She glared at him. “My mother lied to me.”
“She protected you. Your mother cares.”
“I know. She suffocates me with how much she cares. She wants to control my life.”
Ethan took a calming breath. “Tess, I don’t want to see you hurt. The Beast controlled you once already, and who knows if you’ll be able to ward him off again. We’re running out of time—I can feel it. There’s no way you can get ready fast enough without your mother.”
The determination on her face only intensified.
He cursed beneath his breath. “At least you have a mother. Even if you don’t ask her for help, don’t throw away what you have with her.”
Tess’s face softened. “Didn’t you have foster parents?”
“Lots of them, but none who cared what I did as long as a check from the state arrived in the mail.”
“I’m sorry. That must have been awful.”
He glanced away from her sympathetic look. “It wasn’t so bad. If nothing else, I learned to be self-reliant and strong. I pursued my dream of becoming a photographer and made it a reality.” Until The Beast got in the way. “Still, a support system would have helped. Your mother gives a damn. You don’t want to lose her.”
“You don’t understand. My mother and I—we’re not close. We haven’t been close in years. Not since Faith disappeared.”
“Disappeared? I thought you said she ran away.”
“Not according to my mother. She believes Vance kidnapped her.”
“Vance?”
“My sister’s boyfriend. A total loser, all big dreams and no talent. But the truth is Mom and Faith never got along well, and once Vance came along, their fighting got worse.” She sighed. “Faith was a straight-A student who took a turn for the worse, going Goth, well, as Goth as you can get in Stratford, WI, without a lynching. The darker and rattier her clothes got, the further her grades slipped and the louder her music became. One night, Mom and Faith had a big fight, and Faith left.” Tess rubbed her fingers over the worn edges of her grandmother’s journal. “Stupid me. I’d always thought no matter what her issues with Mom were, she’d come back because she missed me. But she never did.”
The pain in her voice brought him closer, and he sat down next to her. “Maybe whatever was going on between her and your mom was just too much to face again.” He took her hand in his. “I’m sure wherever she is, she still cares about you.”
Tess nodded. “You’re probably right.” She gave a weak smile. “Thanks.”
She slipped the book onto the side table.
Its edge bumped the soda, sending it tumbling to the floor. She bolted from her seat and grabbed for the can. “Oh, crap. I’m sorry.” A pool of brown, fizzy liquid soaked into the cream-colored carpet.
“Don’t worry about it.” He stepped toward the spill and stopped.
Tess knelt on the floor and plucked a wad of tissues from her pocket to dab at the stain. Her shapely legs tucked beneath her, she leaned forward. Her sweater inched up her back, exposing a narrow strip of peachy skin at the base of her spine. “I need a washrag or something.”
Snapping to his senses, he dashed to the kitchen, took a towel off the counter, and hurried back. He crouched beside her and pressed the cloth into the carpet.
“Do you have a stain remover?” she asked.
“No.”
“Typical man.” She rose to her feet and headed to the kitchen. When she returned, she knelt beside him and rubbed a soapy dishrag onto the stain.
As she massaged the soda spill with the cloth, his senses focused on the feel of her body heat, the lure of her grandmother’s pendant. He yearned to touch her, to skim a hand along the gentle curve of her waist and bring her closer, much closer.
Tess sat onto her heels. “Sorry about the spill. I’m a known klutz.”
“Not a problem. It could have happened to anyone.” Ethan stared into her smoky eyes and forced himself to turn his mind to something less alluring. How many pieces on a chess board? Rook, bishop, pawn . . .
Cringing, she wrinkled her nose. “You may want to Scotchgard this place. I really am a klutz.”
“Well, this time could be from your lack of energy.”
The shape of her lips tempted him. That soft curve of pink drew him in until he could feel her warm breath on his face.
Her gaze roamed his features and stopped on his mouth, the look in her eyes hesitant and curious. She leaned toward him, and he was lost.
Giving in, he grazed his mouth against hers, the barest touch of skin on skin, and her eyes closed. With a sweet sigh, she pressed her mouth to his, deepening their kiss. She nipped at his lower lip, and all rational thought left him. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to him, bringing them both to their knees.
Mine. The word echoed inside his head. He lifted her sweater and touched the skin he’d glimpsed earlier. His fingertips explored the silkiness and the enticing slope of her spine. He didn’t need The Beast to tell him what he’d known all along—he wanted Tess, body, heart, and soul.
The soft rasp of skin sliding over fabric mingled with their quick breaths as she skimmed her hands down his back to his glutes, spurring him on. “Tease,” he breathed with a smile as his exploration moved to the front of her sweater where the swell of her breast fit sweetly into his palm.
A sparkle in her eye, her fingers brushed over his chest and followed the line of his ribs, her caress burning through his shirt to the skin beneath. She stopped at his abdomen, as if hesitating to go further. “Are you all muscle?” she asked with a throaty laugh.
“Touch me, Tess.” She made him feel human again.
She grazed the front of his jeans, and he sucked in a hoarse breath as she molded her hand over his stiff member.
“I guess you are all muscle,” she whispered, an inviting lilt to her voice.
At the moment, he’d be anything she wanted him to be. He raked his teeth along her throat as he coaxed her nipple to a full peak. Tess moaned and arched into him. She traced a path up the length of his arm, brushing along the scaly skin. Ethan’s eyes rolled back, and a loud groan welled up from his chest, followed by The Beast’s roar in his mind. His entire body vibrated with a pleasure so intense he thought he might pass out. No! He wouldn’t share her with The Beast. Never.
He grasped her shoulders and set her away from him.
“Why are you stopping?” Realization dawned in her eyes, and a rosy glow crept up her neck. “I mean, good thinking. I can’t believe we did that.” Her gaze glued to the floor, and she knotted her hands together.
She looked so damned vulnerable sitting there, her lips swollen from his kisses.
He lifted her chin. “I’m sorry. I’m a total ass.”
When her eyes met his, he saw no accusing glare, only lingering confusion. “No. It’s okay,” she insisted. “I was as much at fault as you were. Sorry.”
He should tell her about the changes inside him, but the words wouldn’t come. Instead, he bent down and collected the wet cloths they’d left on the floor. “I’d better get these to the sink.” He stood and retreated to the kitchen like the coward he was. Once there, he took a deep breath, tossed the rags onto the counter, and braced his arms on either side of the sink.
Damn. What was his problem? Didn’t he have any control left?
“Get a grip.” He turned on the faucet and splashed cold water onto his face. The icy shock did little to clear his mind. This insane attraction wasn’t just physical. Tess made him feel things—hope for an end to the torture he’d endured for too long. He’d given up months ago, gone numb to this whole beast thing, and now he wanted to fight against it, for Tess. He wanted to live again.
Chapter 9
Ethan’s brow rose. “No one is allergic to chicken.”
/> Typical reaction. “You sound like my mother. She never believed me either.” Tess hoisted the grocery bag she carried onto her hip and strode out the door Ethan held open. “I wish I wasn’t allergic. I’ve always liked the taste, but it gives me a stomachache, among other things I don’t care to discuss.”
As soon as they stepped out of the store, the lock clicked behind them.
Tess gave the owner a wave as they hoofed it down the frozen sidewalk. “Good thing we got here when we did. Oren closes at 4:00 p.m. sharp on Sundays. No exceptions. He gets rough if he has to.”
A smile tugged at the corner of Ethan’s lips.
“I’m serious. He may be a hundred and two and three feet tall, but if you’re inside at closing time, you’d better get out, fast.”
Ethan laughed and adjusted the bag of groceries he carried. “You’re really something, like no one else I’ve ever met.”
“Because I’m allergic to chicken or because I’ve got the inside scoop on Oren?”
He shook his head. “Your sense of humor, your quirks . . .”
Her stomach did a double lutz and stuck the landing, before it crashed and burned, guilt tripping it up in a big way. She had no business starting anything with Ethan, not when she wasn’t over Matt. Not when the mere thought of putting herself out there again made her break into sweat. Losing Matt had almost broken her. She never wanted to go through that again, and she suspected the danger of losing Ethan was far greater than anyone else she might meet.
Ethan’s face sobered, and he scanned the area around them.
“Something wrong?”
“Just a feeling.” His hand rose to the small of her back, and he picked up their pace.
As they neared her apartment building, a taxi pulled up, its tires crunching in the snow. Her third floor neighbor climbed out. “I’m here,” he said into his cell phone, “and I’m coming up.”
“Don’t bother,” a woman yelled as she tossed something black from her apartment window.
Crap. Not these two again. Tess darted sideways. A grocery bag hit the ground behind her with a thud, and Ethan pushed her forward. He shoved her face-first against the cold brick building and cocooned her with his body. Tess peeked back to see a duffel bag smack the sidewalk and her neighbor jump back. “Baby, stop. I’m sorry,” he shouted.
Tess turned around to face Ethan. “Thanks, but I think I could have handled this one.”
He didn’t move. His blue eyes stared at her with determination, and longing. Her heart beat faster. An arm braced on either side of her, he surrounded her in male strength and heat. A muscle in his jaw flexed. So protective.
All reasoning of why she and Ethan should or should not be together flew out the window as sure as that duffle had. Using her teeth, Tess tugged off her mitten and dropped it into the grocery bag. She raised her hand to his clean-shaven face and brushed her fingertips over his tense jawline. “It’s okay—just my crazy neighbors.”
A feminine voice carried from the upstairs window. “I’m tired of your excuses. Here, you’ll need this. I know you can’t live without your stupid video games.” An instant later, plastic crashing against cement joined the noise of the city. “How about this next?”
“Not the TV!” The door to the building swooshed open and swung shut.
Tess skimmed her fingers over Ethan’s smooth lips, remembering their hypnotic kisses at his apartment, kisses that had awakened feelings she’d thought long dead.
Ethan closed his eyes and inhaled slowly. “Tess, we shouldn’t.”
Was it so wrong she wanted to kiss him? She missed intimacy with another human being, the sense of being wanted and loved.
His hand rose to cover hers. “This isn’t a good idea.”
She released a long breath and glanced at the overcast sky, where a gray bird as long as her forearm fluttered ten feet above them. The mockingbird twittered closer, hovering over their heads.
“Um, Ethan.”
It dove straight at them.
“Ethan!” Tess ducked, knocking her head against his chest as the bird flew over.
Ethan drew back. “You okay?”
“Yeah. Eww.” Tess pointed to the streak of white trailing down the shoulder of his jacket.
“Nice.”
As he contemplated the bird poop, she scanned the sky and spotted the menace midflight. “Uh-oh, it’s coming back.”
He looked up. “Where?”
Before Tess could say a word, the bird swooped low.
Ethan dodged the attack and grabbed for the bag he’d dropped into the snowbank. “Let’s head inside.”
A laugh bubbled up as she hurried to the door and jammed her key into the lock. She swung it open as the bird took another dive at Ethan.
“What’s with the bird?” He followed her through the door, his grocery bag slipping.
Snickering, she reached out to keep it from falling. “I don’t know. I’ve never seen anything like it.” Her fingers touched his as he adjusted the bag in his arm.
“I’ve got it,” he said.
“You sure?”
He nodded but grabbed her hand when she would have walked away. “About what happened outside . . .”
“Nothing happened,” she assured him, tugging her hand from his.
His intense eyes tracked her every move. “Tess, we shouldn’t start anything between us.”
Probably true. And yet today was the first day in nine months she’d opened her eyes, really took in the world around her, and appreciated the view. “Nice bird poop. It complements your jacket, gives it a broken-in look.”
His eyebrows slanted. “Tess.”
She took a step in the direction of the lobby, where the scent of lemon floor cleanser tickled her nose. “Elevator?”
“Stairs,” he said, a rumble of annoyance in his tone.
Tess opened the stairwell door and held it while he passed through. “Is it really so bad—you and me?” She might not be ready for a serious relationship, but kissing was more fun than she remembered.
Despite the frown darkening his face, his eyes focused on her mouth. “Yes. It would be a mistake.”
She followed him inside and let the door swing shut, her gaze drawn to how his jeans hugged his well-formed . . . Stop. Guilt shook her as an image of Matt in this same stairwell flashed through her brain. Ethan was right. She wasn’t ready to invest herself in a relationship. Her heart was still mending.
Ethan glanced back at her. “I’m not right for you.”
The slight huskiness of his voice gave her the shivers no matter what she’d worked out in her head. “True, you’ve got that rather minor beast problem.”
He looked away, the self-loathing on his face unmistakable. “Yeah. The beast problem.”
She could have kicked herself. “You’re not The Beast, Ethan. Don’t forget that.”
He didn’t answer.
As they reached the landing to the second floor, she reached out and touched his shoulder. “Ethan.”
The muscles beneath her hand tensed, but he didn’t move away. His eyes smoldered with a mixture of hunger and regret.
Tess couldn’t imagine having no control over her life. Well, maybe she could. She did have her mother to deal with. Dropping her hand, she started up the stairs. “It never would have worked anyway. I’m not into guys with long hair.”
His lips curved with amusement. “You aren’t.”
“Nope. Long hair tells you something about a man.”
“I’m listening.” Ethan trailed behind her.
She could feel his gaze on her back, and everywhere else. “Either he’s hiding something . . .” Like a beast. She mentally slapped herself. Let’s rub it in, shall we? When she peeked at Ethan, she read more curiosity than sh
ame in his eyes. “Or he’s a metrosexual.”
“A what?”
“A metrosexual. You know, someone who’s into fashion, hair, good grooming.”
He caught up to her and shifted the grocery bag in his arm. “What’s so wrong with that?”
“I’m a country girl at heart. I challenge you to find one metrosexual in rural Wisconsin.” She bit back a smile. “Then again, you’re no metrosexual. I saw the hairbrush at your apartment. It looks like you’ve had it forever. That and no hair gel in sight.”
“You went through my bathroom?” The corners of his lips twitched.
“No . . . yes, a little.” She swung open the stairwell door.
Her neighbors’ shouts echoed down the hall. Ethan cocked an eyebrow, and Tess laughed. “They’re even louder when they make up.”
Grinning, he passed through the door, his arm brushing against hers. “It’s just as well you’re not interested in me. I never date silly Wisconsin girls who are allergic to chicken.”
Tess followed him down the hall, her arm tingling from the brief touch—and through a coat no less. “Then it’s settled. We won’t do the kissing thing again.”
“That’s the plan.”
“I’m glad. Because that’s the furthest thing from my mind, no matter how it felt.”
His steps slowed, allowing Tess to catch up. “How did it feel?” He stood close, and he smelled so good.
“Incredible.” Was it hot in here? She tugged at the buttons of her coat and moved down the hall. “But it doesn’t matter since we’re never doing it again.”
“Right.” Even with the yells from the apartment down the hall, the strained timbre of his voice drew her gaze back to him.
The raw intensity on his face, the bold look in his eyes, shot goose bumps down her arms and legs. “I mean, no need to hit me over the head.”
He cleared his throat. “We should get these groceries to your apartment.” Ethan strode out in front of her, giving her a nice view of his amazing glutes. His jeans fit perfectly, no sagging at all. She remembered the feel of that firm butt in her hand. If only he’d welcome that touch now. And his hair . . . What she wouldn’t give to run her fingers through those soft strands. Sure, she’d teased him about having long hair, but the truth was it looked really good on him. In fact, it added to his whole model-biker image. “Do you have a motorcycle?” A dark lock of hair dangled over one of his eyes. She imagined brushing it back and caressing his cheek. In response, he’d lean toward her and brush his mouth over hers. A giddy thrill danced through her at the thought.
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