Her shoulders quickly sagged and her hands released the anger. “How do you expect me to do that, Seth? I love you!”
A throb pulsed in my temples. Damn! I loved her so much. All I wanted to do was hold her against me and never let her go. I wanted to go back to the day I bid on this demon and delete, delete, delete. I wanted to be happy with what I had. I’d try harder and just believe what I had would be enough for the both of us.
But I couldn’t do any of that. Not now. I managed to screw this one up royally. There was no way out and being with Dani was just too dangerous. If only I could tell her the truth…
“Why are you doing this?” Her voice cracked and a tear slowly rolled down her cheek.
My chest ached with both love for her and anger toward myself. “You’d be better off without me.” I turned my back to her, my hands fisted tightly.
“That’s what Justin said you told him! But I don’t think it’s up to you to decide what’s best for me.” Her voice challenged me.
She had absolutely no idea what we were up against. Dani was strong, I knew, but until I could figure this out, I had to protect her. I spun around and stared her down. “Don’t you get it? It’s over between us! Over!”
That shocked her into silence. This morning, I’d been begging her to take me back and now I was telling her we were done. Minutes that seemed like hours crawled by, minutes I’d wish would hurry up and get going because every minute I stood here with her was another chance for the demon to show his ugly head.
Then squaring her shoulders and lifting her chin, she pierced me with such a look of contempt, I flinched and stepped back.
She turned and walked away.
Triumphant. That was the only word to describe what I felt as I watched her yank open the car door and get in. And relief, knowing she was safe from me.
I watched her car speed down the street, taking my heart with her. She would stay away, I knew, at least for awhile. Now I could focus on this shotgun-riding freak, and maybe somehow figure out what the hell to do about it.
DANI
"Breath"
I see nothing in your eyes, and the more I see the less I like
Is it over yet, in my head?
I know nothing of your kind, and I won't reveal your evil mind
Is it over yet? I can't win
So sacrifice yourself, and let me have what's left
I know that I can find the fire in your eyes
I'm going all the way, get away, please
You take the breath right out of me
You left a hole where my heart should be
You got to fight just to make it through,
'cause I will be the death of you
This will be all over soon
Pour salt into the open wound
Is it over yet? Let me in
So sacrifice yourself, and let me have what's left
I know that I can find the fire in your eyes
I'm going all the way, get away, please
You take the breath right out of me
You left a hole where my heart should be
You got to fight just to make it through,
'cause I will be the death of you
~ ~ ~
“So the gossip is true,” Silura said.
The girl took a step away from her mistress, back into the shadows, wringing her hands. “Yes,” she whispered, her voice shaking.
“Repeat the words you heard.”
Silence fell, broken only by the shuffling of pebbles beneath the girl’s feet.
Silura reached out and stroked her servant’s hair, then lifted the girl’s chin until their eyes met.
“You have nothing to fear from me. Your honesty will put you in my good favor.”
The girl licked her dry lips before finally speaking. “He said… he said… that he loved her. That his soul soared to great… heights when she was near. That she was the missing piece in his life. That… that…”
Silura’s throat tightened. She knew the next words her servant spoke, whatever they were, would undo her. “Go on.” She squared her shoulders, feigning strength she did not have. “Do not be afraid.”
“He said that he would gladly die for her.”
A small gasp escaped Silura’s lips. Those were words she had longed to hear Maksim say to her, but he had said them to another woman. I am a fool, Silura thought. I gave my body freely to him. I gave him power and unconditional love. Now he loves another.
A searing ache welled in Silura’s chest, making it hard for her to breathe. A thousand bites from a viper would have been less painful, she thought, for poison would kill her instantly. But this—this would fill her veins with sorrow and pain so intense, life would be unbearable.
Her fingers crushed the girl’s thin shoulders, but the servant said nothing, not wishing to anger her mistress any further.
“Where are they now?”
“In the gardens,” the girl whispered.
~ ~ ~
I walk with him. I sleep with him. I breathe with him. I encourage some thoughts and banish others, but he has woven threads of his woman into his soul, keeping him alive.
~ Maksim
Chapter 22
“Why? Why?” I furiously swiped at the tears that refused to stop. “What the hell is going on?” I drove my car as fast as I dared down Fourth Street, across to Lake Street, and then towards the Long Bridge. The car heater was going full blast, but I still couldn’t stop shaking.
At the south end of the bridge, I pulled off and parked at the Café 95 restaurant. The ache in my heart hadn’t let up, my tears hadn’t stopped, and my hands hurt from squeezing the steering wheel. I was out of the car and running back towards the bridge before the car door had slammed shut.
I ran to escape the hurt and to push out the ache. I ran to forget the cruelty in Seth’s eyes and anger in his voice. I ran to find my breath that he had taken from me. But it wasn’t helping. Nothing was. It was no use. I ran halfway across the bridge before I could accept the fact that there was no running from any of this. I sank down on one of the benches that sat against railing of the bridge and wrapped my arms around my legs, hot tears soaking through my jeans. Resting my chin on my knees, I saw nothing but the emptiness in Seth’s eyes. It was as if he wasn’t there. At least he wasn’t there for me.
Alyx seemed to have this one all figured out, but I was having a hard time buying into it. I’d never really spoken to Alyx because I didn’t think we had anything in common. After all, Alyx was into all that Goth stuff; vampirism and voodoo, or whatever it was they were involved with in their world.
Her very first words to me this entire school year were at Seth’s practice. I couldn’t forget what she said. “He’s got it bad.” She’d been watching Seth practice and then dropped that one on me without sticking around to explain what she meant. I followed her to War Memorial Field to get some answers and I ended up with way more than I wanted to know.
She’d looked so confident sitting on the bleachers, cigarette smoke curling like a serpent around her fingerless black gloves. Every so often her thumb would flick the end of her cigarette before she’d bring it to her lips to take a deep lungful. But I was struck by the intensity of Alyx’s blue eyes, the intelligence and confidence that rolled off her. She didn’t seem to be afraid of what anyone thought and didn’t need to convince anyone of anything. She knew something.
No. She knew a lot of things.
It was that confidence that had me telling her everything. I told her about the dogs at the shelter, about how Seth’s eyes got all smoky or shadowy sometimes, about how he made me melt when he kissed me. I even told her how at the Winter Dance Dirk was trying to get me to dance with him and he made a grab for my elbow, but stopped when Seth put his hands up. Dirk had just… stopped. I’d never seen Dirk so confused. It was like he couldn’t help himself, like he had to listen to Seth.
And she took note of all of it – everything I said went down in a notebook she carrie
d with her in her messenger bag.
Then she mentioned Seth’s size, how much bigger he had gotten lately. That made me think, well, maybe he was taking steroids. I thought I read somewhere that steroids caused mood swings, but she shot that one down. Her answer wasn’t at all what I had expected: “Pfff! Steroids? You think your boyfriend is on steroids? Believe me when I tell you that would be the least of your problems. No, his problem is deeper and much more complicated than that.”
She was so evasive, dropping hints or speaking half thoughts so I never really grasped what she was leading to. She mentioned Reiki and energy transfer, but the real kicker was when she said that Seth was a “dark, angry, possessed jock.” Before I could ask her what she meant by that, Seth had shown up and she had left, obviously not too thrilled about being in the same space with him.
Maybe Seth was right. Maybe I did need to stay away from her. She was into all of that dark magick stuff. Besides, Reiki wouldn’t explain why other girls were so obviously flirting with him, even with me around. It wouldn’t explain why he didn’t discourage them. Maybe he was getting buffed out because of them. Maybe he was tired of me. Maybe he didn’t want the same future that I did.
I wiped the tears from my cheeks. I sure hadn’t seen this coming. I’d thought I knew him. I’d thought he loved me.
I guess I was wrong.
# # #
“What’s wrong with him, Justin?” I pressed the heels of my hands into my burning eyes, hoping to at least delay the tears. “I don’t get it. I thought we were solid.” I locked my arms around my legs, pulling them tight against my chest.
After I’d cried out all the tears I could, I left the bridge and went to the one person who knew Seth better than I did.
It felt strange being in Justin’s room, just the two of us. I’d been there many times over the last couple of years, but it was always with Seth. My life had always been with Seth.
I looked around the room, so neat and orderly. The shelves were lined with trophies and ribbons and pictures of family vacations, most of them with Seth in there somewhere. Seth’s arm was usually slung over Justin’s shoulder, a huge grin on his face, his eyes happy.
So different from what Seth looked like now. It was like there was no light to him anymore; like someone had shot out the sun inside him and created a black hole.
Justin sat on the edge of the bed, his elbows on his knees, looking down to where I sat on the floor. He shook his head. “I really don’t know what his problem is.”
“It’s not like him to keep secrets from me,” I said. “I don’t know what I did wrong.” The tears broke free again and I dropped my forehead to my knees, wrapping my arms tighter around my legs.
“Shit,” Justin muttered. He slid down the side of the bed and sat next to me. “Dani…”
“This hurts… so… bad,” I told him.
“I know,” he said gently, draping an arm around me. He ran his hand through his hair and took a big breath. “I asked him if he was doing drugs. I mean, it would explain a lot if he was.”
I looked up. “What did he say?”
“He said he wasn’t, but I’m not so sure.”
“What about steroids or something? I mean, doesn’t that mess with your moods?”
“Now that he’s hanging out with Dirk, who knows what he’s into,” Justin seemed to be just as clueless as I was.
“I don’t see you two fighting, though. It looks like you’re still friends.”
“Yeah. I wouldn’t be too sure about that right now.”
“Justin, did I do something to push him away? Was this all my fault?”
He shifted around to face me, then cradled my face in his hands and looked at me with an intensity that sent a shiver up my spine.
“Don’t think that. Never think that.” He leaned in closer, his voice just above a whisper, “It could never be you.”
His grip tightened and suddenly there was no space between our faces. He touched his lips to my cheek and then drifted to the tip of my nose. Our breath mingled when he lingered at the corner of my mouth, so close our lips almost touched. I held my breath, afraid to move.
With a barely suppressed groan, Justin pulled away and kissed my forehead, then shifted around and put his arm around my shoulder.
Relieved, I wrapped my arms around his waist and buried my face in his shoulder.
“I love you, Dani.” He said it so quietly, I wondered if he wanted me to hear it.
“I love you, too. You’re such a good friend,” I whispered. I wanted him to hear that because I meant it. I felt totally safe with him. He’d never cross that line.
“Yeah, that’s me. A really good friend.”
Not understanding the sarcastic tone in his voice, I pushed myself back from his arms and studied his face. His jaw went rigid, his teeth biting down rhythmically, making his smile seem forced.
“No, really, you are. After all this stuff going on, you’re still standing by his side. And mine, too.” I took his hands and squeezed them tightly. “I’m having a hard time forgiving Seth for how he’s treating me—treating us. If I didn’t love him so much…”
His jaw tightened even more.
“You know,” I said, remembering. “I looked into his eyes tonight. They were so dark. Just so freakin’ cold. There was something really weird about his face, too. It was like he had a million thoughts going on. He was there, but not there, you know?”
I wrapped my arms around my knees again, bringing them up hard against my chest. Even though he told me it was over, I knew deep down that Seth still loved me. What I didn’t know was why he pushed me away the way he did. Something was very wrong. If I had no clue, if his best friend didn’t know, maybe I had to look for the answer with someone who didn’t know him at all.
I want out. I want vengeance, but the river of death is hindered by unexpected forces. The taste of familiarity is bitter upon my tongue.
~ Maksim
Chapter 23
“We need to talk,” I told Alyx.
Six sets of eyes suddenly found something more important to look at on the walls of the Commons or down on the table in front of them.
Alyx took one look at her friends and rolled her eyes. Balling up her empty potato chips bag and licking her fingers, Alyx slid her chair back and motioned to the bench along the back wall. “Let’s get away from these weenies.”
“So, what’s going on? Why did Seth tell me to stay away from you?” I asked, a little too loudly. Unfortunately, it was one of those moments when the noise in the Commons hit a lull.
Alyx stopped and turned around so fast, I ran into her. “I don’t think everyone heard you.”
I looked around and, sure enough, we were the object of considerable interest. Alyx and I were a mismatched pair; me in my jeans, tennis shoes, and hoodie, and Alyx, in her knit sweater, tights, calf-length skirt, and clunky Doc Marten’s, head-to-toe in black.
“Maybe we should talk outside,” I suggested.
“Yeah, probably a good idea.”
The air outside was cool and the walkway wet. We both crossed our arms tightly across our bodies to protect ourselves from the drizzling rain and cold.
“He broke up with me.” I swallowed against the tightness in my throat. I still couldn’t believe it, and saying it out loud only made it more real. It hurt even worse now than it did yesterday.
Alyx’s brows arched. “What? Barbie and Ken aren’t dating anymore?”
“Look—” I started to say, but Alyx interrupted me.
“What reason did he give you?”
“He really didn’t give a reason. He just said I’d be better off without him.”
“Huh. I wonder who instigated that.”
“He did. I didn’t. I wasn’t the one who wanted to break up.”
“I’m not talking about you,” Alyx said. Her dark eyes cut into me for longer than I felt necessary. “Are you sure you want to hear what I think? I’m assuming that’s why you wanted to talk to me.”
I met her stare head on. “If it has to do anything with why he doesn’t want me talking to you, then yeah.”
Alyx pressed her lips together for long seconds before she let out a sigh. “Okay. A soul—a dark soul—has attached itself to your boyfriend,” she said matter-of-factly.
My jaw dropped. I stopped walking.
Alyx grabbed my sleeve. “Keep moving.”
“Attached? You mean like a leech?” I asked.
She glanced at me again, her eyes narrowing just a little, as if to decide if I were worthy enough to hear what she had to say. I was afraid for a second that she would decide I wasn’t, but then she went on.
“Everything has a vibration—us, the buildings, trees, rocks, animals—everything.” Alyx swept her hand in front of her. “And we put out vibes that attract other vibes just like them. Simple Law of Attraction.”
“Huh?” I frowned, not getting it at all.
“Okay. Let’s say you’re thinking something, like, I don’t know, um… animal abuse.”
Boy, she knew what button to push with me. Right away my body reacted like it always did when I think about abused animals. My fists balled up, ready to fight if I had to. Alyx was quick to notice it.
She nodded at my balled up hands. “So now, that thought that you have in your mind, whether you say it out loud or not, radiates outward at a certain vibratory frequency.”
I followed her hand movements, as she gestured to the air around us. “If you hold that vibration long enough, other like-minded people will eventually hook up with you. That’s when groups are started, movements, clubs, all that stuff.” She fixed her eyes on me again. “Are you following me?”
I didn’t know. I was worried about what I was thinking all of a sudden.
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