“True, but when I teach I’m usually in jeans or slacks, something casual. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you wear something so… relaxed.”
I really didn’t know what to say to that. Had he never seen me relaxed before? “So what are you trying to say? That I’m too uptight?”
Anthony laughed and threw a lazy grin in my direction. “I didn’t have to. You just said it for me.” Then before I could respond, he tapped his hand on the trunk. “Come on; let’s get you unloaded so we can get the tents set up.”
I rolled my eyes and pressed the latch on the trunk and pulled it open. “Anywhere particular you want this stuff?”
Anthony surveyed the contents of the car and burst into laughter. “Did you buy the entire store?” he asked when he saw me looking at him in confusion.
“No,” I said defensively. “The guy at the store helped me pick out the items he said I’d need for the trip.”
Anthony continued to laugh hysterically as he started to pull items out of the trunk. “So a lantern and a camping stove are needed?” He pointed at the stove the camp sight provided, and the light fixtures situated strategically in the surrounding area.
“That’s what Andrew said.” I pouted as I pulled out a fishing pole and tackle box.
Anthony eyed what was in my hands and doubled over in laugher. “Do you-” he tried to catch his breath before he continued to talk. “Do you even know how to fish?”
I blushed at his question and continued to pull more items out of the car.
“I think you have enough bug spray there.” Anthony snickered as I pulled out the combo pack with no less than six different bottles.
“I wasn’t sure if Jackson would be sensitive to any particular one.”
I didn’t miss his eye roll. “Dude, bug spray is bug spray.”
“You’re enjoying this aren’t you?” I asked and crossed my arms over my chest.
“Oh, you better believe it,” Anthony replied with a chuckle as he pulled out my tent.
“Shut up,” I growled and grabbed mine and Jackson’s sleeping bags.
Anthony just laughed some more and walked over to where his tent was set up. I was pretty sure I heard words like “sucker” and “big commission” as he walked away. And he was right. Andrew definitely did find a sucker when I walked into that store and earned him a huge commission. Well, until I took the shit back. I just had to remember where I put that receipt.
Much later, after the tents had been set up—Jackson insisted on having his own—and most of the stuff was stashed back inside my car, I finally let myself relax. The combination of the lightly rippling water from the lake, and the crackling campfire Anthony started, had me closing my eyes and leaning back in the camp chair.
“It’s peaceful isn’t it,” Anthony mused.
I hadn’t realized I’d spoken aloud until Anthony said something. Instead of saying anything else, I just made a humming sound in my throat.
“I’ve been coming here for years. It’s the one spot where I can come to get away for a bit and recharge,” Anthony said, and I could hear the relaxation in his voice.
My eyes sprung open when the weight of what he said sunk in. “I didn’t realize. Thank you for letting Jackson and I intrude on your weekend.”
Anthony chuckled and lazily slid his eyes over to mine. “I wasn’t saying that to make you feel like you’re intruding on my weekend here. I was just saying I know how you feel when it comes to being relaxed up here, because I feel the same way. Which is why I come up here often.”
Before I had a chance to say anything else, Jackson ran up to me from where he had been playing at the edge of the lake. “Dad, look,” he said and held out his hand. Lake water dripped all over my bare knee, and I jumped when the cold water hit me.
“What is it?” I asked and tried to hide my disgust at the creepy bug looking thing in his hand.
“A crawdad! Can we keep it? Please?” he asked and thrust the thing farther into my face.
I shrank back into my seat and crinkled my nose. “Absolutely not. Put that thing back in the water where it belongs. Then you need to go to the bathhouse, and take a shower to wash all that later water off you.”
Jackson looked at the crawdad in his hand and then back at me with a pleading look in his eyes, but it wasn’t going to work. That thing belonged in the water, not at my house. And with a final shake of my head, Jackson stomped away and back toward the edge of the lake. I kept my eye on him as he stood there, the water lapping at his feet, as he stared down at the ugly little creature in his hand. Then he squatted down and gently dipped his hand in the water and let the thing go. My heart melted a little at that sight. He really was such a sweet kid.
“Shower,” I called out to him a few minutes later.
“I’m going,” he sassed before stomping over to his tent to grab some clothes, and the change required to turn the shower on.
Anthony snickered beside me. “You’re ridiculous.”
I turned to stare at him. “What do you mean?”
“Look around you, Mr. Anderson, we are fucking camping. We are at a lake. Let the kid get dirty. Let him play with crawdads and shove them in a water filled container for a little while. Let him get dirty. Just let him have some fun. If you aren’t willing to let him do that, then why did you even bother coming?”
I was gob smacked. He was right, and it stung. I did need to loosen up a bit and let Jackson have some fun this weekend. What would it hurt him for to get a little dirty and play with some weird craw thing he found in the water?
“Yeah, you’re right,” I said, feeling a bit disheartened.
Anthony sighed. “Look man, I’m not trying to tell you how to raise your kid. You’re obviously doing a damned good job with him, because he’s amazing. I just don’t want you to have any regrets later on when it comes time to look back at this stuff.”
I nodded and smiled my thanks when he commented how great Jackson was. He was a great kid, and I wasn’t just being biased. My son had the kindest heart of any kid I knew, and he had a gentle disposition even though he’d inherited his mother’s crazy temper.
“Thankfully, I only have one regret right now.” I sighed and melted back into my chair. I smiled as Jackson finally emerged from his tent, with a towel and some clothes, and walked over to the bathhouse.
“Thanks for telling him off, Anthony,” Jackson called out on his way, and I laughed heartily.
“Anytime, pal!” Anthony called back with a huge grin on his face. “What regret might that be?”
I opened one eye and looked at him. I knew exactly what he was thinking. And he was wrong. So very wrong. So wrong in fact, that if I regretted anything about last night, it was that I hadn’t got to do it longer. As confused as I was about what happened, the only thing I knew for sure was how right it felt. When I was at work today I had tried to check out other men. During my lunch break, I caught myself looking at a few to see if I’d be interested in kissing or touching them. That’s when I knew that I wasn’t attracted to men in general. I was attracted to Anthony because of the person he was.
“Easy, I regret not doing this camping thing sooner.”
“Really?” he asked
I opened both eyes and stared at him. “Yup. Everything else that I’ve done, including kissing you, I don’t regret one bit. I just wish we could do it again.”
Chapter 16
Anthony
My jaw came unhinged and felt like it landed on my lap. Did he really just say that to me? Where did this brave dude come from? He wasn’t drinking, so he didn’t have the liquid courage from last night. So was he actually in to me? And even if he was, was I okay with the fact that he had never been with a man before? I wasn’t sure I could handle that.
I nervously moistened my lips and sat up slowly in my chair, letting my hands dangle loosely between my legs. “Marcus, listen,” I started to say.
“Oh god, here we go,” Marcus cut me off sarcastically. “Please save me the
, it’s not you, it’s me spiel. Or that Jackson is your student so it’s not appropriate, crap. I get it. It’s fine.”
I gaped at him as he jerked up from his chair and stalked off toward the lake. He was barefoot, with his shoes discarded beside his seat, so the water lapped up gently over his toes. His hands were on his hips, and I could tell from his stance how pissed off he was. And him pissed at me was the last thing I wanted.
Jackson chose that moment to walk out of the bathhouse, fresh from his shower, and waltzed over to his dad. I couldn’t make out what was being said, but I watched as Marcus laid his hand on top of Jackson’s head and bent down to kiss his head. Jackson quickly gave his father a hug and then trotted off. Then I was completely surprised when Jackson ran over and quickly hugged me goodnight as well, before crawling into his tent and zipping it shut.
I expected Marcus to amble back over to me, but instead he stood there on the shoreline looking out at the water. From his tense shoulders, and the way he reached up to scratch his cheek, I knew he was feeling anxious; and I knew it was because of me. Because of what I was attempting to say to him.
I felt unsettled and there was an uneasiness in my chest as I watched Marcus stand there. Sleep wouldn’t be a possibility if I retired to my tent and didn’t try to make things right with Marcus. Not only because I was his son’s teacher, but also because I was starting to think of Marcus as a friend. So with as much energy as I could muster, because I was very freaking comfortable, I heaved myself out of my chair and walked over to where Marcus was standing.
“Marcus,” I said when I stopped beside him and felt the water lap over my bare toes. “We need to talk.”
“I think you said all you needed to say,” Marcus responded as he continued to stare at the water.
“No, I didn’t,” I said. His head whipped around and his eyes met mine. The accusation was in those pools of chocolate, and I continued speaking to set him straight. “I didn’t. You spoke for me and said what you thought I was going to say.”
Marcus sighed and shuffled until his body was facing mine. Then he crossed his arms over his broad chest and stared at me. “Really? So you weren’t going to say any of what I mentioned?”
I grimaced. No point in lying. “A little,” I admitted.
Marcus’s eyes went heavenward and he sighed in exasperation. “Then what is the point of this conversation?” He made a move like he was going to turn back around, and I placed my hand on his forearm to stop him.
“I like you Marcus, I really like you,” I said. And it was true. I did like him, a lot. And saying that out loud was the first time I even admitted it to myself. “But do you honestly think we could make a go of this? Really?” I asked him and quirked my eyebrow at him.
“Why couldn’t we?”
I moved my thumb on the hand that still gripped his arm, slowly letting it caress him. “Marcus, have you ever kissed a man before me?”
Marcus shook his head no.
“Have you ever looked at another man as anything other than a friend before?”
Again another no.
“Then how do you know with one hundred percent certainty that you actually want me? Maybe you’re just experiencing gratitude for me helping Jackson and your emotions are confused. I know, from what I’ve heard, that you’ve been a single parent for a long time and maybe you’re confusing loneliness with… something else.”
Marcus stared at me. Really stared at me. As if he could see what I wasn’t telling him. “You’ve been burned in the past by a situation like this, haven’t you?”
I looked toward the water, not able to meet his gaze. “More times than I’d like to admit. But I’ve learned my lesson. I can’t be put back in the closet, and I can’t let my emotions get played with while someone who’s confused about their sexuality tries to figure it out. I’m not a toy to be played with.” And then I added to lighten up the mood, “I play with the toys.”
Marcus didn’t reply for a while after that. Instead we just stood there, on the shoreline and watched the small ripples in the water. It really was a beautiful scene. The moon was high and reflected off the lake, creating a haunting glow. Millions of stars twinkled in the sky, creating shapes and constellations that people swear they could see, but I was never able to find. The dying fire crackled behind us, and the nightly song of the crickets filled the air. It was so freaking peaceful.
“I was so fucking hurt when my wife left me,” Marcus finally spoke, so softly that I almost didn’t hear him. “I wasn’t happy in my marriage, but I tried with everything I had in me to make it work—for Jackson. I didn’t want him to grow up without his mother, but once she left I realized it was for the best. She was a miserable human being and in turn, made our lives equally miserable.”
I wanted to ask him why he even married her, but didn’t want to risk it. He was talking and just needed me to listen. So instead I stood there, my hand still on him, while my thumb rubbed the same spot on his arm.
“I know what you’re thinking,” he said with a bitter laugh. “Why did I marry her? I used to tell myself it was because I loved her. But now looking back, I know it’s because I felt like it was the next step. We dated in high school so of course getting married was the next logical thing to do. But she changed once our vows were taken. I actually thought about leaving her and even met with a divorce lawyer. But when I went home to tell her I wanted to end our marriage, she told me she was pregnant. So I stayed. And then she was the one who left me.”
I squeezed his arm, prompting him to continue, and to let him know that I was paying attention to every word he spoke.
“It wasn’t the fact that she left that hurt me. It was the fact that she left Jackson. She didn’t just leave him, she abandoned him. And he did not deserve that.”
No, the little dude definitely did not deserve that. But I wasn’t going to speak that thought aloud and risk Marcus shutting down on me.
“I haven’t dated since Rebecca left,” he finally said. Ah, so that’s the bitch’s name. “I haven’t even been remotely interested in dating anyone. No one was able ever to catch my attention, no matter how many women tried. And yes, that includes Kathy,” he added with a soft laugh.
I laughed with him, and he finally turned his gaze to meet mine and our eyes locked. My breath caught at the fire that blazed behind those gorgeous brown eyes of his. And had I not been standing there, locked on to his arm, my knees would have given out from under me. And then he said five words that took my breath away.
“And then I met you.”
“What?” What else could I say?
Marcus pursed his lips but didn’t break eye contact. “I’m not saying this is going to be easy. And I’m not saying that I’m still not confused with everything that is going on. But what I am saying is that I really like you, Anthony. And I feel that, even though you’re Jackson’s teacher and I’ve never been with a man before, that if we really try, we could make something of this.”
Was he really suggesting that we date? I couldn’t believe it. He’d literally just laid it all right out there for me, pretty much bared his soul to me, and all I could muster was one fucking squeaky word. I had to do better than that.
“Are you sure?” Perfect. That was so much better.
Marcus smiled gently at me. “Not at all. This is a big risk for me. I have my son to think about. So if this doesn’t work out, we’d still have to see each other for the duration of the school year.”
“Exactly,” I said and he shushed me by uncrossing one of his arms and pressing his hand over my mouth.
“But, it’s a risk I’m willing to take.” His eyes burned into mine. “Unless,” he added softly and bit down on his bottom lip, “unless it’s one you aren’t.”
Those soft words made my mind up for me. Yes it was risky. Yes I was putting myself in a situation I swore I’d never be in again. But I could already feel in my gut that it’d be worth it. So instead of answering him, I did the only thing I could think of.
I removed my hand from his arm, and I instantly saw his eyes fill with disappointment. And when he started to back away from me, I reached out and grasped him by the back of his neck. Surprise quickly replaced the disappointment as I pulled him closer to me and pressed my lips on his.
This time when we kissed, I didn’t pull away. I didn’t stop him when he wrapped his arms around my waste and pulled me closer to him. I didn’t pull away when I felt the throaty groan vibrate against my mouth. And I sure as hell didn’t run away when I felt the first swipe of his tongue against my lips. There was no way in hell any of that was going to happen.
Nope, instead I pressed my hips against his to show him how much I wanted him, which only elicited a groan of pure pleasure from deep within him. I wrapped my arms around his neck to hold him tight against me. And I opened my mouth to allow him access as our tongues tangled together. And oh, could the man kiss.
The song of the crickets was replaced by our heavy breathing and moans. The moon shined down on our make out session like a peeping Tom. And the water lapping at our feet helped cool off the heat our bodies were creating.
“So are we really going to do this?” Marcus asked when he finally pulled away to catch his breath.
“Looks that way to me,” I replied, just as breathless.
And then before I could say anything else, Marcus was crashing into me again. I’d be lying to myself if I said it was just a kiss to seal our deal or to say goodnight. Goodnight kisses weren’t that fiery. But if this was how ignited we became from a mere kiss, then I could only imagine how explosive it’d be when I finally got him naked.
Chapter 17
Marcus
I was dating a man. I couldn’t believe it. I was actually dating someone, and that someone was a man. And I was actually okay with it. And I was really freaking happy. Our weekend spent camping was one of the best weekends of my life, and for once I was actually dreading Monday.
We didn’t do a damn thing while we were at that camp sight. We simply relaxed. It was amazing to not worry about checking my email every few minutes. And it was pure joy to watch Jackson run around and play in the lake. His easy smile and belly laughs were things I longed to hear and hoped that I would again. And all of it was because of Anthony.
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