by Susan Stoker
She said the words without much emotion, but she was gripping the steering wheel so hard, Conor could see her white knuckles in the dim early-morning light. He made a mental note to find out more later, when she was more comfortable with him.
“You been camping lately?”
She visibly relaxed when she realized he wasn’t going to push for more information about her dad. “I went a couple of weeks ago. I don’t like the heat in the summer, but I do try to get out as much as possible this time of year.”
“Where?”
Conor saw her relax even more, now that they weren’t talking about her family. “Well, Fredericksburg is a favorite, but it’s kinda far away for a weekend jaunt. I’ve been to Government Canyon State Natural Area several times.”
“Who do you go with?” Conor asked, almost not wanting to know the answer. If she said a guy, he wasn’t going to be happy.
“No one. Just myself,” Erin told him lightly.
“Wait, what? You camp by yourself?”
She shrugged. “Why not?”
“Because it’s not safe,” Conor said harshly.
“Sure it is. I haven’t ever had any issues. Campers are some of the nicest people I’ve ever met.”
“Jesus,” Conor said under his breath. He glanced at Erin, who seemed perturbed now. He wanted to smile at the cute expression on her face, but refrained. He ran a hand through his dark brown hair and tried to explain. “Look, I’m thrilled that you haven’t had any issues, but it’s honestly not safe. I know more about what happens in campgrounds than the average person…and trust me when I say, it’s probably not a good idea to go by yourself.”
“Like what? You can’t tell me not to go camping and not say why. I mean, if you tell me women are raped out there every night, that’s one thing. But if it’s because people get stuff stolen when they leave it unattended, that’s not going to sway me. I normally get to my campsite in the evening and spend the night, then pack up my stuff and usually take a hike and come home. I don’t leave anything unattended. I’m not stupid.”
“I never said you were.” Conor tried to backpedal a bit. “And no, there haven’t been any rapes in the local campgrounds lately, as far as I know, but Erin, you’re a beautiful woman alone. There’s no telling what some asshole who sees you will do.”
“What?”
He tried to explain. “It makes me feel a little better that you usually aren’t out there for an entire weekend, but all it will take is one man drinking a little too much and deciding he wants some, for you to be in trouble.”
“I’m not going to be in trouble, Conor. Guys don’t look at me that way.”
Conor stared at Erin in disbelief. “Uh…yeah, they do, bright eyes.”
“You don’t have to flatter me to try to scare me,” she said in an even tone that somehow still oozed hurt. “I know what I am and what I’m not.”
“What you are and what you’re not,” Conor repeated, his eyes squinched as he stared through the morning light at her.
“Yeah.” Her arm waved in the air as she tried to explain. “I’m not like that beautiful blonde who came on to you at The Sloppy Cow that one time. She had confidence and beauty and every man’s eyes in the room were on her. Me? I’m plain and introverted. My hair is a dull brown, I never wear skirts, and no man who looks at me would ever think I’d be worth risking his freedom to rape.”
“You have got to be shitting me.” Conor didn’t like the flinch his words caused on her pretty face, but he seriously couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Erin, you’re wrong. Dead wrong.”
“Conor, I’m not. I—”
“The first time I saw you at the bar, I wanted you. I wanted to know what your lips tasted like. I wanted to feel your body against mine. Under mine. I got a hard-on just from seeing you smile at Sophie when you spoke with her. And keep in mind, I hadn’t even said one word to you. I didn’t know how funny and awesome you were then, I only knew how you looked.”
“Conor,” she whispered, obviously flustered.
He lowered his voice, just loud enough that only she could hear him. He didn’t want the guys in the back to overhear his words, but they had to be said. She had to understand how she affected him. How she affected men. “I wanted you naked in my bed, Erin. I wanted to spread your legs and feast on your pussy. Then I wanted to pound into you so hard, you’d feel me for days. I imagined how you’d look when you came. Your head thrown back, fingernails digging into my biceps, hair mussed around your head and your eyes shooting emerald sparks as you went over the edge. So if you think for one second other men don’t look at you and think the same thing, you’re delusional.”
She didn’t say anything, but Conor saw her hands clench the steering wheel once again as if her life depended on it.
He closed his eyes and sighed. “Shit, I’m sorry,” he apologized. “I know I’m way out of line, and I don’t want things between us to be weird, but every word was true. And you should know, I don’t have sexual feelings like that for women I see in my daily life. You were an exception, and it surprised me as much as I obviously just shocked you. There’s just something about you that caught my attention. But if I felt that with just a look, I know other men probably do too. The thought of you trying to fight off a guy, or two, or three, makes me crazy. I just want you safe, bright eyes. That’s all.”
“I don’t have anyone to go camping with,” Erin said after a long moment. “Sometimes I just need to get out of my apartment. Need to get away from everything.”
Conor understood that. Understood the lure of nature. But he couldn’t understand how she didn’t have any friends. Hell, his friends’ women loved her. Mackenzie and Mickie had gone on and on about how awesome she was. Even Hayden had said she was all right, and that was a huge compliment coming from the sheriff’s deputy. “I can’t believe that.”
“It’s true. I don’t have many friends. Not the kind that I’d want to go camping with.”
“Next time you need to get away, call me. I’ll go with you,” Conor said without thinking.
He’d been staring at her, and saw the quick shocked glance she shot his way.
He hurried to continue so she wouldn’t immediately turn him down. “Get to know me this weekend. See that I’m a good guy. I can control myself. What I said earlier notwithstanding. I’m attracted to you, Erin. I don’t think that’s a big secret. I certainly haven’t tried to hide it in the last couple of months. You can absolutely trust me. I’m thirty-five, not eighteen. I can control myself. But I hate the thought of you lying in a tent by yourself and being ambushed.”
“The biggest danger I’ve faced is stepping in a fire ant mound,” Erin informed him. “I’m allergic. I can handle a bite or two, but I swell up really bad. Any more than that and I blow up like a balloon.”
“All the more reason to camp with someone else. You have an EpiPen?” Conor asked.
“Of course.”
“Good.”
“What I’m saying is that…I think you’re an exception, Conor. Honestly. Men don’t see me the same way you seem to.”
“I’m not an exception, but I’m okay with you thinking I am, bright eyes.”
He relaxed when he heard her chuckle. He’d been afraid his blunt words would make her uncomfortable around him. And that was the last thing he wanted.
“You’d really go camping with me?” she asked.
“Yeah. I absolutely would. In case I haven’t made it obvious enough, I like you, Erin. A lot. I was thrilled you asked me to come on this trip with you. I know nothing can happen between us this weekend and I’m not expecting it to. You’re responsible for all of us, and I can respect that. But you should know that I’m going to do everything in my power to try to get you to like me back. And so you’re forewarned, I’m going to ask you out on Sunday when we get back to our cars. I hope spending time with me over the next three days will influence you to say yes when I do.”
She was silent for five full minutes. Conor wanted to reassu
Finally, when he thought she was going to ignore his declaration altogether, she said, “No one has ever said anything like what you did to me before. And no, I wasn’t offended. I’m confused and not sure you’re really seeing what you think you are, but the first time I saw you, I thought about what it would be like to have someone like you making love to me. You don’t have to try too hard to make me like you though. I asked you to come on the trip because I already liked and trusted you and wanted to get to know you better.”
“Thank God,” he breathed. Then asked, “Someone like me?”
She nodded. “Gorgeous. Respected. Popular.”
“Erin,” he said sternly, “I don’t want you to imagine someone like me. I want you to imagine me making love with you.”
She bit her lip, and if he could see better in the morning light, Conor knew he’d see her blushing, but he was thrilled when all she did was nod.
“Glad we got that out of the way,” he said quietly. “Now…talk to me about the logistics of the trip. Where are we parking, where are we putting in, how far do you think we’ll get each day…things like that.”
“You really want to know?” she asked.
“I really want to know,” he confirmed. “I studied a few maps of the river and state park this week. I have a fairly good idea of where we’ll be, but I don’t know what you’re planning. You’ve done this before, so I know you’re the expert here.”
They spent the rest of the way to Big Bend talking about the upcoming trip. Now that his intentions were clear, and he knew Erin was interested in him, Conor relaxed. He was honest with her, he wouldn’t push her for anything in the next couple of days. He didn’t want to interfere with her job.
But the second she parked the van back at the university Sunday night, his self-imposed restraint would be done. He was going to ask her out and he hoped like hell she was going to say yes. He wanted Erin Gardner to be his, in every sense of the word. He’d warned her, given her a glimpse of the kind of man he was, and she’d admitted she’d imagined him in her bed as well.
He felt his dick stir, but ignored it. He had a feeling he’d be sporting a hard-on for the woman next to him a lot in the upcoming weeks and months. Because he had no doubt Erin wasn’t going to jump into bed with him just because he wanted her there. He’d need to woo her. Help her gain confidence in her self-worth.
Making Erin his, and having her in his bed and life for good, was the end goal. It was the most important challenge of his life. One he was determined to win.
3
Erin pulled the van into the dirt parking lot at the Rancherias River access point. They were going to canoe the Colorado Canyon section of the river, then continue on to Santa Elena Canyon. They wouldn’t make it all the way through the second canyon, but Erin knew a good take-out spot to camp for the night. The plan on Sunday was for her to hitchhike back to where the van and trailer were parked. She’d done it each time she’d taken this trip. Almost all the traffic on the roads was either the companies who managed river trips or individuals who were rafting or canoeing down the Rio Grande.
She got to work loosening the straps holding the canoes to the trailer when Conor came up beside her.
“Is it safe to leave the van here?”
Erin shrugged, but didn’t look up from what she was doing. “Safe enough. One year someone broke in, but since we didn’t leave anything inside, they didn’t mess with anything. The broken window was a pain on the way home, but the kids I had with me were awesome and didn’t complain about the wind, noise, or temperature at all.”
“I don’t want to overstep my place, but I talked to Thomas, one of the game wardens stationed here in Big Bend, while you were getting the permits. He said it would be okay to park the van and trailer in the lot behind the station.”
Erin stopped what she was doing and turned her head to stare at Conor.
He continued. “I’m sure whatever you’ve done in the past will work too. I just wanted to make sure no one messed with the university’s property. It had to be a pain to deal with the damage report and all when you got back when it was broken into, right?”
She nodded.
“Right. Thomas said we could leave the van there, then he’d drive whoever dropped it off back here. We can leave the keys with him so we don’t accidentally dump them on the bottom of the Rio Grande.” He chuckled and shoved his hands in his pockets in what Erin would’ve sworn was a nervous gesture. “But you might already have something like that planned.”
She slowly shook her head. “I was going to leave the van here, and put one set of keys in my pack and give the other set to one of the students to keep in his pack. Just in case. But leaving the van at the warden station is so much better than leaving it here. Thank you, Conor. That was thoughtful.”
He smiled then and pantomimed wiping his brow in relief.
Erin stared at him for a beat before saying softly, “I might be in charge of this trip, but that doesn’t mean I can’t take suggestions and have to do everything my own way, or the way I’ve done it in the past. Your input is important to me. I’ve done this trip before, but you’re no slouch when it comes to outdoor stuff. Please don’t think I’m going to jump down your throat if you suggest something.”
“Even when it might be something that means you aren’t putting yourself in danger?”
Erin tilted her head in confusion and asked, “Like what?”
“Like hitchhiking back to the warden station to get the van.”
“It’s not dangerous, Conor. The rafters tend to all look out for each other.”
“Right, but there’s always the possibility that whoever picks you up isn’t a rafter, and when he sees a good-looking woman standing on the side of the road, he gets nasty ideas in his head about what he wants to do to that good-looking woman.”
Erin wanted to be upset at him, but she couldn’t be. Not when he was complimenting her. “So, what do you suggest?”
“I’d like to say that I’ll go with you, but that would leave the guys by themselves, and I don’t think you’d agree to that.”
Erin shook her head in agreement.
“Right. So ideally, I’d go instead. I can go and get the van and trailer while you and the others pack up. By the time you get the canoes out of the water and the packs ready to go, I’ll be back with the van.”
Erin thought about it for a second, then nodded. “That sounds good.”
“Just like that?” Conor asked with a small smile.
“Yup.”
“Good.”
“Good. Now, you want to help me with these canoes?” Erin asked, reaching for the one on the top of the trailer.
He didn’t immediately answer, but instead turned and whistled. Erin jumped at the sound and spun to face him. He was gesturing to the guys. “Come on, help Erin get the canoes down. Where do you want them?”
Erin knew she should be upset at the way Conor had taken over, but she wasn’t. She’d take all the help she could get. She pointed to a patch of grass off to the side and close to the river. They wouldn’t be ready to put in for at least an hour or so. She needed to figure out what should go where in the canoes. She couldn’t overload any one craft, and with only three, it would be trickier to get all the supplies safely strapped down.
They had extra water, a chemical toilet, tents, extra floatation devices and paddles, a couple of coolers with enough food for the entire trip, as well as their personal bags and a first-aid kit. It was a lot, but it wasn’t like they could leave anything behind.
Without fuss, the guys made quick work of moving the canoes off the trailer to where she’d pointed. They helped empty the van of all their stuff as well.
“You want me to take the van to the warden station?” Conor asked.
Erin nodded. “If you don’t mind?”
“I don’t mind,” he said with a warm glint in his brown eyes.
It looked like he wanted to say something else, but after a moment, turned toward the college students and asked, “Who wants to go with me to drop off the van?”
Chad volunteered, and soon the pair was pulling out of the parking lot, leaving nothing but a cloud of dust in their wake.
When they returned forty minutes later, Erin was just about done packing the canoes.
“Looks like you got a lot done while we were gone,” Chad commented as he came up to the group.
“Yup. I’ve just about got it all set. I want to go over the commands one more time before we start off. The river is calm for at least three miles downstream. That’ll give everyone a chance to get comfortable with the commands and maneuvering. The first rapid won’t be major with the water depth right now. We’ll get out and scope out each set of rapids to determine the best way to get through it without capsizing. Me and Conor will go first each time, with you guys spotting us. Then you’ll go one at a time until we’re all through. Rancherias Rapid is first and it’s a good one to get your feet wet…figuratively.” Erin smiled at the group.
She loved this. The excitement and enthusiasm was always at an all-time high right before the trip started. This area wasn’t known for its white water, but there were a number of fun rapids that were fairly easily navigated. But that didn’t mean people didn’t tip over. They did. All the time.
“And for some incentive…I’ve got the chemical toilet in my canoe to start out, but whoever tips over today will be carrying it tomorrow.”
At the groans from the guys and the good-natured teasing that immediately started, Erin laughed. It never failed. No one wanted to carry the toilet, even though it was airtight, watertight, and smell-tight.
“Listen up!” she called out, getting everyone’s attention once more. “All right, just to review, the person sitting in the back of the canoe is in charge of steering. They will call out the strokes the person in front is to take. Listen to them. This isn’t a matter of thinking you know better. If the person in front starts doing their own thing, you’ll end up paddling in circles and generally annoying me, because you’ll be bickering and fighting all the way down the river. Got it?”
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