by A. S. Green
I need to come completely clean with Andrew. I don’t want to go home. I definitely don’t want to go to law school. I don’t want the life he’s been planning out for me for the last three years. But I don’t want him to hate me, either. I don’t want to lose my best friend.
Andrew’s surprise visit hasn’t given me time to plan what I want to say. My script isn’t finished. And I desperately want something written out that I can cling to as I recite my lines. Bennet hadn’t been willing to write that script. Macie would have gladly volunteered. My theater-major friend, off in Tibet when I need her most.
I come back to the living room with a twin bed sheet. Andrew is sitting on the couch in the same spot that Bennet had claimed as his own. I wince a little as he throws his feet up on the table—the same way Bennet does.
I toss him the sheet, and he catches it in one hand. He stands and strips off his shirt, folding it precisely before setting it on the couch. He keeps his shorts on, then wraps the sheet around himself in a couple different configurations before he gets it just right. He’s been playing a lot of tennis. I can tell. His arms are dark brown and muscled, a stark contrast to the bleached sheet.
For a moment I am distracted, then, realizing the Vega is the only car in the driveway, I say, “Did you leave your car in New Porte?”
“Yeah. It made me too nervous to drive the Bimmer onto the ferry. I asked your friend Alli to give me a lift up here.”
I curse under my breath.
“She seems very nice.”
“Oh, she’s all kinds of nice,” I say. “Do you want to walk or drive tonight?”
“Is the party far?” he asks.
“No, there’s a path over the berm. It follows the road up to the berry farm.”
He glances out the window at the miserable-looking Vega. “It’s almost six now. Let’s walk,” he says. “But can you put my mother’s ring back on? It makes me nervous not knowing where it is.”
I stare at him for a second, my mouth tightening. That ring. Was it just another way to give a little of himself, without giving me enough? A family heirloom to keep me holding on to a dream?
Obviously, I need to give it back to him, but my annoyance is replaced by panic when I can’t remember when I wore it last. As my mind races backward, I have a vision of putting it on the windowsill while doing dishes months ago. What are the chances that it’s—
“Here it is,” I say, rushing for the sink. Thank God. I turn and hand the ring to Andrew, who takes my hand and pushes it onto my finger.
I sigh and look down at my hand.
“Now let’s go,” he says.
I lead him over the berm and down the path into the woods, Lucy trotting behind. Only a few yards into the trees and I can already pick out the smell of March’s bonfire laced with the odor of twenty deep fryers boiling oil.
“It’s interesting to see you in a new element, Katherine,” he says. “You’re like a different person.”
“Is that good or bad?” I ask as I lead him into the forest.
“Good, I think. You look taller, maybe. Happy. But it will be nice to get you back to Minneapolis.”
My mouth involuntarily grimaces, but I’m walking ahead of him, so he doesn’t notice. It’s like I’m walking to a firing squad, because if Bennet reacted badly to seeing Andrew’s picture, how’s he going to react when I have to introduce them in person, and without any advance warning? Plus, I know Alli’s up to something.
When the path dips down into the ravine, Andrew takes my hand to steady me. I shake him off unthinkingly, and I see out of the corner of my eye that I’ve hurt his feelings. “Sorry. I don’t need any help. I do better with both my hands free. Better balance,” I explain.
“Okay,” he says, but he still sounds hurt.
We climb up the other side of the embankment. “Nearly there,” I say, pointing in the direction of the barn, which is partially visible through the trees.
“Yeah, I can hear the music.”
He’s right. I didn’t notice it at first—my thoughts are too loud in my head. If Alli had been the one to bring Andrew up to the house, one of two things is true: either she’s already told Bennet about my unexpected visitor, or she’s chosen not to warn him in hopes of a little excitement. If the former, hopefully, Bennet will have time to get his emotions in check; if the latter, I’m going to hope for the best.
As Andrew and I walk the last stretch along the strawberry field, my fingers bump against his as our arms swing. He grabs my hand again, and it goes rigid. He grabs it more firmly and swings me around to face him. Lucy looks up at me in alarm and stops short.
“What the hell is going on, Katherine? Was your mom right? Do you really have a boyfriend up here?”
I stop short and blink. Great, Mom. Just great. My eyes drift to the right. I can’t look at him. “Andrew…” I start. “There are some things we need to talk about, but whether or not I’ve met someone should not affect you.”
“How can you having met someone not affect me?”
“It shouldn’t,” I say, my tone getting sharp. “Just like you hanging out with Jenna Smith this summer doesn’t affect me.”
Andrew clenches his teeth, and his jaw muscles flex.
“But there’s something else,” I say. “We have to talk about law school and our future plans.”
“What? Now?”
Lucy barks twice, then runs toward the music. I see Samson standing by the barn, his tail wagging.
I take a deep breath. “Now. I’ve been rethinking a few things, and I don’t think I’m cut out for law school.”
Andrew rolls his eyes and makes a pfft sound. “Don’t be ridiculous.”
“I’m not. I—”
“We’ll talk about this later,” he says, a pacifying smile spreading across his face. “Tonight, let’s just try to have a good time. Then we can go back to your…house…and figure things out.”
There’s nothing to figure out, but whatever. Now probably isn’t the right time. But tonight. Tonight we’ll talk. My feet move mechanically in the direction my head no longer wants to go.
Warm light emanates from the barn’s windows, and the votive candles flicker on the tables set up on the grass. The air is laced with the smell of fried food, which creates such a seductive perfume that a dozen men are already standing by the paper-towel-lined warming pans, plates in hand.
The wheelbarrows we collected earlier are stationed around the grounds, draped in white and blue fabric, and filled with popcorn and peanuts.
A little girl runs by in a blur of excitement, barely missing me; she is shrieking, pursued by a little boy who is clearly enjoying the chase.
When Andrew opens the barn door and escorts me through, the first thing I notice are the hundreds, if not thousands, of white twinkle-lights draped and glowing from the rafters. The second thing I notice is that Natalie, Rachel, Elise, and Alli are all wearing sexy, short togas that end several inches above their knees. They’ve belted them with long strands of gold sequins.
Short togas! Why didn’t I think of that? I feel horribly self-conscious in my body-binding get-up, like an outsider again, and this evening that I’ve spent all summer planning can’t end quickly enough.
Chapter Fifty-Two
Bennet
I don’t pull my truck up to March’s barn until a little after eight thirty. I hate being late, and I’m anxious to see Katherine. So anxious, I don’t take the time to stop at home and shave, or to even get my toga. Fortunately, I wore my Animal House T-shirt under my uniform. It’s got John Belushi’s face on it and reads Toga! Toga! Toga! I figure it’s close enough. Right now, all I want to do is get to Katherine. To see her, to smell her, to feel her under my hands.
The yard outside the barn is nearly empty, except for a few people who are smoking or clearing used paper plates off the tables. Everyone else is in the barn, enjoying the dance.
A hand raps sharply against my truck window, and I jump. It’s Doyle. I swing myself out of
the truck and slam the door shut behind me.
“Kid,” he says. He puts his hands on my shoulders as if he’s about to deliver bad news.
“Hey, Cappy. Everything okay?”
“No.”
I jerk my chin back in surprise.
He shakes his head. “I mean, yeah. Everything’s fine.” He glances over his shoulder toward the barn. “But take it easy, okay?”
I don’t know what he thinks I’m going to do. It’s just a party. “Yeah, okay. It’s been a really long day, though. I want to get a drink and see what’s going on. D’Arcy here?”
“Yeah, yeah. She’s here.”
I push past him and jog the rest of the way up to the barn, opening the door with a flourish. The anticipation is gnawing at me. I’ve seen her in the sheets before, but not like this. I’m betting she looks fantastic.
The first person I see is Natalie. She looks nervous, like things aren’t going as perfectly as planned, and she twists a lock of blue hair tight around her finger.
That girl needs to relax. Everything looks great. She gestures toward me with a wave of her hand, and I realize she’s talking to Katherine. I was right. She does look amazing, even partially hidden in shadow.
I take a step toward her, but Katherine stops me with a warning look. Shit. I knew I should have shaved. What difference would a few more minutes have made? I was already late. If I’d taken a second to stop at home, I could have grabbed a bed sheet.
There’s a wreath of flowers in her hair. She took some time to make herself look exceptional. I should have given her the same respect. I raise my hands, palms up, in an apology.
Katherine’s eyes settle on mine, and the corners of her mouth twitch upward like she’s making an apology of her own. She takes several quick steps toward me, and her mouth opens as if to speak. Before she does, her eyes dart to the left. My eyes follow hers only to cross paths with a guy standing alone at the keg. It’s a guy. Just a guy.
There is absolutely no reason for me to recognize the hairline at the back of his neck, or the curve of his ear, or the freckle on his wrist. Oh, for the love of Christ.
When Buddy turns around, he looks at Katherine with an apathetic expression. He comes toward her, and when he sees me, his eyes fling wide.
“Benny?” he asks, his tone astonished.
“Hey, Bud.”
“Is that really you? What the—?” Then the look of surprise slips off his face, replaced by an ashen hardness.
I suck in my breath and look quickly at Natalie. This morning, when sorting the mail, she recognized that my last name was the same as Katherine’s friend from back home. At first Natalie thought it was a funny coincidence, but she wasn’t laughing after I told her the truth.
Had she told Katherine? I raise my eyebrows at her.
Natalie shakes her head at my unspoken question.
My eyes are back on Katherine, whose face is knit in confusion, as if she were listening to a foreign language.
“You…know Bennet?” she asks.
My little brother nods so minutely it’s nearly undetectable. I have no idea where this is going to go from here. The two of us used to be so close, but now we haven’t spoken in years. I wouldn’t blame him if he hated me for leaving, but all those good years we had together, they have to count for something, don’t they?
If he can forgive me for leaving him, I can forgive him for how he’s treated Katherine. Now that he’s here in front of me, my animosity evaporates. All I want to do is hug him. I want to tell him, It’s going to be all right, bro. We can figure this out. We can get to know each other again.
But I’m kidding myself. He doesn’t say another word but responds with his hands squeezing into fists.
My shoulders slump with disappointment. “Really? That’s how you want this to go down?”
He cocks one eyebrow. “Let me guess. You’re the reason Katherine wants to bail on law school.”
Katherine’s mouth falls open as the truth slowly sinks in. An expression I’ve never seen before clouds her face. It’s a look worse than anger. It’s regret. I wish she’d get mad. Just scream at me and let it all out, but she—in fact, the entire room—is deathly still. The only sounds are the murmurs of “Summer Girl” and “Sully’s replacement” mixed with “Kate and Bennet.” I hear Natalie whispering “crap” and Alli’s nervous giggle.
Katherine shakes her head as if that will make the truth go away. When it doesn’t work, she gathers herself, steeling her jaw. I haven’t seen her like this since the first couple of times I met her. It’s the look that reminds me of home: the refusal to feel. Forced control.
“You knew,” she says. The sound of her voice is calm but terrifying. “You’ve known all along.”
I rock back. “No. Not all along. Listen. I can explain.” I grab her wrists, and she peels my fingers off her skin.
Alli leans into my ear but whispers loud enough for others to hear, “They need to be alone, Bennet. Kate needs to work things out with her boyfriend.”
On that last word, my brother shoots Katherine a confused look. Katherine turns about every color of the rainbow, but she regains control by refocusing on me.
“How can you explain?” she asks. “Do you seriously expect me to listen to you? Was everything a lie, Bennet? Do you hate your family so much you wanted to use me to punish your brother?”
What? How could she ask me that? “No, of course not. I love you. You know I love you.” I-forever.
Bud mutters under his breath, and Katherine inhales sharply. A darkness comes over her eyes. “You should have told me who you were.”
The people around us are whispering behind their hands; mothers usher their children to the back of the crowd. Did someone turn the music off? Jesus. I had planned to tell Katherine the truth, and I knew she’d be mad. I just thought she’d let me explain, and I definitely didn’t anticipate an audience.
I shake my head and take a breath to calm myself. My only hope is, even if she can’t forgive me, that she’s learned enough this summer to never compromise herself again. It’s the only justification I have for lying, and the only thing I can offer her as an excuse.
“It’s the most deceitful, selfish thing I’ve ever heard of, Bennet.” She is shaking, starting to come unhinged, but still fighting it.
“Is it?” I ask, my eyes drifting to my brother. She knows I’m not the only one who hasn’t told the whole truth. Katherine and I both look at Bud, and his face is pale.
He stares at Katherine. “Did you sleep with him?”
“Bud…” I say. It’s a warning. I don’t care what he says to me, but I won’t let him try to shame her in front of an audience.
His eyes dart to me. “Don’t call me that! Don’t you dare call me that! You lost that right when you left home. Now answer my question, Katherine. Did you sleep with him?”
Mr. March rushes over to intervene. “This is a family event. Take this somewhere else.” He expels all three of us from the barn, pushing with both hands flat against my back. “Go home and get this sorted,” he instructs before closing the door.
The three of us now stand silently in the fading light, under a bubble of our mutual misery. The lively music resumes inside the barn behind the door. Several kids run by screaming, waving sparklers over their heads. Andrew and I stare unflinchingly at each other, but I am still aware of Katherine. Andrew is the first to speak.
“I asked you a question, Katherine.”
“Who she sleeps with is none of your business.”
Andrew’s eyes jerk to mine. There’s a second of silence. It’s like a vacuum. He moves just as Katherine screams. “No!” But Andrew’s fist is already in motion.
There is a crunching sound and a spray of red. My head snaps back and I spin, my body following my head by a fraction of a second. And then, not knowing how I got there, I’m down on all fours with blood gushing from my nose and mouth, soaking my T-shirt.
I look up, and Andrew’s toga has slipped from h
is shoulder and is now hanging around his waist. He’s not a little kid anymore. That was an awesome punch.
“My God! What are you doing?” Katherine drops to the ground next to me and grabs me around the shoulders. I spit another mouthful of blood into the dirt.
“Do you love him?” Andrew asks from above us, unaffected.
“Please say, ‘yes,’” I whisper as I get to my feet.
Her eyes are glistening, but—thankfully—I can see her affirmation. But there is something else there, too.
“You know,” Andrew says, “I think I would have preferred it if you’d only slept with him.”
I hear the friction of dirt grinding under his shoe as he turns away, but then he returns with two quick steps. He bends down, putting his mouth to Katherine’s ear. “This is not what we planned. It would make me very happy if you came home with me.”
“D’Arcy,” I murmur. There is more I want to say. I want to beg. I want to tear my brother’s throat out for trying to ruin her, just like Dad tried to ruin me. But looking at Katherine’s face, I’m sure anything I say would do more damage than good.
“Katherine,” Andrew says, his voice barely above a whisper. “You don’t know him like I do. He’s selfish, disloyal. He left me. Our whole family.”
I recognize his expression. It suggests an anticipated victory. That wakes me up, and now I’ve got plenty to say. I center myself on my brother. I’m not conceding without a fight.
“And how ’bout you?” I ask. “Do you know D’Arcy like I know her? Or are you more interested in making her into what you think she should be? You’ve turned into Dad. The consummate manipulator. Katherine is not—”
“Please don’t!” Katherine cries, placing a hand on each of our chests and holding us apart. My heart is slamming against my sternum, beating through my bloody T-shirt and against Katherine’s palm.
“You want to know why I didn’t tell you the truth right away, D’Arcy? It’s because I knew if I told you too soon you’d go running back to him purely out of obligation. I couldn’t let you marry into that life.”