“No, I’m not okay.” I pulled on my shirt collar with my finger. Had it always been that tight? “I need…” Was I really about to admit this? “I need your help with… something.”
Sheila cocked her head to the side. “Okay? Is it about the upcoming holiday party? Do you need help planning it?”
“No,” I said awkwardly. Fuck I hated feeling this vulnerable. “Well, I mean yes, I’ll need help with that obviously, but right now I’m talking about something else.”
“What is it?” she asked and set her pen down on top of her notebook.
I stared at Sheila as I figured out what I was going to say. Was I really about to ask her help with this? And that answer was, yes, of course I was. Sheila was my closest, and pretty much my only friend. And over the years we had worked together, she had not only shown that I could talk to her about anything, she also showed that she was tight lipped and trust worthy. Anything I said to her behind a closed office door would remain there. As soon as she walked out of my office, the conversation would never be brought up again unless I mentioned it first. She was a treasure to have as my personal assistant and friend. And she really, really did deserve a raise.
Most people would find it odd that I was asking my personal assistant, slash friend, who was also a straight woman, for advice when it came to having sex. But when it came down to it, I wouldn’t have wanted to go to anyone else. Sheila was my go to for everything. She was the first person I told when Rebecca left me. She was the one I went to freaking out one afternoon when the realization that Jackson suffered from dyslexia finally hit me, and she reassured me that it wasn’t anything I did wrong raising him. Sheila was literally my person, and if I had to choose anyone to go to for advice, I’d pick her every single time.
“Is it something to do with Jackson?” she asked when I didn’t answer her. “Just spit it out, man.”
“I want to go to the next step with Anthony, and I’m not sure how to go about it.” Well that wasn’t exactly how I planned to say it. I didn’t plan on that sentence coming out in one quick rush, to the point where all the words ran together. And I didn’t expect to be holding my breath and ending the sentence on a shrill note. But yup, that’s how it came out.
Sheila gaped at me. At first I thought I had rendered her speechless, until I saw the twinkle in her eye. Then her lips pursed together, and I could tell she was trying extremely hard not to laugh at me. And that’s when the blush stained my cheeks and regret instantly overtook me.
“Sorry, forget I asked,” I said and looked down at my desk. Vulnerability was not a feeling I enjoyed experiencing at all. And neither was embarrassment. And right now, I was dealing with both.
“No, no,” she rushed to say. “Stop feeling embarrassed. I’m glad you came to me for help with this.”
“Then why are you laughing?” I asked her warily.
“Because you sounded funny when you asked it,” she explained. “You literally said ‘IwanttogothenextstepwithAnthonyandI’mnotsurehowtogoaboutit’ and it made me giggle,” she said with a half-assed shrug.
“Whatever,” I said with a sigh and ran my hand through my hair. “So what do I do?”
“Well,” she said thoughtfully. “It all depends on just how far you want to go.”
I gave her a look and hoped like hell she was able to interpret what it meant. Thank god she was able to, because I just wasn’t sure I could verbalize what I was thinking.
“Ohhhhh,” she said with a slow nod, and I felt my cheeks burn again from embarrassment. “Well obviously you know what you want. So what’s the problem? Is it that you don’t know how? Because I can always draw you a picture if you need me to.”
I laughed at that concept. “No, it’s just I don’t know how to tell him what I want without coming off like an idiot. He’s obviously done this before and I haven’t. And,” was I really going to tell her this? I might as well since I basically just told her I wanted to have ass sex with my boyfriend. “I haven’t been with anyone since Rebecca.”
That elicited an explosive reaction. “Are you freaking kidding me? That’s just insane! I can’t believe it.”
I stared at her. “Why is that so hard to believe? It’s not like I’ve had the time to go out and date. It’s hard to do that while raising Jackson. This thing with Anthony just happened.”
She returned my stare until realization hit her. “You honestly have no idea, do you? That woman must’ve done a huge number on you.”
“What are you talking about?” I hated when she spoke in circles around me.
“I’m talking about you and how you don’t realize just what a catch you are. There are more than a few women at this firm who’d love to let you eat crackers in their bed, among other things. And to think they get to find out at the holiday party that they lost out to an equally sexy as sin dude?” Sheila let loose a loud cackle. That’s the only word appropriate enough to describe her laugh. “Oh, this is going to be rich. Especially since I can’t stand that skank, Jenna, from accounting. He is coming to the party right?”
Uh, shit. “I hadn’t thought about it since we’re relatively new.”
Sheila rolled her eyes. “So I’ll put you down as a plus one. But we’ll discuss more of that later. Anyway, here is what you need to do about the other situation you’re having.”
For the next twenty minutes Sheila helped me formulate a plan of action. With the help of a few websites that she swore on, and a couple phone calls later, I was ready to put it into play. I wasn’t sure which was more disturbing though. The fact that Sheila could recite the websites from memory, or that she was able to tell me exactly which things to look up and was able to describe them with amazing detail. I hoped Anthony was ready to go along with what I had in mind. Otherwise, the night I had planned was going to end up a complete and utter shit show.
Chapter 20
Anthony
I lost my virginity when I was sixteen. It was to a guy on the track team named Robert who pretended to be straight, until it was time to put my dick in his mouth under the bleachers. It wasn’t the best way to spend an afternoon, but it got the awkward first time issue out of the way. And apparently, helped Robert figure out if he was straight or not. Evidently, sucking my dick and swallowing the load that shot out when he was done, and putting his dick up my ass, helped him realize that he preferred women. Or so he claimed being straight when he started dating the class door knob, if you know what I mean. Considering every dude in our high school, plus the neighboring school a few towns over, had a turn with her.
So once that first initial booty juke was done and over with, I hadn’t had to go long periods of time without sex. I wasn’t saying I was a slut or anything, but I did have a healthy sexual appetite and finding someone to hook up wasn’t a hardship for me. Over the years since Robert, I was in a few relationships, with Sebastian lasting the longest of them all, so having sex on a regular basis was something I’d become accustomed to. So needless to say, this was the longest I’d gone without any physical contact, aside from kisses, in a very long time. Seventeen years to be exact. But funny thing was, I was the one who kept putting the brakes on things.
Every single time Marcus and I had some time alone from Jackson, we wound up with our lips pressed together, tongues tangled, and our hands roamed. And for the most part they stayed above the waist, until Marcus decided to explore. But whenever his hand would graze the obvious bulge in my pants, I stopped him. Because I knew he wasn’t ready yet. His body might have told him that he was, his hot kisses might have gotten me wanting to pound his ass, but I knew his mind wasn’t all the way there. And I refused to let him take that next step until all of him was ready to go. So even though it was extremely hard to slow him down, and seeing the rejection in his eyes killed me, I had to take one for the team and stop him. Fuck, being good sucked—and not in a good way at all.
It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be with Marcus in that way. I was dying to be inside him, and vice versa since I w
as very flexible, but not until I knew the time was right. If I had to wait, and damn waiting sucked a lot, I would. Marcus was well worth it. Although, my libido said to bend that man over his bed and take him to pound town.
But on the other hand, it was kind of fun building up our relationship without much of the physical aspect involved. It surprised me that I even had that notion. I wasn’t saying I jumped into the sack or had a dude bent over my kitchen counter on the first date, but it was definitely a done deal by the second or third. And even though Sebastian, the sucky ex, and I were together for two years, I could say with confidence that what I had with Marcus was my first real adult relationship. Monogamy and exclusivity were two words that Marcus took to heart, and he was very serious about following through with what those words meant to him. The little bit I had learned about Marcus’s heart made my own thump wildly whenever I was in his presence. And since I cared about him so much already, in such a short amount of time, I was willing to wait instead of risk losing the first good thing I had going for me in such a long time.
I was seated behind my desk on a Friday pretending to supervise my students while they took a test when an email came through. I knew who it was without having to check, and I couldn’t keep the smile off my face. We had long since exchanged phone numbers and over the course of the month had become quite comfortable with sending various types of texts. We sent: funny ones, sarcastic ones, goofy pictures, and even a few sexts. But for some reason, during work hours, he preferred to send emails. And even though I wouldn’t actually admit it to his face, I loved it, but I think he knew it.
Mr A.
I look forward to seeing you at my house tonight at seven o’clock, sharp. Dinner will be ready and I expect you to have a voracious appetite.
Best regards,
Chef for hire
Only he could send such a stuffy sounding email and end it with a cute little snarky name like that. I instantly replied, any thoughts of watching for kids cheating off each other or talking went on the backburner.
Sexy Chef,
I’d like to offer you the position of being my short order cook for an extended period of time. I’ll make sure to arrive at seven-ish. Give or take a minute or twenty. You know punctuality isn’t something I’m good at. And who uses big words like voracious in an email?
See you at seven,
Starving boyfriend
I loved his emails.
****
“Where’s Jackson?” I asked after Marcus let me into his house. I toed off my shoes and sniffed deeply as delicious scents of garlic and tomato sauce assaulted my nose. My man knew how to cook.
Marcus leaned in and gave me a kiss that I eagerly returned. I’d never pass up a chance to kiss him, even the smallest and briefest of pecks.
“He’s staying the night at Quincy’s,” he said as he walked back into the kitchen.
Well that was good news. I leaned against the doorway and watched as he stirred some sauce on the stove. My eyes roamed over his broad back and down to his tight ass that was covered in a tight pair of jeans. Even his bare feet were sexy.
“So we’re alone?” I asked and wiggled my brows when he turned to look at me from over his shoulder.
“That we are. I figured we could use some adult time, and he loves going to Quincy’s any chance he can get.”
I nodded and didn’t say another word as I watched him finish preparing dinner. I loved watching him move around the kitchen. He did it with such fluidity and grace that he was mesmerizing. He made jokes about how his cooking wasn’t that great and other jabs that rubbed me the wrong way. I knew a lot of it had to do with that bitch of an ex-wife pumping that bullshit into his head when they were married, and it pissed me off.
“Watcha thinking about over there?” Marcus asked as he pulled down plates and glasses.
“Just how cute you are,” I said with a wink and shoved off the wall to go help him. We quickly had the table set and our plates loaded with spaghetti with meatballs and garlic bread. Our asses were planted in seats at the table across from each other, and our glasses were filled with a delicious red wine. Marcus really went all out for our “adult time”, and I loved every second of it.
Once dinner was eaten and the mess was cleaned up, Marcus and I retreated to his living room to lounge on the couch. I relaxed in the soft leather material and sighed in contentment when he leaned against me. I wrapped my arm around his shoulders as he snuggled into my side and kissed the top of his head.
“Thanks for dinner,” I murmured into his light brown hair.
“Any time,” he replied and planted a kiss on my chest.
I couldn’t stop myself, and I used my free hand to cup his chin and tilt his face up. He licked his lips slowly and I leaned down to press mine against his and groaned when our tongues touched. The faint hint of garlic, mixed with the tangy sauce and sweet red wine, danced on my taste buds and made me want to devour him whole. The angle of our bodies and the slant of Marcus’s head enabled me to deepen the kiss so I was able to taste even more of him.
Marcus had other ideas, and with a simple twist of his body he pushed me flat against the back of the couch, and he was straddling my lap. Then he grabbed the back of my head with both of his hands and crushed his mouth back against mine. I put my hands on his hips and kissed him with reckless abandon, loving that I didn’t have to try and stifle my moans as I swallowed every sound he made. Then his hips started to move with every thrust of his tongue, and I knew I had to break the kiss when our erections rubbed together. Reluctantly, I pulled back and groaned loudly against his chest.
My fingers tightened on his hips hard enough to bruise, and I felt his lips kiss along my jaw. My head fell back against the couch cushion, giving him easier access to my neck and when I felt his teeth bite into the tender flesh, followed by a swipe of his tongue to ease the sting, I nearly came in my pants.
“Wait,” I said breathlessly. We had gotten carried away yet again, and I had to put a stop to things. “We need to stop.”
“What? Why?” Marcus asked in shock.
“I just think we need to take it slow,” I said lamely without meeting his eyes. I couldn’t look at him and see the pain I caused him.
“What the fuck is going on, Anthony?” Marcus asked angrily and climbed off my lap. “Every damn time we seem to move to the next step, you always put a stop to it. Am I doing something wrong?”
“No!” I said and stood up to face him. Fuck, this was going all wrong.
Marcus ran has hand through his hair and licked his lips. “Then I don’t understand why you keep stopping. Obviously, you can tell I want you.”
“I just,” I began to say. “I don’t want to push you. I want you to wait until you’re completely ready so you don’t have any regrets.”
“Don’t you think I know when I’m ready?” Marcus asked and threw up his hands in frustration. “I’m pretty sure I’d know whether I was ready, or not. I’m not a child.”
Damn. He had a valid point. I opened my mouth to respond but he continued to speak.
“I’ve been trying for weeks to take things to the next step and you keep stopping. If you don’t want me, then tell me and I’ll stop making an ass out of myself.”
Oh no. No. No. No. That was why he thought I kept stopping? He thought I didn’t want him? Oh fuck that!
Without another word, I stalked closer to Marcus and kissed him hard. I kissed him like I needed his breath for my own. And I used my tongue to show him exactly what I planned to do with him the second I got his clothes off him.
“Take me to your room. Now.”
Chapter 21
Marcus
Finally! It was finally happening. I was practically giddy as bubbles of excitement welled from deep inside me. I didn’t give Anthony another moment to hesitate after he issued his husky demand. Instead, I grabbed his hand and practically dragged him down the hall to my bedroom. He had thought I wasn’t ready. That I didn’t know what I wanted.
But he was wrong. So very wrong. I wanted him more than I wanted to breathe.
Anthony shut the door behind us, not that it was necessary, and then stalked closer to me. The hungry look in his eyes made my breath hitch and when he wiggled his finger for me to come closer, well, there was no way I could do anything but obey him.
I stopped in front of him, my toes touching his, and I waited for him to make the next move. I was hardly a virgin, but this was a completely different experience for me. And anticipation made my pulse throb and desire burn deep inside me.
With a steady finger, Anthony reached under the hem of my t-shirt, and he traced the skin of my stomach. My abdominal muscles twitched and my body swayed closer to him. Fuck, he barely touched me and I was already coming unhinged.
“I’m going to ask you this one more time,” Anthony said as his finger grazed over the button of my pants. I held in a groan and bit down hard on my lip. “Are you sure?”
I closed my eyes and nodded as I tried to reign in my self-control.
“Open your eyes and tell me,” he demanded.
My eyes flickered open and I watched him catch his breath at the desire I didn’t even try to hide. I wanted him and needed him to see just how much. “I’m sure,” I said with a firm voice as my eyes locked on his.
And that was all he needed to hear. His hands shot up under my shirt, and as his palms slid up my stomach and chest, he pulled the material with him. In one swift motion, he pulled the shirt off and dropped it on the floor. Then I watched as he reached down to grasp the edge of his own shirt and slipped it over his head, as well.
“Come here,” he said and stretched his hands back out to grab me around the waist.
Our lips fused back together, and I groaned into his mouth when our bare chests touched. The skin against skin contact had my blood rushing straight to my cock and heat through my veins. His hands ran down my back to my ass and when they finally touched me there, he squeezed hard and pulled my hips against his. The friction of the denim from my jeans combined with my shaft rubbing against his had me moaning deep into his mouth.
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