And now he thinks he’s lost me. The only person who ever looked him in the eye and said I love you.
I know he lied to me, but I want to forgive him. I don’t want to let him go.
“Pearce, we need to talk.”
He slowly drops his arms and steps back, and when I look at him I see his eyes are red and watery. This big strong man who never shows emotion is brought to tears because he thinks he’s lost me.
“Rachel. I’m sorry. I hope that you can forgive me, but if not, I at least had to say goodbye. You left and I…” He takes a breath. “I didn’t get to say goodbye.”
I take his hand. “Don’t say it.”
“Don’t say what?”
“Don’t say goodbye. I don’t want you to.”
He looks confused. “You don’t?”
“No. I’m still hurt that you lied to me, but I also love you and want to be with you. So…I don’t want you to say goodbye.”
He takes me in his arms again, holding me tighter this time. “I’m so sorry I hurt you. It was never my intention. I love you so much. I would do anything to keep you from hurting. All I want to do is make you happy.”
He’s going to make me cry again if he keeps this going.
“Speaking of that, I forgot something.” He lets me go and heads back out the door.
What is he doing? And where is he going?
He comes in with a grocery sack. “It doesn’t make up for what I did but I know it makes you happy, and I thought that even if you wouldn’t let me inside, I could at least leave this at your door.”
He hands me the sack. Inside are a package of chocolate chip cookies and two quarts of ice cream, one vanilla and one chocolate.
“I bought both flavors because I’ve noticed you sometimes like to mix them.”
I smile. “You went grocery shopping?”
‘Yes. It was another first for me. That’s what took me so long to get here. I wasn’t sure where they sell these items but an elderly gentleman helped me out.”
Okay, now I’m crying. Imagining Pearce searching all over a grocery store looking for this stuff is just too sweet. He even got my favorite brand of cookies.
“What’s wrong?” he asks, concerned. “You don’t like it? I should’ve just got flowers.”
“No.” I drop the sack and hug him. “I don’t want flowers. This is so much better.”
“I tried to time it right so that some of the ice cream would be melted when I got here. I know how you like to let the cookies soak up some of the ice cream.”
I pull back to look at him. “How did you know that?”
“I watch you, so that I learn what you like.” He brushes my hair back and rests his hand behind my ear. “I also watch you because you’re beautiful. And because I love you and can’t take my eyes off you.” He kisses my forehead. “Whatever I have to do to get you to forgive me, I will do it.”
“I want us to talk. I want to talk about the things we haven’t talked about because I was too afraid to bring them up. I didn’t want to start a fight so I kept putting it off. But in order for this relationship to keep moving forward, we need to talk about these things.”
“Go ahead.”
“Let’s have our ice cream first.”
After all that’s gone on tonight, I need some time to gather my thoughts before talking to Pearce. I make us both a cookie sundae and we’re quiet as we eat. The ice cream calms me down from the stress of this crazy night and when we’re done eating, I’m ready to talk.
“Pearce, I want you to take me out.”
“Out where?”
“Somewhere you would normally go. Like your favorite restaurant or a coffee shop near your loft. You never take me anywhere and it’s making me think you don’t want us to be seen together. Like you’re trying to hide me.”
“I’m not trying to hide you.” His tone tells a different story.
“Pearce, no more lying. Tell me the truth.”
He sighs. “The truth is, I’ve been trying to shield you from that side of my life. The side in which I’m known only as Pearce Kensington, the billionaire. Holton Kensington’s son. The future CEO of Kensington Chemical. I’m not allowed to be myself when I’m in that world. Instead, I’m just a name. A name that people pay attention to and respect, but only because there’s a great deal of money behind it. I don’t like that side of my life and I don’t think you would either, which is why I’ve kept you out of it. I would like more than anything to take you out and show you off, but it’s not that simple. The world I live in is all about appearances, and that includes being seen with the right people. You wouldn’t believe how the people around me gossip. It’s sickening really. And childish. And yet they still do it. If I’m out having a drink with a woman and someone sees me, within a day, everyone knows. I have no privacy, which is why I prefer to stay home.”
“So you don’t want your friends knowing we’re dating?”
“These people aren’t my friends. They’re just people I know. People I’m forced to be around because of my name and my wealth. It’s a very small social circle and outsiders are not allowed in.”
“And I’m an outsider. Because I’m not wealthy?”
“Yes. And as wrong as it is, they wouldn’t treat you well. They’d judge you and say things they shouldn’t say, both to your face and behind your back. I don’t want you to have to endure that. I don’t want those people anywhere near you.”
“But maybe once they got to know me, they’d accept me.”
“They’ll never accept you. It’s just how they are.”
“Well, I’m not afraid of them and you don’t need to protect me from them. I want to go out, Pearce. Not right now, but tomorrow night. I want you to take me to dinner at a place you’d normally go. Would you do that?”
He hesitates. “Yes.”
“I also want to meet your parents. It doesn’t have to be right away, but maybe before the end of the year.”
“Fine. Before the end of the year.”
“Do you think your parents won’t like me? Is that why I’ve never met them?”
“My parents don’t like anyone. Including me.”
I hold his hand. “That’s not true.”
“What other demands do you have?” He says it jokingly.
I smile. “That was it. Well, maybe one more.”
“What is it?”
“Can we make up now?”
He kisses me. “I thought you’d never ask.”
He walks me back to the bedroom. And we make up. Several times.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
26
PEARCE
Last night was bad. I never wanted Rachel to know about Shelby. I knew it would hurt her to know I’d been with her friend. But what hurt her even more is that I didn’t tell her, not just about the fact that I’d slept with Shelby, but that I knew her and pretended I didn’t.
If Rachel only knew how many other secrets I have. Would she forgive me if she ever found out? I don’t think she would. I think I’d lose her forever. I thought I’d lost her last night and it had me in a state of panic. I drove to her place, willing to do anything to get her back, but worried it might be too late.
When I saw Adam there and saw how he treated her, it took everything in me to control my rage. Even after she told him how much he’d hurt her, he still didn’t care. I wanted to kill him, or at least beat him unconscious. But that would’ve upset Rachel and I was already in enough trouble with her.
Thank God she forgave me. We made up last night, and today we’re even closer than before. I never thought fights were a good thing, but I see now that sometimes they can help a relationship. Finding out about Shelby caused Rachel to open up to me about the other issues that were bothering her, mainly the fact that she knows I’ve been keeping her out of the other side of my life. I tried to explain to her as best I could why I’ve done that. I couldn’t tell her about the organization, but I was honest about the realities of my life and how th
e people in my world will never accept her. I felt bad saying it, but it’s the truth and she needs to know what she’s getting into by being with me.
It’s not an easy life and I have no idea how she’ll react to it once she’s immersed in it, but like she said, I can’t protect her from everything. She’ll eventually have to meet my family and the other people in my life. I just wasn’t ready for her to do so, but now I don’t have a choice. She’s been asking me for weeks to take her out, and I kept saying no, but last night she wouldn’t take no for an answer, so I finally agreed to it.
It’s now Saturday night and we just arrived at Rolheim’s, a steak restaurant I used to go to a lot before I met Rachel. I’ve never seen any of the members here. Most of them live along the coast and don’t come up here to eat. But I could easily run into someone else who knows me. If it happens, I’ll just have to deal with it. I can’t hide Rachel forever. If we’re going to have a future together, people will eventually find out about her.
We have dinner without any problems. In fact, it’s enjoyable. The food is delicious and Rachel looks beautiful as always. It’s nice to finally be on a real date with her where I’m actually taking her out.
We finish dessert, and as I’m setting money out for the check, I hear a voice I recognize. I look over and see Royce walking toward me.
“Kensington. Good to see you.” He turns to Rachel. “And who is this beautiful woman?”
“Rachel,” she answers, shaking his hand. “Rachel Evans.”
“Royce Sinclair.”
“How do you know Pearce?” she asks him.
He glances at me. “Pearce and I go way back. Our families are friends. We went to Yale together. Lived in the same dorm. So how do you know Pearce?”
“We met at Yale,” I say before she can answer. “Rachel attended a speech I was giving.”
“So you go to Yale?” he asks her.
“No. I’m in grad school at Hirshfield.”
“Royce, we’ll have to talk later,” I say to him. “Rachel and I need to be going.”
“Yes, of course. I should get back to my seat. Victoria’s waiting. Did you know I’m seeing Victoria Lissfeld?”
“Yes, your brother told me.” I stand up. “I’ll call you next week and we’ll catch up. Perhaps we could meet for drinks.”
“Yes, let’s plan on that.” He smiles at Rachel. “Goodbye, Rachel. It was a pleasure meeting you.”
She smiles back. “You as well.”
I go around the table and pull out her chair and help her with her coat.
“He seems nice,” she says.
“He’s not. He’s just good at putting on a show.”
She picks up her purse. “I need to use the restroom quick before we leave.”
“Certainly. It’s by the door. Go ahead. I’ll meet you there.”
She leaves and I make my way over to Royce, who’s on the other side of the dining room. Victoria spots me as I approach the table.
“Pearce, what a surprise,” she says. “I haven’t seen you since your parents’ party last summer. How have you been?”
“I’m good.” I don’t ask how she’s doing because she’ll ramble on for an hour. I turn to Royce. “Can I speak to you for a moment?”
We walk to a hallway at the back of the restaurant. “What is it?”
“Don’t tell anyone about her. I mean it. Not one word.”
“Why? Who is she? I don’t recognize the name.”
“She’s not one of us. She’s just out here going to school. She’s from Indiana.”
He smiles. “Your father’s going to kill you. I hear he’s been trying to find you a wife.”
“Yes, I know. Which is why I need you to keep quiet about this.”
“Hmm. I don’t know.”
“Royce, don’t be an ass. I’ve covered for you more times than I can count. You owe me.”
“Do I?” He smirks. “Because I don’t think I do. But let’s discuss it. Are you free tomorrow?”
“No, but I’ll make time. When do you want to meet?”
“Three. At my place.”
“I’m busy at three. Make it seven.”
“Fine. Seven. And bring me a bottle of scotch. The good kind.”
I walk off, furious that he’s going to blackmail me in exchange for keeping quiet. But it’s what we do. We blackmail each other to keep our secrets hidden. Royce claims to be my friend, but he’d turn on me in a second. They all would. Every single person I know. The only person in my life that I trust is Rachel. With everyone else, I have to constantly be on guard and use bribes and blackmail to keep people in line.
I meet up with Rachel just as she’s leaving the restroom. We go back to my place and finish our evening. I try to focus on Rachel, but all I can think about is Royce. I don’t trust him to keep Rachel a secret.
I still haven’t heard anything from Jack. I’d like to think I can trust him, but I know better than to trust someone who’s part of the organization. He said he’d help me, but he could’ve just been saying that to appease me. For all I know, he could be plotting ways to break up Rachel and me, instead of finding a way for us to be together.
On Sunday morning, I ask Rachel if she’d like to go out for breakfast. She happily accepts the offer, thrilled that I’m going out in public with her again.
When we get in my car, I spot my cell phone on the floor. It must’ve fallen out of my pocket last night. As a member, I’m expected to have my phone on me at all times in case they call. And last night, it wasn’t with me. Shit.
Rachel sees me pick it up. “You have a cell phone?” She reaches for it. “Can I see it? I’ve never seen one up close.”
I hand it to her, keeping my eye on it in case it goes off. If she answered it, who knows what would happen? It wouldn’t be good.
She hands it back to me. “I wonder if those will catch on and someday everyone will have one.”
“I’m sure people will want one once the price comes down. Right now they’re too expensive.”
“Do you use it much?”
“No. I only use it for work.” I glance at it and notice a message waiting. I never get messages. I’m not supposed to, because I’m supposed to answer the phone when they call. And I didn’t. Shit, I’m in trouble. Deep fucking trouble.
“Someone called last night,” I say to Rachel. “I need to check this.”
I get out of the car and shut the door. I walk off to the side of the parking garage and call in to hear the message. I’m asked for my member number so I punch it in and listen to the recording.
“Member services has been notified that this message was unable to be delivered directly. The rules state that you must have your phone with you and turned on at all times. Failure to do so could result in punishment. Call us immediately to receive your assignment. This concludes the message.”
I shove the phone in my pocket and get back in the car. “Rachel, I’m sorry but something came up at work. I have to go into the office. I need to take you home.”
“Would you mind if I just stayed here? I need to study and your place is so much quieter than mine.”
I hesitate, because I was planning to do this assignment from home, but I guess I could go into the office and do it.
“Of course.” I fake a smile. “Would you like me to walk you back inside?”
“You don’t need to. Go ahead and go. Do you know what time you’ll be home?”
“No. So don’t worry about dinner. And I’m sorry about breakfast. I’ll call and have something delivered.”
“That’s okay. I’ll just make something.” She leans across the seat and kisses me. “Don’t work too hard. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
She steps out of the car and goes inside. She’s being very understanding about this. She’s always understanding regarding my work schedule, which is another reason I love her and can see a future with her. Not many women would put up with my schedule. In fact, the other women I’
ve been with used to whine and complain when I had to work late or on the weekends. I couldn’t take it, which is why I could never sustain any kind of relationship with them. But Rachel is very independent and doesn’t demand that I be with her at all times. She’s content spending time alone.
When I arrive at the office, nobody’s there. Our employees often come in on the weekends to catch up on work, but usually not on Sunday mornings. I’m relieved no one’s here. I can’t be around anyone right now. I’m nervous about this assignment, assuming it’s going to be bad.
I go in a conference room and make the call. When it picks up, I punch in my member number, then wait as the phone rings repeatedly. I’m not supposed to hang up. The rule is you stay on the line until someone answers. After about a minute, I hear a man’s voice. He asks me to restate my member number, then he goes through the security questions that confirm my identity. Before the man gives me my instructions, I ask him if I’ll be punished for not having my phone with me. He says I won’t be because it’s a first time offense, but if it happens again I will be punished.
I have no idea who’s on the other end of the phone and I’m not allowed to know. I’ve never been told who gives the assignments. I assume it’s one of my fellow members, but I don’t recognize the voice so I really don’t know.
I listen closely to the instructions. My body relaxes as I realize this isn’t a kill assignment. Instead, it’s an order to cover up the inappropriate activities of a man we placed in the Senate a few years ago. He’s up for re-election soon and he keeps getting himself wrapped up in scandals involving prostitutes. We’ll rig the election to make sure he wins, but reporters or the public could get suspicious if this man wins despite his unsavory behavior. He’s a conservative with a wife and three children, so his voting base won’t stand for his philandering. I’ll fake some documents and interviews, discrediting the women he was with, and all will be well. His wife and the public will be led to believe he never did those things and he’ll go on to win the election without question.
Perhaps it’s wrong that this man gets away this behavior, but to me, this is nothing. Everyone I know cheats on their wives and the members all use prostitutes. We just call them associates. So covering this up for the senator doesn’t bother me. It’s probably the easiest assignment I’ve had, which makes me think the next one will definitely be a kill assignment. But I’ll worry about that later.
Needing Her Page 31