by Jane Charles
The only reason I have those beliefs is because my brothers think crying females are ninnies.
“Tristan,” he said.
I knew his name. Why was he telling me?
“When you say you love me, I wish you to say my Christian name and not my title.”
He wanted me to call him Tristan. “Yes, Tristan, I do love you.”
It was then that he slid the emerald ring onto my finger. I’d never worn such a large and heavy jewel before and wondered if I’d ever get used to the weight.
As he stood, I pulled him to me again and this time, his kiss was more love than passion, though it surprised me that I could tell the difference, as I know nothing of passion. At least I don’t believe I do. But I also came to realize that Tristan’s love tasted different from Pierre’s. This time I was kissing a man, a gentleman who loved me, and I could go on kissing him forever. And, we might have if Lucian hadn’t interrupted us again.
Sometimes I don’t know who is more aggravating: Lucian or Tristan, but after a lifetime of marriage, I’m certain I will find out.
With a sign, Elaina closed the journal.
It was such a wonderful proposal and more than she’d deserved for the way she’d treated him. Though he’d left her for days without a word, Elaina couldn’t find it in herself to be angry.
An emerald ring. Oh, she wished she could recall what it looked like.
Her eyes flew open. It had been in the family for generations and she’d lost it.
Chapter 26
Tristan knew that Elaina needed time with her journals and until she’d completed her reading, they couldn’t move forward. She’d read enough already for Tristan to know that she would not recover her memories while at Wyndhill Park, but how much longer would it be before he could take her home?
He had to believe that she’d remember him once they were back at Hopkins Manor. She had to remember! He wouldn’t accept the possibility of those years being erased. Of him being erased. The happiest years of his life were when he’d met Elaina then married her. They were hers as well. Or, so he assumed.
Yes, they argued and she could be defiant, but as annoying as that had been, it was something he also admired because it gave him peace that if anything were to have happened to him, she’d not fall apart but be able to stand on her own without his guidance, unlike so many other misses might do.
He also anticipated an argument from Xavier when the time came to take Elaina from Wyndhill Park, as her brother continued to want to control every aspect of her recovery. That would end soon. How soon, he wasn’t certain.
Tristan took a sip of his brandy and stared out into the night, wishing he were looking out over the ocean and not formal gardens bathed in moonlight.
“Tell me that it isn’t gone?” Elaina cried as she burst into his chamber.
“What?” As he didn’t know how far she’d gotten in her reading, he had no idea what she feared was missing.
“The emerald. The betrothal ring that had been in your family for ages.” Then she gently punched his arm. “That’s for leaving London and disappearing without a word and making me worry that I’d said something wrong.”
All he could do was chuckle as he resisted the urge to take her into his arms.
She wasn’t ready for such affection yet. Though, if she were detailed in her writing, she was aware of how affectionate they’d soon become. As she was at their betrothal, there wasn’t much reading left to do.
“The emerald, tell me I didn’t lose it when I went overboard.”
He frowned.
“Remember, I had evidence of a ring, you wouldn’t tell me what it was.”
Ah, yes. “The emerald is safe and back at Hopkins Manor.” He took her hand. “You loved it but were uncomfortable wearing it.”
“It was too heavy?” She asked and answered at the same time.
“You noted that in your journal?”
“I wondered if I’d get used to it.”
“You didn’t.” He assured her with a smile.
Her eyes widened. “I didn’t reject it did I? Insist on something else?”
Again, Tristan chuckled. “No. I noticed you struggle, play with it, adjust it at times and finally asked. You admitted with reluctance that it was uncomfortable, and you would prefer something simple and lighter.”
“Did you think me horrible?”
“Of course not,” Tristan assured her. “Why would I wish for you to go through life wearing a ring that was bothersome, which is why I sought your guidance for the ring you’d wear once we were married.”
Her emerald eyes widened. “I chose my own ring? That is unheard of,” she gasped.
“No, but I was coming to know you well and realizing your preferences and this time chose wisely.”
“What did it look like?” Elaina asked anxiously.
Tristan put a finger against her lips. “Only after you’ve read.”
She huffed in frustration. “Very well. Goodnight!” With that she stomped across his room and exited, closing the door soundly at her departure. As much as Tristan wished to have Elaina with him, he needed her to finish the journal more. Then, she would be all his and they could return home.
Elaina was determined to finish the journal today. If it meant that she took all meals in private and never left her chamber, so be it. But, it was such a lovely day. Too lovely to remain inside, so after breaking her fast, she made her way to the folly. There she settled into the settee and opened to the next day.
Lucian had of course granted permission for the marriage and they returned immediately to Wyndhill Park. This is where Elaina wanted to marry and not at Hopkins Manor. They didn’t have the banns cried either, as Tristan arranged for a Special License.
The fortnight that she was separated from Tristan was the longest fortnight in her life because she couldn’t wait to marry him…to kiss him again.
He arrived, with his family, only a few days before they were to wed and as anxious as Elaina had been to see him, she grew nervous as well. What did she know of being a wife? What was expected of her? What if she wasn’t any good at the wifely business?
Then, to her horror, Lucian had asked the housekeeper, a widow who’d been with the family for ages, to sit with Elaina and tell her what would happen between her and Tristan once they wed.
“You are not funny, Lucian,” I accused, bursting in on him while he was with our brothers in the library.”
“To what are you referring?” Lucian asked.
“What Mrs. O’Leary just told me.”
Lucian’s face grew bright red and he cleared this throat because he was uncomfortable that I’d called out his lies.
“What did Mrs. O’Leary tell you?” Xavier had questioned.
This time my face got hot. I couldn’t, even under the threat of death, say the things that Mrs. O’Leary had told me.
“Why are the two of you so embarrassed and what could Mrs. O’Leary say to make you both…,” he didn’t finish but his mouth opened, as if in shock then he nodded. “Oh...expectations of a wife?”
It was in that instant that I had a sneaking suspicious that maybe Mrs. O’Leary was telling me the truth. What husbands and wives did in the same bed that…I can’t even write what was said to me!
“Lady Elaina, you mustn’t bother his lordship with…,” Mrs. O’Leary started as she hurried into the library and realized that I had already troubled my brothers. “I apologize Lord Garretson.”
“No need, Mrs. O’Leary. It is I who asked this of you.”
“You told her to tell me tales?” I demanded.
“I told no tales, Lady Elaina,” Mrs. O’Leary assured me then turned to Lucian. “I swear, Lord Garretson I was truthful and hoped not to alarm her. In that I failed.”
I couldn’t believe that they all expected me to do what was described willingly. Tristan would expect this of me as well. No wonder I’d never heard of this before. If misses learned too soon, they’d not even allow a courtship
, let alone a betrothal.
As all of this was sinking in, a panic was rising. I was wondering what madness I’d allowed that everyone thought was perfectly normal.
It was then that Tristan entered. He paused and looked around, then focused on me. “Is something amiss?”
“I’m afraid I cannot marry you.” Then I ran from the library, my heart breaking at not being Tristan’s wife, but surely, they didn’t expect me to…
Elaina closed the journal and chuckled. She’d been so young, sheltered and naive. It was a wonder Tristan had patience with her. She didn’t recall their intimacies but did recall the shock that she tried to hide when she’d been in Alderney. It was a discussion she and Rebecca had engaged in. It was after Elaina had accepted Clive’s proposal. Rebecca feared her lack of memory meant Elaina lacked the knowledge of intimacy, as well, though she was convinced Elaina had been married. It wasn’t nearly as frightful to learn then as it was on the eve of her wedding.
I don’t usually write in my journal twice in one day, but I have decided that I shall marry Tristan. I cannot wait to marry him and tomorrow seems so far way.
He came to me. I’d run to the folly where I felt the safest, to pick up my broken heart. Love does come at a price and I wasn’t willing to pay it. Before I could tell him so, Tristan marched forward and kissed me. He held me close, I grew warm and dizzy. And, as before, my body tingled, my breasts grew heavy and that odd ache developed. Except this time he didn’t stop with just kissing. No, he nearly undressed me. Even as I write this, my face feels as if it’s on fire. I can’t possibly write everything that Tristan showed me today, or what I experienced, as I fear that one day, if someone discovers this journal, they will think me quite wanton.
He didn’t do everything that had been described by Mrs. O’Leary. In fact, he did things to me she’d not mentioned at all, and it was quite wonderful. He wanted to show me pleasure so that I’d not be afraid. I had no idea a body could experience such.
“You would have me now, ruin me and if I don’t like it, I’ll never have to do it again?” I thought perhaps it was worth the chance. After all, if it was so horrible, there wouldn’t be any babies. Except, the secrets of intimacy were kept from misses until it was too late, which explained babies.
“I promise not to ruin you,” he vowed. “I simply wanted to give you pleasure.”
But I could feel the strength, width and length of his manhood pressed against my hip. A part of me was anxious to learn more, but I feared its invasion. “I’d rather know now, if you don’t mind.” Maybe if I could get it over with, I wouldn’t be so worried.
“Elaina, what you just experienced, you will experience again, tomorrow night, but so much more. This was only to put your mind at ease.”
“There is more?”
“Elaina, I can’t wait to show you all the many ways there are for a husband and wife to enjoy pleasure in each other.”
Many ways, as in more than one? “How do you know?”
This time Tristan blushed. “I’ve read and …”
He didn’t need to finish. “I don’t wish to know.” The last thing I wanted to consider was that he’d given the same pleasure to someone else. Probably a mistress. I know my brother had kept mistresses, but I hadn’t given much thought as to why.
“Will you continue to keep a mistress after we wed?” I’d heard that many gentlemen had, but now that I knew for certain what a mistress was for, I didn’t like it one bit that Tristan might be intimate with someone else.
He laughed. “No Elaina. I want nobody else but you for the rest of my life.”
Then why had he a married another?
Jealousy rose unexpectedly. Except, Tristan had explained how he’d come to marry Lady Jillian. She’d said it wasn’t a real marriage. Did that mean they’d not been intimate? They hadn’t consummated their vows as was expected? Did she want to know?
Why was she even jealous? Unless, she was falling in love with her husband,
“Will you still marry me?” His dark eyes bore into mine. And even though I feared his manhood, a part of me ached for it as well. The same ache that I’d experienced before he touched me. “Yes, I will marry you.”
Then he kissed me again. However, it wasn’t with passion, but more of a sealing of our love before he helped me put myself to rights. My dress was quite wrinkled, and I knew I’d have to sneak back into the manor so that nobody saw me.
“By the way, I’d come looking for you for a reason, before you cried off.” Then he reached into his pocket. “I hope your new ring pleases you.” Then he opened the small box. Inside lay a simple band of rose gold with no additional adornment. “Oh Tristan, it’s quite magnificent.” Simple and pure, the rose bringing warmth to the gold metal. I do not want emeralds or any adornment. Just simple beauty.
Chapter 27
Elaina glided into the breakfast room as if she were at peace. Tristan had not seen her so relaxed since she’d returned to England.
“You’ve finished reading?” Tristan asked
At his question, her cheeks flushed to near crimson. “Yes, I have.”
She quickly turned her back to Tristan and busied herself by selecting breakfast choices.
He knew that the last entry in the journal was the day before they wed. A day he’d never forget. Those first, sweet cries of release were forever branded in his mind.
He tried to hide his grin as he took a sip from his tea when she came toward the table and settled as a servant set a cup of tea before her.
Tristan waited until the footman retreat, but instead of returning to the kitchen as he often did, the footman stood at the far side of the room, awaiting instructions and to serve.
This would not do. They couldn’t speak openly while another was in the room who would report everything said to Xavier. There wasn’t a servant in the house Tristan trusted, which was why he wished the one from HopkinsManor would arrive. At least then Elaina would have a maid she could trust seeing to her care.
Except, if all went as Tristan hoped, they’d leave Wyndhill Park before the servant could arrive. Now that Elaina had finished her reading, there was no longer any reason to remain.
“Please leave us,” he finally said, startling the servant. “If my wife needs anything, we shall ring.”
The footman glanced from Tristan, to Elaina and back to him again before he gave a crisp nod and returned through door that would lead him to the kitchens.
“Did you happen to write about your decision to cry off the day before we wed, and the reason for doing so?” he asked quietly and casually, only to witness her cheeks flame again.
Clearly, she had and Tristan leaned forward. “Did you also write about how I convinced you otherwise?” he asked in a whisper.
“Not in detail.” Her face was now nearly crimson.
“Any detail?” It was the first time he’d ever had a hand beneath her skirts. The first time he’d brought her release.
Elaina’s eyes widened. “I shan’t discuss this, especially in the breakfast room.” She glanced around as if she was afraid they’d been overheard. “Besides, it isn’t polite to discuss.”
“Nor is it as fun as the actual doing.”
“Doing what?” Xavier asked as he came into the breakfast room, much earlier than he usually appeared.
“Riding,” Tristan answered, though Elaina had no reaction. “It’s more fun to ride than talk about riding.”
Xavier frowned. “I suppose.”
“As is dancing,” Tristan added.
“If one enjoys dancing.”
“I enjoy dancing,” Elaina announced, stunning both men.
“Have you remembered something?” Tristan asked.
Her shoulders dropped. “I only remember dancing in Alderney.”
“Well, you shall dance tonight,” he announced.
“Tonight?” Elaina and Xavier echoed.
“Yes. An assembly is to be held and I intend on taking my wife, and dancing with her.”
Xavier frowned. Had the gentleman always been so unhappy or difficult. Did he gain no pleasure in life?
“Are you certain it is wise?”
Tristan was beginning to hate that question with his entire being.
“There is no harm. Besides, I’d like to create a memory with my wife that neither of us have experienced together.”
“What?” Xavier asked slowly, as if he didn’t trust Tristan.
“Elaina and I have never waltzed.”
“Never?” she asked
“It wasn’t a popular dance in England before you sailed. Not as it is now, and I for one, wish to waltz with you.”
“What if I don’t remember how to dance?” Elaina asked.
“There was no dancing in Alderney?”
“There were assemblies, but I never attended, though Clive had wished it.”
At the mention of her betrothed’s name, Tristan lost a bit of his good humor. However, they’d not married, thank goodness, and Tristan’s marriage had been short lived with neither one of them making any irrevocable mistakes.
“I promise that if you cannot recall, I will teach you.”
As Elaina entered the assembly on Tristan’s arm, the gathering quieted and stared at her. In time, she supposed she’d get used to others looking at her as if she were a ghost. She couldn’t really blame them, she supposed. After all, they’d all thought she died three years ago, but surely word had spread of her return. This had been her childhood home and Lucian and her brothers had lived at Wyndhill Park their entire lives, except when they’d been away at school.
Soon, however, after the silence, the quite murmurs began. She was certain they were all wondering where she’d come from and where she’d been for the past three years.
However, none of them were given a chance to ask as Tristan remained on one side and Xavier on the other. Her remaining brothers were also surrounding her, as if they were her guards and she was in need of protection. It was all quite ridiculous. She wasn’t so fragile.