Maggie: Yeah, but I’m exhausted. Can we skip tonight?
Alex: I promise we will just sleep.
Maggie: It’s never just sleeping when we’re in the same bed. I had a shitty day.
He couldn’t imagine having her job, the day in and day out of sick kids and bad news. But he wanted to help her get through her awful days, to unwind with him. He wanted her to know she could rely on him to help her de-stress from her shitty days.
Alex: Just sleep. I promise. I sleep better when you’re in my arms.
The text dots popped up, then vanished again. He took in a deep breath when they danced across his screen again.
Maggie: Okay. I’ll see you soon.
He set his phone aside and finished getting dressed. After giving a few sound bites, he was back in his car and driving to her house. They had a lot to talk about, but he wouldn’t spring it on her tonight. Tonight they would sleep, and tomorrow they would figure out what the fuck was going on between them. He hoped she was as invested as he was.
***
Thirty minutes later, he knocked on her door. It swung open before he could pull his hand back.
“Hi,” she said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. The rest of it was piled up on her head, and she had already put on her pjs. The shadows under her eyes were dark. He tugged her into his arms.
She sighed against his chest, her shaking breath washing across his throat.
“Hi, Mags. You look exhausted.”
She huffed out a laugh. “Tell me something I don’t know.”
He guided her back into her house, shutting the door behind him and leading her toward the kitchen table.
“What can I get you?” he asked.
“Nothing. I’m just glad you’re here. I’m sorry I missed the game, but it looked like a good one.”
“I played like shit, honestly. My good luck charm wasn’t there,” he said, brushing a kiss across her nose.
She laughed softly. “You know that’s all in your head, right? It was a good game.”
“Tell me what happened today,” he said, twining his fingers through hers. He needed to touch her constantly. It settled him.
“Camilla’s test results came back. She is having too many side effects from the clinical trial, but her results look slightly better than the last time. I wanted to give her mother that news as soon as I heard anything. And Henry has to stay in the hospital longer.”
“So good news and bad news today. I’m sorry about Henry, but that kid is amazing and he’s going to beat it.” But he knew his reassurances did little to ease her frustrations.
“I know I shouldn’t get so emotionally involved…”
“I wish I could help. You didn’t pick an easy, low-stress career.”
Her mouth quirked up at the side. “No kidding. But I love helping people. I just wish I could cure all of them.”
“It’s one of the things I love the most about you, Mags,” he said.
Shit. He hadn’t meant to tell her that already. Not that it wasn’t the complete truth, but her shocked expression made him wish he’d kept his damn mouth shut.
Right now was not the time for the conversation, but they needed to have it.
Holy crap.
He’d said it. Of course, she’d already assumed how he felt since she’d never stopped loving him, but this was way too fast. They had so much going on in their lives and it’d been less than a month since they’d seen each other after all those years.
“I love you, Mags. I never stopped. I know our schedules are crazy, but I want to spend every night that I’m in town with you. I want to wake up next to you and fall asleep with you,” he said, rubbing his thumb across her palm.
Her breath caught in her throat as she stared up at him. It was on the tip of her tongue to tell him she felt the same way, but something held her back. Her life was super busy and beyond stressful. She’d been distracted all week. Hell, all month, and she had to focus on her patients. On her career. Not that he was hindering that on purpose, but she couldn’t stop thinking about him.
And she was so damn tired all the time from late hours at the few of his games she’d managed to get to, and the lack of sleep she got when they were in the same bed.
Yes, supporting his career was important to her, but trying to figure out a relationship, and keep it healthy, was not easy. Especially in her first year of residency. She was still trying to get her bearings in a new city, at a new hospital.
“Alex. Don’t you think this is moving a little fast?”
Dammit. Why did he have to tell her this now? She didn’t want to think about anything other than sleep, but this conversation had been a long time coming. Well, in the few weeks since they’d been back in each other’s lives.
She saw the pain in his eyes and hated herself, but she had to figure out her priorities. Yes, he was one of them, but she’d worked so hard to get through medical school and had just started her residency. She had to find a balance in her life that included him but didn’t distract her from her job.
What if in three years she moved to another state when her residency was up? What if he was traded? Could she give him everything she had? Everything he deserved? She deserved?
Questions rolled through her brain, but she kept them internal.
His grip on her fingers loosened.
“Fast?” His laugh was bitter. “Mags, we’ve known each other for almost twenty years. And it feels like we’re slipping back to right where we left off, like the last four and a half years never happened. That’s not fast.”
“I know. It’s just that I have to focus on my job right now.” And then every fear spilled out.
“What if you get traded? What if I end up at a different hospital in a different state after I finish my residency? You want to talk long-term and pick up where we were before, but I need more time.”
He dropped her hands and pushed back from the table, pacing in front of her. “No. You need to be in control. You’re afraid of losing people. You always were. That’s why you ended it in college.”
“That’s not fair. We were twenty-one, I was about to start med school, and long-distance rarely works. That’s like the trifecta of not working out.” Why couldn’t he understand where she was coming from?
“Those are just excuses not to try. I know it’s a risk and our schedules are crazy, but how can you truly be happy if you don’t take a chance?”
“I just need some time,” she repeated woodenly. His points were all valid, but she still hesitated to give him everything he wanted. “Maybe I’m not what you need. Not what you deserve.”
“That’s bullshit and you know it. Don’t push this back on me because you’re scared.”
“But it didn’t work out before.” She was grasping.
“You gave up on us before. I guess it shouldn’t surprise me that you’re willing to do that again. You have excuse after excuse. Why can’t you just try? That’s all I want. I love you, and I know you still love me.”
“I do, but—”
“I should probably go,” he said, cutting her off. He walked toward the front door, not looking at her, and she bit back her sob.
“I just need a little time,” she said, internally cursing her cowardice and aching to reach for him, but she stayed frozen at the table.
“And I can’t wait around for you to decide that this is important to you,” he said, opening the door. The front door slammed and she sank back against her chair, her head falling to her arms on the table.
“I’m sorry, and I love you, too,” she whispered, the tears rolling down her cheeks. They’d only been back in each other’s lives for a few weeks, so why did it hurt more than it had years ago?
Chapter 7
The last two days had been brutal. She hadn’t heard a word from him, not that she should’ve since she’d asked for time.
What the hell was wrong with her?
She’d known before he walked out that door that she didn’t really
want time to think about it, to overanalyze what she wanted—what she needed from him.
She’d caught up on sleep since she saw him last. It hadn’t been as easy as she’d hoped since she missed his arms around her at night and the way his soft groans whispered over her skin when she innocently—hell, who was she kidding—brushed up against him while she slept.
She’d needed a day to stew over her issues, and now she was ready to take the risk she should’ve taken years ago. Yes, she had no way of knowing if they would’ve worked out. They’d been so young. Their careers and school just beginning.
But she wasn’t going to waste any more time. She knew better than most how fleeting time could be.
So here she was, standing at his front door, with her best dress on, and a sprig of mistletoe in her purse. Tonight was the team holiday party, and she wanted to go with him, as his girlfriend, or however he’d have her. She wanted to get to know his new family: his teammates. And she wanted to be on his arm and have him in her life.
But what if he wasn’t interested? What if Madison answered the door because he’d asked her to be his date for the night after Maggie had basically kicked him out? Oh god, this was a mistake.
No. It was not. She took in a deep breath and knocked on his door.
She rolled back her shoulders. She could do this. She could put her heart out there.
No, that wasn’t right. Her heart had always been out there with Alex. It was her brain that needed a little work.
“Maggie, what are you doing here?” Alex asked after he swung the door open. “And how did you get up here?”
“Umm, hi. You have me on your approved list, so the doorman let me in. I would’ve called ahead, but I wasn’t sure if you’d buzz me in.”
She focused on his eyes. They softened at her words, and her heart raced.
“Do you always dress like that when you stop by to visit people?” he asked, gesturing to her dress.
“Well, I thought maybe you still needed a date to your team holiday party,” she said, finally taking in the rest of him. His perfectly cut black suit made her mouth water, and she let out a soft laugh when her eyes landed on his reindeer tie.
“I thought you needed time,” he said, wary, and still not letting her in the condo.
“I’m an idiot and I never should’ve let you walk out of my house the other night. I’m sorry. I have to trust you. Us. And I do. I just freaked out because we’ve only been doing whatever this is for a few weeks and I missed you so much. And I’m tired of waking up alone in the morning when I know you’re in the same town as me.”
“So, I’m just a warm body?” he asked, leaning against the doorframe, and she quirked her brow.
“I mean, you’re insanely warm, but really, that’s what you got out of all of that?”
He grinned at her, and the butterflies took off at warp speed in her belly.
“Get in here,” he said, tugging her into his condo and shutting the door behind her.
She ached to jump in his arms, to tell him how sorry she was over and over again, but she wasn’t sure what to say next, and based on the look in his eyes, he was waiting for her to continue.
So she dove in.
“I love you, Alex Westbrook. I’ve always loved you. I want to wake up with you in the morning, and I need you to be the last thing I see at night, even if it’s just over Skype because you’re at an away game. I gave up too easily years ago, and that’s not going to happen again.”
“We were young. It took me a while, but I understand why you ended it when I was traded.”
“I should’ve at least given us the chance to work out.”
“We’re doing that now,” he said.
He lifted her in the air, holding her to his body as he strode toward the couch.
“Alex, what are you doing? Don’t you dare muss me up. We have a party to go to,” she said, then gasped as he sat down on the couch, her legs straddling his thighs. She was grateful she’d gone with a flowing dress tonight, and not a skintight one like Callie had recommended.
“I don’t care. You’re finally seeing things my way, and that calls for a celebration. You look stunning, by the way,” he said before he reached for the zipper at the back of her dress.
“So that’s it? I pour my heart out and you just want to strip me and have your way with me?” She tried to sound stern.
She failed miserably as a sigh slipped past her lips, the straps of her dress sliding down her arms.
“No one is ever on time for these things, anyway,” he said, leaning in and nuzzling her neck. “And in case it wasn’t clear, I’m in love with you, too. I never stopped. And maybe we needed the time apart to make it work now. I firmly believe we can make it work this time, Maggie.”
“You’re such a mushball, Alex. What would your teammates think?” she asked, cupping his jaw in her hand.
“I’m just being honest.”
She sighed again when he kissed her. He was all she’d ever wanted, and she planned to spend the rest of her life making sure he knew that.
“Alex, we have to go,” she said, finally breaking the kiss.
He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Fine, but I’m kissing you under every sprig of mistletoe I can find.”
“Can’t wait,” she said, gasping when he stood with her in his arms. She slid down his body, and he held her steady as she found her balance.
“Last chance,” he teased, brushing a quick kiss across her lips.
She tugged him to the front door.
“Don’t worry, if we can’t find any mistletoe, I have a sprig in my purse. Can you zip me?” she asked, turning her back to him.
“I’d rather not,” he grumbled as he slowly fixed her dress, pressing kisses along her back. Then he spun her, his arms tight around her waist. “I love you, Maggie. You walking back into my life is the best present ever.”
She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him down so their lips were inches apart. “Definitely the best present ever. I love you, Alex. And maybe tomorrow we could visit one of the ornament kiosks at the mall.”
“Yes. We have years to make up for.”
And then she closed the distance, her lips meeting his.
They were going to be extra late to the holiday party.
Have you read the first book in the San Francisco Strikers series, Breakout.
Penny Connor is putting the pieces of her life back in logical order. At least that’s the plan. Six months ago, her world imploded when she walked in on her fiancé with another woman. After calling off her wedding, she spent a week acting completely out of character in the Tuscan countryside with a scorchingly hot man. They didn’t even exchange last names.
Ethan Hartnell has grudgingly returned home. He’s got an image to fix after being traded to the San Francisco Strikers, due to some questionable behavior. He plans to keep his nose to the ice, focusing on the career he loves. Everything is going according to plan, until he walks into a friend’s bar and sees her. She’d left him in her bed in Italy, with a note, and run.
Which is exactly what the does when they see each other again.
It should be a sign.
So why does he keep chasing her?
Keep reading for an excerpt from Breakout.
Chapter 1
Crawling around on her hands and knees in her office was never a good way to start the day. If anyone walked in, they would see her ass up in the air, and her shoes kicked off next to her desk. Definitely not office appropriate. Penny’s hair slipped from her clip as she crawled toward her credenza, the uncooperative curls at it again.
She bit back her frustrated laughter, and blew a wayward blonde strand out of her eyes.
“Where is that damn clicker?”
She’d already dug through the files on her normally immaculate desk. Nothing. Her lack of organization caused her cheek to tick. She had a presentation in an hour for a new and extremely important client, and instead of going over her notes one las
t time, she was on the floor looking for her damn PowerPoint remote.
She peeked under the cabinet.
Lots of dust—gross. And the clicker.
She felt a twinge as she shifted on her right knee. Six months ago, she’d wiped out at her drunken bachelorette party. The bachelorette party that never should’ve happened. But after surprising her fiancé at his office, the morning of the party, and getting her own surprise when she’d walked in on his boss gyrating in Michael’s lap–the woman’s moans reminiscent of an episode of Wild Kingdom on Animal Planet–Penny had needed to numb the pain with martinis. A lot of martinis. And shots. She couldn’t forget the shots.
Damn cheating bastard.
That night, she hadn’t confessed to her friends that she’d called the wedding off. She couldn’t dwell on a cancelled wedding, a cancelled future, when she was tossing back shots and dancing until her knee gave out.
She’d learned many valuable lessons that evening.
Never wear a veil in a bar.
Never take three shots in a row, just “because you went to college.”
And “dropping it like it’s hot,” isn’t that hot when you end up sprawled out on the dance floor in pain.
She’d put a serious dent in her pride that night. At least from what she could recall.
She shook off her memories. It was over, and she had to stop thinking about the plans they’d made. Plans she’d counted on.
Her ex-fiancé was a forgotten memory. Not totally forgotten. But she was working on that.
Her honeymoon—well, that was another story.
Stop it.
She was completely distracted, but she was nervous about today, and her brain was flitting off in random directions. Hence, the messy desk and disappearing clicker. She stuck her hand under the credenza, grasped the offending clicker, and sat back on her heels.
The less time on her knees the better. She always feared it would dislocate on her again. And she did not have time for that right now.
She stood up and sank down into her chair, grabbing the Alexander file. She was prepared, but one more run-through would make her feel better.
All I Want (San Francisco Strikers Book 5) Page 6