I run until I can’t anymore. I drop to my knees and my fingers dig deep into sand. The steady sound of waves crashing to shore starts to break through all the noise around me. I ran all the way to the beach!
I concentrate hard on the sound. I sit back on my haunches and drag my fingers through the cool sand. I look out over the ocean. The blue goes on forever, into a wide open space. The sight is a calming one. A breeze picks up and gently plays with my hair.
I’m so tired it feels like I haven’t slept in ages. I can’t bring myself to move from the spot. I can’t tear my eyes from the wide expanse of blue. I match my breathing to the sound of the waves.
~*~
Chapter Sixteen
Seth~
I take out the trash for Aunt Janice every morning. I’ve just disposed of the bag when I look up and see a girl with long brown hair, whipping wildly as she runs. There is something so familiar about her. It takes me a few precious seconds to realize that the girl is Lacey. I’ve never seen her with her hair down. I didn’t expect to see Lacey, and stand rooted to the ground as my eyes follow her until I can’t see her anymore.
Life returns to me with a bang. It’s as if I’ve been living in a thick fog since it all happened, but seeing Lacey again clears it all up for me. I have to talk to her. I have to tell her how sorry I am for what Dad did. I have to make things right!
I quickly run inside. I grab my bag and lock up behind me. Aunt Janice has to leave early so she can beat the traffic to the city, and she gets home late. I’m okay with that, it gives me time on my own.
School is just around the next corner, but there is no sight of Lacey. She’s already gone in. As I walk through the doors of the main building, I feel everyone’s eyes settle on me.
“Yo, Brody!” I turn to see Hayden walking my way.
When he reaches me I scowl at him. “It’s Harper now. I told you I changed it.”
“I still don’t get why. You should keep your old man’s last name. Chicks will pity you for being related to a murderer. Work that bad boy image, you can score big time!”
I shove Hayden hard. “What the hell is wrong with you?” I can’t stand to look at him anymore and walk away.
“You have your father’s blood,” he calls after me, and I freeze in my tracks. “You should do the world a favor and off yourself before you start killing, too.”
I can’t believe he just said that. Slowly, I turn around. I see Hayden for what he really is, a bully, who needs to feed off other people’s pain to make himself feel better. I feel sad for the time I wasted on our so called friendship, but mostly, I feel sad for the person he has become.
~*~
Half of the kids are siding with Hayden, and avoid me. The other half still thinks I’m cool and treats me like nothing happened. I wonder if it’s the same for Lacey.
At least I have Marcus. He’s still my best friend. He came over right after Dad was arrested. We watched movies for two days straight. He didn’t expect me to talk about what happened, and he just said that it all sucked.
At break we sit at our usual table. Hayden’s running with a new crowd. It stings that our friendship meant so little to him.
I’m about to take a bite of my burger when someone shoves hard at my shoulder. When I look up, I’m surprised to see a blonde girl looking angrily at me. “How can you sit here as if nothing happened?” she shouts. I can feel every eye in the cafeteria turning on us.
I’m at a loss for words and don’t know what to reply. Will it help to tell her how bad I feel?
She shoves at my shoulder again and tears shimmer in her eyes. “She didn’t even make it through first period. She’s a wreck and you’re sitting here like nothing is wrong. People like you disgust me!”
For a moment I’m confused but then she says, “I don’t know what Lacey ever saw in you, but I’m glad she’s over it. You’re not worth a second of her time.”
She storms out of the cafeteria and I hear Hayden and his group laughing. None of that matters. She said Lacey is a wreck. It hurts to think that she might hate me as much as her friend does.
~*~
Chapter Seventeen
Lacey~
It’s day two of trying to go to school. I have to make it! I want my old life back. I want to be happy again, and the only way I can do that is by letting go of what happened.
I know I can do this.
I stand by the door of our RV, bouncing on the balls of my feet. I’m trying to take that next step. I even brushed my hair and put on some lip gloss. I’m wearing a dress. I’m really trying to make an effort. I see how my parents worry and I don’t want that for them. I want us all to be happy again. If they see that I’m okay, then they’ll stop worrying.
“I just want everything to be the way it was,” I whisper and force my feet to take that step.
One step becomes two, and two becomes three.
I don’t stop at the bus stop, but keep going instead. The cool morning air feels good. I concentrate on the sound my feet make as they hit the concrete. I stare at the grey beneath my feet. It’s so much better than black.
“Lacey!” When I hear my name, I jump with fright. I was concentrating so hard on the sound of my feet. I look up and shock vibrates through me. For a moment I’m confused. I watch Seth drop a rubbish bag and he starts to walk in my direction.
Panic starts to fill my chest. I’m not ready to talk to him. This is too soon! I look around for a way out. Maybe I should just run! I’m becoming so good at it.
“Wait!” he calls out as if he’s reading my mind. He stops a few steps away from me.
I grab hold of the straps over my shoulders and hold on tight to my bag. I drop my eyes to the ground. It’s too painful to look at him. It’s too confusing. I still see the same Seth I fell in love with. He’s still as handsome as ever. Nothing about him has changed.
But everything about me has changed.
The dark memories of what his dad did to me, has tainted the day dreams I had of Seth.
He reaches a hand out as if he’s going to touch me. I cringe away from him and take a step in the direction of our school.
“I’m so sorry, Lacey,” he whispers, his voice rasping with emotion.
I almost look at him, but force my eyes down. I have to say something so he won’t try to talk to me again. I have to stop this stupid thing between us. The feelings I felt for him can never be again, and he hardly noticed me anyway so it should be really easy for him to forget me.
“Look,” the word comes out a whisper, and not as sharp as I meant for it to sound. I clear my throat and try again, “I … you…” I just can’t get the words out. Frustrated, I kick at the pavement and then finally the words come out. “You don’t need to say anything. Can we just pretend nothing happened? You can just go back to ignoring me and I’ll do the same.” I gulp in some air after saying all that and start to walk again. I hope he listens!
“It did happen,” he calls out behind me.
I stop but don’t turn to face him. “Really, Seth? You’re going to remind me of what your dad did? Why can’t you just let it go? I’m trying to!”
“I’m not talking about what he did. What he did is horrible and nothing I say can make it better.” I hear the gravel crunching under his feet as he comes closer. “I’m talking about us … about what happened between us that night.”
My shoulders sag as a pang of sorrow bleeds from my heart. “Nothing happened between us that night. I thought I saw something in you, but I was wrong. You’re just another boy with issues. You need to sort out your own life and let me sort out mine. Our paths were never meant to cross.”
I start walking again, before he can see the tears rolling down my cheeks. It had to be done. The leftover feelings I still feel for him will die with time. They just have to.
~*~
When I get to school, Natalie is waiting for me in our usual spot. She pulls a red lollipop from her pocket and holds it out to me. She knows I’m addicted
to them. I smile as I take it from her. “Sorry for being such an ass yesterday,” I mumble.
She shrugs and smiles back at me. “I’m here for you. You know that right?”
“Yeah,” I whisper.
She hooks her arm into mine. “We’re good?”
“We’re good.” I pop the lollipop into my mouth, ready to face this day with my best friend by my side.
I’m relieved when Natalie walks into class with me. It helps to have her by my side. We sit next to each other. She crosses her legs and starts to gently rock her foot. I watch the slow swaying motion, and it helps to drown the panic I feel from the noise everyone is making.
The class grows quiet. The teacher must have come in. I don’t look to see. I just keep my eyes on Natalie’s brown sandal. She reaches over to me and takes hold of my arm, squeezing it lightly. My eyes dart to meet hers. There’s a worried look in her eyes.
“Miss Johnson.” I jump a little as my name is called by the teacher. When I look up, I see the same man from yesterday. He must be a new teacher here. My heart starts to beat heavily in my chest, as he makes his way down the aisle to where I’m sitting. I should apologize for shoving him, but I can’t get the words out. When he reaches my desk he places a paper on top of the worn wood. “I’m Mr. Williams,” is all he says with a warm smile. Someone must have told him about me, or he heard about it in the news. I’m surprised that there is no pity in his eyes. He must be one of the youngest teachers I’ve ever seen. Usually they’re old and nearing retirement, but he must be in his early twenties. He has chocolate brown hair and striking green eyes. The girls are going to go crazy for him.
Mr. Williams turns back to the rest of the class. Looking at the piece of paper, I see it’s a layout of what we’ll be covering in class.
I might just be able to do this! The thought hits me as I’m walking to my next class. My chest fills with hope.
“You’re going to be just fine,” I whisper to myself.
~*~
That flicker of hope I felt earlier this morning … yeah, it’s nowhere in sight as I enter the cafeteria. I feel every eye in the room focus on me. I feel like some kind of freak.
It’s my turn to hook my arm through Natalie’s, as I try to draw some strength from her. With my appetite totally gone, I only get a salad. We take a seat at our usual table and I keep my head down.
I’m picking at the salad when a girl walks up to us. Everything about her is black, her hair, her make-up, her clothes, her nails – like every single thing. She gives me a long look. Finally I can’t take it anymore. “What?” I snap at her.
She tilts her head and then finally asks, “I think you’re gonna do it. I have a bet with my friend that you’ll kill yourself. My friend thinks Seth will kill himself first, but I think you’ll be first to end it all. I mean,” she shrugs as if we’re talking about the freaking weather, “I’d kill myself. I won’t be able to go on if I was locked up in a dark cage for so long, no hope of ever getting out. That shit must’ve screwed with your head, you know, make you all crazy?” She shrugs again, “You know what I mean?”
My mouth drops open while she’s telling me this. I throw my fork down and I’m about to get up and slap some color into her, when Natalie grabs hold of my arm and says, “She’s not worth it! Don’t let them get to you.”
I pick up my fork and stab a tomato instead. The weird goth-girl shrugs again and goes back to her table.
“Seriously, don’t let them get to you. She’s the crazy one.” Natalie tries to make it better but that girl’s words hit hard. What if that’s what everyone is thinking? Are my parents waiting for me to commit suicide? Is that why they’re so nervous around me? What happened to me was bad, but not so bad that I’d kill myself. I just need time to get over it.
Natalie says, “He keeps looking over here! I told him what I thought of him. Maybe he didn’t get the message loud and clear. I should go over there again!” I’m surprised by the sudden anger in her voice. She didn’t lose it with goth-chick but she’s red in the face right now.
“Who are you talking about?” I follow her line of sight. The second my eyes lock on a pair of blue ones, I regret looking. I used to dream about those eyes, I remember with a pang of loss. I quickly look away, breaking the brief contact between us. “What did you say to him?” I shouldn’t care but I can’t help myself.
Natalie rolls her eyes. “I gave him a good piece of my mind. I told him I think it’s disgusting that he’s here after what his dad did to you.” My heart starts to race as she says this and then she adds, “I also told him I don’t know what you saw in him, but I’m sure glad you’re over him.”
I can’t believe she said all that to Seth! My heart is hammering in my chest. I stand up so fast my chair topples over. The world is closing in on me! I can’t suck in enough air. I run from the room, needing to get outside. I hear people whispering but soon the sound fades away.
I don’t look where I’m going. I’m just running to get out of this building. I take a corner and slam into someone. I stagger back, lose my footing and fall hard on the tiles.
“Watch where…” someone snaps and then,” well I’ll be damned. I’ve been looking for you, mouse.” My head snaps up and as my eyes meet the hate filled ones of Hayden, a shiver of fear races down my spine. This is so the last thing I need right now!
Hayden leans down, grabs hold of my arm and yanks me into a standing position. I can feel tears burning in my eyes, but I swallow them back. I don’t want to cry in front of Hayden. I try to yank my arm free but it only causes him to tighten the already painful grip he has on me.
“No, you don’t, mouse. I have something I want to show you,” he sneers. The words echo through me and I feel that awful darkness suck me into a bottomless pit of fear. Hayden starts to drag me down the hallway and my feet follow reluctantly.
I hear the shrill sound of the bell ringing, indicating the end of lunch, but Hayden doesn’t stop. I want to scream at him to let go off me! I want to rip my arm free from his grasp, but I can’t. I feel stuck, caught in a nightmare.
My vision starts to blur and my feet falter a step. Hayden impatiently yanks me forward. He yanks again and I feel my body jerk forward. I slam hard into something cold that makes a loud banging noise. I can’t focus on anything around me. My throat is dry, my breathing shallow.
I hear another bang and then I get shoved into a dark space. “Mice belong in cages!” Hayden’s words ripple through me as the darkness surrounds me. I fall hard to my knees. My body starts to shake and I know the familiar pain will come soon. I curl up, as small as I can. This time I don’t hear the deafening sound of water dripping ... all I hear is vicious laughter.
He came back. He is going to kill me now.
~*~
Chapter Eighteen
Seth~
I have gym after break. I shove my way through all the kids so I can get to the boy’s locker room. When I walk in I hear Hayden laughing. I look up, not giving it much thought. Hayden is always up to something and I want no part of it anymore.
I’m just in time to see him shoving someone into the store room. Paige is with him, laughing that annoying high pitch laugh of hers. What the hell is she doing here?
“Just great!” I mumble to myself. I have to walk by them to get to my locker so I can change into my gym clothes. When I get close to them I wonder who it was they shoved in the room. Some poor junior, I bet. I glance into the store room but it’s too dark, and I can’t see anyone. My gut screams at me to step in, I can’t just watch them bully another kid.
“What’s up?” I ask, trying to look casual.
Hayden glares at me, clearly not falling for my act. “None of your fucking business,” he snaps.
“Close the door!” Paige says with a tinge of nervousness in her voice. I don’t know why she’s hanging with Hayden, she’s got so much more potential.
“Shut up, bitch!” Hayden snaps at her, but he still listens to her and closes the door.
He knocks into my shoulder as he walks by me. “And you better watch your back,” he sneers.
I just watch him go. It won’t help to start a fight with him. Instead I open the door, so the poor kid can come out of the stinking store room. It smells like sweaty socks and worn leather.
“It’s safe to come out,” I say and wait to see who the poor kid is. When there’s no movement I flip the switch so the light will come on. Pins and needles ripple through my body like a wildfire. “Lacey!” I move fast to where she’s curled up in a small bundle on the cold floor. Her eyes are pinched closed and she’s shaking all over. I touch her shoulder tentatively. “Lacey…” With a panic filled shriek she scrambles away from me, her face pale and her eyes huge as saucers.
It hits me hard in the gut – Lacey is scared of me. I suddenly crave that shy look she had the night I walked her home. I’d do anything to see her cheeks flush and her eyes shimmering with happiness.
I go down on my knees in front of her, careful not to scare her more. She looks like she’s about to jump out of her own skin with fear. It reminds me of how Willow looked when we found her in the woods. I saw what Dad did to Willow but somewhere deep in my mind I refused to believe he did anything to hurt Lacey. I didn’t want to believe it. I wanted to remember Lacey the way she was that day I met her. I have no idea what Dad did to her, and I might never know.
All I know right now is that I’ll have two fear filled faces to keep me up at night. I didn’t have a face to put to Lacey’s fear, until now. She’s no longer the shy girl I met on the beach. It’s a heartbreaking thought. I feel so much loss and sorrow in this moment, it’s as if it all just happened again – I lost Lacey before I had a chance to have her.
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