Maybe this time he could make Cathy stay.
Tom leaned in and gripped her hands tight between his own.
She carried them to her soft lips and gently kissed them. ‘You know what?’ Cathy said. ‘I’d like a drink.’
‘But it’s only 11 a.m.’
‘It’s the evening somewhere. I want a drink and I refuse to be a lush on my own.’
So they went into the kitchen and, like two college kids, began to make a cocktail. Cranberry juice in the fridge, with a shot of vodka and a squeeze of lime.
‘Other than getting drunk on a Sunday morning, what do you want?’ Tom asked his wife.
‘You’ve been asking me that for nearly two decades now,’ Cathy replied.
‘And I’ll keep asking you until you breathe your last breath. Because I want to give you everything.’
Her face clouded for a moment, dark, ominous. He couldn’t give her the one thing she wanted most. Mikey.
‘Don’t go again,’ Tom pleaded, shadows closing in again.
‘Let’s go skinny dipping.’ Cathy surprised him for the one millionth time in their life, her smile sending the clouds away.
‘Right now?’ Tom asked.
‘Why not? We’ll drink our cocktail, then head to the beach.’
‘But it’s October. It’s cold.’
‘We live in Ireland – even if it were July, the water would be cold.’
‘Someone might see us,’ Tom said.
‘I spent the first half of my life giving all the fucks. And so did you, Dr Tom O’Grady. For once, why don’t we just do whatever we want?’
Tom put his glass down. He could not think of a single argument. He held his hand out to his wife and led her to the place of the zero fucks.
48
RUTH
Now
The Inner City Helping Homeless voluntary organisation will have outreach teams working again tonight and they can be alerted to anyone sleeping rough by calling 01 8881804 or 085 8389281.
Variations of this news bulletin filled every social media site as another cold spell hit Ireland. Ruth finished her morning shift and began making lunch for Tom. She had done the very same thing for days now in the hope that she would find him and Bette Davis sitting on their bench, waiting for her. She would give him a piece of her mind when he came back. She flicked the kettle on, for Ava, Aisling and Kian. They would be along any minute, too. Their newly formed gang had fallen into a habit of meeting up every morning at the same time.
Ava was the first to arrive. She walked over to the new A4 poster that was pinned to the noticeboard.
Residents are reminded that no photographs or artwork are allowed on the walls in the hotel rooms or common areas.
‘Ha! Am I bovvered? All my photographs are on this,’ Ava said, waving her phone. ‘Check out my latest Instagram post. Another lie shared for friends to like.’
‘You look beautiful. That is not a lie,’ Ruth said. Ava was a natural beauty, with flawless skin and dark, thick hair.
Ava ignored the compliment and said, ‘No one knows that behind that selfie, carefully taken at just the right angle, of course, the truth is we are in a hotel room, homeless.’
She began to pace the small kitchen. ‘We are all creating the same lie, presenting a pretty package, with a filter that hides a multitude, at an angle that cuts out the nastiness. Because God forbid that we share the full story to the world. God forbid that people know our shameful secret.’
Then Ava began to cry, overcome with emotion. ‘I can’t do this any more. I can’t airbrush the shit out of the mess I’m in.’
‘Can you tell me what particular part of the shit you are talking about?’ Ruth asked.
‘Take your pick, Ruth. Today is our anniversary. We’re homeless. And the best bit is … I’m pregnant and I don’t know how to tell my husband.’
‘You do not think he will be happy?’ Ruth asked, stunned by the revelation.
‘He’s stressed out of his biccie. What if this is the final straw that breaks him?’
Ruth sat beside Ava and said, ‘A baby is good news. And nothing should take away from that. Congratulations, Ava. You will be a wonderful mother.’
‘You think?’
Ruth nodded.
‘I needed to hear that. I’m just a mess right now. This morning I sat on our bed in the room and tried to envisage a cot there. I couldn’t. I just couldn’t.’
‘You might be in your house before then. But if not you will make it work. Like we all do,’ Ruth said firmly.
‘It’s not meant to be like this, though. I used to dream of how I would share baby news with Brian. But at no stage was it in this godforsaken place … How did this happen, Ruth?’
‘You had sex, I would imagine,’ Ruth replied, making Ava giggle through her tears.
‘When we got married last year, we had so many hopes and dreams for our future. It was so romantic, Ruth. Brian’s proposal was perfect. He arranged for my ring to be brought out by a waiter in a glass of champagne,’ Ava said. ‘And now, I think of all the money we wasted on champagne and our wedding. At the time, I thought it was worth it. Everyone said the beef was the nicest they’d had in years.’
‘You cannot beat yourself up about things you have done in the past. I always see things clearer when I have the benefit of hindsight,’ Ruth said.
‘Maybe I should have been nicer to Brian’s mother. We stayed with her for a bit after we lost our apartment. But she never liked me. Nor I her.’
Ruth sat down opposite Ava and said, ‘You have to tell Brian you are pregnant. You cannot keep this to yourself.’
‘We had a row this morning because he wants to go out for a meal for our anniversary. I want us to save our money. We need every penny for this baby.’
‘Hello, ladies,’ Kian said, walking into the room.
Ava mimicked zipping her mouth to Ruth, then wiped her tears away.
‘You are in a good mood,’ Ruth said.
‘I am,’ Kian replied, making his coffee.
‘Why?’ Ava asked, suspicious.
‘Morning,’ Aisling said with a matching smile, as she walked into the room.
Kian pointed to her and said, ‘I know I’m a short arse, but this one here makes me feel ten feet tall.’
When Kian asked Aisling out he expected her to say no. He’d never had much success with women. He talked a big talk, but it was all smoke and mirrors with him. You could have knocked him down with a feather when she said yes. And now, every day seemed a little brighter in this godforsaken hotel. The previous evening they had all squeezed into his room to watch Stranger Things together. Anna and Cormac sat on the floor, with a large bag of Doritos between them. Kian and Aisling lay side by side on the double bed.
‘Last night, for the first time in a long time, I felt normal.’
‘Me, too,’ Aisling said. ‘It was fun.’
‘I think I might be sick,’ Ava said, jumping up.
‘Hey, no need for that!’ Kian said.
‘No, I mean it. I think I’m going to be sick.’ Ava ran from the room.
‘Hope it’s not catching, whatever she has,’ Kian said. Then he pulled Aisling in close, whispering something in her ear that made her blush and giggle all at once.
When they had their first date they swapped their stories. The intimate stuff that you only tell someone you know is special. He told Aisling about Cormac’s mum. A woman whom he thought was out of his league but who seemed to enjoy his company. They dated and when she announced she was pregnant Kian proposed immediately. She hadn’t needed to say no out loud. The look of horror on her face was enough. He spent months trying to change her mind, especially after Cormac was born. Every day she looked more and more depressed and trapped. She told him that she wasn’t cut out for motherhood. Or him. She loved Cormac the best way she could. And in fairness, she saw him every week for an hour or two. She just had no interest in the everyday life of a mother.
Aisling had listened
to his story and when he’d finished she told him he had it all wrong. ‘You were never punching above your weight. Cormac’s mum was.’
Yep, ten feet tall, she made him feel.
Ruth smiled at her two friends, happy that they were happy. But Ava’s distraught face would not leave her. She had to do something to help.
‘I have a plan!’ Ruth declared.
‘Another room makeover?’ Kian joked.
‘It is Ava and Brian’s anniversary. I think we should make it special for them. I shall need your help, though,’ Ruth said.
‘Now why doesn’t that surprise me?’ Kian said. ‘What do you want me to do?’
‘I want you to do an errand for me. At 5 p.m. Right now, I need to find my friend.’
‘The rough sleeper?’ Kian asked. ‘Still no sign of him? Jaysus, I wouldn’t leave a cat out on the streets right now. It was three degrees outside this morning when I dropped Cormac to school. The frost was leaving bite marks on the windows of our hotel room.’
‘He’s probably just moved on to another area,’ Aisling said. ‘I still don’t understand how a doctor, of all people, ended up on the streets. What chance do the rest of us have?’
‘Probably drink. Is he an alchy?’ Kian said.
Ruth shook her head. ‘I have never seen him drink. I do not think so.’
‘Gambling, then. I knew a guy who lost his missus and his home on the throw of a hundred dice or so. Couldn’t stop. And he was an accountant. You’d think he’d know better, working with money all the time. Shocking waste,’ Kian said.
‘I do not know what happened, but I do know for sure that he is a good man. His wife, Cathy, did, too. I owe them both a lot.’
Ruth heard Aisling say to Kian as she walked out, ‘She’s such a big heart.’
Then Kian replied, ‘Which is about to get broken. That dude has gone. He doesn’t give a shit about her or DJ. I warned her to be careful.’
Ruth knew Kian was wrong. When Dr O’Grady showed up she would talk to him, find out if he needed help. She sat on his park bench for an hour until it was time to collect DJ, her eyes scanning the walkways on either side, to no avail.
As she got up to leave she spotted Bones walking through the park. She ran over to him. ‘Have you seen the Doc?’
‘Not since yesterday,’ he said. ‘I’ve just come from the shelter. He wasn’t there last night. Odd that, ’cos it was wicked cold.’ Then he asked, ‘Have you any money for a hot drink?’
She passed him the sandwiches she had made for the Doc and a couple of euro.
‘Thanks.’
‘Will you tell him that I was looking for him?’ Ruth asked. And when he nodded, she asked, ‘Are you OK, Mr Bones?’
He shrugged. ‘I’m grand. Had a big fry-up for breakfast. Was right tasty. I’ll go back to the shelter tonight. They said it might snow.’
A vision of the doctor lying on the ground, cold, covered in snow, sneaked its way into her head. She shivered and pushed it away. ‘How’s Sheila? She’s been on my mind.’
‘Bad news, I’m afraid. She had a baby girl last week. She left the baby here on the Doc’s bench. Then overdosed.’ He wiped his eyes and whispered the final truth: ‘She died.’
Ruth felt tears sting her own eyes. Erica had said something about a baby in the news, but she had tuned her out. The poor, poor girl.
‘Bobby is gunning for Tom,’ Bones said.
‘Why?’
‘Because he’s bat-shit crazy and he loved Sheila. He loves the junk more, though. That’s the way it goes. You see Doc, tell him to watch himself,’ Bones said.
When she found the doctor she would have a lot to say to him, Ruth thought to herself. She did not care what Erica said about the rules, she was bringing him inside.
Later that evening, once his homework was done, DJ pulled his coat on to go to the park.
‘I waited today for an hour and he did not show up,’ Ruth said.
‘He’ll be back,’ DJ said.
‘Be back before dark,’ Ruth said.
‘Anna and Cormac are going to come with me, too. I’ll be fine,’ DJ said.
‘If you find him, you tell him that I want to talk to him. Tell him that it’s important.’
The communal room emptied as the last of the kids went upstairs to their room to watch TV. Time to get her plan into action. Ruth pulled a box out from under the homework table that she had stashed away earlier.
Kian walked in just as she was finishing her makeover. A white tablecloth now adorned the table and it was laid for two. She lit the tealights under the food warmer that sat in its centre.
‘Looks great. I collected the food as you instructed, boss.’ He held up the Thai takeaway.
He then passed Ruth a bottle of prosecco. ‘Put that on the table for love’s young dream. It’s from the chiller in the supermarket, so it’s cold.’
‘That is kind of you,’ Ruth said.
‘I probably owe them both at least this,’ Kian said.
‘Help me light the rest of the candles,’ Ruth said, emptying the food into the silver trays. ‘I told Ava to bring Brian here at five fifteen.’
Together Kian and Ruth transformed the Library into a flickering magical room, with tealights on every surface. The fragrant smell of coconut milk and curry paste filled the air, and if you tried hard you could imagine you were in a restaurant.
‘You did this?’ Ava gasped when they walked in. Brian’s mouth fell open in shock.
‘It was Ruth’s idea. I’m just the hired help,’ Kian said quickly.
‘But the prosecco is a present from Kian,’ Ruth said. ‘Happy Anniversary, Ava and Brian.’
Kian walked by them both and said to Brian, ‘It’s not lasagne. Sorry, mate.’ Then he ran out the door before Brian clobbered him.
‘Thank you.’ Ava squeezed Ruth’s hand and Ruth mouthed, ‘Tell him.’
‘That felt good,’ Kian said.
They walked out onto the street and looked in the direction of the park for the kids. The street was empty.
‘You can change the world by helping one person at a time,’ Ruth said.
‘I think you might have something there, Ruthie my love,’ Kian replied.
‘My friend Cathy told me that a long time ago. She was married to Dr O’Grady.’
‘Well, you are certainly following her advice. You’ve done a lot for us all here in the hotel since you arrived. More than my own family ever did for me. You’re a good pal.’
‘Thank you, Kian. And I have had enough time now to make up my mind about you, too. I like you very much. I should be happy to be your pal.’
‘Well, that’s settled so. Nice one,’ Kian said. And they stood side by side watching the empty road. ‘They should be back by now. I’m going to go get the kids. You go on back inside. I’ll send your young fella up to you, promise.’
She smiled as she returned to her room, pausing outside the door to her pop-up anniversary restaurant for a second. She was gratified to hear the quiet hum of conversation and laughter. Of two people in love, about to begin a new chapter in their lives, as parents.
Tell him your news, Ava. It’s too good to hide. Tell him.
As she stood there, her thoughts went to Dean. To their lost weekend together. Oh Dean, come back to me, like you promised you would.
49
RUTH
Then
Dean awoke with a jolt at 4 a.m., feeling an empty space next to him. His heart hammered as he clambered out of bed.
‘So hungry,’ Ruth’s voice said in the darkness. She was sitting in front of the small hotel fridge eating cashew nuts. The only vaguely white thing the fridge held.
‘Is there any chocolate in there?’ Dean asked, as his stomach kicked in and started to growl in agreement.
She stuck her head in the fridge and pulled out a large chunky KitKat, passing it to him. When he offered her some she shook her head. He accepted her food thing without question. They sat, munching on their meal, cr
oss-legged and naked on the floor.
‘You know, yesterday started off so badly for me,’ Dean said.
‘Explain,’ Ruth said.
‘I hate my job,’ Dean replied. ‘I don’t know how it happened, but I never dreamed that one day I’d end up as a janitorial supplies sales rep.’
‘What did you dream of?’
‘As a kid, I always said I wanted to be a fireman or a transformer robot. Or maybe a ninja turtle.’
‘All amazing life choices, as far as I am concerned,’ Ruth said.
‘Yep. Instead I spend my days driving around the country, talking about cleaning materials for hotels and hospitals. This week I’ve been in Belfast, Dublin, Cork, Waterford and now Wexford. It’s why I stopped in Curracloe. The heat of the sun bursting through my window … it all got too much. So I found myself turning towards Curracloe. We used to come here as kids for our holidays. Best decision I ever made.’
‘Make another one. Quit your job,’ Ruth said.
‘It’s not that simple.’
‘Why?’
‘Well, you can’t just quit your job for no reason,’ Dean said.
‘Hating it is a pretty strong reason, I would think.’
‘But what would I do?’
‘Positions for turtles and robots are hard to find, Dean. But there’s no reason why you cannot be a fireman.’
‘I can’t do that!’ Dean said, but he found himself grinning.
‘Why not? Have you ever looked into what is required to become a firefighter?’
‘No,’ Dean admitted.
‘For all you know they are recruiting right now,’ Ruth said, stuffing the last of the cashew nuts into her mouth. ‘Do not wait another day to follow your childhood dream. I think you would make a most excellent firefighter. You have strong arms.’
‘You make it sound so easy,’ Dean said.
‘It does not have to be hard.’
‘No, I suppose it doesn’t. What about you? What are you looking for?’ Dean asked, licking his fingers.
Ruth’s mind raced with thoughts about the many things she had dreamed of her whole life. A library with a sliding ladder. A home of her own, away from Marian. Friends. A private Westlife concert, just for her. And more than anything else, to find love and understanding. But as always, the thoughts stuck in her head, jumbled up into one big hot mess.
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