by Harper Sloan
I drop my head to my knees at my sister’s words and try to organize my thoughts.
“He threw my love for him in my face years ago, Maddi. Then hurt me even worse a few years later. Then, without memory of even doing that, he hurt me again a few days ago. Until last night, he’s never even hinted at feeling anything more than a friendship type bond toward me. Now, my mind is running wild because last night he dragged me to his office, kissed me to the point of death, and then ended it with that dance. Then he left me standing there stunned stupid as he said to me, and I quote, ‘you are mine.’ So … where you might not be sure where to go with that, I can assure you that I most definitely feel even more lost than you do right now.”
Looking up, I stop avoiding them and take in two very stunned faces.
“He did what?” Maddi gasps.
“Well, way to go Nate-Dog!” Nikki yells.
“What about Levi?” my sister continues with a bitter look on her face, ignoring Nikki’s outburst completely.
“I know it doesn’t make it better, I mean I did kiss another man last night. Well, he kissed me, but I didn’t push him away immediately, so I’m at just as much fault, but for what it’s worth, I was breaking up with him tomorrow. It’s been a long time coming, but I’ve just been putting it off to avoid the confrontation.”
Maddi tries, but she does a crap job at hiding the happiness in her expression.
“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Nikki says softly, her face a mask of understanding as she nods gently. Of course, she understands. She knows everything that’s happened between Levi and me that has led up to that decision.
“When did you decide this?” Maddi asks hopefully.
“A few days ago, for sure. But I’ve been thinking about it for a few weeks. I would have already broken it off, but he’s been working all weekend. He got off this morning and went right to bed. Hell, maybe the gym, but regardless, we don’t have plans to see each other until later tonight or tomorrow.”
She nods, looking over at a still nodding Nikki before her nod turns into a shake of her head at my weird friend’s theatrics.
“Okay,” she starts, and I hold my breath. I would hate it if she were disappointed in me for the way I’m handling the men in my life. Shit, men in my life? When did I become one of those girls? “I’m going to have to agree with Nikki, Em. You aren’t exactly an angel in this situation, but you didn’t instigate things between you and Nate. And if I’m being honest, if I were in your shoes, I’m not sure I would have been able to resist the kind of sexual tension you two have going on.”
“But?”
Her face goes soft before she stands and walks over to the couch, sitting down next to me and pulling me into her arms. “No buts, little sister. You’re in one hell of a complicated situation, and the only advice I can give you is to follow your heart.”
“My heart needs to stop and ask for directions,” I mumble against her chest.
I feel her laugh before she speaks. “Then you know what I think?”
Lifting my head with a sniffle to keep my emotions in check, I wait for her to continue.
“It’s time to call Mom.”
MY COCK IS GOING TO fall off.
I grab the shirt I had thrown off last night and wipe my come off my abs before tossing it in the general direction of my laundry hamper.
I look down at my still hard cock in disgust and wonder if this is one of those moments I should call my doctor because my erection has lasted longer than four hours.
Hell, it’s lasted longer than twelve.
I frown when I watch it grow even harder at the memory of why I’ve been in this predicament for so long.
Ember.
My little firecracker.
She lit up like the Fourth of July just from my kiss.
She might think I didn’t notice, but when her body got tight in my arms just seconds before those sweet fucking tremors took hold of her, I knew.
I reach out and grab my lube, again, and get ready to fuck my fist when I would give just about anything to have Ember here in my bed. Just when I’m wrapping my fist around my cock, my phone goes off and I sigh, looking sadly at my crotch.
“Dude, you’re going to have to just stay hard,” I moan before placing my cell to my ear.
“Son?”
“What’s up?”
“Do I even want to know what you were just saying?”
“Probably not, but hey … how long do I wait for my dick to go soft before I need to worry?”
Silence meets my question, and I pull the phone from my ear¸ checking to see if the call was dropped.
“Uh,” my dad starts, and I drop back on the bed, feeling my cock bounce against my stomach.
“Not something I’m exactly excited to have to ask, but I would rather ask you than call the doctor.”
I hear my mom say something in the background. My dad’s voice sounds muffled when he says something in return, then I hear him moving around the house before responding. “Nate, did you take something?”
I laugh without humor. “Fuck, no. I wish that were the problem.”
“If you didn’t take something, do you want to tell me why you’re having this little issue?”
“It’s not a little issue,” I mumble looking down at my cock again to see just how far from little my issue really is.
“Smartass.”
“Let’s just say, I had a run-in with a woman who started this problem, and I haven’t been able to get soft since.”
“And you didn’t take anything?”
“Jesus fucking Christ, I don’t do drugs!”
He chuckles softly, and I try not to be annoyed that he thinks this is a time to be cracking jokes.
“I remember when I first met your mother,” he starts, and I quickly shut that shit down.
“I’m going to need your advice to be void of anything that starts with a sentence like that,” I boom into the phone.
His laughter rumbles louder.
“Not even that took care of your problem, huh?”
I look down, my cock still angry fucking red, the tip wet with pre-come when I shouldn’t have anything left in me, and groan.
“Hate to break it to you, son, but you’re going to be walking around like that until you can run back into the woman who started the problem.”
“That’s what I was worried you were going to say,” I groan.
He’s silent, but I know it’s more about him weighing his words than not having anything to say.
“Care to fill me in a little? I might be your dad, but I could also be able to help even if it’s uncomfortable as shit for both of us to be talking about your dick.”
“I’m not really sure this conversation would get any easier if I filled you in a little more, old man.”
Ignoring the pain in my crotch, I pull myself from the bed and grab a pair of sweats, carefully tucking my hard buddy in and walking to the kitchen to make a protein shake.
“Try me,” he says.
“It’s Ember.”
This time, I know the silence is a lot more than weighing his words. “Ember as in Emberlyn Locke, Maddox Locke’s baby girl?” he grumbles deeply through the line.
“One and the same,” I respond, before taking a long swallow of my shake.
“Shit,” he murmurs under his breath.
“Yeah … that about sums it up. Oh, I think the kicker would be that Maddox is very aware of what is going on between Ember and me.”
His humorless laugh comes first. “Of course, he does, Nate. There isn’t much that has ever gotten past that man.”
“He’s going to kick my fucking ass,” I tell him.
“Without a fucking doubt,” he confirms. “How’s that help your problem?” he adds with a laugh.
“Not even slightly better.”
He laughs even harder, and I just roll my eyes, grabbing a banana and taking half down with one bite.
“Ignore your dick, Nate,” he says after
a minute of solid belly laughs. “Ignore that shit no matter what until you know what you want to do when it comes to Ember. If you don’t intend to start something solid with her, well … then your dick should be the last thing that you give attention to.”
“I don’t think it matters what I want with Ember,” I complain.
“And that would be why?”
“Because I fucked up when I thought I was doing the right thing. I fucked up even more a while ago without even realizing it, and I’m not sure which one was worse, but I’m pretty sure them both together means my wants pertaining to Ember mean jack shit.”
“Tell me,” he says with seriousness. “When you fucked up the first time, did you do it to protect her or because you would rather be a little punk?”
“Nice,” I grunt, finishing my second banana. “I pushed her away because not only was she way too fucking young, but also because I wasn’t ready to see what was right in front of my face.”
“And now?”
“And now, I’m not just ready to see it, I want it more than I want my next fucking breath.”
“Well, son, if you ask me, I think you have everything you need to know right there. We’re men, we’re going to fuck up, but the beauty of finding that one woman meant for you is that no matter how much you fuck up, she will always be there to help make it right. So it’s up to you to do what you can in order to right the wrong turns you made and then spend the rest of your days doing everything in your power to only make right turns.”
“What the hell does that mean?”
He laughs some more. Fucking asshole. “Let me make it simple for you. Find out what you want from Ember. Look in your future, picture her completely out of it, and ask yourself if you can live with that. If not, work your ass off to prove to her that no matter how badly you fucked up, you’ll do anything to make it up to her.”
“Easier said than done.”
“It’s pretty fucking easy when all a good woman ever really wants is the unconditional love of her man.”
I stare blindly out my front window, looking into the woods that surround my property while rolling his words around in my head. “Her dad is going to kill me.”
“Nah, he knows that would hurt his girl too much. He’ll make sure he doesn’t leave any marks that can’t be covered up.”
“Not helping,” I grind out through clenched teeth.
“Learned my lessons a long time ago, Nate. Lessons that hurt with so much vicious pain that sometimes I still feel the tug of them. But one thing I will never take for granted is that love, true love, is always worth fighting for even if you’re fighting the one person who holds the key to taking all that pain away because, in the end, love conquers all, Nate.”
“No one said anything about love, old man,” I respond without conviction because it would just be a lie. I’ve loved that girl since I lied to her face and broke her heart.
“You didn’t have to,” he softly says. “I’m here if you need me, son. It won’t be easy, but don’t give up until you’ve won.”
“Never,” I say, this time having no trouble with the conviction in my tone.
I hear the call disconnect and I drop my phone down before collapsing on the couch with a deep sigh. With one more sad look toward my crotch and tented sweats, I start to plan.
MADDI HASN’T STOPPED SMILING AT me since she called my mom and asked her to come to my house and bring lunch for us. Nikki, sensing this moment should be between a mom and her daughters, left shortly after that call.
While waiting for her to show up, I busy myself in the bathroom to brush my teeth again and go about freshening up in the attempt to feel just a little more human before I bared my soul for not just my sister, but my mother as well.
Hell, it could be worse … it could be my father too.
“Sweetie?” my mom calls into my bedroom with a soft knock on the door.
“Come on in, Mom,” I respond with a smile that only grows when she pops her blond head through the crack in my door.
You would never guess that she’s in her mid-fifties. My mom still doesn’t even look a day over forty, if that. Her blond hair doesn’t hold a single gray, and her freckled skin is wrinkle free. She’s the most beautiful woman I know.
“You okay?” she asks, walking into the room and shutting the door. I’m silently thankful for the privacy, something she clearly sees judging by her next words. “I sent your sister home, honey. Now, give me all your worries and let me make them better.”
A sob bubbles up before I can stop it, and I step into my mom’s arms. She holds me while I get it out, maneuvering us until she is leaning against my headboard and she has her loving arms wrapped around me.
Sometimes, no matter how old you are, the only thing that makes you feel like you can manage all the things spinning around you helplessly is to have your mother’s arms wrapped around you.
“Is this about Levi?” she hedges.
“No … yes. God, I have no idea how to even answer that.”
“Well,” she says and pulls back to look into my eyes. Her light brown eyes full of love and understanding. “Give me everything and we can pick it apart and figure out what needs to happen next.”
“Directions … I need directions,” I mumble through my sniffles.
Her blond brows pull in slightly and a small frown hits her lips. “Directions to what, baby?”
“How to follow my heart.” I hiccup.
Her frown disappears instantly replaced with a wide smile. “Then directions we’ll find.”
I drop back into her arms and give her everything, not leaving a single detail of it out, and when I finish, I don’t feel any less confused.
“Oh, my sweet girl. You always, even when you were a tiny baby, overthink any and every challenge placed in front of you. That is something I’m afraid you came by honestly. Your father was the same way. Overthought everything and let his fears and insecurities overrule what his heart was screaming.”
I lift up and move to cross my legs, facing my mom as she mirrors my position.
“What changed?” I ask, searching her eyes, having a hard time picturing the strong and confident man I know like that.
“Your father did.” She laughs. “Well, I think it might have been a little of my stubborn will mixed with his and his steadfast determination mixed with both our fears and endless love, but in the end, it was the same result.”
“I’m not sure I follow,” I return.
She laughs again, the sound like little bells ringing, and my heart lightens some.
“You know that your dad and I didn’t have an easy start. I was insecure and feared many things because of the way I was raised. Your father, well, he had many similar feelings, but also had some stupid, misguided beliefs that I was too good for him and he would ruin me. Silly man.”
I gasp, thinking about just how similar that sounds to Nate’s and my situation. “And … what changed?” I ask again.
“He woke up. I didn’t give up. He didn’t give up. A lot of the same, but it was just our love being too big to ever ignore.”
I look down at my nails, picking at my polish, but I don’t speak.
“And a lot of sass,” she continues.
I throw back my head and laugh, feeling lighter.
“So this isn’t about Levi, exactly, but more about you and Nate?”
I nod, still not looking up.
“Sweetheart, look at your mama.”
Instantly, I give her my eyes. She’s still smiling. “Nate’s a good boy. He has a huge heart and isn’t afraid to laugh. He’s one of those live big and live loud people. I’ve watched him grow up from a baby into the man he is today, so I can say with certainty that he is a man worthy of your love. But I can also see how Nate, being the man he is, took the youthful, innocent love of a just turned eighteen-year-old young lady and panicked. His age difference doesn’t seem like a big deal right now when you’re both in your twenties, but then, that difference was a bigg
er deal to a lot of people.”
“He said he would ruin me.”
“Baby.” She sighs. “Nate’s seen a lot of bad things happen to people who loved each other completely. He might have been young, but he was still around while each and every one of your father’s friends fell and fought for their love. He’s seen his sister go through terrible things for love. Watched Lee and Megan fight for what they have. If I had to guess, that boy is afraid of what could happen if he was to give in to what his heart is saying.”
I frown and think about what she’s saying. It makes sense. No one in our ‘family’ has had an easy go at falling in love, but they all took on that beautiful war and won.
“So what do I do now? How am I supposed to listen to my heart when it’s been broken to bits by the one and only man who holds the power to fix it.”
“That depends. He hurt you, and I understand it, baby, I do, but in order for you to follow your heart, you have to forgive him. You just said it yourself; he’s the only man who holds the power to fix the hurt.”
“And what if this is just a game to him? What if I am just some conquest?”
She reaches out and takes one of my fidgeting hands in her own, rubbing my knuckle with her soft thumb.
“Make him prove to you that isn’t the case. Open your heart, cracks and all, and give him a chance to validate what you feel. Don’t give up on him, even when it hurts, because you could be throwing away something truly beautiful.”
“God, that’s terrifying.”
“That’s because love is never easy, sweetheart. But it’s worth every single bump, scratch, and crack in the end. Now, sit back here and tell your mama all about this lollipop dance.”
I toss my head back and laugh.
By the end of our chat, my heart feels a little less heavy, and I know that I need to give Nate a chance. If anything, we need to sit down and talk.
But first things first—I need to break things off officially with Levi. There is no way, even if I hadn’t been thinking and working toward this moment for weeks, that I would feel good about waiting another day when it is clear we have no future.
After the heavy conversation in my bed, I pulled my mom to the kitchen and settled in to catch up with her over the lunch she had brought.