That she said ‘yet’ meant it was something she might be willing to do in the future. Still, I couldn’t resist the urge to bust her balls since my ego felt a little bruised. I lifted my head again, resting my chin between her breasts, narrowing my eyes. “Embarrassed to be slumming it, pretty girl?”
“Slumming it?” she laughed, taking my face in her hands. “Not even close. We’re friends and I want to stay friends and I don’t want to weird things out… for any of us. Mum’s the word, Marcus. And maybe I’ll reward you for keeping it our little secret.”
If friends spent their nights wrapped in each other’s arms, stuck together by the sticky proof of the explosion they just created between them, I’d take friends. For now.
The rest of the night went so much better than I ever could’ve imagined. We made our way to her bedroom after drinking some wine and finishing off the rest of the leftover pizza. Our exertions on the couch—and then that time in the kitchen—created quite an appetite. But even as we tamed the hunger in our bellies, we couldn’t seem to tame how starved we were for each other. Tessa was wild in bed and I loved every single second of it because it came as such a surprise. Sure, she was hot, but she was also a good girl. Good girls didn’t usually have a list of toe-curling dirty words in their repertoire. She was different, and sex with Tessa was more than different, it was… incomparable. We were serious and intense when it mattered most, but we also cuddled and laughed with the sheets tangled around us, something I had never experienced before. Hell, it was something I never thought I’d enjoy so much.
So, it would be damn near impossible to look Riley in the face this afternoon and not spill the beans, but I had my honor to uphold with Tessa and I wouldn’t go back on that. I ignored the smoldering fire that crept down from my chest and settled in my groin. Fighting with my mind to control the stiffness growing in my pants, I rolled my head from side to side, cracking out the soreness from the night before and cleared my throat as Riley walked into Dad’s kitchen.
“Rough night?” she asked, resuming her spot at the stove, stirring the sauce.
“Nope.” One word answers. I could handle that.
“Oh, no clubbing with Beck?”
“Uh uh,” I shook my head, as I nonchalantly unfolded the sports section.
“Has the beast finally been tamed?” The wooden spoon ceased its swirling, and Riley clanked it on the side of the big pot before placing it on Mom’s favorite spoon rest.
I knew it was only a rhetorical question, but trying to find an adequate answer had me squirming at the kitchen table. Without diverting my not-so-undivided attention from the paper, I answered her, “Riley, don’t you have a life of your own to worry about? What were you doing last night? Hanging curtains or, wait, no, you must have been analyzing the color spectrum of paint chips.”
With her hands on her tiny hips and a scowl on her face that could make any man flinch, she darted toward me, yelling, “You’re an ass, Marcus! I’m so glad you think so highly of me. Not to mention your unwavering faith in my social life, you jerk! I might have you know that I actually had a date last night and it went… well.” Her eyebrows danced and my stomach dropped.
It was moments like this that made me wish I had another sister. So she could bounce this shit off her. I mean, as her brother did I really want to know what well meant? No! Especially not if well was the word she used to define the way my evening had gone with Tessa. I resorted to my favorite avoidance tactic. Sarcasm. “Wow, alert the media! Riley Grayson’s dry spell has come to a fucking end!”
She swatted me with a dishtowel and sank into the chair across from me, crinkling the newspaper so that we were face-to-face. “Listen here, you little shit. I don’t need you making fun of me. Charles is a nice guy. We talked and laughed over dinner, then grabbed a few drinks at a bar and he even gave me a little kiss before he dropped me off.” Her resolute demeanor switched to disappointed as she recounted the events of her boring date and she slumped back in her chair. “Damn it, Marcus, you’re right! Dry spell is still in full effect! I have one lame social life!”
I leaned over the table and covered her hand with mine. A heart-to-heart was what a good brother would offer right now, right? “Ry, I was only kidding. You shouldn’t settle for just a ‘nice guy’ anyway. You’re special and you deserve…”
“Oh, fuck it!” She stood up, suddenly energized, the looks of an idea hatching its way into her brain. “I need to break this goddamn spell and I need someone to help me do it. I’m going out with Tessa on Friday night. I better call her so she can line up a babysitter and help a sista out. Last I heard, she needs to get laid, too!”
The mouthful of beer I was guzzling spewed out of my mouth and sprayed all over Riley’s sauce-spattered apron.
“Marcus! What the hell?”
I shot out of my seat, choking on the little beer that did go down, and heading for some paper towels. I coughed past the tickle in my throat and the burning in my nose and shook my head, nearly busting out in uncontrollable laughter. “Sorry, Ry. I don’t know what came over me.” But I did know how it felt to come all over… okay, that was gross, even for me.
“What’s going on in there, you two?” My father’s voice came booming from his Sunday parking spot on his recliner. It reminded me of when Riley and I were scolded as kids for jumping on the bed upstairs or arguing while company was over.
“Nothing!” We both yelled back as we continued to clean up my mess.
Riley left the table to check on something in the oven, and I rolled the used paper towels in a ball and tossed them into the trash. “Three points.”
“Three points. I’ll give you three points if you tell me why you get your designer boxers in a bunch every time I mention Tessa.”
This was my chance. I could come clean and tell her I was not only screwing her friend, but falling for her. She would piss and moan and whine and complain, but she would come around because she was Riley. And Riley was kind-hearted and understanding, and with the right amount of bribery and flattery she was usually rational.
But I couldn’t do that. I owed it to Tessa to keep it between us.
“You’re crazy, Ry. It has nothing to do with Tessa. Haven’t you known me long enough to understand when you mention any woman and the word ‘laid’ in the same sentence I’m going to get all excited?”
“You’re gross, dude.”
I puffed up my chest and walked over to my sister, kissing her on the cheek. “At least I own my grossness. When’s dinner gonna be ready? I’m starvin’ like Marvin.”
“Twenty minutes, Marv. Now, go sit with Dad and listen to him rant about the Yankees and how they’ve blown their whole season.”
I curled my lip and rolled my eyes. “Fun! Can’t wait.”
Halfway through dinner and three-quarters of the way through Dad’s incessant mumbling about how the increased price of tolls and gas were making him want to start walking to his job in Jersey, I noticed Riley giggling at something going on under the table.
When the ping of her cell phone alerted her of an incoming text, her face dropped, all humor vanished.
“What’s the matter?” I asked, completely cutting Dad off from his tirade on Obama.
Riley jumped out of her chair, and threw her napkin over her half-empty plate. “I have to go. Dad, I’ll be back to clean up and put everything away. Leave everything.”
“Everything okay, baby? Where’s the fire?” Dad maneuvered the morsel of Italian bread in his mouth to speak.
“It’s Tessa.”
My eyes grew wide and my heart stopped. “What’s wrong with Tessa, Riley?”
She rushed to the front door and slipped her feet into her sandals. “I can’t get into it now. I just… she needs me.”
Hurrying to her side, I grabbed my car keys from the hook and placed a hand over Riley’s on the doorknob. “I’m coming with.”
She shooed my hand away and retorted, “No! You’re not. Now, go back to…”
“The hell I’m not. Either you can ride with me right now and cut the shit or you can go yourself and try to beat me there.”
She stared me down for a good, long minute and finally surrendered. “Fine. You drive. But let’s hurry. She was really upset.”
My evening with Marcus still had me giddy and dizzy, remembering the way his hands felt all over my body. How his… wow, he felt good inside me. Was there anything that boy couldn’t do? I was pretty sure I knew the answer to that. There was something he would never do—someone like Marcus couldn’t commit. I wasn’t even sure where that word popped out from because commitment wasn’t something I was capable of right now, either. But Marcus had me wanting things I didn’t even know I wanted. I shook my head to clear my wayward thoughts and focused on the ripeness of the pears in the produce section of the market.
Placing a few in a plastic baggie, I leaned down and kissed Luca on his nose. “Luca man, Mommy’s going crazy.” I twirled my finger in a circle around my ear and made a silly face. Luca smiled, playfully kicking his feet out of the two little holes in the seat of the shopping cart. He was in a good mood this morning, too. We’d both slept through the night without one single interruption. Pure bliss! In fact, I would’ve thought an unbroken sleep was the most blissful thing on earth, had I not experienced orgasm after oh-my-god orgasm with Marcus last night.
Wheeling the cart through the aisles of the store, my mind replayed the erotic scenes over and over again: Marcus hoisting me up onto the kitchen counter, spreading my legs with his hips for entry. My fingernails digging into the skin of his back, gliding over intricate artwork as he made me scream his name. Upstairs in my bedroom when he… damn! How many times did we do it? I’d lost count somewhere between the couch and the shower. He was right—he could go all night if I let him.
“Miss, would you like to sample the…” I jumped at the sudden intrusion to my sinful thoughts.
Sure, I’d love to sample more of his big, hard… “Oh, no thank you.” My cheeks must’ve been the color of the strawberries I just threw into the cart, but the vendor handing out tiny Dixie cups of smoothies was none the wiser. And I had to keep it that way. From everyone.
If anyone knew I fell victim to the panty-dropping charm of Marcus, I’d be ridiculed for sure. Maybe even thrown into a class of women I’d rather not be associated with—slutty, needy, groupie-type women who would give anything for the chance at one night with a studly model. But for me it wasn’t anything like that. I saw beyond the façade Marcus was famous—or more likely, infamous—for. Underneath it all—besides the fancy, money-making boxers—was a really amazing guy. It wasn’t only how he let his guard down with me, but seeing him with Luca… it was starting to melt my heart and I couldn’t have that.
I needed to be on guard with my heart and even more so with my son. He was still young enough not to remember or be tainted by the mistakes of his father. I wouldn’t allow my mistakes to screw him up, either. He was all I had and I intended to hold on to him for dear life until he was sick of his annoying, suffocating mother. It was he and I against the world and up until Marcus walked into that Starbucks, we were perfectly fine as a duo. But God help me if Mr. Bachelor himself wasn’t summoning images of a happy trio.
“Ma’am? Will that be cash or credit?”
Snapping out of my daze, I reached into my wallet to take out my form of payment. “Debit,” I said to the cashier and swiped the card. Her eyes focused on something outside, and as I followed her concerned gaze my body went limp.
Fighting off fuzzy vision and the deafening blood that pumped in my eardrums, I pushed the cart forward and out of the way of the next customer.
“Ma’am you forgot your…”
My what? My stomach? I was sure it dropped out from under me at the sight of the familiar man fumbling with my car door handle. Zack! What the hell was he doing out of rehab? How the fuck did he find me here of all places?
“Um, excuse me. Can you please move?”
I stood frozen in the space between the express lane and the self-checkout line. The impatient woman nudging me forward broke me of my petrified state, but must have registered my distress when we came face-to-face.
“Are you okay?” She placed a hand at my shoulder.
I shook my head, my eyes closed tight. I couldn’t speak. The only movement possible was to lean down and clutch my son close to my chest. I gulped back the impending tears and counted down from ten, slowly. By the time I reached five, I was able to answer the gawking woman. “My phone. In my bag. Please.”
Forty-five minutes later, I was sipping a cup of tea under the careful supervision of Riley and Marcus. Luca was sound asleep in his car seat, not five inches away from me on the floor. I wasn’t ready for more distance than that. Turns out, the thief trying to break into my car wasn’t Zack after all. But he’d done his job of creeping the wits out of me and I didn’t feel like being alone.
When I called Riley to keep me company and calm my nerves, I certainly hadn’t expected Marcus to rush over with her. I could lie to myself and say that it didn’t thrill me to see him jump to my rescue, to want to take care of me, but being so close to him without being able to run into his arms was torture.
I placed the empty mug on the coffee table and wrapped the quilted throw tighter around my shoulders. I wanted to disappear into its warmth, but the weight of my friends’ worried stares made that impossible. “Guys, I’m fine. Really.”
Riley tilted her head, reading through my lie.
Marcus gritted his teeth, clearly holding back.
“Tess, I would have freaked out too, and I’m glad I…” Riley glanced over at Marcus and cocked an eyebrow, “… we could be here for you, but you can’t keep living in fear like this.”
Letting the quilt cascade off my shoulders, I shot off the couch and began to pace. “No! Fuck that! He’s never coming near me or Luca again.” I crossed my arms around my waist, trying to contain the shivers.
Marcus was up and at my back in seconds; his strong hands grasped my shoulders. “Baby,” he whispered in my ear, only audible to me, “I’ll never let anything happen to you.”
In that moment, I wanted to believe it. I wanted to allow him to save me from Zack, from the nightmares of my past, from myself, but instead I closed my eyes and denied what my heart was begging of me.
Marcus’s hands fell to his sides as I walked away from him and resumed my vigil over my sleeping son. I was weak and vulnerable—I couldn’t play into that right now. I had to be strong for Luca. A strong, independent woman wouldn’t give into fleeting feelings.
“Hun, have you spoken to anyone about this?” Riley’s expression was meek, but her concerns were anything but. It was all an act to keep me calm when I knew deep down she was just as shaken up as I was.
How did I answer that question? Admitting that therapy couldn’t lessen the night terrors or erase the permanent physical and emotional scars would be like admitting I was a lost cause. “Of course I’ve spoken to someone,” I huffed.
This time Marcus’s heated gaze bore into me like a branding iron. “If I could get my hands on that mother fu—”
“He’s not worth it, Marcus. He’s not worth a second thought from either of you. Let’s just forget this happened and call it a day.” I brought my hands up to my shoulders and kneaded the tender muscles beneath my neck. “I’m spent. Between last night and…” Fuck!
“Last night? What do you mean? What happened last night?” Riley was confused.
It was evident that Marcus was biting his tongue and my brain was on overload, unable to think up a quick save.
“Let me guess,” Marcus interrupted me almost spilling the beans. “Another nightmare about the bastard?”
I wanted to smile, to thank him for being so clever on the spot, but I just nodded my head, agreeing with his lie.
“Son of a bitch, Tess. What did that asshole do to you?”
Not many people knew exactly what being Mrs. Zachary Bre
ntwood had entailed. My parents and a close cousin were my only confidants and even they hadn’t seen the abuse first hand. I wanted to get it off my chest, to let it all out, but I couldn’t let Marcus see that side of me. Especially not if we were ever…
“I should’ve listened to you from day one, Ry. You were always a good judge of character. You saw things about him I was too stupid to see.” I couldn’t believe I was talking about this.
“You weren’t stupid. Naïve, but not stupid. You’ve always seen the good in people and that’s how he got to you. I hate myself for not being more persistent. Maybe if I tried harder…” The pained expression on her face made me so angry. I was such a bitch to Riley back then when all she was trying to do was help.
“No! It wouldn’t have helped.” I cringed because what I was about to say might sting. “I thought you were jealous. I’d found this good-looking, successful guy who was whisking me off my feet and promising me the world. You were single and wanted what I had. Or what you thought I had. I didn’t take your warnings as a friendly, you’re-doing-the-wrong-thing gesture because I figured you resented Zack for ruining my single-girl status. But before long he completely clouded my judgment and made me turn my back on my friends. On you. He made me believe I only needed him. I should have never allowed him to alienate me, to control me, but I did.” I combed my fingers through my hair and then rested my hand on my knee that wouldn’t stop bobbing up and down. Closing my eyes, I vowed, “I’ll never be that person again.”
When I opened them, I caught Marcus staring at me with a forlorn expression. Our eyes met and his head dropped, focusing on his lap. Great, fucking pity! And he can’t even stand to look at me. Pity was the last thing I wanted from him. Before today, when he looked at me his eyes burned with desire and want. That’s not what I saw right now. I knew what he was thinking. Damaged goods. What kind of guy wants a woman with this much baggage? Certainly not a guy like Marcus, who’d never even braved the dating waters before. He needed an easy, carefree type of relationship to break him in. I couldn’t offer him that.
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