by Vivi Barnes
“You people don’t do a very good job stocking this store. You don’t carry any of the brands I want.”
“Someone just opened a bag of chips in the next aisle and threw them all over the floor.”
“I slipped on a puddle over there and could’ve hurt myself. You better hope I don’t have any back problems tonight.”
“Hey, this jar of pickles is already open. Does that mean I get it for free?”
“Someone threw up over here.”
This last one was yelled by a woman as she ushered her sick-looking kid away. It totally threw me over the edge. Without a radio, I had to call out in the nearby aisles for Bessie. Code B my ass. I was about to run to the front and beg to be allowed to bag the rest of the day when Bessie finally appeared. The store was too busy for someone to come running back immediately with a bucket, like with that drunk guy on my first day, so she showed me some weird sawdust-like powder they tossed on puke to make it dry up fast until someone could come sweep it away. Lovely. I wasn’t going to do that. Ever.
The hours dragged by.
Finally, it was just forty-five minutes until my shift was over. All the aisles were straightened, I’d gotten the once-over from some sleazy guy who looked like he got lost on the way to the porn store, and no other employee was in sight. Of course, that’s when a woman dropped a jug of water on the floor, causing it to burst. She stepped away, an apologetic grin on her face, and left me alone with the spill. Another customer clicked her tongue and shook her head at me like it was my fault.
I grabbed the towel from my belt loop and dropped to my knees to wipe up the mess, ignoring the commentary from a bystander about how I wasn’t going to soak up much with just that tiny towel. The towel did get saturated too quickly, but I kept mopping the floor with it. All I accomplished was to push the water around more. Brilliant. Grandma would find this situation funny. She always liked to quote, “If something can go wrong, it will.” I pictured her sitting in that chair, her eyes far away, and wondered if she was still in her robe.
I ducked my head to hide the stupid tears that were starting to roll down my cheeks, one by one. Thinking about my grandma was not helping.
Someone dropped a yellow caution sign next to me. “Want some help?”
I glanced up at Noah, whose expression changed from amusement to concern when he saw my face. He dropped to his knees next to me and took out a small white towel from his pocket. I was afraid he might give it to me to wipe my tears, but he placed it on the floor to soak up some of the water.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” he asked.
Nothing is what I meant to say. Go away. But what came out of my mouth in a shaky whisper was, “I can’t do this. I hate it.”
He didn’t need to know about my grandma’s condition. It was none of his business. Anyway, admitting how I felt about this crappy job actually felt good, so screw it. I did hate it. Not enough to cry about it, but who cared, anyway? I. Hated. SmartMart.
He stretched his hand toward me but then pulled back. “It’s okay,” he said, his attempt at comforting me kind of awkward. “It’s not an easy job. It was tough for me, too, at first.”
“Really,” I said numbly, not even making it a question. I didn’t want him to sympathize. I wanted him to walk away or even fire me. Maybe my mother would understand if I got a job somewhere else. I think she mostly wanted to see if I could do it in the first place.
“It gets easier. I promise. And the people here are great. There’s Bessie—she’s like a grandmother to most of us.”
Wrong. The tears rolled faster now. Noah gave me his hand to help me up and escorted me to the employee area, calling on someone else to clean up the water spill. I knew I should be embarrassed, but I was way beyond that point.
In the bathroom, I splashed water on my face and stared in the mirror—the very same one I’d stared into only a week ago. The firm promise I made to myself was broken. But not really—I could do this. Grandma was going to be fine—she was just having a bad day. And why couldn’t I handle this? It was a stupid summer job. Just a waste of a couple of months, that was all. And how ridiculous that I was this stressed out over a summer job when there were real problems in the world. Grandma would agree.
I just wondered for how long she’d be able to agree.
Noah was waiting for me outside the restroom when I emerged. “Feeling better?” he asked.
I nodded, trying for a smile and failing miserably.
His smile was stronger and surprisingly genuine. “Why don’t you go home? There’s not much left of your shift anyway. I’ll make sure you get paid for the full time.”
I nodded again and let him walk me to the front doors. I mumbled a good-bye and walked out into the Florida humidity before realizing my mother wouldn’t be here for another half hour to pick me up. No way was I going back inside, so I sank to the hot pavement to wait.
Suck it up, Lex. If Noah can do it, so can you.
Why was that so hard to believe?
8
I was grateful that my work schedule this week was only four days. Four very, very, very long days. Grandma didn’t ask if I was going to school again, but she started wearing her robe more. She also kept leaving things around. Mom said she’d been doing it and I just hadn’t been noticing, but I was noticing now. I’d close the refrigerator door behind her, take the remote back to the living room, turn off the coffee pot when there was no coffee left. I stayed as close as I could to her when I wasn’t working, even turning down offers to hang out with my friends. The only time I went out was for softball practice. By the end of the weekend, I was exhausted.
At work, Noah and I seemed to come to an understanding. At least, we weren’t ignoring each other anymore. We only worked one day together this week, since he took two days off for his SAT prep classes. We didn’t talk much, but sometimes I’d catch him looking at me and I’d smile. He’d give me half a smile back. Progress, I guess.
On Friday morning I slept in, not moving when my mother knocked on the door. She poked her head in. What was the purpose of knocking if she was just going to barge in anyway? “Get up, Alexis. We’re taking your sister to Forever Princess.”
I didn’t bother moving. “Can’t I skip this trip? I have to be at camp at three.”
“No. The least you can do is come support your sister while she prepares for the Coastal Princess Pageant in a couple weeks. We’ll be back in plenty of time for you to go volunteer.”
I pushed myself up and raised my arms above my head in a stretch. “Okay, fine. Just don’t get any ideas about putting me in those dresses.”
She grimaced. “Don’t worry, I believe you made your point perfectly clear last time.” She had tried to convince me to try on a dress “just for fun,” which turned into a big argument with me yelling at her to stop trying to get me back into pageants and her yelling about how I’m letting my good looks go to waste. That was the last time we talked about it, and I really hoped she got the point.
“Hurry and get dressed,” she said. “We can’t wait for you to primp.” She left, pulling the door only half closed.
Me? Primp? I was the cheetah next to Princess Aurora’s sloth in the bathroom. Still, I got up and threw on shorts and my rattiest T-shirt. To emphasize my point about pageant wear in case Mom still felt the need to push it on me, I brushed my hair into an unflattering ponytail, shoved it under a ratty baseball cap, and completely ignored my makeup drawer. I chuckled at my plain reflection in the mirror. Perfect.
My parents were in the kitchen arguing when I went downstairs. “It’s the only pageant we’re going to this summer,” I could hear my mother say. “I told you about it months ago. You need to stay home with your mother for once.”
“I have to work, Mer. This is what we agreed when we took Mom in.”
I turned to Grandma, who was standing in the living room, staring out the French doors at the pool. “Want to go for a walk?” I asked her. She loved going for long walks around the neighbor
hood, sharing her knowledge of trees and plants from her days as a professional landscaper. If my mother got angry about me not going to Forever Princess, screw it—they couldn’t just argue like this as if she couldn’t hear them.
Grandma smiled slightly, reaching over to squeeze my hand. “I’m a little tired,” she said quietly, and it sucked to hear the hurt in her voice. “So what do you have planned today?”
“I’m supposed to go shopping with Rory and Mom, and you know how much fun that is. We’re buying these crappy dresses for some stupid pageant. Want me to pick you up something frilly and pink, too?”
“Oh, sure. And while you’re at it, I’ll take a tiara. Extra large.”
We laughed, but not loud enough to drown out the conversation in the kitchen.
“So that means I don’t get a life? She’ll be fine here, and this is important, Jackson.”
“I know, but—”
“No buts.”
I yanked open the patio door, and Grandma and I stepped out into the sweltering heat. “I am so glad I’m not working at SmartMart today. Maybe we could go swimming,” I said, eyeing the bright blue water of the pool.
“And get you into trouble with your mother? No way,” she said. I nodded, cringing at her defeated tone. Grandma normally loved doing things that made my mother nuts. I guess she didn’t want to push her luck. She pointed at the darkening sky. “Besides, it’s going to rain.”
“It’s summer in Florida. It rains every day.”
“True. It’s supposed to be a pretty nasty season. So didn’t you say you work at SmartMart?” she asked as we sat in the patio chairs.
I smiled gently. “Yeah, I do. It’s not a bad job, I guess.” I noticed that anytime I said “work” I had to add “at SmartMart” for her to understand. I reconciled myself to the fact that she wasn’t going to remember on her own. But I found if I did most of the talking, she’d be able to carry on a conversation just like the old days. She still had her sense of humor and her sense of compassion. I prayed that the disease wouldn’t steal that, too.
“Not a bad job? Really?” She cocked her head, her red lips twitching as if she was trying to hold back her smile. Grandma always saw right through me. I slumped in my chair, throwing my arm over my face dramatically.
“No,” I wailed. “It sucks. Big time.” I whipped my arm away and glared at her. “Seriously, what would you do if in just two weeks you were subjected to the torture of seeing two Code Bs?”
“Code what?”
“Sorry. Code B, which I can only assume stands for Barf.”
Grandma laughed out loud, the kind of laugh that started in her stomach and required the participation of all her respiratory organs. It was one of my favorite sounds in the world, a reminder of how healthy she really was. She leaned forward and chucked me under the chin gently. “Baby, I’d think that would be awful. But you’re going to stay strong and get through this, aren’t you.” She didn’t say it like it was a question.
“Yeah, I guess.”
“That’s my good girl,” she said. “The place would go downhill if my Lexie wasn’t there to keep it in line.”
“I think it’s more likely to do that if I do work there, Grandma.”
I got up, kissed her on the cheek, and headed back inside before my mother decided to go looking for me.
My parents were still arguing.
“I think you could miss just one pageant, Mer.”
My mother’s voice went up another octave. “Don’t you care about Aurora’s future? About college?”
That’s when I knew my dad had lost. He couldn’t hold his ground when it came to a question of how much he cared about us. Really pissed me off, considering Dad made it perfectly clear that he put us above everything else in the world. I could almost hear him sigh. “Fine, Meredith. Fine. I’ll have Patty check on Mom.”
I walked into the kitchen and cleared my voice. “Hey, you know Grandma’s just in the other room, right? And that she can hear every word?”
They stared at me like I had two heads. I directed a look at my mother. “Let’s go.” Not that I was in a hurry to get to Forever Princess, but I needed to shut her up.
“Fine. We’ll continue this later,” she said to my dad. He shrugged and picked up his newspaper. I knew it didn’t matter. My mother always got what she wanted. Always.
Forever Princess. Probably my least favorite place in the entire world. It was never a short trip. Not with my mother. Not with anyone, actually. Ms. Frick, the snotty saleslady, seemed to know exactly how pageants worked. Or how pageant moms worked, at least. She kept a running list of sizes and favorite colors for each kid who was a regular in the store, like Rory. Ms. Frick was always prepared with plenty of dresses and accessories for Rory to try on. She immediately went to a rack that was “special, just perfect for the beautiful Aurora,” and pulled out one pink dress after another.
My mother and sister oohed and ahhed at each, especially the ones that looked like they were nothing but ruffles. It was like decorating a birthday cake, the way Mom and Ms. Frick held each dress up to Rory and squealed appreciatively. Rory, of course, started whining about how she wanted all of them, and my mother beamed like it was the greatest thing in the world.
About ten frou-frou dresses in, I started to bitch about it. I normally read a book in a corner, but this was not how I wanted to spend my precious day off.
My mother ignored me as long as she could, but when the saleslady took Rory back for yet another fitting, she turned to me and snapped, “Stop complaining and go take a walk, damn it! Because we aren’t going anywhere right now.”
The clinking bell over the door suggested new customers, but my mother wasn’t done. She looked pointedly at my ball cap. “You know, it really makes me sad—you’re so beautiful, Alexis. If you would only just pay more attention to your appearance instead of trying to dumb down your looks.” She sighed and headed back toward the dressing rooms.
Woo-hoo—dumbed-down looks for the win! I turned to leave when I saw the customers who were walking in.
Wha… No! No!
Noah had the look of a guy who’d just been caught trying on dresses. After what my mother just said, I’m sure my face mirrored his shock. We stood there for a good minute or two, staring at each other like idiots.
“Noah?” the woman with him asked, nudging him.
He jumped slightly. “Oh. Lex, this is my mother.”
“I am Adrienne,” she said in a French accent. She held out her hand and I shook it. She was much shorter than Noah and even me, with a smooth, gentle face and beautiful smile. Obviously Noah got his dark hair and deep blue eyes from his mother.
The cutest little girl with dark ringlets twisted in yellow ribbons and the same big blue eyes gripped her mother’s leg, her face buried in her skirt.
“And this is Belle, my sister,” Noah said, patting the little girl’s hair fondly. “She’s three years old. Belle, this is Lex.”
“Hi, Belle,” I said softly, smiling at her. Belle peeked around shyly. “Your name is like a princess, just like my sister’s.” I pointed to the walking pink fluff that had emerged from the dressing room and was now twirling around in front of a huge mirror. “That’s my sister, Aurora.”
My mother gave us a quizzical look as Adrienne and Belle wandered over to a clothes rack, but she didn’t say anything.
Noah tilted his head as he watched his sister squeal over a yellow cupcake dress. “What’s up with parents naming their kids after princesses, anyway? It’s like they planned for all this, you know?” He waved his hand around the shop.
I nodded, but my stomach flipped. I hoped he never learned that my middle name was Jasmine. Noah’s mother was sorting through the dresses on display, smiling at her daughter’s gleeful cheers at each one.
“So Belle does pageants, too?”
“Yes. She loves them,” he said, smiling at his sister as she twirled around with the yellow dress tight against her body. Doting big brother. I loo
ked over at Rory, who was now yelling at my mom to buy her the pink fluffy nightmare. I was pretty sure in a couple years he’d be over it, too.
“What does your dad think about it?” I asked.
Noah frowned. “He’s not around much.”
“Oh. Sorry.”
“Trust me, it’s fine.”
“I thought you were going for a walk,” my mother said as she strolled over to us. She looked at Noah and held out a hand. “Hi. I’m Alexis’s mother, Meredith.”
He smiled and shook her hand. “I’m Noah. I work with your daughter.”
“Oh!” She winked at me. “I hope she’s been behaving herself at her job.”
I rolled my eyes at Noah. “I’m leaving.” I turned to push the jingling door open and emerged from the potpourri dress shop from hell. I walked down the sidewalk, letting the sun warm my face.
Noah soon caught up to me, and we walked in silence for a few minutes past shops filled with antiques.
“So how long do you think they’ll be in there?” Noah asked. “My mom usually handles this stuff.”
“At least another hour. Maybe two. They don’t let you get out easy in that shop.”
“I’ll bet.”
More silence. We walked past a coffee shop and Noah stopped, mumbling something I couldn’t understand. “What?” I asked.
He cleared his voice and glanced at the shop. “Want some coffee? My treat.”
His treat? I stared blankly at him, wondering if he was considering this a date. I had to think not—we were only just now on speaking terms. All I could think of to say was, “I don’t drink coffee.” Brilliant, Lex.
“Oh, well, never mind then.” He started to walk on.
“I drink tea, though.”
Noah swung around with a grin on his face. Damn it, he knew I’d change my mind. Noah 1, Lex 0.
“Okay.” He moved as fast as he could to get in front of me and held the door open. I made sure to get in front of him and order at the counter so he wouldn’t attempt the misguided heroic act of paying for me. This was not a date and I didn’t want to pretend like it was.