Dishonor Thy Wife

by Belinda Austin

  I yawned and squeezed my eyes shut, trying to turn off my inner dialogue. Anyway, if Ronni ever found out the truth, I would be long gone to Canada and she would have no way of hunting me down.

  In a minute, I would creep up the stairs to my brother’s room, like a thief in the night.

  ***

  The sun streamed in though the bedroom window, caressing me with its warmth.

  I turned on my side to doze for a minute, my eyes still groggy from sleep.

  Ay!

  I banged my head against the headboard. What the fu…I slept in Ronni’s bed! Naked!

  Oh, crap, I had not wanted to wake up with my guilt lying beside me and had hoped to make a quick exit back to Canada this morning.

  About seven weeks of living in sin earned me a medal in hell for sleeping with my brother’s wife.

  Some religions in the world still stoned a woman to death for adultery.

  According to some Bible interpretations if a single man had sex with a married woman, then he too committed adultery. On top of that, having sex with my sister-in-law counted as incest because, according to the Bible, sibling-in-law incest existed.

  Would it help to get down on my knees and pray? Did God ever listen to sinners?

  I could tell the devil my sister-in-law appeared unaffected by me having tricked her into the sack these past weeks. Mm, Ronni was rather sexy with her eyes closed and her mouth relaxed.

  Okay, stop thinking about having intercourse again.

  I gently moved the blanket off my chest in preparation of a silent exit.

  Ronni stirred, her eyelids fluttering.

  I flung an arm over my face, pretending to be sleeping.

  She quietly got out of bed. The bathroom door creaked open and then closed.

  I grabbed my clothes and ran.

  The sun was just coming up when I drove quietly away.

  I sipped on an iced coffee with the confidence that I would not want Ronni again. Now I could get on with my life. She scratched my itch so much last night, I felt like an open wound.

  Quit feeling so bad! Sex, that’s all this masquerade was, just sex between consenting adults. You wanted her. You won her. You screwed her. Now Ronni is just like every other woman you’ve ever slept with.

  Consenting adults? Right. Would Ronni have consented if she knew who I really was? She would hate me if she ever found out.

  I dared not look back and vowed to never return. I…I just could not face her again.

  ***

  In San Francisco while boarding a plane to Victoria, my cell phone rang, probably Brad calling again to bitch about Barbie and threatening to rip my guts out.

  I punched the Answer button. Her. You know a woman is special when you think of her as her. Her. Her.

  My heart stopped beating and the blood rushed from my face. Ronni’s voice, sounding shy and young, was on the other end.

  “Brad?”

  Her voice blew my breath away and I doubled over. You should not have called, Ronni.

  “Brad? Are you there?”

  I pushed my finger down on the cell phone and hung up.

  I took a deep, shaky breath and walked towards the seat on the plane.

  I plopped down in first class, leaned back against the black leather, and closed my eyes. My head hurt and my chest felt tight, remembering her words, “I decided not to give up on us.”

  Brad’s cell phone rang again and I swallowed, breathless. Do not pick up the phone. Make a clean break.

  Note: There never was an us, dumb shit. Forget about your sister-in-law.

  After one more attempt, Ronni gave up.

  “Enjoy the flight to San Francisco,” the flight attendant said and sort of winked at my shoes.

  My socks did not match. The socks belonged to Brad.

  Who gave a rat’s ass about anything belonging to my brother?

  Chapter 35

  BRAD

  There is a rainbow at the end of every sewer. Jayden told Barbie that I have an STD, which can be advantageous. I bought a cane at an airport gift shop and walk as if blind from gonorrhea. The cane and dark glasses is a nice touch. I can board the plane early.

  Despite the mean phone calls between us, I bump hard into Jayden’s back at the San Francisco Airport, wrap my arms around his stomach, and squeeze as if giving him a Heimlich maneuver so he can cough up his heart.

  Jayden wiggles out of my embrace and holds his ribs like one of them broke.

  Whoa, his reaction is cold. Jayden is stiff in my arms. My brother never really explained why he wanted to leave Austin. Jayden just said he wanted to come home as if desperate to get away from Ronni. That bitch! What did that hussy do to scare my brother away? Ronni can be a real shrew.

  I place an arm around him and pinch his shoulder. “So how did it go with you and my wife?”

  “We managed to stay out of each other’s way,” he mumbles and looks down at the floor.

  “If Ronni did anything to piss you off...”

  “She didn’t,” he screeches. Jayden avoids my eyes. “Just do me a favor and don’t tell her about our trading places.”

  “I must apologize for my wife. I know what a harpy she can be.”

  Jayden opens his mouth and then clamps his lips shut. He shakes my hand as if we just completed a business deal.

  I slap him on the back, wishing him God speed on his journey.

  We exchange wallets, keys, cell phones, etc.

  Jayden spins on his heel and walks towards his gate.

  “Hey, Jayden!”

  He spins around.

  “Thanks, dud, for the experience of a lifetime.” Ha, he thought I said, dude. “Let’s keep in touch.”

  Jayden simply waves back.

  I give my brother a final wave of dismissal though his back is to me. No one gets the last word but Brad O’Boyle.

  I swagger towards the gate.

  Holy crap! Quit walking like a peacock! I forgot that gonorrhea was supposed to have blinded me. My brother did not even ask me about the cane. For all he knows, I may have broken my hip on his Andy Warhol rug—a frickin’ giant can of Campbell’s tomato soup on a shopping bag sprinkled with coke powder. I had a going away party last night at Jayden’s though no one but me knew I was leaving. I did not bother to vacuum the rug. Jayden could use a snort of cocaine in his life. He is too intense.

  I wrap the sunglasses around my eyes and shake my head, looking cool like a Blues Brother, the thin handsome one, not the slob.

  I tap the cane towards the gate, humming Stand by Your Man.

  “Blind man coming through. Make way. Make way.”

  The sea of passengers part for me as if I am really somebody.

  I knock a little kid out of the front of the Board First line. Hey, a blind man can get away with anything, crybaby! Now, Dr. Brad O’Boyle is first in line, head of the class.

  I announce to the rest of the passengers. “I’m a doctor so if anyone gets sick aboard the plane I can still operate, though blind from birth.”

  Geez, no one on this flight has a sense of humor.

  I push my rump onto a first-class seat and cannot stop laughing at the thought of Jayden and Ronni living together for nearly eight weeks.

  I had really sort of hoped Ronni would annoy Jayden so much that he would kill my wife.

  Chapter 36

  JAYDEN

  Brad had been creepy at times during our masquerade, as if he was trying to take over my life and really become me.

  Oh, God, Traci, I forgot to say good-bye to my niece. My heart twisted at the thought of Traci walking into school with her Bat backpack slung across her shoulder. I will miss the child. It was fun being an uncle and having a niece to spoil. Maybe Brad could break the news to Ronni that he has a long-lost twin brother, and I could visit, but the thought of facing Ronni and Brad together knotted my stomach.

  “What the heck?” Vanessa’s car was parked in front of my condo.

  I pulled my car into the garage thinkin
g maybe Vanessa being here was not such a bad idea.

  Before Vanessa could even say hello, I dragged her into the bedroom and slammed my hand over her mouth to keep her from singing. I turned my head to the side, pounded her, and then rolled to the side so we were no longer touching. Whew, that was not very good, unlike…

  Vanessa purred like a cat. “This past week, Jayden, you acted like you were bored with me. You even threatened me with a knife if I continued singing to you.”

  “What!”

  She ran her finger down my chest, giggling like a little girl. “Of course you were joking.”

  “Yeah, I’m a real joker, Vanessa, if only you knew.”

  She pulled at the hair on my chest rubbing her breasts against my stomach. “You seem to have finally gotten it right again. I haven’t had an orgasm since you came back from Philadelphia.”

  I groaned, not caring to know any more about Brad’s private life, especially his performance in bed. Vanessa was a hypocrite; I just had sex with her and felt unsatisfied. Since when was Vanessa not good in bed? The act was now empty, a lack of connection.

  Ronni, I thought with disgust. It was great with Ronni last night. An hour ago, I wished to God to never have slept with my sister-in-law and now longed for her bed.

  Do not even think it. Don’t! However, I could no longer deny that there had been something special with Ronni.

  No way! That something was not love. That thing was sick perverted sex because our relationship was taboo, which added to the thrill, much like a married man having an affair, only more so.

  Slam, bam, you’re welcome, Ma’am, was about as far as my relationships with the fairer sex usually played out. Sometimes a woman lasted a few months until she became too clingy, like Vanessa.

  If a man needed a companion, he could get a dog.

  “I need a cold shower.” I slapped Vanessa in the face with the sheet and walked into the bathroom. “You can see yourself out.”

  “I’m not sleeping here, Jayden?”

  “No, Vanessa, you’re not,” and I slammed the bathroom door.

  I leaned my head against the wall, moaning. What to do? What to do? There was a hollow feeling in my chest and an ache in my gut.

  I sunk to the closet floor and held the phone to my chest. I took a deep breath and called Brad’s cell. His phone was off so I left a message. The matter was urgent so I tried his home phone.

  Come on, pick up, Brad. Do not let it be…

  Yipes! Ronni answered.

  I hung up on her and dropped my head in my hands, groaning. Hearing her voice made me feel guilty about sleeping with Vanessa. How crazy was that? I accused Brad of being creepy; what was happening to me? I was not Ronni’s husband and had the right to sleep with anyone. Ronni had no hold over me. I always thought, this time. This time will be the last, or so I promised myself until the next time she invited me back into her bedroom with her eyes, lips and every gesture of her body language.

  Note: You are not in danger of losing your head over your brother’s wife.

  Yet an odd sense of relief lightened my chest because Brad was not at home with Ronni right now.

  Or was he? Maybe they were having sex right now!

  I tried my best to shampoo my sister-in-law out of my hair. Ronni was someone new so exciting. If I slept with her again, she would be as disappointing as Vanessa was. I snorted; my time in Austin posing as a married man made me even more cynical. Women were always the downfall of men.

  I stepped out of the shower, and Vanessa sat on the bathtub, shaving her legs.

  Yeah, Vanessa had moved all her shit into my bathroom while Brad was living here—so much for his promise to dump her for me!

  She lifted her head and broke out in song, some broken tune, or other.

  I wish I could get rid of that woman for good!

  Chapter 37

  BRAD

  Barbie calls to change our meeting place from the Congress Avenue Bridge to Lovers Leap. “I aim to push you off, Brad.”

  Very funny, ha-ha. I curse Jayden up the ass and down some in an email, a phone message, and to the mirror. Her anger at me is his entire fault.

  Austin Saturday night traffic on Mopac is the Bitch of the Black Tar. I exit to Ranch Road 2222, as if the traffic crapped on me four times, and then hang a left on Mount Bonnell Rd.

  Mount Bonnell has stairs and a flat top. The mount is windy, and Barbie may push me off, or God may blow me across the little brick wall and into the Colorado River.

  I pace nervously on the cobblestones looking at my watch.

  Barbie drives up in a pickup and yells at me through a megaphone, “You slept with a bunch of Philly hookers, Brad!”

  “Come up here, and I’ll prove my innocence!”

  I flip out a picture from my wallet taken in Philly of me and Jayden and shove the photo under Barbie’s nose. “That’s my twin brother and he was impersonating me.”

  She studies the image, rubbing my brother’s face, scratching his chin, and letting her fingers linger on his lips. Then her index finger slides to the zipper of his pants and she scratches. “You know, Brad, I think your brother is a bit cuter than you are. I bet he has a better-looking dick. Maybe I should have tried harder to screw him.”

  What!

  She cocks her head as if aiming a gun. “Sensitive men make the best lovers.” She laughs. “With Jayden, it would have been like making love with a kinder, gentler Brad. Wouldn’t that be a riot? Huh?”

  She wants to make love with my brother! Why does she say those words, go and hurt me like that? “Barbie, please don’t!” Goddamnit my voice is ragged; her words are ripping out my tonsils.

  “Ah, poor baby.” She smiles with pity in her hazel eyes. Pity!

  The vein in my temple pounds so that my head may explode.

  “Don’t worry, Brad, your poopsi whoopsi is here to make you feel all better.” She wiggles her hand inside my pants and gives me a squeeze, chuckling at my hard-on. The witch is so attractive that I’m like a frickin’ $3 Remember the Alamo fridge magnet stuck on her tight rump and the bitch is sitting on me, smashing my heart.

  Barbie takes my hand and leads me to the bed of her pickup. She came prepared with a blanket and quilt spread out. I have marched through hell for this woman and she wants a sensitive lover? A gentle lover? A Jayden lover?

  I rip the zipper from her jeans and grab such a big handful that I even tear the front of her underpants.

  “Brad, you’re hurting me. Your nails are like claws.”

  I pant like a wild animal. My eyes barely focus but I can smell her fear.

  She scoots back until her head bangs against the pickup. “Brad, quit hurting me!”

  Does she think she can push her skull through the pickup wall and get away from me?

  I slam her hips down on the bed of the pickup and twist her hands above her head, pinning her with my heavier weight. “So you want my brother?” I hiss.

  “I was only fooling, Br…Bra…Brad.”

  “You liar! When you looked at his picture, you crossed your legs tight like Jayden was inside you.”

  “He looks just like you, Brad.”

  “I’ll give you my brother. Say Jayden, I want you.” I grab a handful of yellow hair and yank her head back. “Say it!”

  “Jay...Jayden, I want you.”

  I ram into Barbie with the intent of hurting her.

  She starts grunting like a pig. Barbie always sounds like a pig during copulation, tiny little grunts.

  She is not supposed to enjoy sex with Jayden!

  I try to pull out but she locks her legs around me. She rocks her hips, grunting and snorting, and shaking all over. She runs her hands over her breasts and squeezes. Her eyes are closed and she is panting. She screams out, “Jayden,”

  My sword goes limp and shrinks to one of those little dull knives for spreading soft cheese on a stale cracker.

  Her head falls back against the bed of the pickup. An evil gleam sparkles from her eyes
. “You know I said Jayden on purpose just to goad you, sugar pie.”

  I turn my back to her and zip up my pants. This has never happened before, not being able to finish to completion. Bubba has a difficult time in bed but then he is old. He ordered a pump. Barbie always laughs about men who are not really men.

  She smiles with her legs spread. Her eyes cloud with the aftermath of good sex. She licks her lips and moans.

  Is she still thinking of my brother? But...it was I, not Jayden, who made her scream out with pleasure. But...she screamed out my brother’s name. My Goddamn head is throbbing. I am confusing myself with Jayden. The same thing happened in Canada a few times with my slut Vanessa. No, she is my brother’s whore. Barbie, the woman I love, wants to get it on with my brother.

  Barbie leans against the back of the pickup, sighing contentedly. The vamp could care less about my aching heart. She lights a cigarette. “Bubba asked me where I was going, and I told him to the hospital to visit a friend so he let me out of the house. You being gone so long helped. My hubby is not so suspicious any more, lover. I’ve been working on Bubba since you came back from Philly.” She frowns and mumbles, “I mean, since Jayden traded places with you.”

  She said my brother’s name with a deep sigh and she clenched her crotch, her eyes all dreamy.

  “Bubba really believes me when I tell him how much I’ve come to love only him.” She laughs and then snorts like a piglet. “Old fart looks at me all starry eyed like I make him the happiest man who ever lived. We still have to be careful though. Ugh! His touch is like a reptile.” Barbie shudders and blows out smoke through her pinched nostrils, the result of too much cocaine.

  I sprinkle some coke on her bare feet, rolling up a $10 bill, and snorting from her toes. Instant high, though sweat drenches my face and my heart is going like a roller coaster. “So when are you gonna leave Bubba for me?” I ask in a sulky voice.

  “Are you crazy?” she shouts. She flicks her cigarette away, no longer in the mood for a smoke. “I’ve seen Bubba’s will. If he dies of a heart attack because I leave him for another man, then I get nothing. You think I put up with that old fart all these years to walk away with just the clothes on my back?”