joked. Thirty years ago he made Cathy snort with laughter when he told her that joke on the first day he met her, in the deli aisle of Tesco …
Cathy had reached inside a cold fridge to grab a ready meal.
Tom lied and said, ‘I was about to get the same.’
‘Oh, wow you’re a vegetarian, too?’ She waved a tofu lasagne at him. ‘I would have thought you were more of a steak-and-chips guy.’
Tom licked his lips and protested no, who didn’t love a good tofu?
She laughed, seeing straight through him. That was her superpower. She threw back her pack, then picked up a steak and some oven chips with a side of petit pois. ‘My favourite dinner for one!’
‘Oh thank God. I’d be a vegetarian if bacon grew on trees,’ Tom said, and when she laughed he knew he loved her.
‘Dr O’Grady?’ Ruth’s voice brought him back to the bench, to her. ‘You were miles away.’
‘Sorry, I got side-tracked. I was thinking about Cathy.’
Ruth passed him a napkin with two sandwiches enclosed.
Tom said, ‘The day I met her, I made the same joke about bacon. It made her laugh.’
‘I thought it was without any comedic merit, as it happens,’ Ruth said.
‘My humour has always been dubious! But Cathy laughed and that was the beginning of the end for us.’
‘I do not understand what you mean by that. Can you explain?’ Ruth asked.
Tom closed his eyes again and there she was, his Cathy, tumbling curls escaping from her ponytail, dark-brown eyes that were brimming with humour, her cheeks red from her last-minute dash and the echo of her voice, which trailed off singing along to the Spice Girls’ ‘Too Much’.
He opened his eyes and said, ‘When I looked at her, I felt a sudden hit of recognition. I’d never met her before in my life, but I knew her. This was it for me. I never understood what it was before, but once I felt it, understanding floored me.’
Ruth watched him, her sandwich held mid-air, as she was captivated by his words. He articulated how it was for her with Dean. A weekend when she felt the same way. A weekend when she knew that the person in front of her was her future.
‘I understand now. Thank you,’ Ruth said.
‘This is a damn fine sandwich. If I had a death-row meal to choose, chicken would be included,’ Tom said. He poured coffee into his plastic mug, sniffing the roast in appreciation. Ruth took a carton of milk out of her bag and poured some into a second plastic mug.
‘I used to play “the last meal you ever ate” game with DJ when he was small. He loved choosing his favourites, especially when it meant he could have chocolate for a starter, main course and dessert if he so desired,’ Ruth said.
‘Sounds good to me! What would you choose?’ Tom asked.
Ruth answered without hesitation. ‘I would start with a cauliflower-and-brie soup. No garnish. With one slice of white crusty baguette, salted butter. Full fat. Then I would like a chicken risotto, al dente, followed by a banana-cream pie.’
‘Nice,’ Tom said in approval. ‘To drink?’
‘A vanilla milkshake.’
‘That’s a fine choice, Ruth.’
‘I have given it some thought over the years. And I believe it to be the best option. What would you order?’ Ruth asked.
‘Vegetable soup. With a dollop of cream in it. Then Cathy’s roast chicken, with her famous crispy skin and home-made stuffing. All the trimmings. No one could make a roast dinner like the way Cathy did. Her gravy …’ He put his fingers to his mouth and blew a kiss of appreciation.
‘I shall have to take your word for that.’ Ruth shuddered at the thought of brown congealed sauce covering any of her food.
‘I still have the blindfold you gave me,’ Ruth said. ‘It has been used many times over the years.’
Then they finished their sandwiches in a companionable silence. It surprised them both, considering it had been a decade since they had been in each other’s company. Bette Davis nudged Tom with her nose, reminding him that she needed food, too. Tom broke off part of his sandwich and gave to her.
‘Have you seen Sheila today, or Mr Bones?’ Ruth asked.
He shook his head. ‘Bones came by earlier. She’s not coming back.’
Ruth was disappointed for her. ‘I really wanted her to give herself a different ending.’
&
nbsp; ‘Maybe she will change her mind again. Bones said he’ll keep an eye on her and try to get her to see sense. Surviving on the streets is a full-time job, and Sheila, I suspect, is not thinking straight. She’s found some level of “safety” by living with her boyfriend, Bobby, in that derelict building, away from the harsher realities of her previous life. I’ve seen it before many times.’
‘How bad it must have been at home that she would choose to live like that, rather than go back,’ Ruth said.
‘Was DJ surprised that we knew each other?’ Tom asked.
‘He was astounded. I still cannot quite believe we are sitting here, right now.’ She looked at her watch. She would need to make her way to collect DJ from school in twenty minutes. Would he be any happier this afternoon than he was this morning?
‘DJ does not smile any more,’ Ruth whispered.
Tom looked at her in surprise. He thought about the handful of times he had been in DJ’s company and realised that he’d only smiled a few times.
‘His life now is either commuting back and forth to school or being cooped up in a small hotel room. Already I can see our new normal is sucking the joy out of him,’ Ruth said.
‘A child needs space,’ Tom said.
‘And it is the autumn, so if the evenings are wet, like last night, I cannot allow him to go out. He was angry with me that he could not come here to see you.’
‘I went to the Peter McVerry shelter last night,’ Tom said. ‘I usually do when it rains. Tell him that, if it helps.’ Tom felt happiness nip him. He liked that DJ wanted to see him. ‘And do you have things to smile about now, Ruth?’
‘I am the adult. It is my job to take care of DJ. My smiles are of no matter. And right now I am letting my son down.’
‘You are doing your best. And from where I am sitting, that is more than a lot do.’
‘Did you have a happy childhood, Tom?’ Ruth asked.
‘Yes, as it happens I did. My parents were older when they met and married. And I always knew that I was considered a blessing in their lives. I had a charmed childhood. They told me often that I was a loved child. And because they showed me with their actions, I believed them.’
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