She didn’t see any of it.
She trusted him.
And John either had to trust Gretchen, or spend his life looking over his shoulder for the man who wanted to steal her. Refusing to give in to John’s demands, Gretchen waited, arms folded tightly across her chest, lips pinched to the point of glowering. Her loyalty was as phenomenal as her blindness. If John didn’t trust her, would she trust him? Would she trust him not to hurt her, like she trusted Carl?
It might have been the stupidest decision he had made since waking up, but John pulled Gretchen into his arms and forced himself to trust her. That didn’t mean he was going to agree to Gretchen hanging out with Carl, with or without him any time soon, but he couldn’t force her to give up someone who meant so much to her.
However, if John saw Carl any time soon, there was a good chance he was going to punch him in the face.
Chapter Thirty-Five
A Promise, or a Threat?
The Bernstadt’s anniversary party came quickly and was over even more quickly. It astounded John how all his planning and preparing was gone within a few hours, but it ended with everyone happy, which felt good, and with two more job offers, which was also good. It felt great to get out of the house, too.
John had spent so much time alone during the day since getting out of the hospital that getting used to having Gretchen around all day turned out to be more of an adjustment than he thought it would be. She wanted to do something constantly. After being cooped up in a classroom for nine months, she was ready to get out and explore, after she stopped being mad at John, that was.
Neither one of them had seen Carl since fighting about him. Gretchen was too busy bustling John off to go hiking or visiting museums and nearby towns to have had any time to think about him. John avoided him not because he was too busy to think about him—unfortunately he thought about him all too often—but because John worried he was still too angry at Carl to face him. Gretchen he could forgive. She honestly seemed to think Carl could just be her friend. Carl, on the other hand, knew exactly what he was doing. Gretchen’s whirl of activity was the only thing keeping John from dwelling on him too much.
Unfortunately, Gretchen had been gone all day at a training seminar. That left John with way too much time to stew about the man next door who wanted to make off with his girlfriend. He tried to distract himself by working out in the yard most of the day, but he really only succeeded in frustrating himself. John just didn’t seem to be cut out for gardening. Too worked up to start dinner yet, and still having another hour before Gretchen would get home, he decided to clean up a bit instead. With how little time they were spending at the house, the chores had been neglected. John noticed the trash was close to overflowing and thought he probably ought to take it out.
He walked around the side of the house to where the trash can should have been and found the space empty. Glancing out at the street, John saw it sitting by the curb still. Their house was the only one with the trash can still on the curb. The older gentleman across the street undoubtedly griped about that every time he saw it. He could find fault with pretty much everything. After tossing the bag of trash in the receptacle, John started dragging it back to the curb.
He made it a few steps up the driveway before the growling engine of Carl’s truck rumbled up to his house. The desire to run over and pound out his anger on him was only tempered by the fact that Gretchen would never forgive him…and the fact that Carl was huge. At an average five-ten, Carl’s six-foot-four muscular build pretty much dwarfed John. Not that John wouldn’t do it if he really needed to, but there was really no point in trying to fight him right then.
Going back to pulling the trash can back up to the house, John hoped Carl would do the same. There was no reason for them to speak to each other, but Carl seemed to like irritating John.
“Hey, John,” he called out.
Jaw clenched, John turned and offered him a curt wave. Hopefully that will be the end of it, John thought. But no. Carl couldn’t let it go that easily. He headed over to John. Shoving the bin back into its spot, John turned and waited, his arms folded tightly across his chest to keep them from lashing out at him. Why won’t he just leave me alone?
“Carl,” John muttered.
“John, I’m glad I caught you.”
Yeah I bet. He probably wished I would drop off the face of the planet. John didn’t respond to him so Carl just shrugged and kept going.
“I wanted to talk to you for a minute,” Carl said. “I wanted to apologize.”
“For hugging Gretchen the other day?” John asked.
“What? No. Well, maybe.” Carl frowned and shook his head. “I wanted to apologize for not being very friendly to you. I didn’t like the idea of Gretchen taking you in, but I feel like I need to give you a chance. For Gretchen’s sake.”
What was his game? Did he think being nice to John would make him less suspicious? Well, it wasn’t going to work. It was probably going to do the opposite, actually.
“What does that mean ‘for Gretchen’s sake’?” John asked.
“She obviously…loves you.” That word looked as though it tasted a sour on his lips. “And if I’m really her friend, I should support her.”
“Then why don’t you just leave us alone,” John demanded. He felt like there was some trick to his words. Was he trying to play John?
Squaring his shoulders and folding his impressive arms across his chest, Carl’s friendliness was replaced with smugness. “Because Gretchen doesn’t want me to.”
“Oh really? She wants you here sticking your nose into our lives?” John asked.
“Apparently.”
“And how do you know that?”
Carl smirked at him. “Because she told me she did.”
What? John knew she said she wanted to be his friend still, but did she actually encourage him to poke around, driving John insane with his ploys to take her from him?
“Wouldn’t you think she’d be better off if you left her alone and let her focus on her boyfriend? You’re just confusing her, Carl. We both know you want much more than just friendship from her,” John accused.
John expected him to deny it, but once again, Carl surprised him.
“Actually, I agree with you. Maybe not for the same reasons, but I do,” Carl said. “I even offered to back off and leave her alone. But she didn’t want me to. She asked me to keep being her friend, and I will.”
“You don’t want to be her friend, Carl. Gretchen may not get that, but I do. You can’t tell me you’re fine just hanging around and watching her with another guy.” John was purposely trying to bait him, he wanted to know what this was really about, and it worked. Carl’s face turned red and his arms tightened across his chest.
“No, I don’t like. It kills me to see her with you.” His shoulders dropped and his hands slid into his pockets. He stared up at the sky in defeat. “But that’s what Gretchen wants right now, so I’ll give it to her.”
John didn’t know Carl well, and at that point he really didn’t want to, but he found himself believing him. He was obnoxious and arrogant, but he told people the truth. How he never tried to cover up his feelings for Gretchen in front of John was proof of that. John couldn’t stand him, but he could at least respect him.
“Are you honestly saying that you aren’t going to try to break me and Gretchen up?” he asked.
“No, of course not,” Carl said. “I never would have. Sure, I tried to tell her that I thought you were a bad idea, but I never tried to get her to leave you. I stuck around and made sure she knew I was still interested, but at the party I realized how serious she was about you and decided to quit doing even that. But like I said, Gretchen didn’t want me to ‘abandon’ her, as she put it, so I won’t.”
John didn’t really have anything to say to that. Gretchen wanted Carl in her life right now. That meant watching the woman he loved date another man for him, but he was willing to take it if it meant making Gretchen happy. Shouldn
’t John be willing to respect her wishes for the same reason? He didn’t understand why Gretchen felt she needed Carl around so much, but she deserved his trust on this.
“As long as you make Gretchen happy, I’ll stick to being just her friend,” Carl said. Then without warning, Carl clapped his hand on John’s back, knocking him forward a little. His irritating grin was plastered across his face. “That doesn’t mean that if she changes her mind about you I won’t be ready to swoop in and take her. You better watch yourself with her. I’ll do just about anything for Gretchen.”
And then he walked away, letting John think about his promise. Or was it a threat?
Chapter Thirty-Six
Sleeping Arrangements
Surprisingly enough, his talk with Carl actually did make John feel a lot better about him. Even when Gretchen insisted they double date with him and a friend she’d set him up with, John found he didn’t mind as much as he thought he would. John could make Gretchen happy. He knew he could. If that was true, he knew he didn’t have anything to fear from Carl. He still annoyed John beyond belief with his boisterous nature and incessant smiling, but after a while, he actually started to like him.
Carl, however, had nothing to do with why John and Gretchen were sitting silently at the kitchen table staring at her laptop. It was the exact opposite, in fact. Summer was winding down and Desi had invited them to go with her and her new boyfriend to Albuquerque for a week long art festival the city was hosting. Gretchen had jumped at the chance and easily convinced John to go.
In their excitement, though, they had neglected to consider one thing.
Sleeping arrangements.
Desi had already booked her hotel room and wanted them to stay in the same hotel. Neither John nor Gretchen knew much about Albuquerque, so that had sounded like a good idea to them. The problem was that the only rooms the hotel had left were singles.
“So, what should we do?” Gretchen finally asked.
“I don’t know,” John said.
John thought Gretchen had assumed, like him, that they would book a room with two beds and that would be that. There were two separate rooms they could book, but that doubled the cost of their trip. And that meant cutting out a lot of the other things they wanted to do in Albuquerque. Paying twice what they had expected was disheartening.
“Why couldn’t they just have one double left?” Gretchen complained.
“Why didn’t Desi mention this sooner so we could book our room further in advance?” John grumbled.
“That’s not the way Desi works,” Gretchen said. She smiled because she loved Desi, but the frustrated shake of her head said she agreed with John. Desi was a spur of the moment kind of person. There was very little planning involved in her decisions. Although, once she decided to do something, she went all out for it. John occasionally wondered how she ever got through college or managed to teach all year long. He would half expect her to just disappear one day because she decided to go on a month long hiking trip across Europe.
Tapping her fingernails on the laptop, Gretchen was quiet. John thought they both wanted to say to just book the one room, but neither of them did. John suspected Gretchen’s reasoning was tied to Steve, and in a way he totally didn’t understand, Carl, but his was something totally different. He wanted more than anything to lay in bed with Gretchen and have her fall asleep in his arms.
John’s hesitation had little to do with what his body wanted, but instead about what his mind wanted. The first few times John had seen some kind of flash, there had been a lot of noise. Gretchen only knew about the first two, so she thought the noise had triggered some kind of disorienting experience because John’s brain was still healing. He knew it was more than that.
More recent scans had proven his brain was technically fine, except for the amnesia, of course. If Gretchen was right, John shouldn’t have had any flashes lately. The fact that with a healed brain and no loud sounds whatsoever he was still getting the flashes proved the images were real memories. Not just random bits of subconscious thought. The woman he kept seeing was real.
It didn’t happen often, only a handful of times since the day he and Gretchen woke up on the couch after the wedding, but they had all happened when he and Gretchen were kissing or lying together. The feeling that something in his brain was trying to stop him from getting closer to Gretchen scared John. Who was this woman he kept seeing? That question had become a constant companion for him.
“You’re no help at all, do you know that?” Gretchen said, breaking up his thoughts.
“Sorry,” John said. “I was just thinking.”
“About what?” she asked.
Keeping the memories from Gretchen was deceitful, but he couldn’t bear to tell her about them. He knew how she would react and refused to be pushed into a nonstop search for the memory woman. “Just about the room situation,” he lied. “How about we just book the one room so we don’t have to spend all the vacation money on the hotel.”
“I don’t know, John.” She didn’t give her reasons for her hesitation, but she didn’t really have to.
Was her balking about trust? Didn’t John deserve that by now? “Gretchen, please, you know I’m not going to push you into anything. Just because we’ll be in the same room won’t change that. I know when you’re ready for more, you’ll let me know. And if you feel uncomfortable at all,” he said, “I can always sleep on the floor. I don’t want you to miss out on all the things Desi has planned for the two of you.”
“John, I’m not going to let you sleep on the floor.” Her soft smile showed she appreciated the thought.
“It’s fine, Gretchen,” John said. “I don’t want you to have to worry about it. Let’s just go and have fun. With the catering and the yard, we could both use a break. Besides, with everything Desi has planned, I’m pretty sure by the time we get back to the hotel every night, we’ll both be ready to crash.”
“She does have a ton of stuff planned, doesn’t she? I don’t know how she expects us to make it through two museums and the Aquarium in one day,” Gretchen said.
“I don’t think she realizes that not everyone has as much energy as she does. How does her boyfriend keep up with her?” John asked.
Gretchen laughed at that. “Jake is as crazy as she is. From what she’s told me about him, it’s a wonder he’s still alive. He sounds like a total adrenaline junkie.”
“He’s probably making most of it up,” John teased.
Sighing, she looked back at the waiting computer screen. The “confirm” button waited to be pushed. Locked in indecision, she stared at it. John decided to take the lead. He reached in front of her and clicked the button.
She glanced over at him, and asked, “Are you sure?”
“It’ll be fine, Gretchen. Why don’t you go finish packing? Desi wants to leave at five a.m. tomorrow,” he reminded her.
Gretchen groaned. She really wasn't a morning person. John was probably going to have to drag her out of her bed in the morning, but that didn’t sound so bad to him. John doubted Gretchen would appreciate that.
“I made some blueberry muffins to take with us in the morning,” he said, trying to tempt her to put aside her hatred of getting up before the sun did.
“With real blueberries?” she asked.
“Of course.”
She tried to pretend she was still dreading waking up so early, but blueberries were her kryptonite. Slowly, her lips rounded into a smile as she reached up and kissed him.
“You spoil me too much,” she said.
John kissed her again. “I know.”
Pulling her up from her chair, John turned her toward her bedroom. “Now go finish packing. And remember to bring your swimsuit. The hotel has a pool and you know Desi is going to want to show off her new bikini,” John said. Gretchen started to walk away, shaking her head at her friend, but he caught her hand and pulled her back. “And I can’t wait to see yours, too. Desi said you looked great in it.”
“I
can’t believe I let her talk me into buying that,” Gretchen mumbled as she pulled away from him. “I’m wearing a t-shirt over it.”
“You better not,” John said.
Wrinkling her face at him, she glanced down at her body as if gauging how good or bad she was going to look. She didn’t seem impressed. John had no idea what she would be able to find fault with, but being a woman, there would surely be something. Amnesia or not, that was an easy truth to figure out.
“You have to promise you won’t stare at Desi if she looks better than I do, okay?” Gretchen asked. She smiled as if she was teasing, but John could see the tinge of fear in her eyes. What did this Steve guy do to her? he wondered. If John ever met him, there was a good chance Steve would walk away with at least a black eye, probably much worse. John almost hoped he did meet him one day.
Pretending he believed she was only teasing with her last comment, John said, “Only if you promise not to stare at Jake, because Mr. Extreme Sports Man is almost certainly going to look better than I do in trunks. The only exercising I do is my physical therapy.”
John’s teasing worked, making Gretchen chuckle as she left to finish her packing. Well, it worked on her at least. As John remembered what Jake looked like when they went to dinner the week before, he actually started to worry. The guy was ridiculously fit. Jake worked out constantly while John cooked and taste-tested nonstop. His physical therapy was pretty strenuous, and he did ride his bike everywhere, but it wasn’t the same. Would he be able to hold his own against Jake? Gretchen’s t-shirt idea was suddenly sounding pretty good.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Simple Memory
“What number museum is this?” John whispered in Gretchen’s ear.
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