“You, as a doctor, should know that isn’t good for you. You are going to age yourself.”
“Probably,” I agree and know she is right. I just don’t care. I live to work, and that was about it.
“Margaret.” I hear Dad calling for Mom.
“Coming, dear,” Mom responds with a bit of frustration.
“Do you want me to go help him?” I ask hesitating.
“No, Trev, but can you run out to the stables and make sure Jackie doesn’t need any more coffee? I always try to at least give her coffee and some food. She works for free around here.”
“Who is Jackie?”
“She helps with the horses right now. Hank has had to go into Austin more in the mornings and on the weekends, so Jackie has been coming over to help cover his work since your father …”
“Margaret!”
“I am coming!” She responds.
I shake my head with frustration and walk out to see if I can get Jackie anything.
I walk across the green lawn to the wooden stalls that have been there for as long as I can remember. I used to walk through there and stand in the middle looking at the horses with confusion. I never really connected with them. Why? Because when I was younger, it felt like my father loved them more than he loved me.
I round the corner of the stalls and hear two ladies’ voices arguing.
“For all that is holy, Ry, grab the bastard and don’t let him go. Show him he doesn’t have a choice.”
“Does it not look like I am trying?” The younger woman snaps back.
I stand watching an older lady taking hold of a stubborn old horse while the younger one watches in frustration.
“You don’t let him take control and lead you. YOU are the boss. You take him, and you show him you are the boss.” This must be Jackie.
“Yes, ma’am,” the younger one responds deflated.
I watch the younger one start to talk to the horse trying to be stern.
“Ladies …”
They both turn to me and look frustrated that I interrupted.
“What do you need?” Jackie grumbles.
“My mother sent me out to see if you need anything.”
She huffs as if my statement was an unwelcome interruption.
“Yeah, for my niece to stop pussy footin’ around and show Henry here who is boss.”
“Enough, Jackie,” the younger one responds.
She smirks.
“Some coffee would be great,” she relents.
“You?” I ask the younger one.
“Trevor?” I hear her ask. Good God.
“Do I know you?”
“Yeah … I met you at Smith’s. You were with Mr. Cocky.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Shit … Maxfield? I think his name was?”
“Maxwell. And he is Mr. Cocky?”
“He isn’t?” she asks, holding on to the horse’s reins.
I walk a little closer and see it is the woman from the bar last night. I didn’t recognize her since she had a baseball cap on that covered her face. Her eyes are determined and sparkling at the same time. And yes, I noticed how her tank top barely covered her breasts. Her legs are a dark tan as if she has worked her days in the summer heat. I follow her legs down to her boots that have seen better days.
“That’s a good one,” I respond. She could tell that just by that little bit of time that night? Of course, she could. She works at a bar. She probably sees all kinds of losers nightly.
“Could you take your rear into the house and get that coffee, son? I don’t have all day, and we have to get these horses out of here and to the far pasture so we can finish what we have to do before it gets too hot.”
“Yes, ma’am,” I respond, and the woman smiles; she’s embarrassed but apparently is used to Jackie’s brashness.
*****
I make it back out to the stables with coffee and a few bottles of water. It is already getting warm, and I wasn’t sure how Jackie could drink coffee while sweating. But … that is one question I’m not going to ask the mean grouch.
They are standing outside the stalls appearing to be waiting for me.
“What took you so long?” Jackie asks.
“Thank you,” says the younger woman after reaching for the bottled water and opening it to take a long gulp.
Damn. What in the hell was her name?
“You ready to get back to work, Ryann?” Jackie demands not really asking.
“Yep.”
They turn, walking away toward the stall they were in earlier to relocate the horses.
“Ryann?” I ask.
“Yeah?” Turning around not really too concerned about what I was going to ask her.
“I was just curious. If Maxwell was Mr. Cocky, what was I?”
“Mr. Intense.”
“Ah …” I respond. I would say she nailed it.
“See ya around,” she responds and walks away, leaving me to ponder for a second before I hear my mother calling me from the back door.
And yes, I watch her walk away … And for a split second, I think about how beautiful she is. But then I remind myself that I won’t ever let myself care for another being, no matter how pretty and kind she is.
Three
Ryann
Reflecting back on what really changed me, I realize that it was one person, that one asshole who slipped under my radar. I am just as much to blame because I let him. Isn’t it funny how one person can make or break you? And even worse when all the love you have for someone turns into hate? You think you trust that person with all your heart, and you couldn’t have been any more mistaken. That was how it was with Jake. I had suspected he was up to no good but turned my cheek to it stupidly. Love blinded me. It blinded me when he lost his temper and slapped me a handful of times; it blinded me to myself and to his actions. I chose to see what I wanted to see.
After the third time Jake had been screwing around on me, I knew the only thing I could do was end it with him. We weren’t living together yet, but I had just gotten a trailer in Dripping Springs to be closer to my aunt Jackie with the help of my mom. I wanted to live closer to the stables to help my aunt. I originally was going to live in an apartment closer to the university, but I really wanted something on my own.
Suddenly, when Jake made me feel the way he did, it became a priority for me.
When I first figured out he was cheating on me, I was in a total state of denial. I had suspected the disloyalty, but I needed to see for myself. Sadie, my best friend, had seen him kissing a girl at a club not far from campus and reported it to me immediately to try to save me from more heartache. She had mentioned how I didn’t seem to be happy, and she couldn’t be more correct. I wasn’t. I had completed thirty-six hours and was already getting to the point that I was losing steam. I had realized being with Jake was taking some of my spirit, “my spunk” as my mom would say.
You know how some people make you a better person? Not Jake. He brought out the bad in me. He was majoring in political science but was going on a free ride no matter what he studied. His father was a well-established businessman in Austin and had already paved the way for him. He was a spoiled rotten brat. We came from two different backgrounds, morals, and beliefs.
When we first started dating, I didn’t think we would be anything more than a good time. I was far more attractive than Jake, but he had that something that attracted women. I mean hell, I was. He was charming, to say the least, and showed me a good time, and that was exactly what I needed.
My mother, Tammy, hated him from the first time she met him, and although I heard her out and knew exactly why she felt that way, I was still insanely attracted to him.
Just as Mom had warned, his charm began to wear off. He could be as mean as a spitting cobra when he didn’t get his way. Jake had everything he wanted from the moment he talked, and I was the exact opposite. Everything came easily to him and was given to him. Everything was hard for me, and I work
ed for it.
Mom had taught me many things when I was younger, but a few really stuck out to me that I appreciated as an adult. The important messages she had ingrained in me stuck. I would never take anything for granted again, and I would never let another person take away my bright light. No person should make me feel unworthy or unwanted. Growing up with a single mother was hard, but the older I got, the harder I saw it was. Then after dropping out of college, I realized I let myself down. I let my mother down.
At first, I felt sorry for myself, but then I had a revelation. I would never let anyone take something away from me and never again would I think negatively. I had a life to live, and sure as shit, I was going to live it, with or without a man, just as my mother had done happily for years.
I pull up to Antoine’s after Sadie called me to tell me she needed to talk to me. She sounded upset, and I didn’t hesitate to meet her. I make my way in the door, hearing the creaking of the old wood floors. I immediately spot Sadie waiting for me with a look on her face that could rot paint. She was pissed, and I had no idea why. I had only seen her this pissed a handful of times.
I stroll up beside her ready to hear why she was upset when she points at Jake making out with another woman. And I don’t mean kissing. I mean damn near tearing at her clothes and dry humping her.
I hold my hand up to tell her I was okay but holding my composure. I took the high road and instead of walking up to him and slapping the shit out of him, I exit the bar with a feeling of determination. I had seen it for myself, and now, I could use all that anger to end what I should have ended long before now. My hurt overrode my love.
Sadie follows me out the door and to my car, confused at my actions.
“I wanted to cut the cheating motherfucker, but you just walk out calmly?”
“I am going to deal with him, Sadie … trust me.”
“Go back in there and deal with it,” she demands.
“Sadie, thank you for getting me here. I needed to see it for myself. But I will handle it.” I smile wickedly and then she got the point.
“I hope you make him pay is all I’m sayin’.”
“Now, go back in and have a good time. I will call you tomorrow,” I state like I am her mother.
“Love you.”
“Love you.” I return her sentiment.
*****
I drive to the trailer I had only owned for a couple of months, and I stomp in. I grab all his stuff and start chunking it out the front door, not caring what was damaged, shattered, or destroyed. His laptop, his Bose headphones, shoes, anything I could throw. I even stripped my bed and threw the sheets off. I yelled all the names that I have wanted to call him as I did it and cried. I cried for the relief I was feeling as much as the hurt I felt from his betrayal. I cried over the illusion of loving him.
I know I wasn’t an easy person to love … I have always been that way, which is why I had only had a few boyfriends my entire life. But Jake had changed me and not in a way that I was proud of. I wasn’t stupid. I knew who I was. He weakened me by not only his words but also by his actions. He had crept into my mind, my goodness.
An hour passed and I was sitting on my makeshift porch drinking a beer—okay, maybe my third—when Jake drove up in his truck. Seeing his items spread along the lawn enraged him, and he immediately started cussing me out. The look in his eyes probably should have concerned me, but it didn’t. I was too angry.
“Why in the hell … Is that my laptop … Ryann?” He gritted his teeth with infuriation. “Get over here and pick my shit up or I will lead you by the hair to pick it up for me,” he snarls.
I laugh and take a slow sip of my beer and smile. “No!” My blood was starting to boil again, and I could feel it heating up my veins, my face.
“Yes!”
“No!” I stand up ready to face whatever he threw at me, not concerned at whatever consequences would follow. Hell hath no fury like a scorned woman. And I was scorned.
I start to laugh wickedly then walk over to the front door, grabbing more of his items and chunking them toward the bed of his truck. They land with a thud and spread throughout his truck bed.
“What in the hell are you doing now, Ryann? Have you lost your fucking mind?”
“I am assisting you in getting your shit and getting off my property.”
“And why would you be doing that?”
“Because you are a useless cheating bastard, and I am done. I should have done this months ago when I suspected you were fucking around and lying to me.”
He had his arm propped up on the side of his truck and he smirks, watching me get worked up. He enjoyed my anger; he was just not so pleased with his items being destroyed.
“You didn’t deserve me for the time we were together, you fat ugly bitch.”
“Is that is all you got, you fuckwad? You wouldn’t be where you are today without your dad! You can’t even stand on your own two feet.”
“At least, I have a father.”
For a second, the wind was knocked out of me. I stood outraged—not by his words, but by his ignorant way to get the last jab. To hurt me where he thought he could. “Fuck you, Jake.”
He got the response out of me that he wanted to hit me below the belt. He was cognizant that he was pushing those buttons that would hurt … cut … He knew where I was weak, just as I did him.
I scramble for all his items I had thrown on the ground previously and start to throw them at his truck. I looked a mess stumbling to get as much as I could in my arms to get him out of my sight. He disgusted me. I suddenly felt the need to slap him. I wanted him off my property and out of my life now!
“You look pathetic,” he snarls.
As I throw more of his shit into his truck, he started to take them out, trying to make it clear that he wasn’t going anywhere by walking them to the front of the trailer. And that really got me hot. He thought he had the upper hand because I let him have it for the duration of our relationship.
So I did what every reasonable woman would do … I started throwing it at his head until he got the point or got knocked out first.
And he did eventually get the point. Maybe the boot that hit him in the temple made him understand the seriousness of the situation.
He stood at his driver’s door getting ready to get in when he turned around and made one last comment. I wasn’t sure what he was going to say, but his facial expression had mixed emotions. My head filled with doubt. Was I overreacting?
“Tell me, Ry … what did it taste like sucking my dick that had just been in another woman a few hours earlier?” He smiled and got in his truck peeling out and then flicking me the bird.
As he said those words I wanted to vomit. I was speechless. But then, I knew I was making the right decision.
I sit down and watch him drive away, shocked but relieved I had done what I should have done far before then.
You would think that helped the hurt, the wasted time, or my heart that I had sworn would be closed from now on. I would not let my heart get broken like that again. My heart wasn’t broken by a knife but by a jagged machete splitting it in two or possibly cutting it from my chest.
* * *
Trevor
I met Leah, the woman who broke me, when I was fifteen. The minute I made eye contact with her, I knew she was the girl I would love forever. I didn’t think of anything other than when and how I could get her to be mine. She was new to Dripping Springs, and her father was attempting to take over an old farm that was on its last leg. I remember hearing Dad talk about how it would be a miracle if anything could be done to save it.
I didn’t care who her parents were. Instead, I was more concerned about how I could lure her in. I wasn’t the guy who got a lot of girls, but it wasn’t for the lack of trying. I was extremely awkward looking and the last to hit the later stages of puberty. Maxwell was one of my only friends and my wingman. He helped me try to get her attention on the very day I had seen her at Dripping Springs High School.
Maxwell had every girl he wanted from the minute he knew he could. He had that knack about himself, that confidence you couldn’t develop or hell, even buy. Yeah, he had that. It is funny how some things never change.
Anyway, he walked right up to Leah at lunch and asked her if she wants to go to Skate World that night. Roller-skating in town was the place to go on Friday nights, so he invited her to come. Skate World was really the only other thing in town that teens could do other than bingo. And no one wanted to do that!
I can still hear her sweet response. “I’m not sure if my dad is going to allow it, but I‘ll see.”
“I know someone who would love for you to be there.” He turned back and winked at me not thinking about how obvious he was being.
“Really?” She asked smiling.
“Yeah, really. But he is too much of a wimp to ask you.” And then Max lost his doing a favor for a friend attitude. Yep. He didn’t care anymore and was more interested in her committing to coming than the conversation at hand.
Two years later, we were heavy in love. She wanted out of town, and I wanted to do whatever she wanted to do. Her dad had hung on to the farm, but she didn’t know how much longer he was going to manage. She hated her home life and was ready to do whatever she needed to to get out of there. I knew of her unhappiness but never believed it would be used against me.
I had been in love with her, more than I ever thought I could. We spent every free moment together, and in my world, the sun didn’t shine until she was around.
My father immediately did not like it. He didn’t want me to plan my future around any girl. And especially a girl who wanted out of town; an escape, if you will. Mom tried to reassure him it really was love, and she didn’t think any funny business was going on, but Dad was positive that wasn’t the case.
Dad wanted me to do whatever I wanted to do as a career or so he said … but he would have been very pleased to have his only son stay home and help with the horses. I had never had any desire to live that life and rarely spent time with them or him around the stables. I did help with cleaning the stalls and any other demeaning chores that no one else wanted to do. And yes, I hated them, but I did as I was told. Other than not seeing Leah.
BrokenHearted Page 3