by KB Winters
Now that would have tickled my brother like crazy. “I wish he could’ve seen that.”
I could see Ammo strutting around in what passed for heaven for guys like him, bragging about being a celebrity. It’d been a long time since I could think of my brother without sadness. Pouring the last of the vodka in our glasses, I held it up.
“To the best brother around. May he be shocking angels and heathens alike, wherever he is.”
“Damn straight,” Savior said and knocked the vodka back with a grimace. “It’s good to remember. Sometimes I forget it all. It’s easier.”
I sighed, nodding. “Most of the time I wish I could. I tried forgetting but now that it’s only me, I have to remember. If I ever have a family, they’ll want to know about how well my mom sang or how my dad did the best card tricks. They won’t know the dirty jokes that Ammo horrified me with when I was too young to hear them. So, I remember.”
For an uncertain future I wasn’t sure I even wanted.
“Are you drunk enough to spill your secrets yet?”
Just the sound of his voice, so deep and rumbly, made me smile. But a moment later as his question sank in, I felt the smile fade.
“No offense, but I’ll never be drunk enough for that.” It wasn’t a big secret, but it was mine and he’d given up the right to ask.
“Come on, how bad could it be? Prostitution?”
I laughed bitterly. “Yeah, right. If I’d done that we might have actually crossed paths back then.” It was no secret that the Reckless Bastards had been in on the ass business well before it became fashionable. With it now legalish, I was sure they made bank.
“That’s a fucking relief.” He smacked the sofa as his body sank deeper into it. “If it’s not that, just tell me.” He was insistent and the more he drank the more his guilt showed. Now that he knew I hadn’t been out there putting a price tag on my body, his guilt seemed to lessen, but not by much.
Good. He should feel guilty. I didn’t want him carrying some burden, but he and all the Reckless Bastards had let me down.
“Look Savior, I don’t need you to feel guilty for not keeping your promise to Ammo. I’m sure he wouldn’t either because everything turned out fine. Just drop it.”
“I really am sorry. There’s no excuse and I’m grateful I’ll never get the ass kicking I deserve from Ammo.”
“Don’t think you’re going to heaven?”
He laughed. “Sweetheart if I make it up there he can kick my ass daily.”
“At any rate, I don’t need your guilt so get over yourself.”
“Then why don’t you want anything to do with us?”
I shook my head. “Because I’m still not your responsibility. And even if you or any of the other Bastards think otherwise, I wouldn’t trust you to have my back anyway.”
“Damn.”
That one word held so much emotion, like a perfect bite of food. He was shocked, hurt even.
“You don’t pull any punches.”
“Well, you won’t stop pushing. Now you know what the deal is, you don’t have to keep checking up on me. I’ve learned how to take care of myself over the years.”
His dark brows rose suspiciously. “Even those goons from the parking lot?”
“They’re not the first goons I’ve come across.” But with any luck, they would be the last. Goons were all fine and good in the movies, in real life they were a lot dumber and ten times as dangerous. “Like I said, I can take care of myself.”
Savior tried to stand and stumbled. Since it was the first time he stood in hours it was clear he was drunker than he thought.
“Shit.”
He wobbled and pointed at me. “For the record sweet Mandy, I don’t do shit I don’t want to do.”
Savior dropped back down onto my sofa and I stood, scanning the room for a bucket even though I was pretty sure I didn’t have a bucket at all.
“Fine. Just lie down and don’t puke on my shit.” I pushed him onto his back and went to pour a cup of water. “Drink this.”
“I’m fine. Not the first time I’ve been drunk before, tough ass.”
I laughed and took off his ridiculously heavy motorcycle boots. At least I assumed they were the real article, but they could just as easily be a fashion statement.
“I’m not surprised but unlike your tree house, I care if you get puke all over my stuff.”
“Club house.”
“What?” He couldn’t be that drunk, could he? Not when I only had a nice buzz going.
“It’s a club house not a fucking tree house. We’re men, not elves.”
My whole body shook with laughter. “I don’t know, Savior, your club shares plenty of similarities with elves. The only real difference is your size.”
One eye popped open, as blue as the sky. “Am I that drunk or did you seriously just compare my club to elves?”
“Both of those things are true, old man. You can sleep on the sofa until you’re sober enough to drive home.” I grabbed his chin until he opened both eyes and yeah, he was beautiful but that wasn’t the point. “But I don’t need you to check up on me, okay?”
He nodded and as I stepped back two big arms wrapped around me and pulled me down onto him.
“You talk too much,” he said and then speared both hands through my short hair and kissed me like I was his favorite brand of biker whiskey.
I should have pulled back, but I didn’t. I couldn’t. He tasted too good, felt too fucking good with his hard body pressed up against mine. I wished we were naked because he was growing harder by the second and my body was hot, wet and ready. But we weren’t doing that. Fuck.
“That’s a novel way to shut someone up.”
He flashed a lazy grin, his eyes still closed as his thumb brushed my jaw. “I check up on you because I want to. I fucked you because you’re hot and I will fuck you again,” he grinned but it was softer, and I knew he was seconds from passing out. “And again.”
I slid off his body as soon as his deep, even breaths sounded. Grabbing the debris from the table and putting it away before I closed myself up in my bedroom. I slid into the bed and clenched my knees tight beneath my comforter as I drifted off to sleep, telling my body not to think or dream about the big, blue-eyed devil asleep on my sofa.
Yeah, sometimes my body could be a real bitch.
***
“You want time off?” Landry’s voice bellowed just as he meant it to. He loved to draw attention whenever he could, but especially when he wanted to humiliate someone. It was how he got his chubby little cock hard.
“I’m asking for next Saturday off, yes.” With my arms crossed, I stood with a blank expression on my face and waited for him to respond.
“Get a load of hot shit Sutton, guys. She wants Saturday off, our busiest day.” He laughed, clutching his swollen gut as his dark eyes glared at me. “Do you have a fancy Hollywood party to go to where you pretend you and only you are responsible for the delicious confections that come out of my kitchen?”
“Since this is Las Vegas, no, no Hollywood party.” The rest of that statement didn’t warrant a response. Though Vegas had its own over the top culinary flair, Landry pretended like this was New York in the eighties. The only cutthroat person around was him, but his toxic personality turned the culinary press against him. And he was powerless to change it because he saw himself as flawless.
“I hear Dinah and Dean have booked a table for Saturday, I should call and let them know it’s not my dessert they’ll be eating,” I said.
“Absolutely not! Worried they’ll like my food better than yours?” he taunted like the sniveling little shit bastard he was. “Let’s see what they have to say.” Meaning he would lay the blame on me when they hated it.
“Sure,” I told him easily because the truth was, one of their production assistants had already called and I let it slip. Totally accidentally, of course. “So, next Saturday?”
He was already distracted, probably thinking of all the desserts
he could fuck up and blame on me. “Yeah, sure. Take it off.”
I turned on my heels with a smile, walking away quickly before he remembered he changed his mind. My shift was over and I was ready to go home and put my feet up. Landry had me come in early to help with egg whites but I knew he really wanted to punish me for getting another mention from a critic. It was nice, but none of it really mattered because when I left Knead for good, I’d still need a recommendation from Landry.
I stopped just inside the exit to send a quick text to Teddy, letting her know she could count me among the guests for Jana and Max’s upcoming wedding. Now I had to find a dress and shoes and all that other crap that went along with dressing up, since the last time I dressed up it was to put my brother’s body in the ground. I wasn’t about to wear a funeral dress to a wedding.
The temperature had been in the high eighties all day, making the kitchen even hotter than the ten million ovens going at once. Now that the sun was so close to the horizon, the weather and the view was just about perfect. The light breeze whipped through my red V-neck tee, cooling my damp skin underneath. Cool air smacked against my nipples and just like that, I was back there, the night I buried Ammo, with Savior’s mouth closed around one stiff peak, staring at me with that wicked smile I couldn’t resist. Especially not in the thick of my grief over losing my older brother. My protector.
Even in my haze I made it to my car without being assaulted or accosted by anyone. Then a fucking brick came sailing through the back window, luckily, on the passenger side.
“Son of a bitch!”
I looked over my shoulder just in time to see some asshole in a hoodie running away. I didn’t know who it was, but I knew what he wanted.
To send a message.
Yeah, yeah. They wanted my skill at counting cards. I got it. Too bad they couldn’t have it. I put the car in drive and made my way home. I still hadn’t figured out what to do about Krissy and her thugs, but I would. And then this shit would stop.
“Hey, Mandy!”
I froze at the unfamiliar voice, clutching my keys between my fingers as I turned and stepped back.
“Oh, shit, Teddy. What’s up?”
“Not as enthusiastic as I was hoping for, but we’ll work on it. Shopping. I figured you probably wanted to do some shopping for San Diego and I came as support.”
“Who said I needed support?”
“Oh please. We both know you’ll go into the first boutique you find, grab something black or maybe plain blue you can wear again and again. I can help without taking all day.”
I was still skeptical. I liked Teddy just fine, yet, the last thing I wanted was to spend more time shopping.
Then, she sweetened the offer. “I’ll buy you a burger and a beer after.”
One look at her welcoming smile and my resistance melted in the Vegas sun. “Sold.”
She flashed a satisfied grin. “Good. I’ll wait until you’ve had a drink or two before I ask you what the hell happened to your window.” I groaned and she just laughed. “I’ll even let you take a shower first.”
“Wow, Teddy, and they say models are mean.”
She laughed at my deadpan delivery. “I’m a former model so maybe I’m losing my edge.”
“Yeah, right. You’re the type of chick born with an edge.” She was confident and tough, beautiful but not all in your face about it.
“Nah. Trust me, it was hard earned.”
There was a story there but we didn’t know each other well enough to share those kinds of secrets. She got in her car, followed me home and I welcomed her inside my apartment. “Now go get clean,” she said, “and I’ll wait out here.”
“Sure,” I said uncertainly as she began to look at my few books and pictures.
It didn’t take me long to scrub the kitchen stink off me and it had very little to do with the fact that Teddy was wandering loose inside my apartment. I didn’t waste time in the shower, ever.
“Don’t worry, I didn’t snoop,” she assured me when I returned to the living room. “I prefer to pry the info from my prey.”
The gleam in her eyes would’ve frightened me if there were anything remotely interesting about me. “You’d be disappointed.”
“Somehow I doubt that. Especially considering the energy I saw zapping between you and Savior.”
I shook my head. “Don’t even think about it. There’s nothing there and there’s nothing interesting about me.”
“I’ll be the judge of that.”
I guessed this was what I got for wanting friends.
Chapter 8
Savior
“You’re an old fucker if you need a pee break again. We’re practically back in Mayhem now,” I chortled, setting the stand on my bike and reaching for the gas nozzle.
Max glared at me and I just laughed back at him. He damn near ripped the cap off the bottle of water, probably imagining it was my head.
We were on our way back from a gun show just outside Reno, but the prospects had probably already made it back to the clubhouse with the guns.
“Fuck you, it’s ten thousand goddamn degrees out here.” He chugged one bottle before he stomped inside the gas station and came back out with two more bottles. “Too fucking hot!”
“Relax and drink your water. I won’t tell Jana she’s marrying a senior citizen as long as you promise to be generous with those early bird specials.” I laughed again when he flipped me off. “You ready to get married, man?”
Max’s face softened, setting the bottled on his saddle. “Fuck yeah. I mean, me and Jana are solid. I can’t wait to make her mine, you know? She saved my life, wouldn’t let me get lost in my bullshit.”
His smile was so genuine, so sincere it brought up a memory I hadn’t thought about in too long. The last time I saw my mother.
I was eleven and Mom was crying, thick black mascara or maybe it was eyeliner streamed down her cheeks, so she looked like the mess she was. Her latest loser du jour had threatened to leave because he hadn’t signed on “to be saddled with a brat.”
Strong words from a man who sat in his underwear all day before sneaking out after midnight to play pool and sell dope.
She was filled with tears and a genuine horror I’d never seen before. The thought of that asshole — Cal was his name — leaving had her so filled with fear she could barely form words. Then it got worse. She begged. On her goddamn knees, she begged that fucker not to leave her. And he looked at me with a gleam in his eyes and drew one side of his mouth up in a snarl and told her simply: “It’s him or me.”
I knew my fate before she even turned to look at me. Her eyes pleading with me to understand. I knew she wanted me to give her some sign it was okay to choose that prick over me. Even at eleven I was a stubborn little shit. I didn’t want her to go with him or to leave me, but even as a kid I knew I couldn’t let her see it. I couldn’t let her or Cal see that weakness.
I went to my room and when I came out the next morning, they were both gone. No note or memento, just a coffee can with three hundred and forty-six dollars and two rolls of quarters.
“Damn man, where’d you go?”
Max’s voice pulled me from memories best left buried. “Some different variation of hell.”
“No shit,” he commiserated. Max was all fucked up with PTSD when he came to Mayhem looking for his brother, but with the help of a head shrinker and a hot little blonde, the man was weeks away from getting married. “Never goes away, but when the day ends and there are more good memories than bad, it’s a good fucking day.”
That was about all most of us could hope for. More good than bad, because there was no fucking chance the memories went away. They sometimes hid for a while, took a break until you thought that shit was behind you, then they crept up on you like a fucking sniper’s bullet. “Waking up to a beautiful woman doesn’t hurt.”
“Definitely doesn’t.” He flashed a satisfied grin. “What’s up with you and Mandy?”
“Nothing. Why do y
ou ask?” He grinned like he knew something but Mandy didn’t strike me as the girl talk kind of woman.
“I overheard Jana and Teddy talking. Teddy says something definitely happened between you two,” he said, his gaze too damn studious for my liking.
“Nothing did.”
“Since the funeral,” he finally added.
“Smug prick.” A laugh roared out of him, startling the young couple in the VW bug at the air pump.
“So, you fucked her after her brother’s funeral and then you told her it was a huge mistake, is that about right?”
I nodded.
“Then I left town and I hadn’t seen her until she showed up at the clubhouse last month.” Shit, had it already been a month? Why the fuck was I counting?
“And in the last month you’ve been reading the Bible together?”
I laughed. “Well we’ve both spent time on our knees.”
“So, Teddy was right? Do you like her or are you just getting your dick wet?”
“Does it matter?”
We had rules in the club, but we also didn’t get all up in each other’s personal business unless it interfered with club business.
“No, I’m just curious.”
That pulled another laugh out of me. “When did you become such a gossip?”
He shrugged and got back on his bike. “It’s fucking Jana and Teddy. No, it’s women. They have this way of making everything sound like shit you just have to hear. And the worst part? It’s always juicy gossip, about people I don’t fucking know!”
I laughed and kicked my engine into gear. “You domesticated pussy.”
He flipped me off with another laugh as he mounted his own bike. “Yeah, but I go to sleep and wake up with a warm, sexy woman in my arms. Half the time she makes me breakfast.”
“And the other half?”
“She makes it for me,” he said with a smug grin and took off, leaving me to catch up with his crazy ass.