“Stay calm, we’re getting you out!”
Screaming and thrashing against their restraining grasp, a tendril of comprehension reached me at last.
Out.
They were getting me out.
I went limp.
A moment later, the usual pain lanced through my skull when they carried me through the portal.
Back in my physical body, I jerked into a ball, hugging my pounding head. The remaining adrenaline of the panic attack dissipated in sobbing heaves of breath punctuated by my violent swearing.
When the pain subsided enough to allow coherent thought, I groaned and curled tighter on the sofa, wishing I could compress myself enough to vanish between the cushions.
Less than an hour into the briefing and I’d already freaked out like a hysterical child three times. That had to be some kind of personal record. How much more embarrassment could I heap on myself?
Well, hell, the possibilities were endless. Maybe I could top it off by peeing my pants or throwing up. Or doing both simultaneously.
“Aydan?”
I blew out a breath and uncurled to sprawl face down on the sofa for a moment before dragging myself upright. “I’m fine. Sorry, I was just stupid. I panicked.”
I pried my eyes open and my heart contracted sharply at the sight of Sam’s motionless body on the floor. My voice came out in a dry whisper. “Shit, is he dead?”
Stemp looked up from where he knelt at Sam’s head. “No. Should he be?”
“No.” I dared to breathe again. “Is he conscious?”
Sam groaned and struggled into sitting position, his normally ruddy face as pale as his snowy beard. “Why did you fight me?” he croaked. “You knew what we were planning to do. You agreed.”
“I’m sorry.” Shame heated my face. “I’m really sorry, Sam. I just panicked and I couldn’t help it. It was all I could do not to kill you.”
“…oh.” His voice dropped to a tiny quaver. “Thank you, then.” He crept to his feet and dropped into his chair again, wiping sweat off his forehead with a shaking hand.
“I’m really sorry,” I said again to no one in particular. “What do we need to do next?”
“If you’re up to it, we should proceed with the next test as soon as possible,” Jack said.
I straightened my spine, ignoring the snivelling of my apparently-not-so-inner child. “Okay. What do I have to do?”
“Take the new key.” Jack passed it over, and I relinquished the original with relief. At least I could skip the pain this time.
“We’re going to repeat the last test…” she began. I shot a look at Sam, but he looked suspiciously sanguine. “…and this time Spider will be your controller,” she finished.
“Wha… no!” I lurched forward on the couch, my heart leaping into my throat. “No! No fucking way! I’m not risking Spider’s life. Not for anything.”
“I won’t control Aydan’s mind. That’s sick!” Spider’s cheeks flushed scarlet, his eyes snapping.
“I’m sorry, but it’s necessary.” Jack’s beautiful face was pale but determined. “Spider, this is only a one-time test. You won’t be controlling Aydan on an ongoing basis. And Aydan, there’s no reason to believe this will be any riskier for Spider than it was for Sam.”
“I damn near killed Sam! I was barely holding on! I won’t do it! No fucking way!”
“I know you won’t hurt me.” Spider’s voice trembled, but he met my gaze, his hazel eyes clear. “I trust you.”
“No! No, no, no, goddammit…” I cut myself off with the realization that I was on the verge of adding a temper tantrum to my roster of childishness.
“Just no,” I finished with as much dignity as I could muster under the circumstances. “Besides, how can Spider even do it? You said my key was customized to one user and one controller.”
“That’s not exactly accurate.” Jack glanced at Sam. “It’s actually a matched pair of keys. One is customized to you, and that’s the one you’ve been using all along. I didn’t realize that there’s another key, a controller key, that matches it.”
“Wait, so there have been two keys all along?” I glared at Sam. “You were hiding the controller key all this time, you-”
“Y-yes,” Sam stuttered. “B-but it didn’t matter to the operation of your key when you were going into the network by yourself,” he added hurriedly.
Jack broke the brittle silence. “So anyway, your new key is customized to you just like the old one, but its matching controller key is customized to Spider.”
“But… how?” Spider looked lost. “I didn’t… Wait. Last week when you said you needed me for some tests…” His expression crumpled into hurt. “You lied to me!”
“I’m sorry, Spider, it wasn’t a lie, we just couldn’t tell you all the details…”
“Enough.” Stemp’s flat voice cut across Jack’s apology. “Do the test.”
Jack handed Spider a tiny case like the one I clutched in my fist, and he stared at the minuscule cube on his palm, his brow furrowed.
“No,” I snapped. “I’m not going to do this.”
Stemp’s hard voice brooked no argument. “This is not a discussion. If you didn’t kill Kraus, you won’t kill Webb. You’re wasting time. Do it.”
Hot rage exploded into my bloodstream, hazing my vision red. Kane caught me as I lunged to my feet, his superior body weight bearing me back to the couch, his powerful hands clamped on my shoulders. Before I could react, he pressed his lips to my ear and breathed, “I love you.”
Shock immobilized me, my jaw dangling on slack muscles while cold fear extinguished my anger with an almost-audible sizzle. Kane grinned and released me, stepping back to resume his seat in the opposite chair.
After another moment of ineffectual gaping, I summoned enough presence of mind to close my mouth and attempt an impersonation of normalcy. Before I could marshal my scattered wits into anger again, Spider reached over to squeeze my hand.
“Let’s just do it, Aydan. It’ll be fine.”
Too rattled to even argue, I nodded and subsided onto the cushions.
Chapter 5
“Whenever you’re ready.” Jack’s voice penetrated my shock, and I shook my head vigorously.
Get it together.
I glanced at Kane, the laugh lines still crinkled around his eyes even though his smile had smoothed into seriousness.
That lousy bastard. What a rotten, underhanded tactic. The corners of my mouth sneaked into a smile despite my best efforts.
Kane shot me a devilish grin before turning to Germain. “Let’s go.”
Their faces went blank as they entered the network, and I turned to Spider. “Are you sure?”
His grip tightened on my hand. “It’ll be fine. I know you won’t hurt me.”
I eased out a long breath and stepped into the void.
Kane and Germain eyed me, poised for action. “No cage this time?” Germain inquired lightly.
I let out a short laugh on my whoosh of released breath. “No, I guess we’re done with that.”
“Aydan, I’m going to give it a try now.” Spider’s voice floated down from the virtual ceiling. “I don’t really know what I’m doing, so I’m just going to see if I can get you to move a couple of steps. I’ll try not to hurt you.”
“It’s okay, Spider, you won’t,” I reassured him with considerably more confidence than I felt.
The familiar thick stickiness descended, making my heart leap into a rapid drumming. Before I had time to panic, the heaviness dissolved, leaving only a sensation like the cloak of humidity preceding a thunderstorm.
I drew a cautious breath, my pulse still vibrating in my throat. A moment later, a nudge urged me forward a couple of steps. The sensation vanished completely, and I stared back at Kane and Germain from my new position.
“Aydan, are you all right?” Kane snapped.
“I’m… fine…” I drew a long, shaky breath. “Spider, are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” His cheery tone we
akened my knees with relief. “How was that? Are you okay?”
“Yeah.” I straightened, drawing in confidence with another long breath. “Yeah, I’m fine. That was far easier.”
“Good. Can you try a longer test now?” Jack asked.
“I’m game if you are, Spider. What do you want to do?”
“Let’s just walk to the file room.”
“Okay.” I shook the tension out of my shoulders. “I’m ready.”
Humidity wrapped around me again, and this time the nudge felt more like a gentle pull in the direction of the file room. Holding Spider’s blithe smile in my memory for reassurance, I floated down the corridor like a balloon on a string.
The pull stopped outside the file room, and I glanced back to see Germain’s sharp gaze riveted on my blank-faced avatar while Kane scanned the void around them, every line of his body broadcasting hyper-alertness.
The thick sensation vanished and I waved. “I’m over here.”
Germain’s head snapped around from where my avatar had stood only an instant before. “That’s spooky.”
Kane nodded, grim-faced. “I don’t like it at all. What if some unauthorized person was able to take control?”
“That couldn’t happen.” Jack’s voice floated down from the virtual ceiling. “The key pairs are completely unique. They have to be specifically programmed, and it’s an extremely complex process that requires substantial baseline data from both subjects.”
Kane looked unconvinced, but before he could speak again, Stemp’s voice joined the conversation. “Try going outside the firewall now.”
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Kane asked. “Aydan won’t have an anchor. I can hold her avatar the way I usually do, but it won’t matter because she’s not using the avatar at all. I’d only be holding a ghost.”
“The person who controls her acts as the anchor.” Sam’s voice sounded more confident now that Kane’s physical body had temporarily ceased to be a threat. “That’s how the keys are designed, and that’s why it was so risky when Aydan went into the network by herself in the past.”
“And it didn’t occur to you to mention it at the time,” Kane snarled.
“Uh, I… uh…”
Stemp’s voice cut in again. “Irrelevant now. Webb, Ms. Kelly, are you ready?”
“I’m not sure.” Spider sounded nervous again. “I don’t know how Aydan goes into the external network. I’m afraid I might accidentally make her visible to intrusion-detection software. And I don’t want to force her into the network in case it hurts her.”
Sam snorted. “Just push her in. That’s why you’re the controller. Ride her like a horse.”
At least I was pretty sure he’d said ‘horse’. If he’d said ‘whore’ I’d make the little shit eat his words with a side-dish of knuckles.
“That’s sick and gross!” Spider’s voice shook, and I could imagine the hot flush of indignation on his cheeks. “How could you even say that-”
“Webb.” Stemp’s voice silenced Spider’s incipient tirade. “Ms. Kelly, any suggestions?”
“I can’t really describe what I do…” I tugged at a lock of hair, pondering. “How about… instead of you controlling me, do you think I could tow you along, Spider? The way you towed me to the file room?”
“We could try it,” he replied cautiously.
“Whenever you’re ready.”
The air thickened, and I tried to ask if he was there. When I realized I couldn’t speak, I had my answer. I drew a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying to slow the sudden racing of my heart.
Okay, so I couldn’t speak. No need to panic.
I sent a mental inquiry toward the vicinity of my forehead, but didn’t receive any response. Either I was doing it wrong, or we couldn’t communicate while he was linked to me.
I imagined Stemp’s voice saying ‘irrelevant’, and eased out another long breath.
Calm. Stay calm.
Concentrate.
Normally I’d turn myself invisible and simply stretch into the tunnels of the internet. I was already invisible, so…
I reached.
A moment later, the busy flow of data packets whisked us away like a dry leaf in a rain-swollen stream.
Barely conscious of Spider’s extra weight, I rode the exhilarating roller-coaster of data, snooping into emails and sliding through firewalls to browse data the rest of the world naively believed to be secure.
When I turned for home, Spider’s presence illuminated the network connections like a beacon, and I navigated the convoluted tunnels with easy confidence.
Slipping back into Sirius’s file repository, I hovered waiting, and a moment later the humidity melted away. Spider’s laughter was the first thing I heard.
“Awesome! Holy cow, Aydan, that was totally awesome! That was so much fun! That was so totally, totally cool!” It sounded as though he was jumping up and down. “Holy cow, Aydan… Cool, cool, cool!” He burst into laughter again.
Grinning, I asked, “Are we done here?”
Jack’s amused voice floated down from overhead. “If Spider can manage to contain himself, we need to do one more test. We need to see if he can fully control you and gather data without your knowledge.”
I sobered and gulped, fear chilling my elation. “Okay. Spider?”
“Okay.” All traces of laughter were gone from his voice. “Don’t worry, I’ll just try it for a few seconds.”
I tried to swallow the dryness in my throat, but it was already too late. This time the thickness oppressed me, holding me like an insect trapped in amber. My attempt to draw a breath failed, and despite the knowledge that my avatar required neither pulse nor oxygen, my heart battered my ribs in reflexive terror.
Trapped!
My body instinctively fought the control, struggling to flail out, to defend…
Don’t fight. Don’t hurt Spider…
Trapped trapped TRAPPED!
The hold released and I fell to my knees, my frantic panting whistling in my throat. Fists clenched, forehead pressed to the floor, I battled the urge to run screaming again.
Breathe. Just breathe.
In. Out. Slow like ocean waves…
The frenzied pounding of my heart rocked my entire body.
“Aydan!” Spider’s fearful voice made me jerk upright just as Kane and Germain burst into the file repository.
“I’m okay,” I gasped. “I’m okay…”
“Let’s go.” Kane scooped me up as if I was weightless while Germain scanned our surroundings, his submachine gun at the ready. We hustled down the hallway under Germain’s alert defense, and moments later we stepped through the portal.
“Aaaaydaaan…”
“Aaydaan…”
“Aydan...” The distant whispers drew closer, gaining volume and clarity.
“Aydan!”
Kane’s shout still reverberating in my head, I jerked upright with a grunt, my eyes flying open.
The room whirled into a vortex of colour that made me clamp my eyes shut again as my stomach heaved. Hands lowered me back to my supine position and something blessedly cool pressed against my forehead.
I breathed carefully through my mouth, willing the nausea away. It subsided rapidly, and I drew a breath of relief. Didn’t throw up. Won that one. I eased my eyes open a crack.
When my surroundings remained reassuringly stable, I opened my eyes fully to focus on the ring of worried faces hovering over me.
Déjà vu.
I sighed and groped at my forehead, encountering a cool, moist cloth. “How long was I out this time?”
“Almost five minutes.” Jack’s hand flew out to restrain me as I attempted to sit up. “Stay there. The ambulance should be here any min-”
She broke off at the sound of running feet and a thump from the corridor. “…now,” she finished, stepping back to make way for the first paramedic.
My protests were soundly ignored while they strapped me into the stretcher and whisk
ed me to the waiting ambulance.
In the hospital’s small emergency room, Dr. Roth’s familiar blonde chignon bobbed through the dark uniforms to my side.
“Hi,” I said sheepishly. “Sorry, I think this is a false alarm. I feel fine now.”
“I’ll tell you when you feel fine,” she snapped, her sternness belied by the humour in her eyes. She checked my vital signs with her usual practiced economy of movement before waving the attendants to wheel me down the hall.
I groaned. “Not another MRI. My brain’s going start glowing in the dark.”
“The MRI doesn’t use radiation.” She kept pace with the stretcher, her keen gaze evaluating me. “Dr. Travers sent me your brainwave tracings. You showed a sudden drop in brainwave frequency, which she says corresponded with some tests you were performing at the time. We assume it was strictly a result of the test, but I want to check for anomalies just to be certain.”
I sighed as we turned the corner into the MRI lab. “Can you do a quick physical and mammogram while you’re at it? I’m due. Might as well make this worthwhile.”
She laughed. “Maybe if nothing else has hit the emergency room by the time we’re done. It’s been eerily quiet today. Just one snowmobiling accident where I taped up some cracked ribs. I’m sure the entire population of Silverside is saving up their crises for Christmas Day.”
“You’re probably right.” I held up a restraining hand as she approached with a gown and scissors. “Don’t you dare cut off my clothes. These are my favourite jeans. I’ll change.”
She glanced over her shoulder at the technician before drawing a curtain around my stretcher. “All right, but stay on the stretcher. And if you lose consciousness on me, this is the last time you get any special treatment.”
“Yes, ma’am.” I wriggled my arm out of one sleeve of my sweatshirt. “Shit.” With chagrin, I eyed the IV the paramedics had inserted in my hand.
“This is why we usually cut clothes off.” Dr. Roth gave me a sympathetic smile. “It’s okay, just slide your sleeve down and I’ll lift the IV bag through.”
“Thanks.” I peeled off my clothes and donned the gown.
She nodded at my Glock nestled in its waist holster. “You’ll have to leave that here, too.”
Spy, Spy Away Page 4