by Susan Stoker
“As simple as that?” The doubt was easy to hear in Conor’s tone.
“No. It’ll never be as simple as that. I’ll never be able to pick up a doughnut and eat it without thought. I’ll never go to the beach and walk around in a bikini, but this body saved my life out there.”
“God, you’re amazing,” Conor said.
Erin shook her head. “No, not really. There’s more.”
“What? Sock it to me.”
Erin grinned. “I love you. So much. My body issues are getting in the way of what I want most in this world. You.”
“Erin,” Conor said in a low tone.
“No, seriously. You’ve told me time and time again that you love the way I look. That my body doesn’t have anything to do with the person you fell in love with. And it’s time I believed you. I’m doing our relationship a disservice by continuing to doubt you when it comes to that. Besides, if you can make me orgasm hard enough to almost pass out by touching me over my clothes, what can you do when we’re both naked?”
“I do love the way you look. But I love who you are inside even more.”
“I know. And that’s why I decided to let it go. I want to see food the way you and your family do. I want to live my life loving every second of the time I spend with the ones I love, and that includes eating and drinking. So from here on out…that’s what I’m going to do. I just need you to help me along the way.”
“You know I will,” Conor told her immediately.
“Besides, the more I weigh, the harder I am to kidnap.”
Silence greeted her quip for a second, then Conor choked. Erin smiled and patted his hand as he tried to get control of himself.
She got serious again. “All I want, all I’ve ever wanted, was to be loved for who I am. And who I am is not a number on a scale. You’ve taught me that. And your family. Your dad loves your mom regardless of how much she weighs, that’s obvious. It’s the same with your sisters.”
Conor nodded.
“Can I ask a favor?”
“Anything, bright eyes.”
“I still want to go camping with you when I get out of here.”
“Deal.”
“But maybe not at the Natural Area. And maybe we can both set up camp this time.”
Conor released a harsh breath. “I was an idiot for letting you go out there by yourself. My job got in the way of my common sense. I was the one who was lecturing you while we canoed about camping by yourself, and look what happened. I let you go off and do it even though I knew it wasn’t safe.”
“Don’t blame yourself,” Erin told him. “That asshole cyborg Wayne guy is who’s to blame. Not you. Not me.”
“You can think that, but I’ll never put you in danger like that again.”
They smiled at each other for a moment before the door behind them opened with a crash.
Conor stood and spun at the same time, ready to defend Erin.
“Mom!” he declared, exasperated. “You scared the shit out of me.”
“Don’t swear. And I came to make sure Erin was okay. Are you all right, sweetie?” she asked, peering around her son.
Erin wanted to laugh, but controlled herself. “Other than being itchy and having little ant bites all over, I’m okay.”
“Good.” Pauline reached into her bag and pulled out something covered in aluminum foil. “I brought you some of those cookies Conor told me you loved so much.”
Just then, Conor’s dad came through the door. “Dang, woman, you could’ve waited for me to park the car!” he complained.
“You were being too slow. I wanted to come up and see for myself that Erin was all right.”
Erin looked at Conor, who was staring down at her. She pulled on his hand until he was bending over her. “Food is love,” she whispered. “And I love you. So much.”
“The feeling is mutual,” he said softly, and kissed her gently on the lips. Then carefully pulled her oxygen mask back up and over her nose and mouth.
“Enough of that!” his mom declared. “I want to know when the doctor said you could go home. I’m planning a week’s worth of food to bring over to Conor’s house, so you don’t have to lift a finger and all you have to worry about is getting better. But don’t worry…it’s all healthy stuff. I’ve been researching, and I think you’ll like what I’ve come up with.”
Erin shared a secret smile with Conor before turning to his family. There was a time she would’ve freaked out at the idea of his mom knowing about her issues, and even about having that much food in her fridge, but with all she’d been through, the thought made her feel loved rather than panicky. It was a start.
22
A week later, Erin smiled at her friends as she sat in the seat of honor at a table in The Sloppy Cow. It was one in the afternoon, and her boss had opened the bar a few hours early so everyone could celebrate the fact that Erin was alive and well.
She was taking the week off from classes at the university and Conor had taken it off as well. They’d spent just about every minute together since she’d woken up in the hospital, and Conor couldn’t be happier. It was as if what Erin had been through had cleared her head and made her recognize how self-destructive she’d been her entire life. She’d been acting more confident in herself. In their relationship.
Conor sat next to her, with his arm over the back of the chair. He couldn’t be prouder of her. Not only had she managed to make it through the horror of being kidnapped and hunted almost to the death, but the experience had actually been a breakthrough when it came to her attitude about food.
She still watched what she ate, but she didn’t seem to be as stressed as she used to be when she did eat. He’d seen her eat an entire cookie and not panic about it afterwards. She still had her usual banana for breakfast, but she didn’t seem to be as freaked out about food as she had been.
He knew she’d always eat differently than him, her modified body ensured that, but he was thrilled beyond belief that every bite of food that went into her mouth didn’t send her into an anxiety attack.
He hadn’t pushed her when it came to intimacy between them, although she made it clear she was more than ready. Before they’d left for the party, she’d informed him that if he didn’t make love to her later that night, she’d have to take matters into her own hands.
He’d smirked at her and said he’d be glad for her to take his “matter” into her hands again. Instead of blushing, as she would’ve done a couple of weeks ago, she’d licked her lips and eyed him up and down as if she couldn’t wait to undress him.
“How’s Smokey doing?” Erin asked Penelope.
“He’s great! That donkey is honestly like a big dog. I’ve been over to Boone’s ranch every day, and every time he seems to know when I’m going to be there. He meets me at the fence, braying in the cutest way, and when I take him out to walk him around, he follows me like he can’t stand to be away from me.”
“Has anyone come forward to claim him?” Conor asked.
Penelope shook her head. “Nope. I can’t believe someone doesn’t miss him. He’s the most amazing animal I’ve ever met. When I’m sad, he seems to know it and nudges me with his snout. When I’m in a good mood, he’s playful, bumping into me then leaping away when I reach for him.”
“Any luck in getting out of your lease?” Sophie asked.
Penelope’s shoulders slumped. “No. And I can’t afford to buy a house and pay my apartment rent at the same time.”
“He can stay at my place,” Moose said into the silence that surrounded the table.
“What? Really?” Penelope asked, her eyes wide.
“Really. I’ve got a huge yard that backs up to a wilderness area. I can build a little barn for him there so he can get out of the heat in the summer and stay dry when it rains. I know Boone wouldn’t mind keeping his eye on him for as long as needed, but he lives on the other side of the city. Since I live closer, if he was at my place, you could spend more time with him,” Moose told her.
“No apology necessary,” Moose said easily, steadying her with his hands on her hips.
“Thank you. Seriously.”
As if it was just the two of them in the room, Moose didn’t look away from her face as he said, “Anything for you, Pen.”
Conor cleared his throat and the moment between the two firefighters was broken. Penelope pulled away from Moose and sat back in her seat.
“I know everyone isn’t here, but I wanted to make sure you all knew how appreciative I am that you came out to help when Erin disappeared.”
When his friends all started to protest, saying there was no way they wouldn’t have been there for him, Conor held up his hand to quiet them.
“I just…even though there wasn’t a lot we could do, the fact that you dropped everything to come all the way out there to the Natural Area was amazing.” He scanned the table, making sure to make eye contact with each of the firefighters who were there. Moose, Penelope, Sledge, Driftwood, and Taco. “The fact that you guys came out on your days off to help fight the fire…well…it’s appreciated more than I can say,” Conor said, barely able to finish his sentence.
All the firefighters weren’t there, but Conor knew Moose would pass on his thanks to the guys who weren’t able to make it to the bar that night.
“Hayden,” Conor continued, “you were the voice of reason I needed when I was at my lowest. I don’t know how to thank you.”
Hayden blushed, but she reached over and grabbed his hand. “No thanks are necessary.”
“My entire life, I’ve wanted this,” Erin said softly. “But I never had it. No one wanted to be friends with someone who was as overweight as I was. Thank you, guys, for not giving up on me. Thank you for trying to find me, but most of all…thank you for being there for Conor.” She turned to Cade. “Please tell Beth thank you for me. She’s amazing. I can’t believe she found out all that stuff on Wayne as fast as she did.”
“She loves and hates mysteries at the same time,” Cade told her. “She can’t start to read a suspenseful book without turning to the end to find out who the bad guy is. She had a feeling there was something to be found, and literally couldn’t do anything else until she discovered what it was.”
“Well, she’s amazing. I owe her.”
Cade simply chuckled. “Right. Try telling her that.”
“I will.”
Conor grinned at the banter between Erin and his friend. He leaned forward and picked up his beer. “A toast.”
Everyone grabbed their own drinks and held them up.
“To friends.”
“To friends,” everyone echoed.
Conor’s arm shifted so it was resting on Erin’s shoulders as she cuddled next to him. She leaned up and whispered in his ear, “How much longer do we need to stay?”
“Why, what’s wrong?” Conor asked in alarm, looking her up and down, as if he could find the source of her wanting to leave already.
“Nothing’s wrong,” she soothed. Her hand went to the waistband of his jeans and she snaked a finger under the material at his belly.
Conor immediately went hard, and he grabbed her wrist to stop her from going any farther. “Erin?”
“I want you,” she mouthed.
Conor turned to his friends. “And with that, me and Erin need to get going. She, uh…needs to take her meds.”
His friends all chuckled knowingly.
Conor stood, making sure to keep Erin tucked into him, partly because he liked her touching him, and partly because he needed her to help hide his erection. Without apology, Conor waved goodbye to his friends and hustled Erin out the door. At his truck, he backed her against the passenger door and kissed her.
It was heated and frantic on both sides. They clutched at each other as if they couldn’t get enough. Their noses bumped, teeth scraped, and their hands roamed. Conor finally pulled away abruptly. He held Erin by the shoulders and stared down at her.
“Are you sure?”
She didn’t hesitate. “Yes. One hundred percent.”
Conor reached for the door handle and opened it for her. He helped her in, then shut the door. He jogged around the back of the truck and climbed into the driver’s seat without a word. The trip back to his house was silent, but he grabbed Erin’s hand and held it the entire way.
Once at his house, Conor put the truck in gear and opened his door. He tugged Erin across the seat and she climbed out his side. He quickly walked them to the front door of his house and got them inside.
Then, still without a word, Conor took Erin’s face in his hands and began to kiss her again. He didn’t take his lips off her as he backed her down the hall toward his bedroom. He unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans as he moved them. She did the same.
Once in his room, by his bed, they broke apart long enough to take their shirts off. As soon as the material was over their heads, they were kissing again. Their pants and underwear went flying and still they kissed.
Erin scooted up on the mattress and Conor followed, crawling over her on his hands and knees. He urged her to lie back and, when she did, Conor moved, latching onto one breast with his mouth and caressing the other with his hand.
Erin moaned. Her head went back and she arched up into his touch. Conor’s other hand caressed down her body to between her legs. He sucked hard on her nipple at the same time he used his thumb, pressing in circles on her clit.
Within minutes, they were both moaning and his hand was soaked with her excitement.
“Now, Conor. I need you.”
He didn’t ask if she was sure. He simply let go of her nipple and grabbed one of her hands. He guided it to his cock.
She fisted it the way she knew he liked and pumped it a few times. When Conor groaned, she grinned up at him, then fit the head where she obviously needed him the most.
“I love you, bright eyes,” Conor said.
“I love you.”
“Watch me make you mine,” Conor ordered, ducking his chin so he could see where they were connected.
Erin did the same, grabbing his hips as he slowly pressed inside her for the first time.
He didn’t stop until he was inside her as far as he could go.
Looking away from where they were joined, he gazed into her eyes. “Okay? No pain?”
She shook her head. “No. It feels…” She paused and Conor felt her clench her inner muscles against him. “Amazing. So different than my vibrators.”
Conor smiled. He pulled out a couple inches, then pressed back inside. “Yeah?”
“Yeah,” she confirmed.
“Better?”
“Oh yeah.”
On his next down stroke, Erin pressed her hips upward. And with that, Conor was done talking. He thrust in and out of the woman who meant the world to him with steady strokes. He ground his teeth together, trying to hold off on coming. She felt amazing. The sounds his cock made as he tunneled in and out of her hot wetness should’ve been embarrassing, but instead they only turned him on more.
Conor knew he wasn’t going to last. He’d waited too long to get inside her and she felt too damn good. She was tight and so fucking hot. “Touch yourself,” he ordered hoarsely.
As if they’d made love hundreds of times, she snaked her hand between them and began to flick her clit.
“Oh, Conor…yes….it feels so good. Harder… Please.”
So he did. He increased his thrusts until he was pounding into her. He reached under her and grabbed one of her butt cheeks. He pulled on it, opening her to him, and at the same time pressing her hips upward.
She moaned and the finger on her clit moved faster.
“Yes, right there…I’m coming!” she announced.
She didn’t need to tell him. Conor felt her clasping him in a grip so t
ight, he thought she was going to strangle his dick. Her thighs quivered, her belly tightened, and her hips thrust up toward him so hard he had to use both hands on the mattress by her hips to hold himself steady above her.
When she finished twitching, her eyes opened into slits and she stared up at him. “My God, Conor. That was…”
Her voice trailed off when she realized he was still rock hard inside her. A sly grin spread across her face. She tightened her muscles and it was Conor’s turn to groan.
“Fuck me, Conor. Come inside me.”
He couldn’t hold back if his life depended on it. Holding her gaze with his, he did as she asked. He fucked his woman. Showing her with each thrust how beautiful he found her. How much he loved her. He felt his orgasm approaching way before he was ready. He wanted this first time with her to last forever.
One minute he was thinking about fucking her for eternity, and the next he was coming. He thrust inside her as deep as he could go and held himself there as he released. Each burst of come from his cock felt like heaven.
When his arms were shaking so badly he couldn’t hold himself up, he eased down, putting his weight on his elbows and caging Erin in. He buried his nose into the space between her shoulder and the mattress and tried to get his breath back
Erin’s fingertips lightly traced up and down his spine.
“I love you,” she whispered, the air from her words puffing against his neck.
Conor lifted his head and said, “Marry me.”
“What?”
“Marry me. I love you, Erin. So much. I thought I’d lost you and I regretted not making you mine.”
“I…are you sure?” she asked in a small voice. Her fingernails dug into his back and he didn’t think she even realized it.
“I’m sure. Although, I think I’m getting the better deal. I work too much. There will be times I’ll be called away in the middle of the night. Vacations might get cut short if I have to get back for an investigation or if I have to testify in court. Hunting season is insane, you know that, I’m not around a lot. But I swear, I’ll love you with everything I have for the rest of my life. I’ll try to make up for the times when I’m not around—”