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by Vivi Barnes


  The words hurt. Even though my dad didn’t really understand my goals, he always supported me. “Is he like that with Belle?”

  “No. Not right now, at least. He loves Belle. Whatever she wants, she gets. But me…”

  He trailed off, his jaw set. He looked like I did when I was trying to keep from crying. I slipped my fingers through his, stunned at how matter-of-factly he said everything. His mom obviously believed in him, but for his dad to make such hateful comments to his face like that, it was amazing that he had any goals at all.

  “Anyway,” he continued, “it’s gotten worse over the last year, but at least I don’t have to see him that much. He works outside of Tallahassee and comes home maybe a couple times a month. The construction job was the only thing he could find after he got laid off about a year ago. That’s why I had to take the second job at Cooper’s. I think he comes home just so he can get the money I make, but Mom and I are the ones who pay the bills, so I don’t give it to him anymore.”

  “Does he hit you?” I blurted out the words, then bit my lip. I wanted to know, but what would I do if it kept going on? Confront Noah’s mother? She must know about it, so as nice as she was, it pissed me off that she’d allow that to happen to her son.

  Noah shrugged. “Not really. Most of the time he just yells at me.”

  In other words, yes. “He might’ve hit you tonight.”

  “Nah. Mostly if he’s had anything to drink. It’s a lot harder now that I’m taller than him.”

  I wasn’t sure about that. His dad looked angry enough to punch him if I hadn’t been there.

  “We don’t have much money, as I’m sure you figured out,” he continued. “I’ve been working extra at Cooper’s to help pay for Belle’s pageants and my college savings, and with my dad out of work, it’s been really tough. I do it, though. That’s why the management job is important to me. You know, it’s not like I don’t have dreams, too,” he added, his eyes meeting mine almost accusingly.

  “I never said you didn’t have dreams.”

  “Not directly, but I remember once at school, you were talking to some freshmen about how students in extracurricular activities would be more successful than the ones who weren’t motivated enough to get involved. But do you know how much time and money sports, band, or any of those other things cost?”

  I stared outside at the darkening sky. That did sound like something I would’ve said, probably at Open House when I was recruiting for softball. “I’m sorry. I guess I didn’t realize what I was saying.”

  Noah tilted my chin toward him. “No, I’m sorry. That was lame of me to say.”

  “It’s okay.” I scuffed my shoes against the top of the slide. “I’m surprised you actually remember something I said.”

  “I remember everything when it comes to you.”

  God, I loved the sentimentality of him. Every word that would never come out of a normal guy’s mouth was gold from his. I stroked his palm with my fingers, noticing how shallow the lines were. I hoped there was nothing to the whole palm-reading thing. Noah deserved a long, happy life.

  We stayed on top of the playground set, talking and kissing until it was completely dark. I finally pulled away to press the button on my phone. Nine o’clock.

  “I’m going to have to start thinking about getting home,” I whispered. It was so tempting just to make out all night. But that would be the last time my parents let me outside, I was sure.

  “Okay,” he murmured, but he didn’t release me. We kissed for a little while longer, but I finally pushed away.

  “Noah, I’ve got to get home.”

  We crawled out of the fort and slid down one of the slides. It made me smile that we were actually sliding on a playground for our first date. What Court would say if she could see me now, and in a dress, too.

  Hand in hand, we walked through the moonlight to his house. I checked my phone again. I had less than twenty minutes to get home.

  “Do you think your mom’s back by now?” I asked.

  “Yeah, she should be,” he said. His voice was subdued, and I knew he was thinking about his dad.

  “Will he get angry at her?”

  “I don’t know.”

  I didn’t say anything else until we got to his house. His mother’s SUV was in the driveway, and unfortunately, so was his father’s car. Noah waved to me to wait for him as he went to the side of the front window. He peered around to look inside, then backed away.

  “Well, he’s not yelling at her. He’s got the TV on, which usually means he’s pretty chilled out.” Noah fished his phone out of his pocket and typed on it. “I’m telling Mom I’m taking the SUV to get you home,” he said. He finished and slipped the phone back into his pocket, pulling out his keys. “Ready?”

  I glanced at his house. “Maybe you should stay over at my house. If your father’s still mad…” I couldn’t think of leaving him with that man.

  “Thanks, but I better not. It just gets worse the longer I put it off.”

  “I don’t want him to hurt you.”

  “I can tune him out. I’ll just think of you instead.” He grinned and held the door to the SUV open so I could slide in. The drive to my side of town took almost too long, since we had to wait for a train to cross over the tracks, but it did give me a chance to crawl into the back and change into my SmartMart outfit. Showing up in a dress wouldn’t exactly be easy to explain to my parents.

  It was three minutes to ten when we finally pulled into the driveway. The front porch light was on, but no one was standing in the window. I turned to him.

  “Thanks for bringing me home.”

  “Thanks for coming over tonight. Maybe next time we can actually go on a real date.”

  “I had fun. Belle is great.” I leaned over to give him a quick kiss. “Are you working tomorrow?”

  “Yeah. You?”

  “Nope. Saturday.”

  His fingers gently grazed my cheek. “Can you go out tomorrow night?”

  “I wish. I’m grounded for staying out too late last night. But if I can figure a way out of it, I’ll text you.”

  I kissed him again and slid out of the vehicle, turning to wave as he pulled out of the driveway. Considerate guy that he was, he waited until I was in the house before driving off.

  I leaned against the door, my heart sinking to think of what he had to go home to. I really wished he could’ve stayed over, and screw what my parents would think. Noah and I hadn’t even been out on a real date yet, but this relationship was already so much more real than the silly ones in my past.

  Oh, Noah, there’s a possibility that I could be in love with you. Deep down crazy serious love.

  The thought was not as terrifying as I would have imagined.

  24

  My parents didn’t act any different than usual when I got home, which made me breathe easier and feel bad at the same time for deceiving them. I headed straight up to my room, the familiar pang stabbing me when I passed Grandma’s room. She was already asleep. I returned Syd’s frantic texts: Are you out with Noah? Call me! Where are you?

  I typed: Sorry. Yes I was out with Noah.

  Her return text was full of symbols that made me think she was either super angry or super excited. I guessed it was the latter.

  Court’s text was a little less subtle. Did you guys do it?

  Her mind was always in the gutter. Which was exactly what I responded with. But I was glad to see it at the same time—at least she was getting used to the idea of Noah in my life.

  My next text was to Noah, but it wasn’t until I was pretty sure he was home. You okay?

  I waited, staring at my phone until it buzzed. Yeah.

  Yeah? That was all he had to say? I called him twice but he didn’t answer. Another text from him: Tomorrow.

  Tomorrow? He was working tomorrow, but I wasn’t. I wanted to know that he really was okay. I heard how his dad yelled at him in Tallahassee. It still echoed through my head. I couldn’t help feeling tha
t I made it worse by being there tonight. It made total sense to me why Noah seemed so shy—maybe it wasn’t shyness as much as low self-esteem. If I had been screamed at my whole life and told how worthless I was, eventually I’d start feeling that way myself.

  I typed Call me.

  I slid the phone into my pocket. If he didn’t call me, I’d find a way to his house to check on him myself.

  He didn’t call me in the morning.

  Or by noon.

  Or by three.

  No response to texts. No response to phone calls. I convinced my mother to drive me to SmartMart under the pretense that I needed emergency tampons. Noah wasn’t working, though. Bessie told me he had called in sick.

  Now I was starting to panic.

  My mother had dinner prepared at six o’clock. She refused my requests to go out, even over to Syd’s. I ate only a small piece of my meatloaf, too focused on how to get out of the house. I wished there was a big tree outside my second-story window. Maybe I could tie sheets together. If I got desperate enough, I might. I started having Rapunzel fantasies, but by seven o’clock, I’d had it. I texted Syd but she was out at a restaurant with her family, so I called Court to enlist her help. If anyone was an expert at figuring a way out, it was her.

  Within a half hour, we were in her convertible, driving to Noah’s neighborhood. It was surprisingly easy. My mother had a headache and went to bed early. My dad was engrossed in his computer. Rory was in her room playing her Xbox. I snuck out the back door and Court picked me up.

  “Where the hell does this guy live?” Court complained, staring at the clumps of people standing around on street corners, staring at us as we passed.

  “It’s an old neighborhood, but it’s not that bad,” I reassured her.

  “I hope not. I don’t want to get carjacked.”

  We made a couple more right turns, then a left. Her GPS took us by the playground. It was only last night, but it felt like forever ago that Noah and I had been making out at the top of the slides.

  “This one,” I said, pointing to Noah’s yellow house. His mother’s SUV was in the driveway. His dad’s car, I was relieved to see, was not.

  I jumped out and slammed the door. “Thanks, Court,” I said as she rolled down her window.

  “Wait, are you leaving me here?” she asked, looking around like she expected to get mugged at any moment.

  I threw a dirty look at her. She pouted. “Okay, okay, I’ll wait for you, but don’t be too long.”

  “Actually, as soon as that door opens, drive away.”

  “And leave you here?”

  “I’ll be okay. Keep your cell phone on and I’ll call you if you need to come back. And don’t say anything to Bryce.”

  She sighed heavily. “All right.”

  “Thanks Court.” I ran up to his front door and hesitated. Should I knock? Ring the doorbell? It was after eight o’clock, so Belle would be in bed, but what about Noah’s mother? She seemed cool, though.

  I rapped my knuckles against the door. I could hear talking inside and saw the blinds shift in the dining room window. I waited.

  Mrs. Grayson pulled the door open. She looked tired, her normally tight bun falling out of its pins. “Lex, mon dieu!” Her eyes darted around. “It is late.”

  I could hear Court pulling out of the driveway. “I know. I’m sorry. Is Noah home, Mrs. Grayson?”

  She glanced over her shoulder, then back to me. “Noah is not well right now. Call him tomorrow?”

  She started to close the door, but I put my shoe in the way. “My ride just dropped me off. I don’t have a way of getting home now. I know he’s there. Please, can I just come in and talk to him?”

  She looked at me for a moment, considering that. Then she sighed. “Okay. You are maybe what he needs right now.”

  That sent my stomach spiraling. She opened the door back up and beckoned me in. I looked over to the hallway where Noah stood with his arms folded in front of him. He had a ball cap on, pulled down over his forehead, but otherwise he looked normal.

  “Why haven’t you answered my calls or anything?” I stepped toward him but he moved back farther into the shadow of the hall. “What is the problem, Noah?”

  “Go home, Lex.”

  My heart sank. He did blame me. His father screamed at him for having a girl over and for letting her push him around, and now Noah blamed me for it. It might have been my fault. Maybe I shouldn’t have insisted Noah take me home. Maybe we shouldn’t have stayed at the playground so late.

  No, that couldn’t be it. That didn’t sound like Noah.

  I glanced over my shoulder, but Mrs. Grayson had disappeared. “Noah, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get you into trouble.” I knew my voice was cracking. The idea that he might actually be mad at me hurt.

  He took a deep breath. “It wasn’t your fault.”

  His voice sounded strange. Like it was coming from someone else. Something was on his face. I reached up to touch his cheek but he jerked his head back, offering me a glance at the other side of his face.

  Holy crap.

  “Noah,” I whispered. “Oh my God.”

  He grabbed my hand and pulled me back to his room. His desk lamp provided the room’s only illumination, so I was barely able to see the cut on his lip and what looked like a bruise along his jaw. He sat on the bed and I sank down by his side.

  “What…why? It was me, wasn’t it?” My heart hurt so badly it felt like someone had a fist around it, squeezing it like a water balloon.

  “No, it wasn’t you at all. It was the money. I refused to give him what I’d made. We have too many bills due for me to hand over our cash. We got into a fight about it, I told him he sucked as a father, and he hit me. That’s what set him off. Not you. This wasn’t your fault.”

  I touched his jaw with a very light finger, but he flinched. “Do you believe this is your fault?” I asked.

  He shrugged. “No. Not really.” He tried to smile but winced, touching the side of his face. “The one good thing that has come of this is that my mother kicked him out of the house, and I think for good this time.”

  “Oh, joy,” I said drily. “I’m glad she didn’t wait until you were dead.”

  He pinched his eyebrows together. “It hasn’t been easy for her, either, Lex. She couldn’t leave him because she was still trying to get her citizenship and she needed his insurance. It’s also why I’ve been working so hard with two jobs.”

  “So what’s changed?”

  He grinned, then flinched again, touching his lip. “She got a full-time job. That’s where she was when you were here last night. They offered it to her and she had to go fill out the paperwork. She wanted to surprise me with it.”

  “At night? Where is she working?”

  “She’s a night manager at Busch Gardens. She had a job like that in Canada, so she had the experience. It’s actually cool because we get free park tickets and all. And I’ll be home with Belle at night. Mr. Hanson said he’d make sure I’m off by seven o’clock so she can make it to work.”

  “What about Cooper’s?” The thought of that disgusting guy who hit on me crawled over me like a bug. Ugh.

  “I’m keeping it through the summer, then I’ll quit. That way we won’t have a break between her paycheck and what we make now.”

  He had it all figured out. I relaxed against his shoulder and he wrapped his arm around my waist, nestling his cheek in my hair. “I’m really glad for you all,” I said.

  “Yeah,” he replied. “She was going to surprise me with the news when she got home, but he was here so she didn’t get the chance. She lost it when he hit me—started beating him back, screaming that she was done. He left after that.”

  “Are you sure he’s gone for good?”

  Noah’s arm tightened slightly around me. “I hope so,” he said. He didn’t sound certain. I wondered how many times his mom had kicked Tom out of the house just for him to work his way back in. Please, don’t let him back in this time.
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  I touched his lip gently with one finger. “Have you put anything on this?”

  “I put ice on it,” he said.

  “It’ll be hard not to kiss you until it heals.”

  He took my face between his hands, his eyes soft. “I’ll live through the pain. Trust me.”

  His lips found mine, soft as a feather.

  He lived. We both did.

  25

  Funny how much more tolerable SmartMart was now that Noah and I were together. I moved about the store the next couple of weeks in a happy daze—shelving, bagging, checking out, and even greeting with a smile on my face. A few times we sneaked into the stockroom and made out for a few minutes. It was totally hot and the only real time I could spend with him, since I was still grounded.

  At home, things weren’t so great. Almost every day I confided in my grandma, telling her about Noah, promising to bring him over so she could meet him. At first, Grandma would smile and ask questions, but then she’d ask me the same questions and forget who I was talking about. I just answered her again and kept talking. I did figure out that she remembered a lot more things from when she was younger, so sometimes if I didn’t want to think about her forgetting stuff, I’d talk to her about when she was a kid. She told me lively stories about her and her sisters.

  Grandma wasn’t the same physically, either. Dr. Ahmed said the pneumonia most likely escalated her troubles. She never went anywhere now without a family member or the Willy Wonka nurse escorting her. Dr. Ahmed told us most Alzheimer’s patients don’t know they’re declining, but Grandma knew. Some days she’d sit in her chair in her room and stare out the window, not even wanting to go for a walk around the nearby park, which used to be her favorite thing to do. On those days, she’d barely acknowledge me when I visited her, and each time, the tiny fissures in my heart stretched further. She knew I was there and she chose not to talk to me. And she was declining so fast, part of me wanted to scream at Dr. Ahmed that the medicine was making it worse, though I really had no clue.

 

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