Needing Her

  “I’m not going to stop seeing her, Jack, so there’s nothing more to say in that regard. Now why did you go over there?”

  “I had to meet her. I also had my team run background checks on her and look into her past.”

  “Why would you—”

  “Listen to me.” His eyes lock on mine. “Trust no one. Especially a woman you’re sleeping with. You have to be smarter about this, Pearce. You can’t trust a woman just because she’s beautiful or says the right things or is good in bed. I checked Rachel’s history because I had to make sure she wasn’t a reporter or a spy or an FBI agent. Luckily, my team found nothing to indicate she was anything more than what she claimed; a girl from a farm in Indiana. I went to see her at her apartment to confirm it, because paperwork can lie and identities can be stolen. Her reaction to a stranger coming to her door is telling. She believed my story, invited me in, answered my questions, and her body language gave no indication she was lying. So she’s just a regular college girl, which is all the more reason you should leave her alone.”

  “I’m not leaving her alone. I like her very much and I want to see where this goes.”

  “It’ll never work. You know that.”

  “They haven’t chosen anyone for me.”

  “Not yet, but they will. And in the meantime, go satisfy your needs with the associates. Stop wasting this girl’s time. Let her find someone she can actually be with. Break this off now before it gets serious.”

  “It already is serious. I’ve never felt this way. I didn’t think I could. I’m so used to feeling nothing and now—” I rub my forehead. “I just need you to leave her alone. If you had concerns about her, you should’ve had me check them out, not done it yourself.”

  “You’re too close to her. If she’d had something suspicious in her background, you wouldn’t have been able to see it.”

  “Well, she doesn’t, so leave her alone.”

  “Pearce, I know you want a normal life, but that’s not the life you were given. And you can’t bring an innocent girl into our world.”

  Maybe he’s right and I’m not able to see clearly right now, but I’m not ready to accept what he’s saying. Not if it means losing Rachel.

  “Give up the girl, Pearce, and focus on yourself. I told you I’d help you save that side of yourself you don’t want to lose. The good side. But you need to stay focused in order to do that.”

  “Rachel already brings out the good side in me. She does it without even trying. I’m like a different person when I’m with her. I feel different. I act different. Being with her gives me hope. Makes me stronger. I even stood up to my father yesterday.”

  He leans back in his chair, his drink in his hand. “I’m advising you to stop seeing her. If you don’t, you do so at your own peril. And hers as well.”

  “Are you going to tell them about her?”

  “I don’t need to. They’ll find out on their own. Someone you know will see you with her and it’ll get back to the members.”

  “Then I’ll be more careful. I’ll make sure we aren’t seen in public.”

  “And you think she’ll go for that?” He finishes his drink. “I have a wife and two daughters, so believe me, I know women. And I know they like to go out. Put on a nice dress. Be taken to dinner. Go dancing.”

  “Rachel doesn’t mind staying home. She’s fine with it.”

  “You’re only saying that because you’re trying to find ways to make this work. Rachel will want to go out, and when you tell her no, she’ll find it suspicious. She’ll start asking questions. She’ll ask why you haven’t introduced her to your friends and your parents. How are you going to answer those questions?”

  “I don’t know yet. I just know I have to keep seeing her.”

  He sets his glass down. “So this girl makes you happy?”

  “Yes. Very much so.” I smile just saying it.

  He rolls his eyes. “Why do I always get the difficult ones?”

  “What?”

  “Never mind.” He sighs heavily. “Pearce, I’m willing to keep this quiet. But only because the girl makes you happy. Given the life you’re forced to lead, you deserve a few moments of happiness. But that’s all it will be. If you pursue this, your happiness will be short lived. I guarantee this will end badly, and when it does, it will destroy you.” He gets up and pours himself another scotch.

  I don’t believe him. I think he’s being overly dramatic just to scare me into breaking up with her. “Are we done here?”

  “No.” He sits down again. “I got you a trainer to work on your physical strength. I don’t just mean weightlifting or cardio. This man will teach you martial arts and how to use your body as a weapon. You can’t always rely on a gun or a knife. Or a security guard. You need to be strong and know how to use your body to fight or to kill.”

  It’s true. Sometimes all you have to fight with is your body, especially if your enemy turns out to be someone you thought was a friend.

  “When does the training begin?”

  “Next Monday. He’ll be calling you to set up a time. A woman will also be contacting you. She’s an expert in how the mind works and how to use it to your advantage. How to control your emotions. Facial expressions. Body language. Voice.” He takes a drink. “You need to be a better liar, Pearce. You give too much away. And you need to learn not to react to things. Any questions?”

  “No.”

  “Then I need to get back to the office.” He gets up.

  “Wait. I forgot to tell you, I got an assignment.”

  He sits back down. “What is it?”

  “I don’t know yet. I just got a notice that it’s coming. I don’t want to do it, Jack. I can’t. Not after what they made me do last time.”

  “Relax. It could be something simple, like falsifying paperwork. Don’t get worked up about it until you know for sure.”

  “And what if it’s not something simple? What if it’s a kill? An innocent?”

  “Let your other side do it. That dark side will always be there as long as you’re part of this. So use it. Let it take the blame for your actions. It’s not you, Pearce. The real you had nothing to do with what happened to that secretary. The real you is not a killer. He’s a good man. Remember that.” He finishes his drink and stands up. “Let’s go.”

  We leave the room and I go back to the office. The past few times we’ve met, Jack’s given me so much to think about that I need time to sort it all out in my head. But today, the advice that stuck with me the most is to let the dark side do the assignment. It’s not me. It never will be. I won’t let it take over.

  When I get back to the office, there’s a note on my desk from my father telling me to call a new client, but there aren’t any details about what exactly I’m supposed to talk to this man about. I go to my father’s office to ask him about it. His door is closed, but he always has it closed so I open it and walk in.

  I quickly shield my eyes and turn back around but my father saw me.

  “Goddammit, Pearce!” I hear his voice behind the door I just closed. Then I hear a woman frantically talking.

  My father was fucking his secretary against the desk and I just walked in on it. Good thing I didn’t eat lunch or I’d be throwing it up right now. It’s not like I don’t know this happens. I know he cheats on my mother and I know he has sex in his office and probably elsewhere in the building. None of that is a surprise. But I’ve never actually walked in on him doing it.

  “Pearce, get in here!” I hear my father say as his secretary walks out, trying to fix her hair as she scurries down the hall. She’s probably around 28. She’s only worked here a few months, but today will likely be her last day. My father always fires his secretaries after he fucks them.

  I go in my father’s office and close the door and sit on the couch on the far side of the room. “Remind me to never touch your desk again.”

  He goes around it and sits in his high-backed leather chair. “You find this humorous? Don’t you kn
ow how to fucking knock?”

  “She’s a little young for you, isn’t she?” I shouldn’t have said that, but I feel like mouthing off to him today. I blame Rachel. She makes me want to fight my father instead of just sitting back and taking his abuse. “And next time, try locking the door.”

  He narrows his eyes at me. “I’m getting tired of this attitude of yours and it ends right now. I’m your father and your boss and you will treat me with respect.”

  “I find respecting you rather difficult after what I just saw.”

  He shoots up from his chair, his palms slamming down on his desk as he leans toward me. “Stop this right now! I will not stand for your insubordination!”

  I decide to stop taunting him. I’ve taken it far enough for today.

  “I came here to ask about the new client I’m supposed to call. Your note didn’t mention any specifics about the goal of the call.”

  My change of topics takes him off guard. He stares at me, then slowly sits down.

  “The client would like us to develop a proprietary chemical blend to be used in…” He continues telling me about the project and we pretend the earlier scene didn’t happen. I thought he’d yell at me more about my behavior, but he didn’t. I think he’s so shocked that I spoke to him that way that he’s not sure how to handle it. But he will. He’ll find a way to get back at me. Try to find new ways to control me or punish me. And let him try. Because when he does, I’ll no longer be standing idly by. I’ll be fighting back.

  As I’m exiting his office, my father says, “I’m leaving for Europe Thursday morning. I’ll be gone for a few weeks.”

  I turn back and see him standing in front of me.

  “A few weeks? Are you going on vacation?”

  He never goes on vacation, but I don’t know why else he’d be gone for that long.

  “Of course not. This is for business. I’m meeting with potential clients in Europe. Cecil Roth set up the trip. He’s introducing me to some of his contacts. I’m meeting him in London on Friday morning.”

  Cecil Roth is a fellow member. If he’s doing this for my father, he must owe him a favor. Either that, or Dunamis is forcing Cecil to do this because they want to expand Kensington Chemical overseas for some purpose I don’t know about yet. Members are told things on a need-to-know basis and as a new member, I’m not told much.

  “You’re coming as well,” my father says, “but I need you to attend some meetings for me next week so you won’t be leaving until the following week.”

  “I can’t go to Europe.”

  He steps closer to me. “What did I just say about insubordination?”

  I lower my voice. “I received an assignment notice. I’m not allowed to travel.”

  He steps back. “I see. It’s too bad you won’t be able to join us.” He goes back to his desk and sits down. “Since you’re staying here, I expect you to check on your mother while I’m gone.”

  “Of course. When will you be back?”

  “The trip is scheduled for four weeks but if I’m done sooner than that, I’ll fly back early.”

  “Four weeks is a long time.”

  “Yes. I’m not pleased about it, but between the meetings and the travel time to the various countries, I’ll likely need the four weeks. If this trip results in our expansion overseas, then I suppose it’s worth my time.”

  “I’ll be sure to check on Mother during your absence. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to get back to work.” I return to my office, elated I’m going to have an entire month without my father around. I’m sure he’ll be checking in with me constantly and making me do his work but that’s still better than having him here. I’ll be able to leave work at a decent hour and spend more time with Rachel.

  Just as I’m thinking that, my phone rings. It’s the man I’ll be training with at the gym. He wants to meet three times a week, which means I’m not going to have as much time with Rachel as I thought. Between the physical training and my training with the body language expert, I won’t have much free time. But I’m committed to this training. I’m not letting that dark side of me take over. I always knew the good side of me was still there. I just wasn’t sure it could survive. But meeting Rachel has made me want to fight for it. And in order to do so, I need to be strong and prepared.

  I’m fighting a war. Not just with myself, but with my father and the other members. And I have to be ready for battle.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  19

  RACHEL

  Pearce just called me from work and told me that the man who came to my door did donate money to the shelter but that his donation was anonymous, which is why Laura didn’t recognize his name.

  Apparently, Jack is a very wealthy man, but eccentric and not all there mentally. He sometimes does inappropriate things, like stopping by my apartment uninvited. Pearce said Jack saw my photo at a fundraiser the shelter had last month. All the volunteers were featured in a display with our names and photos. For some reason, I caught Jack’s eye and he tracked me down.

  Pearce said he called Jack and told him to leave me alone but that Jack didn’t even remember coming over here. So I guess he’s just a confused old man. But Pearce advised me to still be careful because he’s not sure what Jack is capable of. He may seem harmless, but if he has mental issues, you can’t be sure.

  It’s 5:15 and I just got home from work and am wondering if I should just stay here tonight. I’d rather stay with Pearce, but I don’t need to now so I feel like maybe I shouldn’t. We just started dating and we need our space. Except I really want to see him. Maybe I’ll just go over there tonight since he’s expecting me, then the rest of the week I’ll stay here.

  I call my mom before I go because if she calls and I’m not here she’ll have the police looking for me.

  “Hi, Mom,” I say when she answers.

  “Honey, is something wrong?” She sounds panicked. I usually don’t call her during the week so she probably thinks I’m dying. She always assumes the worst.

  “Mom, I’m fine. I just wanted to let you know I’m going out tonight and won’t be back until late. I didn’t want you to call and worry because I wasn’t here.”

  “Rachel, I don’t want you going out at night. It’s not safe.”

  She says it like she’s talking to a five-year-old. Sometimes I think she acts that way because she lives in the past, like I’m still her five-year-old daughter. Like she wants to freeze time in that moment, before my sister got sick.

  “Mom, I’ll be with a friend.”

  “Two girls going out at night still isn’t safe.” She pauses. “Or are you going out with a boy?”

  A boy? Again, I’m not five. I don’t go out with boys. I go out with men. And Pearce is definitely a man. A tall, muscular, handsome man.

  “Yes. It’s a date.” I didn’t want to tell her that but it just came out.

  “Who is this boy?”

  The ‘boy’ term is getting on my nerves but I ignore it. “His name is Pearce. He’s 25 and he graduated from Yale and got his MBA from Harvard. And now he’s working for his father’s company.”

  “Is this your first date?”

  “No. We’ve been on several. He’s really nice, Mom. I think you’d like him. He opens doors for me and buys me flowers. He even bought me a really nice vase. He’s very mature and has good manners. And we can talk for hours. In fact, every time we go out we end up talking for hours and not even realizing it.”

  The phone’s quiet.

  “Mom, are you there?”

  “Yes, honey. I’m just surprised how smitten you are with this young man.”

  At least she said ‘young man’ this time. The ‘smitten’ term has me smiling. I always think it’s funny when she uses these old-fashioned words.

  “Yes, I’m definitely smitten with him.”

  “Well, don’t rush into anything. Take your time to get to know him. Don’t do what your father and I did and get married twelve days after meeting each other.�
�

  She’s not kidding. It really was twelve days. She was 20 and visiting her cousin in the small town my dad lived in. They met at the one and only diner in town. He saw her across the diner, went up to her, and asked her out. She said yes but they had nowhere to go in that small town so she just went and sat at his table and he sent the friend he was with over to sit with her cousin.

  My dad said he knew the moment he saw my mom that she was the one. She didn’t feel that way about him until their second date when he cooked dinner for her. He won her over with that meal. It wasn’t anything special. It was just pot roast and potatoes, but she was impressed that he’d do that for her. Ten days later they got married. To me, it sounds completely insane to get married that fast but my mom said, “when you know you know.” And they both must’ve known because thirty years later they’re still together.

  “We’re not getting married, Mom. We’re just dating. I like spending time with him.”

  “And what company did you say he works for?”

  “Kensington Chemical. His family owns it. Have you heard of it?”

  My mom didn’t go to college but she knows so much about business that you’d think she had a degree in it. She’s really smart. She read books and taught herself accounting and finance and whatever else she felt she needed to know. She manages the business side of the farm, doing all the paperwork, the taxes, the budget. And she follows business news, which is why I thought she might’ve heard of Pearce’s company.

  “Kensington Chemical is a very large corporation,” she says. “And very successful. This man must be wealthy.”

  “Yes, his family is very wealthy. They’re billionaires.”

  “Oh. I didn’t think they were that wealthy. I’m surprised you’re dating him.”

  “Why?”

  “I can’t imagine you two have anything in common. You come from such different lifestyles, different backgrounds. You had a modest upbringing and I’m sure his was very extravagant.”

  “It was, but that doesn’t matter.”

  “Rachel, I know you said you’re not interested, but I think you should give Adam another chance.”