by RJ Crayton
Elaan couldn’t help but grin. That was so like her mother. It was the essence of her, on some level. She always said life was hard, that life might not treat you fair, but you had to have a good attitude, and you had to find one bright spot in your life. Even though the whole world was falling apart, Shonda was going to wake up with her morning cup of coffee, come hell or high water.
Elaan was actually glad for it. She liked coffee. When Elaan was fourteen, her mother had finally given up on saying it would stunt her growth. Now, Elaan liked hers with cream and sugar, whereas Shonda drank hers black. Elaan liked the fresh smell of it, and the way you could feel it perk you right up in the morning.
“You have any sugar?”
Shonda shook her head. “Sorry, babe. But I do have milk.”
Elaan shrugged. Coffee without sugar. Blech. “I’ll pass.”
Shonda nodded and headed over to the kitchen. Elaan followed and watched as her mother made a pot of coffee. “What are you going to do if the power stops?”
“I’ve got filters,” Shonda said. “And we have a fireplace. Probably just heat the water over the fire and pour it over the coffee.”
Elaan shook her head. “The apocalypse is upon us, but Mom still has coffee,” she said with a laugh. “I meant, in general, if there’s no power, will this still be a good place to stay?”
“Oh,” her mother said. “Yeah. It should be fine. It’s got a fireplace for heat. I think that’s the main concern as it gets colder.” Shonda gazed at the coffee pot and sighed. “I guess this is the apocalypse, isn’t it?”
Elaan stopped smiling. “I was sorta kidding, but I know things are bad with the virus. I know this isn’t what life is supposed to be like, but surely you don’t think it’s as bad as all that?”
Shonda was watching the coffee drip from the filter into the pot. “I think that whatever happened a month ago caused a lot of people to die, and I’m beginning to wonder if what we don’t know can really, really hurt us.”
Elaan watched her mother closely, hoping for some sign that this wasn’t as serious as it sounded. There was no such indication. “How can we find out? We don’t know what happened, and no one’s talking.”
Her mother grabbed a cup and set it on the counter. “I think Amadu and I might have to venture out, try to get to town, see if someone will talk to us.”
Elaan’s eyes widened. “No,” she said. “Last time you went to town, you brought back bandits.”
“We need to figure it out,” she said. “I feel like we’ve done all we can here at the house. There’s nothing more for me to figure out with what I have.” She stared into the coffee mug and bit her lower lip. “I wish your father were here, or Lijah. He knew a little bit about the research. I just wish I knew where he was.”
A wave of guilt and self-disgust washed over her. It was her fault Lijah wasn’t here with them. “I’m sorry, Mom. I wish I could’ve convinced him to come.”
Shonda patted Elaan’s shoulder and shook her head. “You did the right thing and Lijah did the right thing. Don’t feel guilty. I’m just a mother who’s worried about my son. I don’t blame you for anything. It’s the government that’s caused the problem, trying to take you. Trying to experiment on you. Your father was right to get you out.”
They’d gotten out, but now what? What were they supposed to do? Josh’s words from the other night reverberated through her mind. She heard footsteps, and turned to see Josh entering the kitchen.
“Is that coffee?” he asked, looking cheerful and neat. He didn’t even have bed head. She wondered if he’d groomed himself before coming out. He must’ve. He hadn’t looked that way when they woke up together these past few days. She missed waking up with him, she realized.
“Yep,” Shonda said. “Would you like a cup? Be forewarned. I have no sugar.”
“I like it black,” Josh said. Shonda nodded, grabbed a mug from the cabinet, and poured Josh a cup.
Josh took a sip, and smiled. “This is good. Hadn’t realized how much I missed it.”
Shonda nodded. “Yeah, it’s my one indulgence here.”
“Is Amadu awake?” Josh asked.
Shonda nodded. “Yeah, he went out fishing. They bite early, and I think he wanted to try to catch a few, since there are more of us.”
Josh nodded, as if this made sense. It did. He stood there, sipping his coffee, leaning against the wall, while Elaan stood near her mother at the countertop. There was silence, a slightly uncomfortable one. Elaan decided to break the peace. She filled Josh in on what her mother had told her.
Josh finished off his coffee, and set the mug down on the nearby counter. “Thanks for the coffee, Mrs. Woodson. Is it alright if I go for a walk?”
Shonda nodded. “Sure,” she said. “You’re not a prisoner here. You can come and go as you please.”
Josh nodded to Shonda, gave Elaan a pat on the hand, then walked off, heading down the stairs and presumably outside.
After they heard the thud of a door closing downstairs, Shonda spoke. “He seems disillusioned.”
Elaan nodded. “Yeah, it’s hard not to be, with the world the way it is.”
Shonda took Josh’s coffee mug to the sink and then refilled her own cup. “Honey, I spent a lot of time here wondering what I did to deserve this, and the answer is nothing. Sometimes the world is just a hard place. We have to take what joy we can from what we have. Some days it’s something small like coffee. On other days, it’s something big, like your daughter coming back to you. Josh will find his thing.”
Josh. Yeah, maybe Josh would. “But what about me?” Elaan asked.
“You’ve always had your thing, and you have it still, even now.”
Elaan raised an eyebrow.
“You need to know the truth. Even now, with everything that’s going on, your focus is on why this happened, what the data means, why we’re here. And once you know, you’ll find something else you want to know the truth about. That’s the thing about the world, baby. It’s full of secrets, and I think you’ll always be driven because there will always be something to ferret out.”
Chapter 30
They’d been in Dahinda for a week, and things had taken on a natural rhythm. Josh had apologized to Amadu, and the two seemed to get along well enough that they went fishing together. Some days they caught stuff. Other days, they didn’t.
Elaan had gotten to know Amadu a bit, and he seemed like a genuinely nice guy. She could see why her mother liked him. He was easy to get along with and unobtrusive. She’d also learned he was gay, an interesting tidbit in light of Lijah. Her mother had said nothing was going on between her and Amadu, but Elaan wondered if she was using him. Not in a sexual way, of course, but in the way Lee had used her the other day. Lee had said Elaan reminded him of his daughter. That by helping Elaan, it was like he was paying it forward for Natalie. She wondered if her mother had made the same conscious — or even, unconscious — choice. Had she glommed onto Amadu to make up for the rift between her and her son?
On the bright side, Josh had been in better spirits, and her mother seemed to be taking a liking to him. It probably helped that they all had something tangible to plan and do. They’d decided as a group, they needed more information to help them figure out what Elaan’s father was trying to tell them.
The only way to get more information was to go out and find it. The tentative plan was for Josh and Amadu to take the bike into town and see what they could learn while they bought supplies.
They’d considered all going, but Shonda didn’t want everyone to leave the house in case Lijah came. Shonda was sure he’d turn up. She’d suggested she and Elaan stay while Josh and Amadu made the trek. Josh thought that was best since it seemed unlikely anyone would cause them trouble at the house. The doors were locked, and there were weapons. For a man of God, Dayton had a lot of firepower. There were at least six handguns, three rifles, and a shotgun. Josh had given her a rudimentary lesson in how to use a couple of the automatic weapons, which appeared to be a m
isnomer. There was a lot more to a gun than point and shoot. You had to know whether the gun had a safety on and whether there was a bullet loaded in the chamber. More complicated than she’d expected. Though, once those things were accomplished, it was apparently quite easy. Elaan hadn’t gotten a lot of practice because they wanted to conserve ammunition. Though, she thought she had the basics.
Josh and Amadu had headed down to the lake to fish this morning, so it was just Shonda and Elaan. Things had gotten easier between them. In part, it was just nice to have her mother back. As much as she’d been angry about the lies, she was also glad to be with her mom. And her mother was being motherly. She made meals. She’d ask about life in the compound. She even showed her the data on the drive, even though Elaan didn’t understand half of it. Having her mother with her was nice. And of course, it had helped tremendously that her mother had warmed to Josh.
Elaan peered out the back windows at the trees. This was a nice little community. And it still was livable, even after all the disease. “I wonder why some communities have power, while other seem to be out. And, I really wish we had the Internet. I want to know what’s going on other places.”
Her mother was doing pushups. This was Shonda’s morning routine. She said it was important to be physically fit because you never knew when you’d have to up and leave or what kind of rigors might be necessary. Though, her mother was preaching to the choir. Elaan had walked and biked two hundred miles. She knew the body had to be ready. She preferred to exercise outside, running the path between the house and the lake. It was a little monotonous, but after spending so much time underground, she liked being outside. She liked feeling the cool air on her face, seeing birds, bees, spiders, trees, leaves. She’d exercise for an hour outside then come in, on most days. Sometimes, she and Josh would go for a short walk down to the lake, but her mother had told her not to venture too far from the house, lest they bring unwanted attention to themselves.
“Mom,” Elaan said, as her mother switched to sit-ups. “Do you think there are people out there who would attack the house, who would watch and wait for us to go, or Josh and Amadu to go?”
Shonda pulled up, and stopped. “Elaan, I think the possibility is slim, but given what happened to me and Amadu, we can’t discount it. But don’t worry, we’re prepared if it happens.”
Maybe Shonda was prepared, but Elaan wasn’t. Despite Josh showing her how to use the guns, she didn’t feel particularly confident with them in her hands. Perhaps that was because she’d only been holding a gun around people she cared about, and the prospect of accidentally shooting someone she loved weighed heavily on her.
“Hey,” her mother was saying, and Elaan was startled to see her mother standing right in front of her. She’d been so deep in thought, she hadn’t even seen her mother end her workout and walk over.
“Hey,” she said back.
Shonda squatted in front of her daughter. “Listen,” she said. “I know you’re worried, but you have to remember, we’re strong women.”
Elaan wanted to scoff. She remembered Willie on the train. She remembered how he’d looked at her, what he’d asked of her, and how she’d cringed away from him. How she’d hidden behind Josh and Lijah. How she had done exactly nothing strong in that situation. All she did was be scared and let her brother sacrifice himself for her. “I think you’re thinking of you, Mom. You’re strong.”
Shonda put a hand on Elaan’s knee. “Honey, you think because you let Lijah handle the situation on the train that you’re not strong,” she said, the words hitting home.
Elaan sometimes wondered if her mother was a mind reader, the way she seemed to delve right into her thoughts. Elaan nodded.
“Being strong is not just lifting a hundred-pound weight and chucking it across a field. Being strong is knowing your own strengths and weaknesses and using your strengths to your advantage. Being strong is assessing a situation, and understanding who can handle it best. Being strong is leaving even when you want to stay. You didn’t want to leave Lijah, but you were strong enough to know that it was for the best and that he could take care of himself. Then, you took care of yourself and made it all the way here. You walked and biked across two states to get here, and you didn’t let insects and lack of shelter stop you. You were a woman on a mission, and you got here because you’re strong.”
Elaan smiled at her mother. Shonda knew how to spin. “You’re the black Pollyanna, Mom.”
“Ain’t nothing wrong with Pollyanna,” Shonda said. “She gets it done. Because she’s not a bully, people act like she’s not strong, but she was a tough cookie. If they were updating the movie, she’d be tough as nails, and you’d see internet memes describing her as a total BAMF.”
Elaan laughed out loud. “Mom, what is a BAMF?”
Shonda frowned. “I thought I was totally up on all the cool lingo, but maybe that’s just cool among us geeks. I saw a picture of Nichelle Nichols with a BAMF tag right before all this started.”
Elaan wasn’t sure who Nichelle Nichols was, but she didn’t want to ask and have her mother go into a lengthy discussion of this person.
Shonda stood up and shook her head. “My greatest failure as a parent was not introducing you to Star Trek at a young age. I just thought it would trickle down since Lijah and I watched it.”
It hadn’t. “You let me believe you were dead and you consider your greatest parenting failure not introducing me to Star Trek?”
Shonda gave her a look that said cut-it-out-Miss-Smarty-Pants. “OK, perhaps that wasn’t my greatest failure, but surely it’s the one that’s hindering our conversation right now. Nichelle Nichols, since you have no idea who she is, she was the original Lieutenant Uhura in Star Trek. And she is, by all accounts, a BAMF, or a bad ass mother — um well, you get the gist.”
“Language, Mom,” Elaan teased.
Her mother nodded. “Duly noted. Just remember, the people who have survived in the world of the virus, the people who have endured what you endured to get here, those people are all BAMFs. That means you and that means me. It means Amadu, and it means Josh. We’ve got the grit that will keep us surviving. So, if you are ever feeling doubtful, remember what you’ve survived, and remember who you are. I’m your mother and I wouldn’t lie.”
Elaan gave her a look to remind her mother she’d already lied quite a bit.
“OK, I did lie about being dead. But I wouldn’t lie about this. You’re a BAMF.”
“As BAMF as Nichelle?” Elaan asked.
“All that and more, baby.” Shonda smiled. “You don’t even need a phaser.”
With that Shonda winked, and said she was going to grab a quick shower before the guys got back.
Elaan sat back in her chair and closed her eyes. She wasn’t convinced her mother was right. She didn’t feel strong, though she did think it would be cool to be a BAMF. She took a deep breath and listened, hearing the soft strains of water running through the pipes as her mother showered. If she closed her eyes, this could be just like being at home. Her real home. Her sitting in a chair, her mother in the other room taking a shower. All they needed was Lijah playing on his Xbox and her father in his study reviewing some scientific paper he was set to publish.
That was when she heard the noise, the heavy thuds of someone knocking on the door. Then it stopped. She opened her eyes, and looked toward the front door. The shades were drawn. She wondered for a moment if she’d imagined the knocking. The air was silent, and the door was still. Then the pounding began again, persistent, angry.
BAMF she was not, Elaan decided. Her mother was still in the shower. She glanced at the front door, then back toward the kitchen, where Josh had set one of the handguns on the table. BAMF, she told herself. She started toward the kitchen to grab the gun. The person knocking spoke. “Hello? Anyone home.”
“Lijah,” Elaan said, forgetting all thoughts of guns. She ran to the door and fumbled with the locks. “Lijah,” she called out as she flung open the door.
&nbs
p; Chapter 31
Lijah watched Elaan’s face crumple when she opened the door. It was as if she’d expected to see someone else. Lijah knew his journey had been long and he’d had a rough few nights, but he hadn’t expected his sister to recoil at the sight of him.
She seemed to recover from her initial shock, grabbing his free hand and pulling him toward her. “Come in, quickly,” she said, peeking behind him, then closing the door and locking it.
He walked in and dropped his backpack on the floor, looking around. The house seemed nice and comfy. Better than any place he’d stayed along his journey. And it seemed to have… running water. He was sure he could hear water. And electricity? Maybe. There were no lights on, but he thought he heard the electronic hum of something, a refrigerator or an air conditioner maybe. Though, it was pretty cool today, so they shouldn’t need air conditioning?
He was about to ask where Josh was, when Elaan wrapped her arms around him, squeezing him tight. “Lijah,” she said, her voice muffled by his shirt. “I’m so glad. I’ve been so worried. I thought you were dead. I thought Willie’d gotten the upper hand.” She was murmuring something else, but her words were lost as she squeezed him tighter.
He hugged her back, and said, “I’m fine.” He’d almost not come, but this, her reaction, was the reason he had changed his mind. He knew she’d be worried. And she had been. He patted her back and pulled away. He was tired. It had been an exhausting journey. He pulled away from her and spotted the sofa. “Can we sit?”
Her expression turned to slight embarrassment at not having realized his fatigue. “Yes,” she said, leading him toward the sofa. “I should have offered you a seat first thing.”
When they got to the sofa, he plopped down, thankful for the soft padding. It was the nicest — well, actually, only — furniture he’d had the pleasure of using since he’d left the cabin.
Elaan was staring at him with sorrow in her eyes. “Lijah, I can’t lie,” she said. “You look awful. Are you alright? Did you want something to eat or drink?”