This is never going to end unless I put a stop to it.
Room 37. One hour later
Tirelessly, I scrub the floors to rid it of the red stains. There is nothing more in this world that I hate more than stains. Especially red ones. They ruin everything.
My knees hurt and my back feels broken, but I keep going. There is no one else who can do this job, no one else who would take it on, and no one else who would be trusted to do it. I am the one who has to bear this burden. I have no other choice.
The room is a mess. Remains are everywhere, and I’m not sure which parts belong where, and who’s who. The smell makes me want to puke, but I keep it in because I’m not in the mood to clean up any more nastiness. I will not add to the foulness of this place.
I am only here to clean.
Brush, cleanse, rinse, wash, toil, and scrub until my fingers are cramped and my clothes are completely soaked in sweat. In a puddle of water mixed with detergent, I see my own reflection. Red stripes brushed into my hair. Drips and smudges all over my cheeks and nose.
I guess I’ll have to take another shower once I get home.
Sebastian’s Penthouse. Providence, Rhode Island – Four hours later
I place my finger on the mechanism that identifies me and open the door. The sound it makes is unusual, like a feather rustling underneath the door. Abnormal.
Before I set one foot into my apartment, I can tell there’s something amiss.
I look around, but there’s no one to be seen. I sniff but don’t smell anything odd, except for a slight rosy perfume coming from the hallway. None of my furniture has been moved, and from the looks of it, everything’s still untouched.
Something’s still not right.
I step forward. A crack alerts me, pulling my attention down toward my feet. A tiny, white object is stuck on the bottom of my shoes. Dammit. I’ll have to clean those too, now.
I bend and look under my shoe, peeling it off. It’s a piece of scrunched up toilet paper.
Unrolling the edges, I straighten the paper until I realize it’s a note. Words hastily scribbled with something red and thick. Lipstick.
I will not give up.
That’s all, but it’s enough for me to know who this came from. Miss Carrigan.
Bristling, I crush the paper in my hand and throw it in the bin while I stomp inside my home. Now I need to check the carpet for stains as well. I hate lipstick.
Why couldn’t she just leave like I told her? Why is this woman so persistent? I roar and slam the door so hard it reverberates in my ears. She violated my privacy. If I ever see her again, I’ll make sure I return the favor.
Accompanying song: “She and Him” by Omniflux
Providence, Rhode Island – April 21th, 2013, early morning
I slept in the nearest motel I could find last night, the Town and Country Motel. I paid for the room with the money I got from Sebastian. I don’t like to make use of it because I normally hate ‘borrowed’ money or whatever you want to call it. However, I’ve already made the promise to myself that I will pay it back to him. I didn’t want his money, but I am not leaving him, either. I refuse to back down.
So here I am, standing in front of his building and waiting for him to come out. I shiver from a passing breeze. It’s cold outside in early spring, so I close my coat and shove my hands into my pockets. Even this coat isn’t mine. I bought it with his money. I need to return everything. I never have debts, and I won’t start building them now.
As I watch the door without turning my eyes away, some people pass the tree I’m standing behind. A lot of runners are exercising in the park this morning. I didn’t take into account that I’m not the only one watching people. I must seem like some sort of stalker, gazing at the same building for minutes, maybe hours, waiting for someone. I dare not think of myself that way, but what other conclusion can they draw? Not even I can tell the difference anymore.
I’m obsessed over him. I’ll do anything to be with him and for him to acknowledge me. There is no going back. I can’t go back to the institution; I’d be locked away forever. He is my only option, my only safety. I won’t accept rejection. Some would view that as being a stalker. Does that make me a bad person? Maybe. But I’m not the only one who’s bad.
He spanked me in the elevator. That makes him the epitome of bad, right? I didn’t agree to that. Not that I protested or anything … bad can be good.
I can’t believe I’m telling myself this is fine. It’s not, but I can’t help but want more.
My heart jumps through a hoop when I spot Sebastian as he strides out the door in a suit. God, he looks so good, so statuesque. The way he walks down the steps, adjusting his tie while remaining in perfect posture, makes me sigh.
I’m so out of my mind to be doing this, but I’m determined for him to accept me. When he turns left on the sidewalk, I make the chase. The streets are buzzing with people and cars, which form an excellent disguise as I walk behind him. Sometimes he glances behind him, and I immediately duck behind a booth to avoid being seen. Almost like a detective, except I’m not. This is inappropriate on so many different levels, but I don’t care about pretending to be normal anymore.
He walks into a building just a few blocks away from his home. I follow him inside, careful not to be caught by his keen senses. Once I’m inside, my goal evaporates momentarily.
Huge rows and rows of bookcases line the sky-high walls. There are multiple layers, each with a see-through staircase, as well as a rotating staircase. There’s even a translucent elevator in the middle, and right below it is a massive wooden desk where multiple workers sit behind and make calls and type on the computer.
I marvel at the sight of this colossal library. I’ve never seen one so big. There must be an infinite amount of books here. I can’t imagine a specific book they wouldn’t have in here.
As I turn circles to admire the view, I notice Sebastian has disappeared. Shit. I lost him. What do I do now? This library is enormous; I’ll never find him. Why is he here, anyway? Does he work here? Or is this a day off and does he enjoy reading books? I must say, if that’s the case, I love him even more.
Smiling, I saunter ahead, past the rows of books and into the depths of the library. A lady walks past me and pulls up her nose at me, but I ignore her. I must look lost, but I don’t care. As long as nobody follows me, I’m good. All I want is to find Sebastian.
I don’t know why. He’s all I ever think about, since that day at the hospital, and I crave to be with him. It scares me, a lot, that I’d go this far for him. It’s unlike me, but I can’t stop.
Wandering along the corridor and up the stairs, I get lost in this massive library, this sanctuary that contains all a reader’s heart could desire. I bet this place holds some sweet treasures. I drift to the edges of this building until I’m alone and feel safe. The silence is what I love about this place. The further I get, the better it feels, but I also have the urge to check out the books they have. I walk into a corridor. Somehow, I can’t resist checking out a shelf that says ‘romantic erotica’.
I peruse the books, looking for something to read, like I always used to do before I ended up in the institution. I’ve always been a lover of romance, especially when it involved hot sex. Now that I’m here, I might as well grab the chance to read something new, as the institution only had old books, which I’d read about fifteen times already. I’m dying for something fresh to dive into, and since I can’t find Sebastian anywhere, this is the next best thing.
Running my finger past all the books, I glance at the titles until I find one that piques my interest. Placing my finger on the top, I pull it out. My eyes catch something on the other side of the bookcase.
A man, sitting on the edge of a table with a book in his hands. His eyes are closed.
It’s Sebastian.
I almost drop the book but manage to catch it on the way. Jesus, it’s him, and I’m so close. What is he doing here? Even though I saw him coming in here,
I didn’t expect him to come to this area. This is where all the romance junkies hang out.
I peek through the gap, too curious to resist. It’s then that I notice he has his hand in his pants.
My eyes widen at the sight. Holy shit.
Shocked, I stare at him as he tilts his head back and lets out a soft sigh. Lust ripples through my body, and my nipples come to a peak immediately. It’s as if seeing him play with himself is the most arousing thing I’ve ever seen.
But I’m horrified.
Disgusted.
This is outrageous.
And it’s hot. So hot, I can barely keep standing.
I swallow as he licks his lips, biting his lip afterward. God, what I wouldn’t give to do that to him instead. I’m entranced by his sounds, the moaning, and the movement of his fingers. The way he jerks his hand up and down. How his pants are slowly tenting, and how his eyes struggle to remain open. I can only imagine what’s going through his head. I wish I could see inside, hoping he’s thinking of me.
Leaning as close as I can without bumping against the bookcase, I peek through the small gap to see as much as possible. With a strained groan, he pulls down the zipper of his pants and takes out his cock. Holy shit, he’s commando. Just the thought makes me hot and bothered. It’s just like at the hospital, when he made love to me. Thinking about it brings a flush to my cheeks. I’m tempted to let him know I’m here, watching him, but that would ruin the surprise.
He might stop. I don’t want him to.
I’ve lost my mind.
I sigh as soft as I can when he starts rubbing his cock. My panties are getting wet already, even though he didn’t touch me and doesn’t even know I’m here. But the way he runs his hand up and down his shaft, so delicately, so in utter control, creates goosebumps all over my body.
I can’t stop watching, can’t stop staring at this magnificent man who’s pleasuring himself in front of everyone. He’s in danger of being seen, but he doesn’t care. Instead, he looks down at the pages of the book in his hand and moans, jerking himself faster and faster.
Without thinking about it, my hand drifts down into my panties. I start touching myself at the sight before me. I feel so bad for doing this, but at the same time, it’s exhilarating. Freeing, almost.
Two strangers pleasuring themselves in a public place. It can’t get any more erotic than that.
It feels like a dream. Like I’m asleep and the world has stopped existing.
Sebastian flips the page of the book and continues jacking off as sweat drips from his forehead. My fingers work on my clit as inconspicuous as possible, always on the lookout for people passing by. I can’t stomach the thought of someone finding us here, but at the same time, there’s nothing sexier than what we are doing now. My pussy is wet from excitement, aching for his cock. The way the muscles in his arms flex as he grips himself looks so appetizing, I almost come.
Sebastian’s blond hair falls back over his shoulder as he gasps, a soft moan escaping his mouth while he pushes himself to the limit. The book drops from his hand as he closes his eyes one final time before groaning loudly. The entire library could probably hear him, but at this point, neither of us cares. All I can think about is the cum that squirts from his cock in quick bursts. It drops onto his stomach, but Sebastian keeps going. His sexual prowess seems like a vast, endless ocean in which I’d gladly drown.
When he’s finally sated, he releases his cock, which is slowly reducing in size again. He cleans himself with a tissue, but I am still marveling at him and how sexy that was. I am about to explode. Flicking my clit, I let out short gasps from arousal, feeling the pressure build. It is then, right before I come apart in a public library, that his eyes fall on me.
Blue, radiant eyes bore right into mine.
While my pussy is pulsating.
I’m coming, and he’s watching me. He’s seeing me, watching him coming, while I come.
Oh, God.
His sinful smile says it all. I can’t stop the redness from appearing everywhere on my skin as I stumble back against the bookcase, almost tripping over a stack of books lying on the floor. Taking my hand out of my panties, I swiftly back away into a different corridor. I feel so dirty, so ridiculous, for what I just did. Am I losing my mind?
He was fucking himself in a library, and I was peeping along, being a pervert. Jesus, it was hot.
What am I thinking?
I shake my head, still walking backward, when a hand grabs my wrist.
“Where are you going?” Sebastian says with a calm, yet amused voice. As if this conversation is the most normal thing in the world.
“Away from here.” I try not to sound startled.
“You mean away from me.”
“Yes.”
He doesn’t let go of my wrist. Instead, he grabs my other wrist, too, pinning them behind my back. “Who said you could leave?”
I frown. “You can’t keep me here against my will.”
“Oh, but I can.” He leans close to my ear and sniffs. “You smell nice, Miss Carrigan. Like roses.”
“Get off me.”
“Is that really what you want? Last time, I recall, you were the one who wanted me so badly you couldn’t leave me alone,” he whispers. “Don’t deny it.”
“I’m not, but you’re scaring me, and I want to leave. Now.”
He chuckles close to my ear, sending shivers down my spine. “Not yet.”
“I’ll call the guard if you don’t release me.”
“They won’t help you. You see, everyone here works for me.”
My eyes widen. “What?”
“I own this place, Miss Carrigan.”
I hold in my breath. Shit. If he owns this entire library … that means he’s capable of manipulating all the workers. He could get away with anything in here, and still I would be the one sitting on hot coals.
Shit.
Terror fills me for the first time. I’ve never felt this before with Sebastian. Why is it so different from the hospital?
I struggle to release myself from his grip, but it only tightens. I wriggle, but it’s no use. Sebastian pushes me against a wall in the back, far away from any exit. I’m trapped.
“I know what you saw. My hand … stroking my cock … cum bursting from the tip.” His hot breath tingles against my ear. “I also know you liked it.”
“Screw you.”
“Oh … now you’re fighting me?” He smiles; I can feel his teeth against my skin. “What changed, Miss Carrigan?”
“You.”
Suddenly, he twists me around in his arms, pinning my hands to the wall. Staring me dead in the eye, he leans in, his mouth almost touching mine. “Was it exciting for you to watch me jerk my cock? Did it give you pleasure?”
I slam my mouth shut, feeling the heat rise to my cheeks.
He laughs. “Did you think I wouldn’t notice you following me into the library?”
“You knew all this time, and you didn’t say anything?”
His eyes are half-mast now. “Why would I? You wanted to see me, touch me. Well, here I am.”
“No …” I shake my head. “You’re twisting everything.”
He smiles wickedly. “That’s because I am twisted. You see, I know you liked watching me … I could see it in your eyes. It excited me. Yes, I looked at them while I came. They glistened with pure wantonness when my cum painted the floors. I bet you were thinking about licking it all up. Would you like to do that, Miss Carrigan?”
I cock my head away from his lips as he moves in to kiss me. My disapproval has him hesitating, waiting, and then leaning back again to look at me. “This was what you wanted, no?”
“No …”
“Yes.” Without warning, his hand leaves my wrist and dives between my legs. I gasp, not knowing what to do with this sudden intrusion. The grasping and fondling. The lust I’m feeling.
“Can you feel how wet you are? How much of a dirty girl you really are? You definitely enjoyed that a little to
o much. Does that frighten you?”
I’m too shocked at my own emotions and at what’s going on to move. I can’t even answer his questions. His hand slides out again, my dampness all over his finger. He brings it to his nose and smells it. “Your scent arouses me, Miss Carrigan.”
“You’re disgusting,” I murmur, but it pains me to say it. It’s my conscience speaking.
“Oh, really? Is that your opinion now? And here I was, thinking you wanted me for being a knight in shining armor. I guess that fantasy is shattered now.” He brings his finger to his mouth and licks the tip, dipping out his tongue completely. My eyes follow his tongue as it flicks around his finger, my lip quivering from the thought of what he could do with it. What it could do to me.
“I could fulfill a different fantasy, however. Hmmm … I could eat you right here, right now, if I wanted to.”
“If you got my permission, that is,” I scoff.
He lets go off my wrist, his hand drifting down my arm, down my body, invading every pore in my body with his arousal. “I don’t ask for permission.”
“You would do such a thing? Take me against my will?” I lower my arms, but they mysteriously wrap themselves around his neck instead of hitting him and making a run for it.
It seems my lusty brain has taken over completely.
“You have no idea what I’m capable of, Miss Carrigan. Which is exactly why I told you that you don’t know me, and that I am not who you’re looking for. I’m a bad person, Miss Carrigan. You’re looking for an angel who doesn’t exist.”
“I don’t believe it.”
His demeanor suddenly changes. He squints, moving closer, towering over me like some dominating man who craves control. “You should. I do bad things to people, Miss, very bad things. I’m not a good man. I’m not someone you want, someone you need; I’m someone you run away from. So run. Get out of here.”
I shake my head, trembling in place.
Snare (Delirious book 1) Page 8