by Lacey Thorn
“My whole life is filled with memories of you, of us. The laughter, so much laughter, and tears, too. I can’t remember a time when you weren’t with me.” She dropped to her knees, barely feeling the wet or cold as her jeans met the snowy ground and soaked it in. “I feel guilty, so guilty for being the one to survive. I’m selfish enough to be grateful to be here, to have Phillip and the chance for a life with him. That makes me feel even guiltier. The worst part is, I can’t even bring you justice. I remember so much, except the one thing I need to. What happened that night, Jocelyn? Why did we stop? Why did we split up? Who did this to us? Who killed you? God help me, I can’t remember, no matter how hard I try.”
She leaned her head on the stone, sobbing her hurt and frustration, her grief and guilt. Jocelyn’s parents had gone with a black marble that she would have loved. In the bottom corner, under the three words used to sum up her life, was a sleeping angel that looked remarkably like Jocelyn. “Help me remember, Jocelyn. Please, help me make sure the person who did this pays. Help me,” she whispered.
She sat there, waiting for something, anything, to come to her. A memory that would tell her something about that night.
“Chase?” Lauren’s voice pulled her out of her thoughts and had her looking up. “Come on,” she said, holding out her hand to help Chase up. “Your jeans are soaked through.”
“I’m okay,” Chase said automatically.
“No, you’re not,” Lauren argued as she pulled Chase toward the car. “You’re shivering so hard your teeth are chattering. We’ll crank the heat and see if we can get you warmed up. Phillip will kill me if you end up back in the hospital with pneumonia.”
She bundled Chase into the car, making her smile because it reminded her so much of something Jocelyn would do.
“We should probably see about getting you some dry clothes. We could go by my place, but my stuff will be too big for you,” Lauren said as they sat and waited for the heat to kick on. “I… We could go by Jocelyn’s place. You have stuff there.”
“I can’t… We can’t…” Chase shook her head.
“You can’t sit around in wet clothes, and it’ll take too long to get back to your apartment. The heat’s as high as it will go, and you’re still shivering. I can’t lose you, too. Not now,” Lauren wailed.
Chase finally snapped out of her sorrow enough to really look at Lauren. The other girl was pale, cheeks flushed from cold but damp with fresh tears. Chase felt guilty, again. Just because Lauren had given her some time didn’t mean she wasn’t still grieving as well.
“Lauren.” Chase reached over and touched her arm. “I’m sorry.”
“I can’t lose you, too,” Lauren sobbed. “You’re the only one who loved her like I did. I mean, of course, my parents loved her. It’s just not the same as the bond between sisters. You had that bond with her, too. God, Chase. I can’t believe she’s gone.”
“Me, either,” Chase agreed, fresh tears pouring from her eyes.
They held each other for the longest time until Chase finally eased back.
“You’re right,” she said. “We need to stop somewhere so I can at least dry my clothes.”
“Yeah,” Lauren agreed, sniffling. “Maybe some hot cocoa?”
Chase laughed, which set Lauren off laughing, too.
“Jocelyn would be shaking her head at both of us,” Chase said. “Let’s go to her house. See what’s what there. I think it’d be better if we did it together.”
“Thanks,” Lauren said, sounding guilty. “I’ve been trying to stop in and sort things out, and Nicole’s been helping me deal with it. I put a box together for Seth. Some things of his that Jocelyn had.”
“I know it’s been hard,” Chase said. “Look how long it took me to get here. I’m the last person to blame you for taking your time.”
“You better text Phillip then and let him know where we’re going,” Lauren urged.
“I will,” Chase said. “You drive. I’ll text.”
She’d just sent the message when her phone went off with a familiar ringtone.
“I just texted you,” she said as she answered.
“I know,” Phillip grunted. “You’re stopping by Jocelyn’s. Are you sure you’re up to that?”
“I’ll be okay,” Chase promised. “I think this is something Lauren and I need to do together.”
“Okay,” he agreed, and she heard something in his voice. “I’ll meet you there.”
“What? I thought you were working?”
“As I reminded them, I’m still on leave,” Phillip stated. “I’m leaving now. I can meet you in an hour. I’ll call Mom and let her know we’re going to be in town. We could have dinner there if that sounds good with you.”
“Sounds like a great idea.”
“Listen, be careful, okay?” Phillip said.
“I will be. I promise. Lauren and I will stay put until you get here.”
“I’m heading out now,” he told her. “I’ll get in touch with Mom. She’ll be happy to have her favorite child home for dinner.”
She laughed as she was sure he intended. “You must be referring to me. We both know you were the favorite, until she met me.”
“Just because she always wanted a daughter,” Phillip grumbled, making her laugh softly.
“We’re pulling up now,” Chase said. “I’ll see you in an hour.”
“I love you, Ace.”
“I love you.”
“You’ve got it so bad,” Lauren said. “Soon, there’ll be wedding bells and babies.”
Chase froze, a vision of Phillip on his knees with a ring box in his hand. He was looking up at her, his heart on his sleeve, asking her to marry him. Her chest ached. Was she remembering something or imagining what she wanted?
“Are you okay?” Lauren asked. “You went pale on me, again.”
Chase shook it off. “I’m fine. Sorry. I guess I’m starting to feel the cold.”
“Let’s get you inside. Nicole’s already at the door.”
Chase glanced over at the house, while Lauren pushed open her door. Lauren exchanged words with Nicole while Chase sat in the car.
“I’m going to pull into the garage,” Lauren said, getting back in the car. “It’ll be easier to carry boxes out to the trunk that way.”
Chase nodded, trying to concentrate on what Lauren was saying as she parked. Something was wrong. Her heart raced, beating so fast she couldn’t seem to catch her breath. It only got worse as the door came down, closing them in. What was going on? Jesus, if she didn’t know better, she’d swear she was having a panic attack. That was crazy.
Lauren opened the car door, and Chase knew the other girl was saying something, but she couldn’t make out the words. They were distorted as if she were hearing them through a windy tunnel. She jerked from the car, managing a few steps on shaky legs before falling on the garage’s cement floor. Her hands and knees took the brunt of the fall. She glanced up, trying to focus on Lauren, to force words past her lips, but her body wasn’t cooperating with her.
Nicole walked toward them, and the closer she came the worse Chase got. She couldn’t breathe. Her vision blurred. She didn’t understand. It didn’t make sense unless…
She blinked frantically, trying to clear her head, trying to clear her wavering vision. When she managed to focus, Lauren’s face was gone, replaced by Nicole’s.
“Nicole?” she panted. “I don’t feel well.” She shook her head, but the motion only made it worse. A headache pulsed behind her eyes, almost blinding her with the intensity of the pain. “I don’t understand,” she whimpered.
“You should have stayed asleep,” Nicole muttered.
Something hard slammed against Chase’s head, causing an explosion of pain behind her eyes, and blackness sucked her under.
* * * * *
Chase came to with a start, heart galloping. She couldn’t move. Her hands were tied behind her back, and her ankles were bound, as well. She blinked several times as things slowly c
ame into focus. She was on the floor. Like her, Lauren was trussed up. She lay on the opposite side of the room and looked to be out cold. How long had Chase been unconscious? Had it been long enough for Phillip to be close? He’d said he’d be here in an hour, and if anything, he’d be early.
“I see you’re finally awake,” Nicole said.
“You hit me,” Chase stated. “What the hell is going on, Nicole?”
“What’s the matter? Memory on the fritz?” Nicole asked with a nasty laugh.
“Why did you knock me out?” Chase demanded.
“You didn’t stay asleep long enough this time, only half an hour,” Nicole informed her with a shrug. “The question is, what am I supposed to do with you now? There’s Lauren to contend with, too. You had to drag her into this.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Chase answered and repeated her former question. “What’s going on?”
“Can the act,” Nicole yelled. “I know you remember. It was written all over your face when you pulled up with her. I knew they were lying. There’s no way you’d forget.”
“No…” Chase shook her head, swallowing back bile. “You?”
Nicole laughed, the sound tinged with madness. “I love the way you all dismiss me. You forget I’m in the room half the time. Quiet, inconsequential Nicole. Good when you need her, but easy to ignore.”
“That’s not true,” Chase tried to argue and earned a kick to her stomach for her troubles. She cried out, trying to curl into herself as pain radiated through her midsection.
“Save the lies. It’s too late for them,” Nicole warned. “I would have done anything for you two. Gone anywhere. Said anything. Just to fit in, to be included. That’s all I really wanted. Just to be included.”
“We included you all the time.”
“No, you didn’t. You tolerated me. Nothing more.” Nicole paced around the room. “I was the roommate because you left. Did you think I didn’t know that? Even when you were gone, it was all about you. Chase this and Chase that. I think she even dated Seth because he lived close to you. They could double with you, or at least, they could before you broke up with Boy Wonder. You just couldn’t stay the fuck away. No, you had to come back here and mess everything up.” Nicole squatted down by her again. “Why couldn’t you just stay with your boyfriend and leave Jocelyn with me?”
Chase closed her eyes, not wanting to give anything away. She needed to keep Nicole talking until Phillip arrived.
“What are you talking about?”
“You had to come crawling back and talk to Jocelyn about getting an apartment with you in the city. Just the two of you as if I didn’t fucking exist!” Nicole leaned down and fisted her hand in Chase’s hair, jerking her head up by it.
Chase gritted her teeth, fighting to hold in her cry of pain. “Why are you doing this?”
“You don’t remember all of it?” Nicole asked. “I guess the drug I gave you worked too well.”
“What drug? I was in the hospital. If I’d had any drugs in my system, they would have known,” Chase argued.
“Please. Your ex-boyfriend is a cop. Didn’t he tell you about all the nice date-rape drugs out there that leave no trace? Plus, as an added perk, they prevent you from remembering what happened to you—if you live.”
“The Coke?” Chase asked, vaguely remembering Jocelyn having a Coke in the car. They’d shared it, just as they’d done a million times before. Something else tickled her memory, and as it dawned, her eyes widened. “You were with us. Driving. You were driving.”
Nicole smiled. “Not so easy to ignore me now, is it?”
“Why? Why would you do something like this? Because we ignored you?” Chase asked furiously. “You beat her! Killed her!”
“Please, don’t play the victim with me,” Nicole yelled. “You don’t get to be the victim. I’m the only victim in this room. Me!”
“Is that what you need to think?” Chase fired back. “Does that make it all okay for you? Killing Jocelyn? Because you didn’t get enough attention? Because we excluded you?”
“I didn’t mean to kill her. I loved Jocelyn. All I ever wanted was to be her best friend. I thought maybe when you moved away and I moved in… But no. You wouldn’t stay gone. It was supposed to be you! You were supposed to die!” Nicole screamed.
“What did you do?” Chase demanded.
“I drove and waited for the drugged Coke to work. As soon as the two of you started slurring your speech, I headed out to the country. I knew it was just a matter of time before you passed out. I had it all planned. I brought gloves to protect my hands. I couldn’t let them show any proof of what I was doing,” Nicole said.
“You drugged me then beat me when I was defenseless? What kind of person does that?” Chase jeered. “And why did you kill Jocelyn? Why?”
“Because she tried to stop me!” Nicole screamed and slammed Chase’s head against the floor. “She should have stayed out long enough for me to take care of you, but she must not have drunk enough. She got out of the car and tried to stop me. She said… She said she loved you and begged me to stop.”
Chase let out a sob and shook her head, pulling against Nicole’s tight hold. “No.”
“I hit her. I just wanted to knock her out so I could finish you, but she wouldn’t stop. She kept on and kept on, and it was just like it always was. Chase this and Chase that, and I couldn’t fucking take it anymore. I wanted to make her stop saying your name. I wanted to shut her up. I left you lying there and followed her. She was getting her phone to call for help. So, I knocked her down and put my hands around her neck, and I squeezed until she just…quit…talking.” Nicole looked down at Chase, and there was complete madness in her eyes. “I just wanted her to be my best friend. I loved her.”
“You fucking bitch,” Chase growled. “You didn’t love her. You don’t know what love is! You’re going to pay for what you did. I’ll see you rot in jail for taking her.”
“Even if I do, you won’t be around to see it,” Nicole mocked and used her body weight to force Chase over, latching her fingers around Chase’s throat. “You want to be Jocelyn’s best friend forever? Then you can join her.” She pressed her fingers tight and squeezed.
Chase fought as best she could without the use of her arms or legs. She wiggled and squirmed, but she couldn’t get away from Nicole’s death grip.
“You want to know if Jocelyn suffered? Want to know exactly what she felt when she lay dying?” Nicole pressed her fingers tighter around Chase’s throat. “Let me show you.”
Chapter Seven
Phillip wasn’t happy when he saw Seth sitting in his car, just staring at Jocelyn’s old house. He got out, careful not to give in to his anger and slam his door, then walked over. Seth stepped out of his car as Phillip approached.
“Following me, Detective?” Seth asked with snort. “Don’t you have anything better to do? Like keeping Chase safe?”
“What are you doing here?” Phillip asked.
“Did Nicole call?” Seth glanced at the house.
“Why are you here?” Phillip demanded again, ignoring the question.
Seth sighed and shook his head. His gaze moved back to the house. For a moment, he looked lost and so sad it made Phillip uncomfortable. “The last time I was in that house, Jocelyn and I made love. She was laughing and smiling, teasing me.” He glanced back at Phillip with eyes that had gone hard and cold. “So, forgive me if it’s taking me a bit to walk in and face the emptiness.”
“It’s not empty,” Phillip said. “Nicole still lives there.”
“Everything’s empty without Jocelyn,” Seth murmured. “Everything.”
“I know we don’t always get along,” Phillip said, “but Jocelyn was Chase’s best friend. Loving Chase meant caring about Jocelyn, too, and I’m damn sorry this happened to her.”
Seth nodded. “I’m glad Chase is okay.” He glanced up at Phillip. “You’ll keep her safe?”
“Yes,” Phillip said witho
ut reservation. He’d slay dragons for the damn woman if she needed him to.
“She loves you,” Seth said. “I know about the breakup, the uncertainty. I sat across from her in that diner, and I saw the truth all over her face. She loves you.”
“I know,” Phillip grunted.
“So, what are you really doing here?” Seth asked after a few seconds. “Are you seriously following me?”
Phillip shook his head. “Like you said, I have better things to do. Chase went out with Lauren today. They…had some things to do, too.” He stopped to swallow. Seth looked beaten down enough without Phillip mentioning Jocelyn’s grave.
“I saw them at the cemetery,” Seth stated. “I stayed in my car until after they left. I figured Chase needed time to say goodbye on her own. I understand that.”
“Are you following Chase?” Phillip demanded.
“No,” Seth answered. “I go to the cemetery every day. Sometimes, I even make it out of the car.”
“Chase said you were thinking of leaving town,” Phillip said.
“I can’t stay,” Seth replied and closed his eyes again.
“Look, I understand,” Phillip said. “In your place, I’d most likely feel the same. Just make sure you let Detective Grant know where you’re headed.”
“I’ll let Chase know,” Seth said, and his voice hardened when Phillip opened his mouth to reply. “Unless something’s changed and I’ve officially become a suspect, you don’t need to know jack shit about where I go or what I do.”
Phillip bit his lip and nodded. Seth was absolutely right. Besides, Phillip didn’t think the other man was guilty. Still, there was something about Seth that rubbed the cop in Phillip wrong.
“So, why are you sitting out here?” Seth asked again.
“Chase and Lauren headed here after they left the cemetery. Chase said Lauren needed her help to sort through some of Jocelyn’s stuff.”
“Yeah, I’ve got some stuff I need to pick up. Been sitting and staring for a couple minutes. Guess I should head in and get what I need,” Seth admitted then glanced around. “I don’t see Lauren’s car here, though.” He glanced at his watch. “I’ve been here about five minutes. No one’s come or gone.”