She couldn’t answer that question. Couldn’t admit to what she’d nearly done. “Don’t let them leave. I want them to remain here.”
“For how long?”
“Until I tell you otherwise.” She stepped from the room and Dr. Easton followed her, shutting the door behind her.
“I’m not going to make my hospital into a prison just because you’re angry.”
“I didn’t ask you to. Just hold them for now. I don’t want them wandering around.”
“May I ask what you intend to do with them?” Dr. Easton asked as she reached the door exiting the hospital wing.
Peyton didn’t like the tone of her voice, but she couldn’t blame her. She rested her hand on the handle. “I don’t know yet.”
*
“Are you all right?” Nixie asked as soon as Peyton had left the room and they were alone. She checked Ranger’s neck, noting the imprints of Peyton’s fingers that were already starting to bruise.
“I’ll live. Thanks to you.”
“She would have stopped.”
“No, Nixie. She wouldn’t have. She was going to kill me with her bare hands, or did you miss the part where her hands were around my throat?” The talking aggravated him and he started to cough, so Nixie got up and found him a glass of water. “Thanks,” he said hoarsely after he had taken a sip.
“I’ve never seen her like that.”
“You’ve only known her a month.”
“But she isn’t like that,” Nixie protested. “She would never have—”
“Grief makes people do things they normally wouldn’t.”
“Why did you tell Ryan?”
Ranger turned away from her and looked at the distant wall. “There’s only so much torture a person can take until they crack.” He sighed and closed his eyes. Nixie rested a hand on his shoulder. “I thought I was stronger, but I guess I have lower limits than I thought.”
“Cracking doesn’t mean you aren’t strong.”
“Faulkner would say otherwise. At least I didn’t tell him where the camp is. Funny, he stopped as soon as I admitted I’d killed that guard.”
“Ryan and Peyton hate each other. I’m sure that information was just as good to him as anything else. Better, because he could shove it in her face.”
The door opened and Nixie looked back to see Dr. Easton enter. She shook her head sadly and approached them, her hands in the pockets of her lab coat.
“Seems I’m supposed to keep the two of you here for the time being,” she said, sitting down on a chair at the foot of the bed.
“And then what?” Nixie asked.
“I don’t know. But Peyton won’t kill you. I made sure of that. I think she would have snapped out of it before she actually did it anyway. I’m sorry I didn’t stop her before she got to you, Ranger.”
“It happens,” he said, trying for a light tone and failing.
“Not on my watch, it doesn’t.”
Ranger shrugged. “I’ve been through worse, believe me.”
“I’m sure you have. But this is a place for rest and healing. Not attempted murder.” She groaned as she pushed herself back out of the chair. “I’m getting too old for this. I’ll make up the other bed for you, Nixie. You can share this room with Ranger.”
“Thank you. Can I do anything to help?”
“I appreciate the offer, but no. Aside from watching over him, that is.”
Nixie nodded. “Of course.”
“I’m sure Peyton will send someone down to guard the entrance. At least it won’t be Ryan. If she has any common sense in her head, at least.” She glanced over her shoulder at them. “Get comfortable. Who knows how long you’ll be here.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
The crash echoed throughout the apartment and Peyton stared at the disaster before her. She’d upended one of the tables, scattering the contents across the room. What had she done? What had she almost done? She held out her trembling hands before her and stared at them. She could still see Ranger’s throat between them, his eyes widening as he struggled to suck in a breath.
“What have I done?” she asked, hoping someone would answer her.
You didn’t kill him. You stopped yourself before you did. The voice sounded like her father, and she choked out a sob.
No! Nixie stopped me before I went too far. I would have killed him if she hadn’t been there. “I wish you were here, Dad. I can’t do this without you.” The silence in response to her words was unbearable. Her chest ached and she struggled to breathe. When she managed to suck in air, it burned her lungs. Hot tears rolled down her face, which she buried in her hands.
What was she doing? This was crazy. All of it. Visions of her hands around a tanned throat blurred everything else out. She wasn’t a leader. How could she lead when she couldn’t even control her own emotions? Dad never lost control. She’d never be like him. The strident scream that pushed past her lips echoed around the vast, empty room, and it was a wonder no one knocked on the door to check on her.
But they probably already know what I’ve done.
No one will want to be around me again.
Decisions had to be made. She couldn’t keep Ranger and Nixie locked away forever. She couldn’t kill them. In the last few weeks—most of it over the course of the last three days—Nixie had grown on her to a degree she hadn’t thought possible. An innocuous, four-letter word loomed menacingly before her, taunting her, but she pushed it out of her mind. There was no way. No way she’d fallen in…love…with Nixie. But even if it were true, she couldn’t trust herself anymore. She had to let them go. Exhaustion crept over her body and she pushed feebly to her feet, only to collapse on the worn couch. A patchwork quilt Dad had given her one year lay across the back, and she pulled it down onto her body and wrapped it around herself. Moments later, the comforting warmth had seeped into her as her sobs quieted. Closing her eyes, she tried to quiet her mind, but as she drifted into a restless sleep, a vision of Ranger, dead, swam before her.
*
A quiet knock on the door frame alerted Nixie to a visitor, and she glanced up from her watch over Ranger to see Jasper standing there uneasily.
“Hey,” he said. He looked over his shoulder and entered, and then shut the door behind him. “So, Dr. Easton told me what happened.”
“Did Peyton send you?”
“Nope. Can’t say she did. Just wandered down here on my own. Wanted to get a better look at your friend.” He offered her a large grin. “I’m nosy.”
Nixie couldn’t help the smile as her fears faded. “He’s sleeping.”
Jasper strolled over, his hands hooked in his back pockets. He looked down on Ranger and cringed. “She did a number on him.”
“Why aren’t you angry? Don’t you know why she did it?”
“I do.” He circled around the bed and propped himself up on the edge of the counter. “And I’m processing it. But for some reason, I’m having a hard time getting upset about it.”
“Why?”
“I can’t explain it. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m upset Enrique died. And it wasn’t like it was that long ago. But I don’t know, maybe…maybe I’m going soft. Maybe you changed my mind about things. Everything happens for a reason, right?”
Did everything happen for a reason? Nixie fidgeted in her chair while Jasper leaned against the counter as if he hadn’t a care in the world. And maybe he didn’t. Nixie hadn’t known him all that long.
He broke into her thoughts as he pushed off the counter and paced back to the door. “Anyway, I didn’t mean to interrupt anything. I just wanted to check on the two of you and all that. I’m sure you’re exhausted. I know I am.” As if on cue, Nixie yawned, which set Jasper off. “Aargh! I hate that,” he said once he’d finished. “They’re so contagious.”
Nixie chuckled and Ranger shifted in his sleep. With that, Jasper held a finger up to his lips, winked, and let himself out. The weight of the day crashed onto her shoulders as the door shut behind him,
and she looked at the bed Dr. Easton had set up for her. She kicked off her shoes and, after a last check on Ranger, stumbled over and climbed between the sheets. Immediately her eyelids drooped and she yawned violently. The mattress was wonderfully soft after sleeping on the hard ground, and though the temperature of the room was perfect, the blankets over her added another layer of warmth and coziness.
As sleep clouded her mind, she realized it was a feeling she might be missing soon. It might be the last night she spent at the Mill, and the prospect of returning to her camp sat like a rock in her stomach. A month ago she would have done anything to get out. Even a week ago, she would have happily walked out the door. She’d been ready to return to her people, even if only to convince them to join a settlement. But now? Even with Peyton turning on her and Ranger, she didn’t want to leave. Even if Peyton hated her, she’d miss the companionship of teasing Jasper and twitchy Static. She’d miss the warmth of Graham and his kind smile, and Avery’s generosity. She wanted to be at the Mill when Avery’s baby was born so she could coo over it and learn what name they had decided on for the child.
If she had to leave, she’d miss all those things, and she wasn’t ready for that.
Please don’t let this be the end.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
“Have a seat,” Graham said, gesturing to one of the chairs around his table. He slid a steaming mug of tea toward Peyton as she took the offered chair.
Silence descended over them as she sipped the amber liquid. She trained her eyes just inside the rim of the mug to keep from meeting Graham’s gaze.
“Have you made a decision?” he finally asked after giving her time. His fingers drummed lightly on the scarred surface of the table, creating a light staccato rhythm.
“There’s really only one possible outcome,” she murmured.
“Is there? I can think of quite a few. Killing them, for one. You seemed hell-bent on doing that yesterday,” he said, his voice taking on a hard edge that she’d never heard from him before.
“No, not that. I was angry yesterday.”
“So you lashed out and nearly choked a man to death. An injured man who couldn’t defend himself. Seems logical to me.”
Peyton threw her hands in the air, letting out a frustrated growl. “I can’t help that I lost my mind for a moment.”
“Dangerous thing to have happen. After that display I’m starting to wonder whether or not Ryan would have been the better choice.”
Silence settled over them, thick and heavy, as Peyton stared in astonishment. Graham didn’t turn away and hardly blinked as he stared at her. The lines around his eyes were drawn tight, and the edges of his lips curled down in a frown. He seemed older than ever in that moment, and Peyton hung her head in shame. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I know it’s not enough, but I am sorry. I lost control of myself and I shouldn’t have. But when I saw him, and knew he’d killed Dad…Did you know?”
“No, I didn’t. Ryan kept that gem in his pocket.”
“Aren’t you angry?”
“Of course! But that doesn’t mean I’m going to kill him.”
Peyton pushed back from the table, knocking into it and nearly upsetting her cup of tea. “But there needs to be justice. Dad deserves that. And there’s no system in place like Before.”
“No, but I’ve never thought that was a bad thing. You don’t know what it was like, Peyton. Men did something wrong, went to prison, and came out hard. It changed them, and not in a good way. And more often than not they ended up right back where they started with longer sentences. I’m not saying what we have now is perfect, but I wouldn’t want to go back to that.”
Peyton began to pace across the room. Graham turned and followed her movements. She ran her hands through her hair a few times, tugging at the ends much like she saw Static do when he was frustrated.
“So what are you going to do?”
“Let them go.”
At that his eyes widened. “Both of them? Nixie, too?”
“It’s the only way. She lied to me. I can’t let her stay here. I’ll banish them.”
“Maybe I misread something, but it seemed to me like the two of you had grown much closer on that mission. And you’re willing to simply throw that away?”
Peyton barked out a harsh laugh that tore at her throat. “It’s hard to keep the same opinion of someone after they lie to you. Especially when it concerns your father’s murder. Everything I know about her is built on a lie. How can I trust her after this?”
“I’m not condoning what she did or said. But think about the situation. She didn’t know you then, and when she was here, it wasn’t exactly under her volition.”
Though it ripped at her heart to say it, she said, “I can’t. She needs to leave. This is Dad we’re talking about. I don’t understand how you don’t feel the same way. I thought you loved him, too.” She turned to the door, not bothering to finish her tea.
“Peyton, wait,” he called, and she turned back to face him. “I loved your father, but his death taught me not to take things for granted. You only get one chance in this life. Don’t throw it away because of a misunderstanding.”
She nodded, said good-bye, and left. Graham didn’t understand the war raging through her. If she let Nixie stay, every time she looked at her she’d see more than those cool blue eyes and beautiful smile. She’d see her father’s dead body lying on Dr. Easton’s table, waiting to be dressed for his burial.
The sooner she got this over with, the faster she could move on.
*
“I don’t know about you, but all this sitting around is making me nervous,” Ranger said. He’d finally managed to sit up on his own and eat, but now the inactivity was getting to him. “I don’t like it. I need to be doing something.”
“That’s because you never rest,” Nixie teased as she paced the floor.
“I wish they’d at least let us outside,” he added with a sigh as he glanced at the window wistfully. “This whole being cooped up I don’t like.”
“It’s because you’re not used to it.”
“And you are? Look at you. Just a month here and you’re already a full-fledged Settler.”
She tossed a glare in his direction.
“No, but really. I worry she’ll come back and decide to finish what she started. Normally, I could take her, but my ribs.” He looked down at the bandaging and winced after he prodded it gently.
“You’re lucky they’re just bruised.”
“Then what’s a bandage going to do?”
Nixie shrugged. “I’m not the doctor. Ask her.”
“Ask me what?” Dr. Easton said as she entered the room. She carried a small bottle in one hand and a glass of water in the other. “This is for your pain,” she said as she handed it to Ranger. He didn’t hesitate as he tossed it back.
And he thinks I’ve made myself right at home. He’s been here less time than I have. Certainly took to the doctor faster than I did.
“Have you heard anything from Peyton?” Nixie asked cautiously. Dr. Easton just shook her head and placed the glass on the counter.
“Can’t say I have, sorry. But I’m sure you’ll hear from her today. Eventually.”
She left without another word and they waited for the door to shut, but a commotion outside drew Nixie to the door.
Julian supported Avery as he led the way. Her face contorted in a rictus of pain on one step and she doubled over.
“Avery!” Julian said, worry in his tone.
“I’m fine. It’s just a contraction.”
Nixie hurried toward her, grasping her arm. “You’re in labor?” She didn’t give her a chance to answer before she was rushing on. “How are you feeling? Is the pain bad? Did your water break? That’s silly, of course it broke. Do you want me to leave? Dr. Easton!”
Avery laughed as the older woman came into the room, shaking her head. “I know she’s here, Nixie. Calm down and give the woman some space.”
Nixie immedia
tely stepped back and let Avery and Julian enter. She tried to give her space but followed close behind. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
“No, nothing right now. Thank you. Just go back to keep—”
Screams from the front of the building interrupted her and they all froze and turned toward the door. Nixie spun around, watching the door, waiting for someone to burst in.
“What was that?” Ranger asked after a moment, breaking the silence.
“I don’t know.”
“I should go check.” Julian hesitated. He glanced at Avery and she pulled him down for a kiss.
“Go. It’s your job.”
As Julian opened the door to leave, the sounds of screaming filtered into the room and Nixie tossed a nervous glance at Dr. Easton. She ushered Avery into another room and called back over her shoulder, “I know Peyton wants you to stay here, but maybe you should go check that out. Let me know what’s going on.”
“Right.” Nixie popped her head into Ranger’s room. “I’ll be back. Stay here.”
“Not going very far.”
People were running up and down the hallway in confusion, with shouts of What’s happening? and It’s at the front! filling the air. Nixie got swept into the crush of bodies and she latched onto Cooper as he passed.
“What’s going on?”
“Someone said there’s a fire at the front of the building. I don’t know. I thought you were supposed to be with Dr. Easton.”
“She sent me to check it out. She’s with Avery.”
“Great time for Avery to pop. If it’s a fire, and we don’t get it put out fast, we’re screwed.”
Cooper used his body to push through the crowd, shouting for them to move out of the way. Nixie pressed against his back, afraid of being separated. They didn’t make it far before another person screamed behind them.
“It’s Scavengers! They’re throwing fire!”
“What?” Nixie whipped around. An apartment door opened, and smoke poured through. “Cooper! There’s a fire in here!”
He followed her into the apartment, where the smoke overwhelmed them. Glass from the window lay shattered on the ground, and the carpet was up in flames.
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