I lean in, smiling, and place a finger under her chin, tipping it. I open my mouth and wait. “No.”
The fury that boils inside her almost comes out through her eyes. “Asshole!” And then she slaps me. In the face. For a moment, there’s silence as I place my hand over my cheek and rub. She gapes at me, breathing heavily as she stands still.
“That’s it,” I murmur, and then I grab her by the waist and lift her over my shoulder.
She squeals. “What are you doing?”
I ignore her, grab my shotgun, and push through the forest. I need to get out of here, right now. I don’t give a shit about her pounding on my back, squealing like she’s on fire. I will not risk my life for her.
“Sebastian?”
Shit. When I hear his voice, I stop in my tracks. Sweat drops trickle down my face from the heavy lifting, but I only notice it now.
“Who was that?” Miss Carrigan asks.
I take in a huge gulp of air. “No one.” And then I start walking again, faster and faster, until my legs are shaking and my lungs can barely keep up with my pace. I need to get moving; I have to get to my car as quickly as possible. I run toward the hilltop, and then down again, until I reach the road at the bottom. With her over my shoulder, I rush to my car and take out my keys, unlocking it before I get there. As I put her down on the ground, she tries to give me the knee, but I block it, luckily.
“Jerk!” she yells. “I am not your personal play thing.”
“Oh really? But isn’t that exactly what you asked? Being needed by me? Doing everything for me?”
For a moment, she’s flabbergasted. I know it might seem hard to understand, but I would not have any possible way of explaining it to her without sounding like a total lunatic myself. Maybe I am, maybe I’m not. Who cares, I’m just trying to survive.
“You know that’s not what I meant at all,” she says after a while. “Why did you bring me to your car? I’m perfectly fine with having this conversation in the forest, as long as you give me my goddamn tape.”
“It’s not your tape.”
“You know damn well what I mean.”
“That tape is none of your concern,” I say, as I open the trunk of my car.
“I’m not leaving until you give it to me. I’ll be happy to be out of your life forever once you’ve handed me that tape, but you won’t get rid of me anytime sooner. Not anymore.”
“Anymore? Did I ever get rid of you in the first place?” I scoff, grabbing a bunch of ropes.
With a confused look on her face, she watches me. “That is not the point.”
“It is exactly the point.” I smile as I come closer and throw the rope around her, pulling her close to me as if we were to dance a tango. “If you would not have come to me in the first place, none of this would have happened. You chose a different path.” Her mesmerizing eyes focus solely on me, so busy hating me, that it takes me a split second to wrap the rope around her arms and tie it around her back.
“What are you doing?” she says, shaking her head. “First you want me gone; now you’re trapping me again? What am I not getting here?”
“I want you out of here, Miss Carrigan. Now.” I jerk on the rope until it’s tight enough, causing her to squirm. Then I tie it around her hands and make sure she can’t move her upper limbs anymore. I enjoy seeing her strapped up like this; it’s one of my favorite things to do.
“I’m not going to run, if that’s what you’re thinking. I’m going to bother you until you give me that tape, and I won’t take no for an answer.”
“Good. I don’t want you to run. Not anymore.”
When I say this, there’s a hint of regret in her eyes. Too bad, she shouldn’t have followed me here. She has no clue how dangerous it is here—how much I could get in trouble for this.
I exhale loudly and tie the knots even tighter. “As a matter of fact, I am taking you someplace else. Since you seem so inclined on following me fucking everywhere, I figured I might as well be the one to decide where exactly that is. You don’t want to leave me alone? Fine. I’ll stuff you somewhere where you can’t get out anymore. Ever.”
And with those words, I stuff a cloth in her mouth and bind a part of it behind her head. She screeches, fighting me with her feet, but I hold her back by clutching the rope. The rope has always been my anchor, my way of controlling things. I love tying knots and creating intricate designs with it. Such a pity this was done only to get her out of here quickly. I would’ve loved to make more of an artwork out of it.
I open the passenger side door and push her forward. “Get in.” And then I close the door and crawl behind the wheel. The humming of the engine doesn’t block out her screams as I drive away from her only chance at freedom and into the devil’s mouth itself.
Accompanying song: “Nice to Meet Me” by Zack Hemsey (Instrumental)
Providence, Rhode Island – April 30th, 2013, noon
There have only been two moments in my life where I have been more terrified. One was when my best friend Ashley and I came back from vacation and discovered a horrific scene, one which I can barely remember. The other was when my father died. My real father.
I can still remember the glow seeping from his face like a wilting flower while he withered into a lifeless being. A man who was once so full of life, who desperately tried to see his children grow strong yet didn’t even outlive them. In the end, there was nothing left of the man I loved, my father, the one who was always supposed to be here for me. Terror filled with sorrow the moment I saw the light in his eyes extinguish. I cried louder than a slaughtered beast that day, holding his hand on the bed as he lay there like a puppet. It all went so quickly, I still couldn’t grasp that he was truly gone.
Even now, when I’m tied up with ropes, gagged, and being shipped off in a car to God knows where, I think of my father. In my head, any fear is linked to him. From the moment he died, everything in my life went spiraling out of control. Fear … any fear … makes me weak. It makes me want to do anything to either get out of the situation or kill myself. Desperation makes one do scary things.
One sole thought suppresses all reason in my mind; I have to get out. Get out. Get out … it’s not safe.
In an attempt to break free, I shove my feet against the window and start pounding. It’s no use; they’re too thick for me to crack. Rage and fear take over my mind as I scream and growl, trying to rip away the ropes that bind my arms together.
“Stay still,” Sebastian admonishes. “You don’t want to hurt yourself.”
I spit out the cloth in my mouth. “You are the one hurting me!”
“No, I am not. I am simply taking you somewhere else.”
Ignoring him, I keep stomping the window. I won’t give up fighting for my freedom. God, I never knew it felt so good to be free until it was taken away from me again. “What kind of person takes someone against their will? I thought you were a gentleman, not some dirtbag.”
“Oh, I am being very gentle with you now, trust me,” he says, chuckling.
“You’re robbing me of my freedom, chaining me up like some caveman. You’re the one who’s dangerous.”
“You’re right, I am dangerous. I thought I told you that, multiple times, but you kept persisting, kept longing for me. Well, now you have me. I’m taking you somewhere where you won’t be a danger to yourself or me. I tied you up for your own safety.”
I burst out into laughter so vicious I almost scare myself. “You’re out of your mind.”
“Believe it or not, this car is a much safer place to be right now than those woods.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me. Are you scared of the deer or something? No wonder you were so keen on shooting them.”
Suddenly, he lunges back and grabs my legs, forcing them away from the window. “You have no clue what’s out there, Miss Carrigan. No fucking clue. You could die out there.”
“From your shotgun, you mean? Well, I doubt that. You don’t want blood on your hands.”
I gulp. Jesus, it sounds like he means it. I really did miscalculate, thinking he’d be the same man as in the hospital. I should’ve known better than to keep going after him. What was I thinking? All this time, I was chasing a fantasy that never existed. It was all inside my head. I’d smack myself if I wasn’t tied up.
“Believe me when I say you don’t want to mess with me. Or what’s out there.”
“Whatever. I’m done with this. If you’d just given me the tape, I’d be gone by now, like you wanted.”
“I don’t want you gone anymore.”
“Oh and why’s that?”
He turns a corner. “Because you’re too much trouble.”
I gasp. “Me? Trouble? Look who’s talking. You … you’ve got some balls.”
“Hmm …” He grins. “If you promise you’ll stop trying to wreck my car, I might show them to you later.”
“You wish!” I scream, turning my legs toward him and trying to stomp him.
“That’s it.” He jams the brakes and stops the car, getting out immediately. His sudden burst of anger has me frozen as he slams the trunk and opens my door. His grip on my legs is strong as he grabs them and drags me out of the car. I squeal as he presses a cloth to my mouth. This is no ordinary cloth, though … when I inhale, my lungs burn, and I feel my strength fading. It seeps from me like an open wound, causing me to stop flailing. My muscles relax and so does my mind. He throws me over his shoulder again. Soon, I drift away into an infinite darkness.
When I awaken, I’m no longer hunched over Sebastian’s shoulder. Instead, my head rests on the armrest of a white sofa. My body is limp, and everything is sore. Throbbing in my head makes me groan. Where am I? I try to look around, but my vision is blurry. It is then that I see a dark figure right before me, sitting in a chair.
“Relax, Miss Carrigan.”
“Where am I?”
“In my home.”
“Why? What are you planning on doing with me?”
“Shh … so many questions. Try to rest a little.”
I groan when he gets up and leaves me. I feel terrible, like I’m about to throw up. Dizzy, too. Jesus, whatever was in that cloth sure was strong. Is it the same stuff they used to drug me in the car back at the motel? I’m not sure … However, the fact alone that Sebastian has access to this substance, and knows how to use it, scares the living shit out of me.
After the pain subsides a little, I raise my head and gaze around. My hands are still bound to my body, this time on my belly. I must’ve been completely unconscious for him to be able to do this without me even noticing. For my own safety, he said. Does he think I’m a danger to myself? I wonder why.
I look around and try to focus on where I am. I’m sure it’s an expensive penthouse. Windows overlooking the city line the walls, black and white furniture in the midst of it all. It all looks very sterile.
As he steps back into the room, I can see Sebastian much clearer now. In his hands is a tray with a cup, and he sets it down beside me on a small wooden table with an intricate design engraved into it. Squinting, I focus on the cup and the smell that fills my nostrils. Tea. What I wouldn’t give for a sip right now.
“Thirsty?” he asks.
My eyes skim up his shirt, noticing the peculiar pin button that’s pinned on his shirt. A circle with a triangle on top and the letter G in it. Fazed, I stare at it, thinking I’ve seen it before. And then I remember where; in the institution.
“Yes,” I say, still focused on the pin button. I can’t believe my eyes. If this isn’t the Sebastian from the hospital, then how is it possible they have the same pin button? How could I have imagined this item so vividly if it’s real and within my grasp right now? It doesn’t make any sense.
Sebastian picks up the cup and holds it close to my mouth, nodding to me to raise my head so I can sip. The warm liquid gliding down my throat is nice and soothing. It helps make the drowsiness go away faster. It doesn’t help shake the anxiety I feel, though.
As he puts the cup down again, he says, “Now, let’s talk.” He sits down on the sofa, scooting up my legs as he grabs them. His hands feel familiar and yet his touch makes me flinch. This is all too bizarre, too terrifying to put into thought.
“You may have noticed I’m not the man you imagined me to be.”
“Really?” I scoff. I try to sit up straight, which is impossible as I’m tied up.
“Please, no games, Miss Carrigan. I will not tolerate them in my home.” He clears his throat. “Now, I want to explain to you that I am not opposed to having hot, dirty sex with anyone, especially you.” He lifts an eyebrow. “But under these circumstances, it was not a wise decision of you to pursue me.”
“And why’s that?”
“Because you put us both in danger just by being near me.”
I swallow when he says that. I’ve found out how dangerous he can get, and I’m not looking forward to finding out more. In fact, I can’t wait to get out of here and run far away from him. If only I could find that tape. I don’t want people seeing it, because someone at the institution might find out, and all would trace back to me. No, I need to remain invisible in this world to be truly free.
“Why are you so adamant on being with me?” he asks.
“I’m not. And whether I was or not, is not important anymore.”
He smiles, but it’s such a fake smile, I can tell he can see through the lie I just told. Half of it is true. It is important, at least … it was. I wanted his love to fix me, but instead, it broke me even more.
“I don’t believe you, but that’s okay. I know you are still shaken up from what happened the other day. Trust me when I say I wish it could’ve been different, but there was no other way. You came after me. I told you not to do so. The reason I did it was to keep you safe, but you refused to listen. Now you know the consequences of defiance.”
I snort. “You’ve got one hell of a way to talk your way out of things.”
“Hmmm … it’s okay if you see things that way. To me, treating you like scum means you will hate me. It means you will want to run and never look back. It means I succeeded in my goal.” His finger slides up my leg, tickling me, alerting all my senses. I wish I could move, but he’s tied me up too well. I feel powerless, and yet I feel my heart calming down by the minute. His touch still has this effect on me, as if I’m allowing it to happen. I feel dirty, disgusting, for even letting myself be calmed by him—the man who betrayed my trust, which in reality, is also a lie. My trust in him never existed, after all. The man I had envisioned him to be never existed.
Still, it hurts to hear him say all those things.
“And why is it that you want me gone so much, huh?” I ask.
He just smiles and looks down at my legs, petting them like I’m his personal property. “It doesn’t matter anymore. Since this isn’t working according to my plan, I think I’ll just keep you here instead.”
“Why? What do you mean?” Panic raises my voice.
“If I can’t keep you far away from me, keeping you hidden close to me is the next best option.”
“So you’re going to make me your prisoner?”
His fingers stop in their tracks right below my thighs. “If you consider my home a prison, then yes.”
Oh, no. Oh, no …
I never thought he’d actually say yes.
God, I used to dream about being in his house, living there like I was his wife, and having him take me over and over again, like a loving husband. Like he could magically fix me with his fucking and make me forget about all the bad things in my life. It was all a lie I told myself to cope with the world, and now that I see reality, it’s all painfully obvious how insane I truly was.
I turn my head, not wanting to look at him. I don’t know why I feel ashamed of my own thoughts, but I do. Why did I let myself get carried away so much?
He creeps
closer, leaning over my body, one hand draped over the sofa while the other slides up my leg, pushing my dress upward.
“This dress … it entices me, Miss Carrigan.”
In my defense, I lash out. “Tell me more about how much you want me. I might start believing it,” I sneer.
He cocks his head, frowning. “Do you honestly believe I’m not interested in you? That I don’t find you the slightest bit attractive?” He hovers above me, his hand pushing my legs apart, making me aware of the fact that I can’t do anything and that he has all the power. “I have thought about you in my sleep, Miss Carrigan.”
His hand reaches for my face. I freeze, as I fear he will slap me, but instead his index finger traces a line down my cheek. “I’ve dreamed of tying you up and giving you a good hard spanking, just for defying me. My cock had been rock hard each time I awoke, aching to know what it feels like to claim your soft flesh. You have no clue how many times I’ve thought of making you lick my cum off the bed after I was done jerking off to the image of your naked body strapped to a table with a vibrator against your pussy. Yes, Miss Carrigan, I have thought of you, and yes, I am yearning for a woman who can give me what I need. Submission. It flows in your veins.” His hot words have me gasping for air. With his finger on my neck, sliding down to my sternum, my treacherous body rises to meet his touch. It’s almost as if, for a moment, I forget he is the man who broke me.
“And now … I’ll have all the opportunities to make not only my dreams but yours come true as well.” He leans in as I lean back, but there’s no way I can stop him from planting a kiss on my neck. His lips drag all the way down, following the same path as his finger did. His tongue dips out, dampening my skin, and unwanted heat flares through my body. “You taste so good, Miss Carrigan,” he murmurs. “If only I had thought of this sooner.” He comes up to his knees, towering above me with his legs between mine. “To keep you away was plan number one … it failed, so I’ll try plan number two now. You will stay here to please me in whatever way I desire. I will give you what you want; I will need you to take me over and over again, and I want you to obey my every command.”
Snare (Delirious book 1) Page 12