by Susan Stoker
She wandered into the kitchen to turn on her coffee maker, only to find that it was already on and the coffee was hot and waiting for her. She turned and froze.
Sitting on her counter was a banana…and a note.
As if the note was a snake that would bite her if she got too close, Erin stared at it for a long moment. Ever since her gastric bypass, she’d had a banana for breakfast. It was high in protein and did a good job of filling her up. She hadn’t said anything about it, but Conor had obviously noticed while they were on the canoe trip. She’d made hash browns, bacon, and eggs for the guys, but had stuck to her banana each morning.
She reached for the note and slowly unfolded it.
I’m sorry I’m not here to eat breakfast with you. I hate missing out on our first morning together. Enjoy your banana and run. I’ll talk to you soon. Love, Conor
She hadn’t been wrong last night when she’d told him that in his family, food meant love. Here was more proof.
Inhaling deeply through her nose, Erin looked up at the ceiling, searching for control over her emotions.
After several moments, when she didn’t feel the urge to burst into tears, she managed to peel and eat her banana. Then she carefully refolded the note from Conor and brought it into her room. She kneeled on the floor of her closet and pulled out her fireproof safe. She unlocked it and placed the note on top of the other items.
She had the safe mostly to protect things like her social security card, passport, and birth certificate. But she also had a few precious notes from her father. Before he left, he used to leave them for her all the time. In her lunchbox, on her pillow, propped against her cup in the bathroom so she’d find it in the morning when she got up. She’d long since lost most of them, but the ones she still had, she cherished. It was silly, he’d left her without a second glance, but she couldn’t bring herself to get rid of those notes.
Erin had told Conor that she didn’t know what love was, but she’d lied. She knew what it was and how it felt to lose it. Her dad had loved her, and she him. She’d never come close to that feeling again after he’d left, but she felt it now.
Erin wasn’t fully convinced Conor loved her, but she wanted to believe it. She knew deep in her heart that she loved him. But until he saw all of her…she wouldn’t fully commit herself. He’d said all the right words when it came to her scars, but it was another thing altogether to see them and truly understand the person she used to be. If he made love to her then left, it would destroy her. She had to protect herself at all costs.
Closing the safe, Erin tucked it back into its spot in her closet and stood. She grabbed her shorts and long-sleeve shirt on the way into the bathroom. Maybe she’d double her usual 5K run this morning.
Later that evening, while on break at The Sloppy Cow, Erin checked her phone and saw she’d missed a call and a couple of texts from Conor.
Conor: Looks like I’ll be working a double shift.
Conor: I’m sorry I won’t be able to see you today.
Conor: I miss you.
The last one was followed by a bunch of random emojis. She’d brought him to the dark side of those silly little pictures. Erin wasn’t sure this was how most relationships worked, but she wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth. She smiled for the rest of her shift.
The next day, when she got back to her apartment after her morning run, there was a plastic bag hanging from her doorknob. She peered inside and saw a banana and another note. Grinning like a lunatic, Erin grabbed the note to read even as she was pushing open her door. His handwriting was decidedly messier than in the last note, as if he was in a hurry when he wrote it.
I got about four hours of sleep last night and am back patrolling. Since the end of deer season is approaching, more and more people are doing what they can to try to skirt around the hunting laws and bag a last-minute deer. Anyway, I was thinking about you and hoped to see you this morning, but forgot that you’d be on your run. Whoops. I was hoping for a good-morning kiss, but it’ll have to wait. Have a good day. Love, Conor
Later that night, after another shift at the bar and while lying in bed, exhausted but strangely wired, Erin thought about Conor. She hadn’t spent much time thinking about what the man’s faults might be, but she was rapidly realizing the biggest—the man was a workaholic. She thought she was bad with her two jobs, but Conor worked more than she did…and that was saying something.
He was doing a great job in making sure she knew he was thinking about her, but she missed seeing him. Missed hearing his low, rumbly voice. And, surprisingly, missed touching him and being touched.
She—Eat-more Erin—missed being touched. There had been a point in her life when she went out of her way not to make any kind of bodily contact with anyone. And here she was, lying in bed, sated after using her vibrator, thinking about Conor and wishing he was there to replace the battery-operated boyfriend.
But from what she could tell, he was an excellent game warden. She hadn’t really thought about that branch of law enforcement before Conor. She wasn’t a hunter or fisherman, and hadn’t ever come into contact with one. But after some Internet research, she realized that Conor’s job was way more complex than she ever thought.
Well, she couldn’t change his workaholic tendencies, nor would she want to. But she also couldn’t help but wonder where she might fit into his life. If things did work out with them would she constantly be wondering when he’d be home? Wondering if she’d always feel like she played second fiddle to his job?
But as soon as she had the thought, Erin dismissed it. Conor was amazingly thoughtful. He texted her all the time, called when he had a small break, not to mention the bananas.
No, Conor might work too hard, but she had a feeling she’d never feel neglected.
She fell asleep hoping she’d get to see him soon.
The next week or so was much the same. Lots of communication via the phone and messages, a couple of mornings where they ran together, a few nights where he popped into The Sloppy Cow, but no real quality time with the man she was quickly becoming extremely attached to. It was frustrating.
Two weeks after the disastrous Christmas dinner, Erin had the entire day to herself. Classes were about to start up again at the university and her free time would soon be drastically reduced. She’d hoped to spend the day with Conor, but he’d texted the night before and said there was a special investigation into a marijuana grow field that he’d volunteered to assist with.
She wanted to be upset, but she couldn’t be. She’d merely told him to be careful and had agreed to text him later.
Around eleven-thirty in the morning, Erin’s doorbell rang. She looked through the peephole and was surprised to see Conor. She unlocked and opened the door. “Hey.”
“Hey, bright eyes.” Then he took a step forward and wrapped his arms around her. His head dropped and he proceeded to kiss her as if he were a starving man and she was his last meal.
After a moment of surprise, Erin returned the kiss. She had no recollection of Conor closing the door and backing her into her apartment. The next thing she knew, he was saying, “Up.”
She blinked and looked around. They were in her kitchen and he had his hands on her waist.
“What?”
“Jump up and sit on the counter.”
“Why?”
Conor grinned then. A naughty smile that made her nipples peak in desire.
“Trust me.”
And because she did, Erin hopped up onto the counter. Conor used his hands to spread her legs and he stepped between them. He then pulled her ass to the edge of the counter and against him. She was spread before him and all Erin could think was, Finally.
As if he could read her mind, Conor mumbled, “God, I’ve thought about this every day for the last week.”
“I’m not the one who hasn’t been around. You work more than me, Conor.”
He froze and looked her in the eyes. “I know,” he said slowly. “And I honestly didn�
��t realize just how much I did work until this past week. I wanted to see you so badly, more than just here and there, but I’d promised myself to so many special investigations at work, I couldn’t do it. I’d like to say I’ll change, but I’m thirty-five, bright eyes. And I love my job. But you should know, even when I was working I was thinking about you. Wondering if you were saving me any of those cookies my mom made you. Wondering how your planning for the next semester was going. Wondering if you were being hit on at the bar.”
He growled then, a low, sexy sound that Erin felt between her legs. “No one hit on me,” she reassured him, putting her hands on his sides and petting him, trying to soothe him.
“Right. You wouldn’t know if they did or not, because you’re clueless when it comes to that shit.”
“Conor!” she exclaimed. “Men don’t hit on me.”
He leaned forward and nuzzled the side of her neck. His warm breath wafting over her skin making goosebumps pop up on her arms. “They do. And I love that you don’t notice.”
Erin thought for sure he was lying…wasn’t he? Then any thoughts she had flew out of her head when she felt his hands on her thighs. They were rubbing up and down her jeans lazily. With each pass upward, his thumbs brushed her inner thighs…almost touching her core, but not quite. She found herself shifting in his grasp on the next pass. Both wanting him to see for himself how wet she was for him, but feeling embarrassed about it at the same time.
“Anyone other than you ever touch your pussy and make you come, bright eyes?”
Conor never took his eyes from hers as he asked the question. Erin was flustered, but so turned on, she almost didn’t care. She shook her head and clenched his T-shirt at his waist.
“Do you trust me?”
She did. “Yes.”
“I love you, Erin. I know we’re moving fast, but you’re all I thought about this week. I’ve dreamed about being your first. First to make you come. First to suck your pussy and the first, and hopefully only, man to show you how wonderful making love can be with the right person.”
His words made her inner muscles clench and she felt a gush of wetness dampen her panties. She wanted to affect him just as much as he did her. “I’ve watched some porn. I know it’s not exactly something boyfriends and girlfriends talk about, but I wanted to know what I was missing. What sex was all about. I want you to be the first real man I see naked. The first cock I suck. The first to take me from behind. I want to do everything with you.”
“Fuck,” Conor swore, taking one of her hands in his and placing it over the rock-hard dick in his pants. “I want that too.”
Erin gently massaged his erection. He was so hard. She did that. The power she felt in that moment was almost overwhelming. She always thought having sex would be about the man having all the control over the situation, but she’d been wrong. Seeing how much Conor wanted her was empowering. But she knew without a doubt she wasn’t ready to strip off all her clothes and go at it on her kitchen floor.
“I…I’m scared for you to see me without any clothes on, Conor.”
“I know,” was his calm response.
“You do?”
“Yeah, bright eyes. I got that from our conversation the other night. I’m willing to take things as slow as you want. We can touch each other with our clothes on, just like this, for as long as you need. But you should know, I’m gonna want to see all of you. Every inch. I want to touch and kiss you all over. Every scar. Every wrinkle. Every roll of skin. And I know you’re going to be beautiful, know why?”
Erin was speechless. She shook her head, words beyond her.
“Because you’re mine. Because I’m yours. Because at the end of the day, you’re the person I want to spend time with.”
Tears sprang unexpectedly to her eyes. For a woman who had been alone and isolated for most of her life because of her weight and feelings of inadequacy, Conor’s words were overwhelming.
“But for now, how about we start with one of those firsts? Hold on to me,” he ordered, moving her hand away from his hard cock and back up to his waist.
When she gripped his shirt in both hands, Conor placed his palm between her legs and used the other to press against the small of her back, urging her to arch toward him. “All you have to do is feel. I’m not going to undress you, and I’m going to keep my hands on top of your clothes. Let’s give this kitchen some memories other than just food, shall we?”
Before she could do more than nod, Conor’s hand was moving. He used the heel to press against her clit and massage her hard. Her hips bucked up and she groaned. She was primed and ready to come with just that simple touch.
Except it wasn’t simple. It was complex and confusing and oh so amazing.
For several minutes, Conor caressed her. Erin felt herself getting more and more wet and, amazingly, she wanted him to touch her. Skin to skin.
She opened her mouth to ask him to undo her jeans when he switched tactics. One hand went to her chest, where he roughly kneaded her breast over her T-shirt, and he used the thumb of his other hand to center on her clit.
As if he had a road map and knew exactly where and how to touch her, Erin went from being aroused to the verge of coming within seconds. “Conor!” she called out frantically, letting go of him and propping herself up with her hands behind her.
“Yes, bright eyes. Come for me. Let go. I’ve got you.”
And that was all it took. She exploded in Conor’s arms right there in her kitchen. The one room in her house that she never took any pleasure being in. On her countertop, legs spread, Conor standing between them. Her back arched, hands braced on the granite.
And while she shuddered and shook through the first orgasm she hadn’t given herself, Conor didn’t say a word. He continued to massage her and prolong the amazing feelings coursing through her body.
When she was coherent enough to open her eyes, Erin looked right into Conor’s dark ones.
“Beautiful,” he murmured, then leaned forward and kissed her harder than he ever had before. His tongue plunged into her mouth, sharing his excitement with her. When he pulled back, they were both breathing hard.
Erin snaked her hand between them and brushed over Conor’s erection, which was pulsing against her inner thigh. He grabbed her hand in his and brought it up to his mouth. He kissed the palm then held it against his chest.
“But you didn’t…I want to please you,” Erin said, uneasily.
“You please me more than you’ll ever know,” Conor reassured her. “My time will come…pun intended.” He smirked. “Believe it or not, I didn’t come over to ravage you.”
She smirked. “You didn’t?”
“Nope. I wanted to invite you to lunch with me and my friends. And no, don’t tense up. I know you don’t like to have meals in public, but there’s no pressure here. I’ve…” He stumbled over his words for the first time that Erin could remember. “This is kind of a business meeting. I did something, and I don’t know if you’re going to be pissed at me or pleased. So I’m using my friends—your friends too, since you know them from the bar—as a buffer, and to help me explain.”
Erin tensed in his arms. She knew he felt it, but didn’t apologize. He’d…done something? She racked her brain to try to think about what it might be, but came up blank.
He brushed a lock of her hair behind her ear and said softly. “It’s not bad, bright eyes. At least I don’t think so. I think it’s a good thing, but you have every right to be upset with me for going behind your back. But that’s why I want to come clean. I don’t want there to be any secrets between us. You trusted me earlier, can you trust me about this too?”
“You’re worrying me.”
“I know. And I hate that.” He smiled then. A mere quirk of his lips. “But I’m hoping I can distract you with wondering what the hell I did and you won’t think about the fact that you’re sitting at a table…having a meal.”
Erin shook her head at him. “You’re incorrigible.”
“I know. And to sweeten the deal, I have a present for you afterwards.”
“A present?”
“Yeah, I never got to give you the gift I got you for Christmas.”
“You didn’t have to get me anything.”
“I know, but I did. And the time wasn’t right after dinner at my folks’ house to tell you about it. And I’ve been so busy for the last couple of weeks, it just didn’t seem like the right time.”
“It’s been a long time since I’ve gotten a present,” Erin said softly. “Other than the one from your parents, of course.”
“So you’ll come? Have lunch with our friends. Hear me, and them, out. Then I’ll take you somewhere special to me and give you your gift.”
She scrunched her nose. “That’s kinda blackmail.”
“I know,” Conor responded without any remorse.
“Is this how our relationship is gonna go? You handling me and blackmailing me not to be mad at you?”
His smile died. “No. I couldn’t ‘handle’ you if I tried. I want to give you nothing but good things, Erin. I never want you to think my job comes before you…even if sometimes it feels like it.”
“Okay, Conor. I’ll go with you. But don’t be surprised if I’m not that comfortable.”
“Noted. Now…I’m assuming you want to clean up before we go?”
She shifted on her perch on the counter and winced. Yeah, everything felt damp down there. She definitely wanted to change her undies and pants.
He chuckled and took a step back. He kept her hand in his and held it as she jumped off the counter, holding her steady. “I’ll wait out here.”
“Yeah, you will,” she told him with an eyebrow arched.
Conor reached for her and tugged her into him, wrapping his arms around her. “I love you, Erin. Don’t forget that today, okay?”
“Now I’m really worried,” Erin mumbled into his chest. Whatever he’d done had to be big because he was genuinely concerned about her reaction.
“Go change. I’ll wait,” he ordered gruffly, as if he hadn’t just been vulnerable.