by Jane Charles
“Just as I understand why you would marry again. I am simply surprised that you waited so long, given your position.”
“Why do you say that?”
“You are an earl, and a gentleman in your position needs an heir.”
He frowned for a moment. “I have no fear that the title will go to a distant relative.”
He didn’t? “Why is that?”
He studied her as if weighing his words. “I do have younger brothers, one who has recently married. I’m certain that eventually one of them will produce a son.”
Perhaps he hadn’t wanted children, though it would be highly unlikely, but it would explain why she wasn’t a mother. Or, perhaps she had failed to conceive. She wasn’t even certain how long they’d been married. Had it been long enough that they assumed she was barren?
Unfortunately, it was one of those topics that Tristan had been forbidden to discuss and Elaina knew better than to ask because anything of a specific nature she needed to come to on her own. “I wish you could tell me about our home and life in Cornwall.”
He smiled. “I wish I could show it to you.”
Her stomach tightened at the very idea. “I’m not ready.” Anytime the subject was mentioned, panic nearly set in. Even if she asked Tristan or her brothers why, they’d not tell her.
“I know and I have patience. We’ll take one day at a time.” Tristan reached out and took her hand. “But, I will tell you that I’ve changed nothing. It looks just the same as when you left for France.”
“Why did I go, without you?” she blurted out. The question had plagued her since she’d found out that she had a husband.
He stared into her eyes. Elaina could see that he wanted to tell her but wouldn’t. “In time you will have your answers. I’m certain that if you do not come to them on your own that eventually Xavier will relent and allow me to tell you.”
“It would be easier if I could just know now.”
“For both of us,” he agreed. “I hate that I have to consider every word I say to you, or phrase everything so carefully when our conversations had always been easy.”
“Had they been?” Oh, how she wished she could recall.
He smiled as if he could recall a memory that had been denied her. “Yes.”
“Are you telling me that we never fought.”
At that Tristan laughed. “We did that too, and often, but it never lasted, and it was never cruel.” He lifted a hand to caress her cheek. “I’ve missed you Elaina and I cannot begin to express how happy I am that you’ve returned to me.”
If only she could be as happy to see her husband.
Chapter 12
It was all he could do to keep from kissing Elaina. It was too soon, and he was still a stranger. Except, she wasn’t a stranger to him, and longing ruled his heart—a longing and passion that would go unsatisfied for now.
“I should probably return inside.” Elain stood. “I find that I tire often. Xavier claims that it is because my mind is working so hard to recall details that sometimes it simply needs to rest.”
Tristan came to his feet. “Of course.” Though he loathed to let her leave him just yet.
“Perhaps we can talk more this evening.”
He nodded. “I would like that.” All she did was give him a small smile then glided back to the manor.
How long would it take for her to remember him, their children, and the life they had shared?
As he wandered back to the manor, Xavier met him at the entry to the terrace.
“I didn’t tell her anything I shouldn’t,” Tristan assured him, irritated that he had to follow any rules where his wife was concerned.
“What did you tell her?”
“That we’d been happy. That the manor was exactly as she’d left it and that I’d not changed a thing.”
He nodded and wandered back inside.
Tristan’s discussion with Elaina only proved that he’d need to start anew, as when he first met her. That had been in London, during her third season. There was nothing else he could do but to court his wife again and hope that Elaina would fall in love as she had before. But how would he do so in Surrey when their courtship had taken place during the height of the London Season?
Tristan accepted another glass of brandy and recalled their time in London leading up to their betrothal and marriage. Many of those encounters were at balls.
“Are there any assemblies in the area?”
Xavier looked to Garretson.
“Occasionally. Why?”
Tristan smiled. “Because it is the only opportunity that I will have to dance with my wife.”
That was his plan. He was going to court his wife in hopes that she’d come to trust him, care for him and eventually love him again. Then, perhaps Elaina would allow him to take her home and if it was the same as here, those memories would return and then he’d truly have his wife back.
During the first few days at Wyndhill Park, the meals had been quiet as her brothers had been afraid to say anything they shouldn’t as she recovered her memories, but as the days passed, mealtime became livelier as they talked about what she did remember. Now that Tristan had joined them, it was quiet and uncomfortable once again.
Elaina would give anything to remember him and their life before. And, even if it was horrible, despite her brother’s assurance, she’d have peace and know the man she was married to. At least her husband was handsome and Elaina understood the attraction to him, but she’d met a number of handsome gentlemen and hadn’t married them. Why had she married Tristan?
As supper concluded, Elaina excused herself so that the gentleman could enjoy port and those horrible cheroots. However, even though her brothers remained behind, Tristan did not and followed her into the sitting room.
“You don’t wish to remain?”
He quirked a smile. “I cannot stand smoking of any kind.”
That was nice to know. “So our home did not stink?” She made a face toward the dining room.
“Even if I had wished to enjoy a cheroot following dinner, you would not have allowed it. Your distaste for them is stronger than mine has ever been.”
Elaina blinked at him. “I was allowed to tell you what you could and couldn’t do?” Such was unheard of in marriage. She might not remember her own, but she was well aware that women had little say over their husbands.
Tristan chuckled. “It was our home, Elaina. One that we shared together,” he insisted. “You once told me that if I developed the horrible habit of your brothers that I’d need to do so out-of-doors, away from any open windows and to leave the tobacco-smoked clothing outside before returning inside.”
Her eyes widened. Goodness! Had she truly been so bold? “I would have made you return to the house in your smallclothes?”
“Yes, you would have,” he laughed. “But, as I had no desire to engage in the habit, it was never an issue.”
“Your tea, Lady Hopkins,” the servant announced as he entered carrying a tray.
“Thank you, George.”
She remembered George, a footman, who had been a lad when he began in the kitchens, yet she couldn’t remember her own husband.
Elaina leaned forward to pour Tristan a cup of tea and stilled. She didn’t even know what he took in it.
“One sugar,” he offered.
She finished preparing his then saw to her own. “Was I so terribly bossy?”
He chuckled again. “No, Elaina, it wasn’t like that, though there were a few issues in which you wouldn’t budge, such as smoking in your home.”
“I’m not certain now what I like and dislike.”
He tilted his head and studied her. “I assume your tastes have not changed. Your memory may be gone, but it would be conceivable that if you didn’t like something before you lost your memory, that you do not like it now.”
That was something to think on. It was also something she hadn’t discussed with her brothers. She knew what her tastes were now, or was learning
them, but were they the same as before? “I find I do not like chestnuts.”
“You particularly abhor chestnut flavored soup.”
She gave a shudder remembering the first time she’d tasted it only a few days ago. It was horrible and she didn’t finish the bowl. Yet, none of her brothers bothered to tell her of her dislike. Maybe Xavier was testing her to see what changes there were to her personality.
“Even though you don’t remember her, Cook is very much aware of your likes and dislikes and especially your favorite desserts, so nothing will be put on the table that you don’t enjoy.”
That was a relief and she wished her brothers would show the same consideration. But, how was she going to continue to learn about herself if she didn’t try everything. Further, what if she hated something as a child and never gave it another chance and would enjoy it as an adult?
Elaina settled back and studied her husband. There was a warmth in his brown eyes that spoke of caring and love and it gave Elaina comfort in knowing he was a kind man, or at least she believed him to be so, and there was nothing inside that warned her away.
“I hope you aren’t sharing things that you shouldn’t,” Xavier said as he joined them.
“Tristan has only assured me that his Cook already knows what I enjoy eating and I won’t have to suffer through a meal in fear of being given something I dislike.” She narrowed her eyes on him. “Not be treated like an experiment.”
He drew back. “I’ve done no such thing, Elaina.”
“Well, it certainly feels like you have, or are. At least Tristan was honest in telling me that I didn’t like chestnut flavored soup before I lost my memory when none of you bothered to do so, even after I couldn’t finish it.” Her anger rose. “Not telling me important details or pertinent facts. Making me remember on my own…It’s aggravating, Xavier, and I’m tired of it.”
She glanced at her husband only to find him grinning. “What?” she demanded.
“Though you can be far too stubborn sometimes, I’ve missed your anger and outspokenness as much as I’ve missed your love and those quiet, pleasant moments of our marriage.”
His words took Elaina aback. Too stubborn for her own good? Hadn’t the same been claimed in Alderney? Had she always been stubborn?
“Enough, Tristan!” Xavier barked. “No more information.”
He blew out a sigh. “I promise not to give the details because I do not want to injure Elaina in any way, but I am not going to hide my feelings or what we shared together. Perhaps if she can remember what we had, she might begin to remember who I am.”
“It’s a delicate balance. Her mental stability and emotions lie in that balance. I’d not have you harm my sister.”
At those words, Tristan surged to his feet. In an instant, the kindness and warmth that Elaina had seen in her husband’s eyes were gone.
“I have never, ever harmed Elaina, nor would I now. She was my life, my love, and I mourned three years and nearly five months before she returned to me. A pain that I cannot begin to describe. A pain that I was only able to push through because of…because it was necessary, but do not ever insinuate that I do not have Elaina’s best interest at heart.”
Elaina’s heart swelled with warmth for her husband. He championed her and it was impossible to deny his affection for her by the passion heard in his tone.
A passion she didn’t yet feel for him, but more so, she knew it was a passion she could have never felt for Clive. Yes, she hated leaving him behind, but perhaps something better waited for her at home?
Xavier took a step back. “I only meant that there is so little we know of the mind and the balance of psyche, that I caution we must proceed carefully.”
“You are correct. Little is known, even by highly educated doctors as yourself. So, perhaps you should trust me, her husband, in what she may need. We’ve been married for six years and I may know better what is best for my wife!”
Nobody had told her how long they’d been husband and wife. Had it really been six years?
“She was also gone for half of those years, so perhaps you should consider that much has changed in that time, and that you may no longer know her as well as you believe.”
Except, she hadn’t changed. At least Elaina didn’t think so. She was still the same person she was before she almost drowned. A personality cannot change, can it? Yes, she might have been timid at first in Alderney, in learning her way because so much was confusing, especially when she first woke, but she also knew a strength that burned within, a strength that had only grown stronger, and a determination, since she returned to her childhood home. How much more would she become herself if she did return to Tristan’s home?
Except, at the mere thought of traveling to Hopkins Manor, panic surged, settling deep within her being, a warning not to travel there, and Elaina wished she understood why.
Chapter 13
Tristan had stormed from the parlor last evening. He’d been so angry at Xavier’s dictate as to how he was to treat his wife that Tristan feared he might unleash his frustration on his brother-in-law. How dare he be told how to care for Elaina. Nobody could care for her better than Tristan and he resented the insinuation that her brothers were better for her care than him.
However, as the day dawned, Tristan was calmer and could understand where Xavier was correct in that they needed to be careful in what was shared with Elaina. But Tristan was right as well. He knew Elaina. Better than her brothers and in ways only a husband could know a wife after living with her for three years, sharing a household, dreams and ambitions.... Elaina was the same person Tristan had fallen in love with and he’d make her fall in love with him again without harming her delicate sensibilities.
What balderdash! Elaina had never suffered from delicate sensibilities in her life and he doubted that she did so now. She was not one to be wrapped up in cotton and protected and even if that was her brother’s intentions, Tristan would not do the same.
As he gained the breakfast room, he found only Elaina within.
“I wish to apologize for my behavior last evening.”
She gave him a slight smile. “There is no need for an apology. You were only defending yourself and me.”
“I hope you know that I would never harm you, ever, nor have I.”
“Though I lack the memories, I believe you.”
Was it wrong not to tell her that she was a mother? Most women would want this information, but perhaps in this instance, Xavier was correct. Elaina’s life before she went to France revolved around the children. There was a nursery maid to help, but unlike so many others in Society, Elaina had raised their children in that she saw to their bedtimes, she bathed them, played with them, and read to them every day. That Elaina would be devastated to learn that she’d forgotten the strongest loves of her life and for that reason Tristan couldn’t bring himself to tell her.
Where her children were concerned, Elaina most definitely had delicate sensibilities. When they hurt, so did she. When they were ill, she worried and sat by heir bed. When they were happy, she laughed with them. That person was still within and he’d do everything in his power to protect her.
“Are your brothers still abed?”
“Yes. It’s the same every morning.”
“You’ve always been one to rise early,” Tristan said as he filled his plate with breakfast items.
He missed those mornings, and the evenings, and soon, he’d have them back.
“You must wake early as well.”
“I didn’t until we married,” he laughed.
Her eyes widened. “Did I make you wake and not allow you to sleep?”
“No. We enjoyed sharing the quietness of the day, before duties called.”
Warmth filled her eyes. “We did?”
“Yes, Elaina, and I hope we can have those back.”
At that, she looked away as if uncomfortable.
Tristan knew he shouldn’t push, or remind her, but he wasn’t going to deny what
they’d shared.
“No kippers, I see.”
She made a face. “Tell me that I didn’t enjoy them before.”
He laughed. “No, you didn’t. Your dislike remains, along with your distaste for cheroots.”
“I don’t know how they can sleep so late,” Elaina grumbled. “The sun is out, and a new day is beginning. It shouldn’t be wasted in bed, not when—.”
“—An adventure could await and there was a life to live,” he finished for her.
She was there. His wife had not changed.
Elaina blinked at him, somewhat shocked. “I’ve said that before?”
“You’ve said it more times than I could count.” It was how she woke their children in the morning. “What are your plans for the day?” Tristan found himself asking.
“I’m not certain. It seems as if all I’ve done is explore the estate and remember my youth. I believe I’m still discovering.”
“Would you mind if I join you?”
Elaina looked across the table to Tristan. “I think I’d like that very much.” She knew she’d like to have his company. Still a stranger, but with each moment in his company, warmth grew in her heart, as if deep down, a part of her remembered him. Her soul and heart knew him, even if her mind did not. And perhaps, just spending time together would start to bring those memories finally forward.
“I assume you know the estate as well as I.”
“Actually, I do not,” he answered.
“Why not? It’s where I lived. Did you not visit?”
“We met in London and that is where we courted. I didn’t come here until it was time to wed, and there wasn’t much time to explore the estate. Then, we traveled on to our home.”
“Did we not return to visit?” She hoped Tristan hadn’t kept her from her family.
“Yes. Often, but we were here to see your family, not to explore. It hadn’t ever been important to me.”