“Then why have you been so secretive? And why are you working out at the gym all the time? And what’s with the tax-coding whore?”
“The . . . the what? The tax-coding . . . what?” He stood up and started pacing. I probably should have wrapped up things for Tyler before diving into this quagmire, but I was in it now, all the way up to my chinny-chin-chin.
“She says you can’t stop talking about this new lawyer who specializes in tax code. Let’s start with that.”
He scowled at me. “No, let’s end with that. First of all, I’ve been going to the gym lately because my wife goes to the gym. All the time. Do you know what it’s like trying to keep up with her? She looks just as beautiful as the day I married her, and I’m losing all my hair. Look!” He bent low and jabbed a finger at his scalp. He was right. It was shiny.
“I’m trying to get fit so she’ll pay more attention to me. She’s buying sex toys now, you know. Sex toys for herself. Where the hell does that leave me? Have you ever seen a Vagazzler? That thing can give her an orgasm and then make her a Frappuccino. I can’t compete with that. I don’t know how to make a Frappuccino.”
Steve sounded pretty sincere. I think Hilary might have been wrong about this after all. She’d be so relieved, just as soon as she was done being furious with me for nosing into her business.
Steve was still pacing, sweat coming out of every pore. He loosened his tie a little more and then just yanked it off and threw it on his big oak desk.
“Seriously? She’s talked to you about this? She thinks I’m cheating on her?”
“You changed your e-mail password.”
“So? I had to. Somebody hacked me. I didn’t change it so she couldn’t read them. God, you think I don’t know she reads my e-mails? She’s always read my e-mails, and I don’t care. Most of it’s boring as hell.” He crossed his arms and glared at me, trying to kill the messenger. “And which whore are we talking about, exactly?”
“The new hotshot lawyer who just joined the firm and works with tax codes.”
Steve wiped the back of his hand across his gleaming upper lip. Man, that guy could sweat. He leaned over and pushed the button on his phone again. “Bertie, would you please see if Felicity could come in my office for a minute. I have a quick question for her.”
The wait was awkward. Steve continued to pace, and I continued to wish I’d minded my own business and let Hilary take care of her own damn marriage. I was there to help Tyler out, not her.
A soft knock sounded on the door a minute later. It opened, and in walked Felicity. She was impeccably dressed, with fluffy blonde hair and big dark eyes. Like Hilary, she had mile-long legs. She also had an Adam’s apple. No amount of hormone therapy was going to hide that thing.
“You had a question, Steve?” Felicity’s voice was low and breathy, just this side of gender reassignment.
Steve gestured in my direction. “Felicity, this is Evelyn Rhoades. She’s decided to pay off the legal fees for one of our clients, and I just wondered if, by any chance, that was tax deductible.”
She smiled and shook her head, flipping that long hair over her shoulder with a manicured hand. “No, I’m sorry, it’s not unless perhaps the fees were incurred by a charitable organization. If it’s just for a private citizen, you’re out of luck.”
Steve crossed his arms again. “That’s what I thought. But you’re the tax-code expert, so I thought I’d check with you.” He glared at me again.
“Thanks so much, Felicity,” I said. “So sorry to interrupt your day.”
“No problem. Is that it?” She looked at Steve.
“Yes, I think you’ve answered all of Evelyn’s questions.”
She left and Steve flung himself back into his chair. “Are we good now?”
I leaned forward and whispered, “How could you fail to mention to Hilary that Felicity used to be a man?”
“Why would I? I had no idea my wife thought I was cheating on her. I think that’s the bigger secret here. And why the hell am I finding this out from you instead of Hilary?”
I sat back in my chair, suddenly feeling utterly drained. “That’s a fair question, Steve, but I think from here on out, you two should talk to each other. I’ve stirred up enough as it is. Can we get back to Tyler now? Who do I make this check out to?”
Chapter 30
I HADN’T SEEN TYLER IN five days, not since he’d left my house after seeing the diplomas all over my wall. We’d talked on the phone a few times, but the conversations had been stilted since he was in the call room at MedPro with paper-thin walls and his coworkers coming and going. Yesterday I’d texted him a picture of Panzer’s belly with a note that said, “We miss you.” I’d gotten a smiley face back for that, but nothing more.
I was anxious as hell to tell him I’d paid off his debts, but that had to be done in person. Not because I wanted credit, but because I wanted him to stop worrying. This was such a good thing, and I was giddy at the prospect of seeing the relief on his face.
In fact, it had felt so good paying his bills, I’d even called the paramedic training center and put his name on the registration list. I’d very nearly paid for that too, since I was on a roll, but something held me back. It seemed presumptuous, so in the end, all I did was pay the one-hundred-dollar deposit to save him a spot so he could start in September. It would be perfect.
I heard his Jeep in the driveway just as I finished putting on my jewelry. We were heading to my parents’ wedding, an event that was bound to be interesting, if not altogether enjoyable. I hoped my father had some defibrillators ready, because when my mother heard the details of Tyler’s background, she was bound to have another cardiac incident.
I lugged my weekend bag from the bedroom down to the front hall and opened the door just as Tyler was lifting his hand to knock.
“Wow. Look at you in a suit.” It was dark gray, and he wore a white shirt with a gray-and-blue patterned tie. Tyler Connelly might be broke, but he looked like a million bucks, if maybe a little bit tired.
He flushed and smiled. “Look at you in a fancy dress.”
I twirled in my champagne-colored, quasi–maid of honor dress, and he laughed. The sound warmed me through. This weekend would get everything back on track for us. I wanted to grab him and kiss him and strip that nice suit right off his body. But we were already late. I settled for a fast hug and a tiny kiss.
“I’m so glad to see you, but we should get on the road,” I said. “Grab your bag. We can take my car.”
His gaze narrowed just a hint. “You don’t want to show up in Bloomfield Hills in my rusty Jeep?”
“Your Jeep has a charm all its own, but for a drive this long, no offense, let’s take my Mercedes. But you can drive.” I pulled the door shut behind me and tossed him the keys.
He caught them like they were hot and finally held tight, but an odd expression fell over his face.
“Um, this is a little awkward, but I worked last night and I’m beat. I was kind of hoping to catch a little sleep in the car. Would you mind?”
Sleep? But we had so much stuff to talk about. I took the keys back reluctantly. “Of course you can sleep. Better during the ride than during the wedding, I guess.”
He smiled and picked up my bag, hoisting it over his shoulder.
“Where’s the dog?”
“At Hilary’s house. She owes me one for saving her marriage.”
“You saved her marriage?” His brows rose in unison.
“Yes. Long story. It starts with a man trapped in a woman’s body, but I’ll tell you all about it later.”
The drive took longer than I expected, and I found myself getting antsier and antsier as we approached Bloomfield Hills. Tyler snoozed away, and I was glad for him. And for me. He needed to be well rested for all the naughty things I had in mind. In the meantime, I pondered how to best introduce him to my parent
s. I wanted them to get to know him without actually hearing anything about him. I wanted them to be captivated by his charm, his easy smile, and his sense of humor before they discovered he was a dog-walking college dropout. Of course, I knew he was so much more than that, but I’d had time to learn about all his finer attributes.
Tyler and I arrived at the bed-and-breakfast where the wedding was being held, and I instantly understood why my parents loved it here. It was a romantic old Victorian house nestled in a cluster of huge old oak trees. The ceremony would be on the back patio overlooking a lush forest with a bubbly stream running through the back. It was so quaint I expected to see Snow White and Sleeping Beauty wandering though the glen.
“Evie, at last!” My mother walked up and hugged me as I came through the front door and into the lobby. Her hair and makeup were already done, but she was wearing a blue satin robe. It reminded me a little of Carl. I smiled over my shoulder at Tyler.
“Sorry we’re late, Mom. We hit a little traffic. Nice robe.”
“Thanks. Your father gave it to me as a wedding present. And that’s the advantage of renting out the whole place. I can wander around wearing it. And who’s this?” Her eyes gleamed at Tyler.
I took a big breath and exhaled silently. “Mom, this is Tyler.”
He reached around me to extend his hand. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Dr. Rhoades. Congratulations on your marriage.”
She tried to eye him surreptitiously, but I could see her taking inventory. She’d already figured out that his suit didn’t cost much and that he was younger than me. But her smile was genuine.
“Tyler, thank you so much for being here. I hate to send you off on your own already, but I need my maid of honor. Do you suppose you could entertain yourself for a bit? I think the men are watching some sort of game or something in the library.”
I looked up to gauge his reaction, but he seemed fine. Relaxed. Still a little sleepy.
“Sure thing,” he said.
I squeezed his hand. “I’ll see you in a little while.”
He smiled and wandered down the hall as my mother took my wrist and tugged me across the lobby into another little sitting room with a couch and two chairs. Her wedding dress was hanging from a hook, and two floral bouquets were waiting in a bucket.
“He’s gorgeous,” she said as soon as the door was closed.
I expelled another big breath. Apparently I’d been holding that one. “I know.”
“And young.”
“Yes.”
“Good for you. We don’t have too much time, though. Can you help me with this dress?” She took it off the hanger and shook it out. Chiffon floated outward. “So, how old is he? Either he’s very young or you’ve done some excellent work on him.”
She was teasing, and I started to relax. My mother was in a good mood, which was an excellent thing since it was her wedding day.
“We don’t have to talk about Tyler, Mom. We should talk about you. How are you feeling?”
“Me? I feel great. This will be a piece of cake. Your father is nervous as hell, though, which I think is hilarious. You’d think with all this practice, he’d be fine. But I want to hear about your guy.” She handed me the dress and took off her robe. She had on lacy underwear. Totally appropriate for a blushing bride, but one look at that and I was the one blushing. It was awkward. I held open the neckline of her gown so she could step into it, and averted my eyes.
“OK, well, Tyler is younger than me. A little bit. He’s a paramedic.” That was stretching the truth but it was very nearly true. “And he grew up in Bell Harbor.”
She pulled the dress up and turned her back to me so I could zip her up. “How did you meet him?”
“I gave him stitches after he had an accident with a Jet Ski.”
My mother looked back at me. “A Jet Ski? That’s not the guy who got arrested on your birthday, is it?”
Oh, shit. I’d completely forgotten I’d told them all about that at dinner. Damn it. Damn it. Damn it.
“That was all just a big misunderstanding. We should really be talking about you and Dad.” I finished with her zipper and reached down to pick up her sandals from the floor. “Sit down and I’ll help you get these on.”
She perched on the little sofa, careful not to wrinkle her dress. I waited for the recriminations, the admonishments, the lecture. I knew what she’d say. He’s too young. He’s irresponsible. He’s not a doctor.
“Evie, Evie, Evie,” she finally said. “I assume the sex is good, though, right?”
My mouth dropped open and a little squawk of surprise came out. She patted the seat next to her and I sat down. Fell down, really. She took a sandal from my hand and started to buckle it.
“Well, is it?” she asked.
I caught my breath and answered. “The sex is phenomenal.”
She took the other sandal. “Well then, that’s all that matters. The rest of the stuff you can work out later. Relationships are all a crapshoot anyway. At least if the sex is good, then, well, then at least the sex is good.”
I fell back against the cushion. God bless those aliens and whatever they’d done to my mother.
“He doesn’t meet any of my requirements, though.” I’m not sure why I was arguing with her. I think it was just out of habit.
She stopped buckling her sandal. “Your what?”
“My list of requirements. You know, all the qualities that would make him a perfect husband?”
She stared at me for a full ten seconds, and then she burst out laughing. “Perfect husband? Oh, honey, haven’t you learned anything from me at all? There is no such thing as a perfect husband. Or a perfect wife. Or a perfect marriage. Sometimes love supersedes logic, and the best thing to do is just follow your heart.”
“Follow your heart?”
Someone knocked on the door, and a few seconds later my aunt Sally stuck her head into the room. “Debra, are you about ready? Garrett says the game is over.”
“That’s so romantic,” my mother answered. “Tell him I waited twenty-three years for him to wise up. He can wait ten more minutes for me.”
She stood and picked up a necklace and handed it to me. “Would you hook this for me?”
I wrestled with the little clasp and finally got it secured. We turned together so she could see her reflection in the full-length mirror. She looked gorgeous. Radiant; ethereal even. My mother had always been attractive, but at that moment I realized it was love that made her beautiful.
She reached up and touched my hand where it rested on her shoulder. “Evie, darling, I won’t presume to give you relationship advice. In fact, I’ve finally learned that one of my biggest flaws was thinking I knew everything. So all I’ll say is that I’m taking a giant leap of faith by remarrying your father, and I’ve never been happier. I hope this Tyler person is as good as you deserve, because you deserve the best. If he makes you happy, then that’s all that really matters.”
My parents’ wedding was lovely, intimate, and romantic. My father looked reverent in his black suit but joyful as he spoke his vows. He sounded as if he really meant them his time. I guessed I should take that leap of faith with my mother and give him the benefit of the doubt.
As maid of honor, I stood next to her for some of the brief ceremony, but when I sat down, Tyler was next to me. I reached over and held his hand. He was a damn good sport for coming to this shindig with me.
At dinner I was between him and my father. I tried to field questions between the two of them as best I could. It was like being line judge at Wimbledon. I was tense waiting for what might happen.
“What do you do for a living?” my father asked. That one was as inevitable as bad weather.
“A little bit of a lot of things,” Tyler answered, “but mainly I’m an EMT.”
“Tyler’s planning to take the paramedics course soon,”
I added. He glanced at me from the corner of his eye.
“Eventually,” he said.
My father took a sip of scotch. “Good for you. Tough job.”
“Not as tough as yours,” Tyler volleyed back. He was holding his own against my father. Of course, it helped that my father was mellow with matrimony. And malt whiskey.
“I’ll take an anesthetized patient over one who’s awake any day of the week.” My father chuckled. “I prefer them heavily sedated whenever possible.”
I couldn’t tell by Tyler’s reaction if he was intimidated, entertained, or indifferent to my father’s response.
“Tyler grew up in Bell Harbor,” I said, hoping to steer the conversation away from medicine in general. “It’s really such an amazing town.”
“Small, though,” my father said.
I could say something inane, like it’s cozy. Or something artificially pretentious like it’s a lovely microcosm of Americana. But I didn’t have time because Tyler answered for me.
“Yep. It’s pretty small.”
My father nodded, and I felt the skin prickle under my arms. I didn’t know why I cared about this. What difference did it make if my father liked Tyler? I liked him, and that’s all that mattered. And what difference did it make if Tyler didn’t like my dad, because I didn’t particularly like him either. I took a big swallow of my wine instead. These two were on their own.
“Lions fan?” my dad asked.
Tyler paused. “When they give me a reason to be.”
And then they were off, talking sports like a couple of dudes, and suddenly my job here was done. They didn’t need me anymore. I looked over at my mother. She was smiling and listening to my aunt Sally tell some story. She looked happy, glowing even. She’d taken that leap of faith and I was proud of her. And so far marriage agreed with her.
Chapter 31
“SO WHAT DO YOU THINK of all this?” I asked Tyler as we sat having a glass of wine on the back porch after dinner. The reception was already winding down, with most of the guests sitting in small, comfortable groups scattered throughout the first floor of the bed-and-breakfast. At the moment, it was only Tyler and me outside, and this was the first chance I’d had to get him alone. He’d been attentive all evening, but quiet.
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