“And can you?”
“I don’t really have a choice, do I?”
“I am sorry, Sophie.”
“I don’t want you to be sorry, Rhys. Truly, it shouldn’t matter. It has nothing to do with me, I know that. It is in the past. I have a past. We have been over this. I can handle that. But I cannot forget what I saw. Every time I close my eyes, I see her face, I see you. It is burned into my mind, and it hurts like a fucking wound.” We lay face to face and silent for a long moment, a stretched moment of silence that seemed perfect.
“Rip it off,” I whisper, “just tell me everything. That way she has no power over you anymore. No power over us. I want to understand. I promise I will try.” His brow furrows in thought and he shakes his head in frustration.
“I don’t want to lose you, Sophie.”
“Just tell me so we can move on.”
“Well, alright.” He hops from the bed. “I guess if we are going to do this I should have a drink, maybe a few so I can catch up to you.” I tip my head at him and gesture for my own glass.
“I am deeply flawed, Sophie. And you, you are so not.” I snort in indignation as we toss back our whiskey in unison, eyeing each other in challenge.
“No flaws! Are you serious? I am twenty four years old and I am afraid of everything. I live my life like I am eighty. I stayed with a man that hurt me just because I was afraid to be alone. There are your flaws, and that’s just a scratch at the surface.”
“You have good reason behind your bad decisions, Sophie. I have nothing of substance. No good excuse. I was simply young and bored. There is no excuse for that. No silver lining that will redeem me.” He paces at the foot of the bed, like a caged animal. “I really don’t want to do this. You realize what you are asking me to do right? You are asking me to expose myself, to rip back the mask and show you the guy I have worked so hard to hide. I like to bury my flaws deep, Sophie. Willingly bringing them into the open is counterintuitive. It is in every man’s best interest to present his best self. You are asking me to willingly show you the monster that lurks beneath. What if you decide you don’t like what you see? I don’t want to lose you, Sophie. You are asking me to take a big risk here.”
“And you have asked me to take a risk. I am here, Rhys. I took a risk for you, you have to trust me.”
“I know you are right. So, go ahead, ask me anything.”
“Oh no, I want you to just tell me. No loop holes in case I don’t ask the right questions, no escape, Rhys. If you want me to trust you, you have to be honest with me. I cannot keep being bombarded by your past. I don’t know how much more I can take. You have to let me in.”
“What are the chances you are going to remember any of this anyhow?”
“Slim to none,” I tease as the room tilts on its axis and a drunken fog fills my head.
“Matthew and I were wild in our younger days. There were…girls. We went to clubs, fetish clubs and we would pick up someone to play with. Nothing everyone else wasn’t doing. Sometimes we would play with people we knew. I would bring Nadja when she was in town, and she got really into it. It was exhilarating, the power play, the submission. The things girls were willing to do just to be near us, just to party on our boat. It’s hard not to let that kind of attention and access go to your head when you are a young man. We started to make a name for ourselves so we had to take it underground. We started hosting the Private Parties Olivia told you about. But once Matthew and Olivia got serious, he didn’t like to play anymore. It was just me and Nadja. Nadja loves to perform for the camera so we started to tape it. It became a thing, women would vie for her attention when we were out just for a chance to hook up with us.” I wince at the thought of them hooking up with a group.
“Like two addicts, we just fed off of each other’s compulsion to push. We were always pushing each other, sometimes to uncomfortable heights. It was so easy to get carried away and Nadja loves to exploit other people’s weaknesses. She gets off on humiliation and exploitation. It was mesmerizing the things that she could get people to do, with so little effort. But she took it too far. She tried to bring me a girl, one night in Ibiza, a real piece of work that she had clearly already worked over, some piece of Eurotrash that she had a grudge against. She tried convincing me that we should use her and document it so Nadja could humiliate her. She was so cold about it, so devious and I just didn’t want any part of it. We had already crossed so many lines, but I had finally found the line I wouldn’t cross. I saw Nadja in a whole new light, it was like having the curtain ripped back, revealing the great and powerful Oz to be a fraud. Nothing more than a face, a façade, perfect on the outside, but nothing at the core. I realized that I had to get away from her. We had gone back and forth for years, suddenly I just couldn’t remember why. She left for a job and I never looked back. I threw myself back into work and went back to business as usual. We didn’t see one another or speak for almost six months.” He takes a deep breath before continuing.
“But you have to understand, because our relationship was always so back and forth, she traveled so much and really wasn’t around. So leaving her behind was something I was more than prepared to do. We ran into each other at a charity event, which was bound to happen. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but as always, Nadja did not disappoint. She seduced my date and tried to convince me to take the two of them home. I explained to her that we were over, but she refused. She took it out on my date, poor girl, never saw it coming. Nadja poured a glass of champagne over her and slapped her in front of two hundred people. I agreed to see her the next day so we could talk and I could make her understand. When we met, though, she said that she was dating someone she had met on location. She agreed that we were over and we left it at that. I was relieved that she had found someone else to focus her attentions on. She just needed to be in control of it, she couldn’t let it seem like I had walked away from her, she had to walk away from me. And I was fine with that.” He is watching me for a reaction, for anything. But I remain stoic, listening intently.
“I knew she would be back. We started that charity together with my mother when we were teens. I knew we would see each other again, but I was hoping this time, things would change. The time and distance would impact her. I didn’t see her again until I started helping Viktor. I told you, she came asking for help the day you came to Miami. I was fresh off the plane when I ran into you that night. Shining in the moonlight with your little white dress and your bare feet, I was spellbound. I had just come from dealing with this woman who pushed me in all the wrong ways. I knew standing in front of her that I would never touch her again. But man, oh man, did I want to touch you that night. When I laid my hand at your back, you bowed into my palm, it was electric. You smelled like salt and strawberries, your skin was so pale and perfect. I wasn’t convinced of my own ability to not be a jerk, though, and I didn’t want to make the wedding awkward. I didn’t want to make the wrong move. But I just couldn’t resist. And I am glad that sometimes I have very little self-control, that I give in to my baser urges. I have never felt the kind of connection that I feel with you, Sophie. I cannot stop thinking about you, your voice, your taste, your smell. I need it, I need it all.” I fight back a yawn and he lowers his voice. “I am sorry that my past has come back to hurt you, again. But this is it, this is all of me, the good, the bad and the ugly.”
“None of it is ugly,” I offer, reaching up to wipe my thumb across his lips. “You could never be ugly, Rhys. You are too good.” I scoot closer to him and try to push myself into his chest, but he holds me back.
“Not tonight,” he whispers with a kiss to my head. “You are drunk and angry.”
“I am not angry.”
“Well, maybe that is because you are drunk, but either way I will not take advantage of you tonight.”
“It’s not taking advantage if I want it.”
“You may say that, but tomorrow you will wake up and you will likely be angry if you remember any of this, and hurting f
rom all those shots. How many did you two have anyway?”
“I don’t know, too many.”
“Well, you are going to feel them tomorrow.”
“I would rather feel something else.”
I will see what I can do about that in the morning, but now you need to get some rest. Your eyelids look like they are about to drop like steel doors. This has been a very trying day. Now sleep, Sophie.” I drift on a whiskey soaked carpet into a dream state of utter intoxication and twisted images.
Feathers dance across my skin and a lovely light coaxes me from my rest. Flowing across my body like cascades from a gentle waterfall, trails of heat and subtle friction crisscross my body. A warm breeze on my neck travels down my body, over the swell of my breasts and across my bare hips. A slight moan escapes my chest and I am suddenly aware of my sleeping body and the fingers that slide around my curves. I crack my eyes open just a sliver to see Rhys’ head sink between my legs.
“Good morning, Beautiful,” he purrs before his tongue darts over my clit and I am sprung awake in the most lovely way.
“Rhys, what are you doing?” My voice is hoarse and faint. He peeks from between my thighs and grins.
“You have turned my world upside down. It’s only fair I do the same to you.” His tongue wraps around my red hot clit and fans the flames. Twisting in tight circles, he laps at my pearl before pulling it into his mouth and sucking me until I scream.
“Oh my God, you have!” I pant as his lips pop off my clit and blood returns to the rest of my body. A cool breeze rushes over me as he opens me with his fingers. I am hardly awake and yet my body is already in overdrive, throbbing drowsily, a racing pulse slowed only by my heavy, leaden limbs.
Sliding his velvet fingers along my pussy, my core aches, and blood pounds in my veins like a drum line, I cannot hold on any longer. When he slips two fingers into my heat and presses his palm down on my belly, everything in my body that ever has been or ever will be, ignites in a thunderous explosion that rips through me. Violently, my body arches away from the bed, held down only by Rhys’ palm, his fingers pump in and out of me as I am torn to shreds and wetness gushes between my legs as he presses hard on my clit.
“I cannot live without you, Sophie,” he whispers as his hands coax every ounce of energy from my trembling body. Crash after violent crash rings between my ears as my body is torn apart by the most excruciating ecstasy “I have never felt like this,” he pants, working me over. “I never thought I could feel like this.” He rushes into me and sinks knuckle deep, cupping my sex in his hand. A mere flick of his finger sets me off again and I scream out, collapsing into his hands. “Yes, Sophie, my God, you are beautiful. Let it go. Let it all go.” My legs start to shake as he pumps back into me, swiping across my mons with his warm tongue. I know that I can’t take much more, I will surely be torn to shreds and as he lowers his head one last time, I know that I am done for. A quick swipe over my, poor, swollen clit before he spears me with his tongue, lapping at my slick, puffy sex.
The room is filled with the sounds of his tongue rolling across my flesh, his slick fingers pumping my throbbing pussy, and a faint whimper as his fingers glide in a lazy loop. He sucks my swollen nub between his hollow cheeks and presses his palm between my hips again. Every sensation in the world is directed to that small spot, my smoldering core, now a swirling vortex of such intense energy that my body trembles as the last violent explosions ring on high. Tears stream down my face and my body cries out for mercy. My body jerks and seizes as his fingers slip from my folds. I climb the bed, away from him. Too raw, unable to take even the slightest touch. My body crackles and burns while I struggle to gain my breath. My heart races and pounds in my head and I feel completely disconnected. Floating. When I finally open my eyes, his face is lit up with the most amazing, triumphant smile. He reaches out for me and I curl into his arms.
“That was beautiful,” he murmurs into my hair, tracing circles on my shoulder with his fingers.
“I think I peed.” I peek up at him, mortified and confused.
“No, Sophie, that wasn’t pee. That was you coming, harder than ever, and it was hotter than hell. I want to do it again just so I can watch.”
“No!” I cry before I can stop myself. “Not all the time. My God! I felt like I was being ripped apart. That was the most intense feeling.”
“Then my job here is done.” He slaps my ass as he hops from the bed.
“And what was that?” I ask, rolling over, wrapping myself in the soft blue sheets. I watch him stretch his lean body, his arms outstretched, long lengths of muscle pulled taught, his glistening skin tight and smooth.
“To distract you,” he grins and I am distracted.
“From what?”
“Your head.” He stands at the end of the bed as I sit up. My head throbs like a pounding heart resides in my frontal cortex. Damn Whiskey!
“Ah!” I fall back to the bed and pull the covers up over my head.
“You go ahead and sleep it off, Beautiful. It is still early. I have to go into the office for a couple of hours, tops.” He pats my head, under the blankets. I groan and close my eyes, blocking out every sliver of light I can manage. “Will you be alright?”
“Yes,” I moan, “just go.” I snuggle up into his pillow as I hear the shower roar to life. The scruff on his jaw brushes against my cheek when he kisses me goodbye, coloring my dreams.
Chapter 16
Once I am able to break free from the fog that Rhys left me in, I straighten up the room a bit before heading down to the kitchen, bringing the laptop with me with an idea in mind, but no idea how to execute, or if I really even want to. When I open my email though, the decision is made for me. Greeting me is official bank letterhead and a mountain of legal jargon.The gist being that, the bank will be initiating foreclosure proceedings on my grandmother’s house to cover the remainder of her debt. And there it is, staring back at me in black and white. I am losing the very last thing that ties me to anything, anyone, my life, my family. And I know I have to go. By the time Rhys returns, I have already made all the arrangements, knowing that I had to be set before he returned, lest he try and change my mind. When he returns, he finds me upstairs, quietly packing, completely unprepared to face him.
“What are you doing, Beautiful?” He stands in the door, watching shrewdly, and I find it impossible to meet his eyes.
“The bank has started foreclosure proceedings against my grandmother’s house. I need to go home and take care of things. I am booked on a flight tonight.” I don’t want to look him in the face so I occupy myself with packing, tossing random items into my luggage, moving aimlessly between the bathroom and bedroom. The whole time I mill about, he stands, stock still, holding up the door frame as I move through, in and out, not stopping for a touch of his hand, or the brush of his lips. I must keep moving. “My flight leaves at six,” I say as I breeze past him again. He reaches out and stops me, swinging me around to meet his pain filled eyes.
“What the fuck are you talking about? Why did you do all of this without talking to me? I was only gone for a couple of hours.” I reach up and cup his cheek, his skin is so soft when it’s freshly shaved.
“Rhys, it’s not a big deal really. I just need to take care of a few things. You knew that I wasn’t going to stay here forever. I have a life that I just ran away from and it’s still there, waiting for me to return.”
“It is a big deal, it’s a very big deal, Sophie. You are running.” I stop and square my shoulders.
“I am not running.”
“Then, I will come with you.”
“No. Rhys. You stay here. Please trust me, this is not goodbye, I’m not running away. I just need to go home for a while. I need to settle my grandmother’s affairs, I need to face reality. I can’t hide here forever.” I couldn’t possibly tell him that I need some distance, necessary distance between us so I can think straight, and rationally. I am so consumed by him that I am not sure if what I am doing is righ
t. It feels so right most of the time. But when I really stop and think about how I got here, how I came to New York, I was running; running to Rhys just like I ran to Collin. I do not want to do that. I never will be dependent again. I will not be in a situation that I cannot climb out of on my own two feet with my head held high. This is a dangerous scenario with Rhys. I am losing myself, and if I allow myself to fall any further, I know I will never recover.
“It doesn’t feel right, Sophie. How long will you be gone?” I don’t know the answer to that. If I did it would surely frighten me. With everything that has happened this week, and Olivia’s admission, I am confused and running scared.
“I am not sure, I bought a one way ticket. I don’t live here, Rhys.” The thought of leaving is scary enough, but the thought of never coming back physically hurts. I shake it off. It won’t be as serious as that. I just need some space and a little time to clear my head, to think about what I really want, to let the fog lift so I can see clearly again.
“One way?” Breath rushes from his chest as he sits at the edge of the bed looking like he has just had the wind knocked out of him. “Is this about last night? About Nadja? If it is, tell me, tell me so I can fix it. Tell me what I can do to make you stay.” I lie as easily as the breath that fills my lungs. I lie through my teeth.
“No, Rhys. It is not about her or any of it. I just need to go home and see to my life.”
“Aren’t you going to take your watch?”
“I don’t know, Rhys, maybe it would be best if I left it here, with you.”
“No Sophie, that is a gift for you and I want you to have it. I want you to wear it. Please.”
“It’s just so…flashy. I feel like I shouldn’t accept it.”
“Why?” Exasperation and desperation twist through his tone.
“It’s too much, Rhys. I have never gotten a gift like this. I don’t feel comfortable wearing it.”
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