It wasn’t Jody’s leaving that was the problem. It was her leaving without telling them, without a warning. And then keeping them in the dark for so long about her whereabouts. No phone call. No e-mail. Nothing.
Did Jody ever consider what they were going through? Talk about heartless. How could the daughter for whom she’d given her life do such a thing to her own mother? To her own father and brother?
Heat coursed through Sonia’s veins. As much as she didn’t want to admit it, Jody’s actions had left a permanent scar on her. And not only on her, but on Rick and Ben as well. For Rick, it was a scar that eventually led to his death.
The heavy weight of grief threatened to overwhelm her. In a way, Ben was right. Jody had killed her father.
Sonia leaned forward toward Jody. “I’m so sorry you left, too. So very, very sorry.” She wanted to say more but bit her tongue, remembering God’s warning that saying too much would eventually lead to sin. Lord, I give You my pain. In exchange, give Me Your grace and forgiveness for Jody.
Peace settled over Sonia’s soul. She took her daughter’s hand. “Jody, I can’t lie to you and say that your leaving didn’t cause me incredible pain and suffering. I also can’t lie and say that I haven’t wrestled between my longing to see you and my deep anger at what you did. But I can say that I have chosen to forgive you in my heart. Now I’m trusting God to align my emotions with my decision.”
She’d spoken the truth in love. She’d decided to forgive. “We can’t change the past. We can only learn from it. It’s time to move forward.” As she spoke the words in faith, bitterness dissolved into grace.
Tears spilled down Jody’s cheeks. “Mom, I was so afraid you would turn me away.” She wiped her eyes. “But I came back, hoping you wouldn’t.”
Sonia rose and embraced her daughter. “How could I turn you away when our Lord didn’t turn me away? How could I not forgive you, when our Lord forgave me?”
She held her daughter close to her heart. “Welcome home, honey.” Sonia let the tears flow freely. “Welcome home.”
****
The next morning Jody awakened in her own bedroom. Everything was exactly as she’d left it. Not a thing was out of place. Had her mother expected her to return one day? Or had she not been able to bring herself to convert the room to another use?
Jody’s old guitar still rested on its stand in the corner of the room. The guitar she used to play as a self-conscious fifteen year old too clumsy to play sports. She’d practiced hard and gotten good enough to play in the church worship band. Next to her guitar, in a little green rocking chair beside the dresser, sat her Winnie-the-Pooh teddy bear, a gift from her parents when she was two. Winnie was worn and ragged, but happy, as shown by the perpetual smile on his face.
On the wall above her head still hung the picture of Jesus hugging a group of little children. How often as a child had she looked at that picture and wondered if Jesus would hug her, too? Even the lavender curtains with the frilly yellow trim still hung from the two casement windows that overlooked the backyard. Semi-circles of snow now clung to the corners of the windowpanes, forming graceful arcs that sparkled in the morning sunlight.
Jody sat up in bed. The twins. Where were the twins? She’d been so sound asleep she hadn’t heard them awaken. She crawled out of bed, grabbed her robe from the chair where she’d laid it the night before, and wrapped it around her. Then she hurried down the narrow, carpeted hallway toward the back staircase.
The sound of her mother’s voice floated upward from the kitchen. “Shall we build a snowman today after Christmas dinner?”
Giggles of delight filled the room as the twins clapped their hands in unison. “Yes, Grandma.” Micah’s voice boomed. “Let’s build a snowman.”
“A big, big snowman, Grandma.” Greta voiced her opinion.
The mouth-watering aroma of roasting turkey greeted Jody as she entered the kitchen. “Merry Christmas.”
The children ran toward her and threw their arms around her. “Merry Christmas, Mommy. We’re going to build a snowman with Grandma. Do you want to help us?”
Jody looked at her mother. “Was this their idea or yours?”
Her mother laughed. “A little bit of both. It snowed quite a bit during the night. We have the makings of a magnificent snowman.”
Jody poured herself a cup of coffee. “I can’t believe they awoke before I did.” She pulled up a chair and sat at the table across from her mother. “What time did Ben get back?”
Her mother sighed. “He didn’t.”
Jody’s stomach knotted. “What do you mean? Was he out all night in this weather?”
Her mother took a sip of her coffee. “I’m sure he spent the night with friends. The same friends who have been leading him astray.”
Jody leaned forward. “Mom, what’s going on? What’s been happening around here since I left?”
Sonia called toward the children. “Greta. Micah. Would you like to do some puzzles while Grandma and Mommy talk?”
“No, Grandma. We want to build a snowman.”
“We will but not right now. Mommy and I have to talk first. Then we’ll have Christmas dinner. And then the four of us will go out and build a really big snowman.”
Greta sidled up to her grandmother. “Will that man help us, Grandma?”
“You mean Uncle Ben.” Sonia drew her grandchild close. “If he gets back in time, sweetheart. Now run along and play with the puzzles. I left them for you on the coffee table in the living room.”
Greta took Micah by the hand. “Let’s go, Micah. Let’s go do some puzzles.”
Micah reluctantly followed his sister, leaving Jody and her mother to have a long overdue, heart-to-heart talk.
****
Sonia prayed a silent prayer for wisdom. She didn’t want to ruin everything by saying something she shouldn’t say or by not saying something she should. She wanted to be completely honest with Jody, but, as the Scriptures commanded, she wanted to speak the truth in love.
She took a deep breath. “After you left, everything fell apart. Your Dad and I were frantic. Neither of us could sleep. When you didn’t come home that first night, we called the police. They told us they couldn’t do anything until you were missing for twenty-four hours, that most missing persons returned home within a day, so a search might not be necessary. You can imagine what that did to your father and me. With the help of neighbors and several people from church, we started searching on our own. We scoured the neighborhood, the park, and every single place we could think of where you might have gone. We called your friends, your teachers, your high school principal. Anyone who might have an inkling of your whereabouts. But no one knew. Not even Sarah your best friend.
Jody lowered her eyes. “I didn’t tell a soul.”
Sonia wiped a tear from her eye and suppressed the old anger rising within her. “After twenty-four hours, the police began an official search. Word about your disappearance was sent to all police departments in the entire state. Eventually, the news stations picked it up not only here in Virginia, but also all across the United States.” Sonia looked at Jody. “I was surprised that we didn’t hear anything from you at that point. I was sure you’d seen the story about your disappearance on the news.”
“By then I was on my way to Australia.”
Sonia widened her eyes. “Australia. That explains the twins’ accents.”
“Yes. That’s where I went right after I left home.”
“But why Australia? Did you know someone there?”
“No. I’d always been fascinated with Australia, ever since I studied about it in junior high school. So I took all my savings and bought a plane ticket.”
Sonia’s mind reeled. “I can’t believe it. Weren’t you afraid?”
Jody lowered her voice. “Foolishness drives out fear. Actually, I was really excited, but it was the excitement of one void of wisdom and common sense.” She looked up. “But go on. I want to hear the rest of the story.”
/> “Well, after three months, your dad started to give up hope. He spent more and more time alone. He’d take long walks. I’m sure he was out looking for you. He’d come home depressed and forlorn. As the days went by, he became bitter. Withdrawn. Hopeless.” Sonia wiped a tear from her eye.
Jody covered her mother’s hand with hers. “What about you, Mom? Did you ever give up hope?”
A lump rose to Sonia’s throat as she searched Jody’s eyes. “I had horrible days when I was tempted to give up hope, but I never did. I knew you were out there somewhere, and I knew God would bring you back.” Sonia smiled through her tears. “And He did.”
“What about Ben?”
“Ben is so much like your father. He withdrew into himself, too. When not at school, he’d spend most of his time in his room playing video games. Things got tense between him and your dad to the point they were always yelling at each other. I knew they were both worried sick about you but felt so powerless to do anything. If they’d known where to start looking, they would have done anything to find you. But they had no clue where to start.”
“What did you do during all those years?”
All the unspeakable terror and intense anger that Sonia thought were long gone rose again within her and sought expression in punitive, accusatory words. But she silenced them. Yes, she would tell Jody the truth, but she would not use guilt or blame or shame to condemn her. “Mostly I prayed. When panic knocked on my door—as it did nearly every moment of every day, especially those first few years—I refused to open the door. Instead, I opened my Bible. There I found the peace I so desperately needed.”
Jody lowered her eyes. “There’s nothing I can ever say or do to make up for all the anguish I’ve caused you. All I can ask is that you will forgive me.”
Sonia patted her daughter’s hand. “I do forgive you, Jody.”
And in Sonia’s heart, she really meant it.
****
Jody bowed under an unbearable weight of grief upon hearing the agony her family had endured after her disappearance. Nothing she could do could erase the horrific years of anguish and pain. Worst of all, nothing she could do could bring back her father.
She blinked back stinging tears as remorse wrenched the life out of her heart, leaving it desolate and barren. Were it not for the twins, she would have no reason to live. A feeling of self-loathing filled her. The world would be better without her. But suicide was the coward’s way out. Though she might be many things, a coward she was not.
She followed her mother into the kitchen. Keeping busy would bring distraction from the obsessive, tormenting thoughts that were driving Jody insane.
She sliced the turkey, arranged it on a platter then placed the platter in the center of the old oaken dining room table. The appetizing aroma of rich brown gravy, candied sweet potatoes, and freshly baked cornbread filled the room. “I hope everyone is hungry.”
All the chairs around the table were filled except Ben’s. She’d expected him to calm down after his explosive outburst the day before. Instead, he’d left and had not yet returned.
She resisted the wave of worry that rushed against her with the force of a tsunami. She’d already destroyed her father. She couldn’t handle destroying Ben as well.
“I’m hungry, Mommy.” Greta knelt in her chair, her blonde curls bobbing on both sides of her cherub face.
“We’ll be eating soon, sweetheart. But first we have to wait for Grandma to lead us in thanking the Lord for our food.”
Once seated, Sonia motioned for everyone to join hands. “Let’s pray. Father, we thank You for Christmas. For sending Jesus, Your Son, into the world to save us from our sins. Thank You for this food You have provided for us. And Happy Birthday, Jesus. Amen.”
“Happy Birthday, Jesus!” The twins shouted in unison.
Jody stood and filled Greta’s plate while Sonia took care of Micah’s. Amid the chatter and excitement, the front door opened. Ben stood in the living room. In his hand he held a white envelope.
Jody’s heart leapt. “Ben, you’re just in time for dinner.”
“Merry Christmas.” His voice was quiet and subdued.
Micah slid off his chair and ran toward Ben. “Do you want to build a snowman with us?”
Ben smiled and tousled Micah’s hair. “Sure. But first I have something for your mommy.”
Greta piped up. “Is it a Christmas present?”
He smiled again. “I would say so.”
Greta clapped her hands. “Do you have a Christmas present for me, too?”
“I sure do. But you’ll get yours after we build our snowman.”
“OK.”
He walked toward Jody seated at the table. “This is for you. From Dad. Right before he died he made me promise that if you ever came back home, I was to give it to you. It’s been in the safe in the attic all these years.”
Jody’s heart pounded wildly as she took the long white envelope from Ben’s extended hand. Across its front, her father had written her name. Jody. It was in the same unique, masculine cursive style that he’d used to sign her homework when she was a child. She held the envelope for a long moment, holding her breath at the same time. While part of her wanted so badly to know what was inside, another part of her just as badly dreaded finding out.
Her hand trembled as she carefully tore open the sealed flap. All eyes were on her as she gently drew the sheet of paper out of the envelope.
Greta got up from her chair and stood by Jody. “Is it a picture, Mommy? A picture from Grandpa. Did he draw it for you?”
Time stood still as Jody unfolded the single sheet of paper. She held it in both hands, awaiting the verdict of her past in the case of her future.
She began to read aloud:
Dear Jody,
As I write this letter, I am close to leaving this world. The doctors have told me that I have only a few days to live. It is likely that I will not see you again before I depart this earth, but I want you to know that I do not depart with anger or bitterness toward you but only with heartfelt forgiveness and immense, unending, and unconditional love. Love like the love our Savior has for all of us. The love I have accepted from His gracious hand.
When you first went missing, I thought you would return soon. But when days turned into weeks, weeks into months, and months into years, I began to lose hope. Yes, I experienced tormenting fear, deep anger, and consuming bitterness. But I finally realized the futility and ultimate harm of such attitudes. So I chose to forgive you and to place you wholly in God’s hands. At that moment, I received His peace, and I knew that, wherever you are, He will take care of you.
I ask you to forgive me for failing so often to be the father you needed me to be. Hindsight reveals many things that foresight conceals.
How I would love to see you again before I die. But if that does not happen, I will see you again in heaven. Meanwhile, I give you my blessing. May our Lord watch over you all the days of your life. May He bless you and any children He may give you. And may you never forget that you will always be your “Daddy’s precious little girl.”
I love you!
Dad
Jody’s shoulders shook as hot tears flowed profusely. She looked at Ben. His eyes were red from crying, too. At the end of the table, her mother wept openly.
Micah raised both arms, as if to take charge of the situation. “Why is everybody crying?”
Jody laughed through her tears. “Because God has given Mommy the best Christmas gift ever.”
Greta looked up at her. “What’s that, Mommy?”
Jody took a deep breath. “The gift of grace.”
****
Amid shouts of laughter, Jody helped her children, her mother, and Ben put the finishing touches on their newly built snowman. She turned toward Micah and Greta. “What shall we name him?”
Greta wrapped her arms around Ben’s right leg. “You pick a name, Uncle Ben.”
Micah followed suit. “Yes. You pick a name, Uncle Ben.”
>
Ben looked at Jody. “Let’s let mommy pick a name.”
Jody’s throat swelled. “We’ll name him Rick, after Grandpa Rick.”
The children jumped up and down and clapped their hands. Then, standing on either side of the snowman, they wrapped their arms around him. “Merry Christmas, Rick the Snowman.”
Jody wrapped her arms around the snowman, too. Soon all of them were hugging Rick the Snowman. Joy surged through Jody’s heart. They were a family again. A real family. Not perfect, but real.
Sure, they still needed healing, but now that they’d chosen the road of forgiveness, they were well on their way to becoming whole.
****
That night, after everyone had gone to bed, Sonia sat in her fellowship chair. What a Christmas! Deep joy and gratitude washed over her as she rehearsed the amazing events of the day. A day she’d never forget as long as she lived.
Rick’s letter had reminded her of the true meaning of Christmas. She hadn’t known about the letter, but she was so thankful for it. Rick knew his son. In a man-to-man exchange, he’d given the letter only to Ben, understanding that Ben would need this catalyst to make him face Jody. In His wisdom, God had seen fit to use Ben to deliver it. A delivery destined to bring healing between sister and brother.
And healing to her, too. Not only did Christmas commemorate God’s gift of grace to humanity, but from now on it would also commemorate Rick’s gift of grace to her and her children. And it would commemorate her own gift of grace toward those who’d caused her pain. “Father, forgive me my debts, as I forgive my debtors.” The words of the Lord’s Prayer now held new meaning for her. Or perhaps she now understood their meaning for the first time.
A Christmas Homecoming Page 5