by B. B. Hamel
“Maybe,” he says, shrugging. “But she’s so into me she’ll believe anything I say.”
“You fucking asshole,” I blurt out.
He laughs a little bit. “There you go again, getting mad. I don’t understand you, Mia.”
“You’re blackmailing me and trying to ruin my life,” I hiss at him.
“I’m just trying to help you.”
“Help me? Help how, by getting rid of my only friend?”
He shrugs a little. “Obviously she’s not a great friend if she believes me when I tell her these things. She should see through me.”
His smile is so disgusting that I want to almost puke. But he does have a point. Jordan should know that I’m not talking shit about her and I don’t really understand why she wouldn’t. But it doesn’t matter. Right now, all I want is to get this guy off my porch and out of my life.
“Can you just leave me alone?” I ask him.
“That’s not how this works,” he says softly. “I’m going to destroy the preserve, you know. I’m not lying about that.”
“I know you’re not.” I speak through clenched teeth.
“So come on, you love that place. All you have to do is date me. I can make your life easier.”
“I don’t want you,” I say to him bluntly. “Don’t you get it? I think you’re sleazy. I think you’re gross. I don’t want to be with you.”
He watches me for a second and his smile falters, just a little bit. He looks like he practices that smile, like it’s something he has to work on. Actually, the more I look at it, the more I start thinking that it’s the kind of smile an alien would do trying to fit in with normal people.
“You don’t mean that,” he says.
“I really—“
“No,” he says forcefully, stepping toward me.
A spike of adrenaline hits me and I step away, backing against the door. My right hand searches for the knob and I look around, hoping my neighbors are outside, but we’re alone.
His eyes drill into mine. “Listen carefully,” he says. “If you date me, I will make your life easier. If you agree to go out with me, I won’t destroy the preserve. And I’ll make sure all of your father’s medical bills are paid.”
I pause, surprised. “What?” I ask him, taken aback.
“His bills are expensive, right? You can barely afford the nurse, I bet. That sort of care costs a lot. How long can you handle it? And what about when he gets even worse and you can’t handle it anymore?” He leans closer to me, his breath stinking, his eyes wide, that grin plastered on his mouth. “I’m offering you freedom,” he says, almost a whisper. “Nurses to take care of your father around the clock, the perfect level of constant care that he needs, all for free. All you have to do is date me.”
I stare back at him, not sure what to say. It’s true that we’re stretched tight around my house. I don’t really make much at the preserve and my dad’s benefits just barely pay for his medical bills. If anything went wrong, we’d probably have to go into serious debt.
Caleb is disgusting. There’s no doubt in my mind that he’s just trying to manipulate me. He doesn’t care about my father and me. This offer is just one way to break past my defenses and to get at me.
And it’s working.
God, it makes me want to puke, but it’s working.
“How?” I ask him.
“Don’t worry about how. My father will take care of it. You just nod your head yes, and it’ll all be taken care of.”
“That simple?” I ask him, eyes wide.
“That simple.” He reaches for my hand and takes it. I feel like fire ants are biting at my skin.
All I have to do is date him. It’s not that hard. My father will be take care of for life, and I won’t have to worry all day and night about him anymore. I won’t be free, of course, I’d be trapped in a new kind of nightmare, but at least my father will be taken care of. He’ll be safe and happy and secure. Money won’t be an issue.
And the preserve will be saved, of course. That beautiful place will still be there. All I have to do is say yes, give in to Caleb, let this monster have me. I’m not so special, I don’t deserve anything great. At least this way I’m doing something good for my father and for the community.
“One more thing,” he says. “If you agree, you can never see Lucas Baker again.”
I bite my lip, looking away. If I say yes, Lucas will hate me anyway. After everything Caleb has done, all of the creepy stuff, my anger toward him, the fight, everything, if I agree to this, Lucas will despise me. I won’t have to worry about talking to him anymore.
He couldn’t understand. There’s just no way he could. He hasn’t lived with my father for as long as I have, sacrificed so much, tried so hard, and always been one step behind. We’re okay right now, but we won’t be forever, and this is one way I can make sure that my father is taken care of.
I don’t want this. I don’t want it at all. But I’m trapped by this rich bastard, this fake smiling rich bastard that I hate so much. He has me and he knows it.
I look down at the ground. I can’t look Caleb in the eyes.
“Okay,” I say in a small, soft voice, nodding my head.
“Good.” He releases my hand and steps away. Slowly, I look up. He smiles at me. “You made the right choice. Your father will thank you.” He grins again and turns away, heading back toward his car.
My father won’t thank me. He can’t thank me. Nobody is going to thank me, and Lucas is going to hate me. I already hate myself.
But my father will be taken care of. The preserve will be saved. I just have to somehow learn to live with this.
I watch as Caleb gets into his car and drives away, waiting for him to get out of sight before breaking down into tears and sobbing on my front porch.
17
Lucas
It’s a beautiful day in the park and I feel pretty fucking good.
The sun is shining, the air is cool, and my baby seems pretty happy as I carry him strapped to my chest in one of those baby Bjorn things. He has a big floppy hat to protect him from the sun and he seems pretty content looking out over the landscape as we hike.
I’ve never brought Noah outside like this, at least not on a hike before. I wasn’t sure how he’d do, so I have a backpack with all of the necessities strapped over my shoulders. I’m carrying like an extra fifty pounds in baby stuff plus a baby, but that’s nothing compared to what I used to carry with me when I was a SEAL.
Part of me expected to run into Mia, and I’d be lying if that weren’t a big reason why I decided to take Noah to the preserve. Alice gave me the day off for some reason, I think just to reward me for finally finding a woman worth pursuing. It’s a little weird but I’m not complaining.
I don’t see Mia at the front office. There’s an older guy working the visitor’s desk, probably a volunteer, but I don’t bother asking him where Mia’s hiding. I don’t want to look like a crazy stalker. Plus, she’s probably busy at work.
So I just go on a hike with my son. Although he’s still my focus right now, I can’t help but think about Mia. That afternoon by the lake, fucking her up against that tree, it was incredible. I’ve been with a fair number of women in my life, fucked and left plenty of them, but I’ve never experienced what I did that afternoon. I’ve never felt so strongly about someone before, never felt such intense desire and pleasure.
The girl is built for it. Her tight little pussy is soaking wet and delicious. I can’t believe how gorgeous she is, even though I didn’t get to fully undress her. And she loves what I can do to her. She gets off on fucking in public, which probably isn’t something she even realized.
And she called me Daddy. I can’t help but think about that as I round a bend and we spot the stream ahead.
When she called me Daddy, it felt like my whole world fucking expanded and then contracted. It went from the size of the universe down to this single person, just Mia, only her. I knew in that moment that I couldn’t do a
nything but have her. I had to make her feel the same way, had to get her off and make her come. I needed to feel her body shudder against mine, her skin sliding gently against mine, her lips soft and wet as I bit them gently, smirking against her neck.
That’s what I fucking live for. It’s that feeling, that fucking rush. I used to get it on the battlefield, and ever since I moved back home and became a civilian, I’ve been craving it. Because I’m a father now, I haven’t been able to seek it out in destructive ways, which is a good thing. A lot of guys I know would start taking drugs or fucking random women just to get a taste of that excitement again. It’s normally a pale shadow of that feeling you get on the battlefield, but at least it’s something.
With Mia, I felt it all. Everything came rushing back, every intense feeling, every powerful emotion. Fear, desire, love, it all mingled inside of me as I fucked her there out in the open.
“What do you think, little guy?” I ask Noah as we walk along the stream’s bank. “Pretty, right?”
He gurgles at me and I smile. He reaches his hands out and I let him grab a low, thin tree branch.
“Tree,” I say.
“Trughhee,” he answers.
I laugh, surprised. It was actually pretty close, though still that garbled baby speak.
“Good job, bud,” I say. “That’s a stream. That’s a rock. This is dirt.” I point at all the things and he laughs, clearly enjoying himself.
Noah is a pretty easy kid, but I’m actually surprised at how good he’s being. I start walking again, pointing at everything I see and saying the word to him. I want to explain it all, describe the world so that he can understand.
I worry about him sometimes. I don’t know what he’s going to grow up to become. I don’t know if I want him to be like me, an ex-SEAL drifting through his days with only one important thing. My entire life was back in the military, but now that I’m out, I don’t know what I am.
It’s a hard question to ask myself. I want to set a good example for Noah. I want to make him a man that I’d be proud of. I want him to be smart, kind, gentle, but still strong and confident. I worry that I’m too rough, too broken.
Being around Mia, though, she makes me want to be better. Noah forced me to grow up and become a father, but Mia makes me want to strive for even more than just being a good father. Sometimes, I’m a little embarrassed that I’m thirty years old and living at home with my stepmother.
She understands why I am, though. She knows that I just got back from the war, and I’m trying to find my footing. Plus, raising a kid is really hard as hell, and I need help. Living with Alice is the perfect arrangement.
But I know it’s not permanent. I want more. I want my own place, my own business. I want it for Mia, to impress her and make her see what kind of man I am, but I also want it for Noah. I want to set a great example for him.
I spend the rest of the day like that, wandering the preserve and showing Noah things. He only cries twice, once to let me know that he needed to be changed, and another time because he was hungry.
We spend about three hours in the preserve. I walk around for about two of them, and for an hour we sit in the shade of a huge tree and I let Noah play with some toys while I make my lunch. It’s after his naptime and getting close to his dinnertime, which means I better hurry home before he gets cranky.
Besides, it’s five o’clock and I’m guessing Mia gets off work right around now. I pack the things up and strap Noah in before standing and heading back toward the front office.
I feel damn good as I approach. The trail leads down a hill and I can see the parking lot in the near distance. I feel like I had a good afternoon with my son, played with him, taught him some things, but I also got a chance to get away from everything and just think about my life. I feel like I’m finally getting my shit together and figuring out what I want to do with myself.
That’s such an important feeling. It’s something you lose when you come back from the military. When I was a SEAL, I had a purpose every single day and I never had to worry if I was doing the right thing. I was told what to do and when to do it, and I followed my orders to the best of my ability. I was damn good, and that made my life so much more rewarding. But outside of the structure of the military, I have to define my own life, my own desires, and figure out how to give myself meaning and purpose.
Noah is one way. Mia is maybe another. I want both of those things, and I can see, just briefly in the deep region of my mind’s eye, the man that I can become if I follow that path.
But that image disappears and I’m drawn up short as I catch sight of Mia stepping into the parking lot. She looks beautiful, so fucking gorgeous, and I want to yell her name.
I don’t, though. Something stops me. I don’t know what it is, but I have a bad feeling in my stomach, like I should turn away. Like I shouldn’t be seeing this.
I watch as an expensive-looking black sedan drives up the gravel road and pulls up in front of Mia. It parks and she stands there, a strange look on her face. The driver’s door opens, and Caleb Carter steps out.
I feel like I’m going to fucking puke. I watch with horror as he opens the door for Mia and she climbs into his car. He walks back around to the other side, gets in, and they drive away together.
I stare after the car, not sure what the fuck just happened. Why the hell would Mia get into the car with Caleb Carter? She hates that fucking creep. I got into a fight with that piece of shit because of how much of an asshole he is. She talked about how much he scares her, and how much she despises him, and yet there she is, climbing into his car. What the hell is happening?
I walk slowly toward the lot. The day suddenly feels darker. All of the joy is sucked out of me, and the future suddenly shifts. I thought I was becoming one thing, but suddenly I’m afraid I’m going to become something else.
Rage flows through me. The sickness I felt at first is replaced by an incredible and powerful anger that I haven’t felt since the war. Fear, terror, and blind hatred all mingle into this unfathomable rage.
I don’t think. I put Noah back into his car seat, making sure he’s safe, before starting my truck’s engine and pulling out.
The plan forms itself loosely in my mind. I know it’s stupid, but I can’t help myself. I know where the Carters live, everyone in town does. Their house is this enormous fucking mansion right in the heart of downtown. It’s a stupid and ostentatious display of their wealth, and it’s not far from here.
I don’t let myself think about what I’m doing. I stop off at home, bring Noah inside, and give him to Alice. I’m happy she’s home early from the flower shop.
“What’s going on?” she asks me, noting the look on my face.
“I’ll be back.”
She frowns. “Lucas? What’s wrong?”
“Just watch him,” I say. “I’ll be back.”
The anger inside of me won’t let me turn away. I’m a goddamn slave to it, and I know it. I can’t deny the facts in front of me. I’m going to do something fucking stupid, all because I hate these bastards and feel a righteous rage I can barely describe. I leave my house and my son, and I know Alice is scared for me, but I don’t care. I get back into my truck and I drive.
About ten minutes later, seething the whole ride, stewing in my anger, I finally arrive at the Carter house. I drive around the block, giving myself a moment to back out, but I don’t. I’m not a fucking coward or the type of man to back down.
I park the truck two blocks away. I reach into my glove compartment and grab my gun, slipping it into my jeans, before climbing out and walking toward the Carter house.
There aren’t many people around on this block. It’s a nice neighborhood, really nice, one of those rich and quiet places that you only ever get to drive through briefly. I can’t even imagine the kind of life the people in these houses lead. They’re like little kings in their mansions looking down at the rest of us, laughing at how pathetic we are, at how we struggle. I hate them, every single on
e of them. I want to tear them from their homes and give their money to people that really deserve it.
The house is surrounded by a stone wall. There’s no barbed wire or anything on top, and it’s pretty damn easy to climb up and over it, landing softly and moving stealthily through the beautifully landscaped outside. I move around, keeping close to the wall. I don’t see any cameras or anything like that, which doesn’t surprise me.
These people feel no fear. Nobody in this town would dare mess with them. They’re the Carters, after all. They employ so many people in this town that they practically own it.
I crouch down near a large bush, looking at their driveway. There are two cars parked there, one is a bright red spots car, and the other is a classic Ford truck, clearly an expensive restored model.
I reach back and clutch the gun tucked into my pants there, but suddenly I stop.
I’m not in a war anymore. And I have a son. If I do something too crazy, I might go to jail and Noah will be left with nothing. I was just thinking about becoming a better man and leaving my violent ways behind me. What am I even doing here, anyway? Do I really think I’m going to kill Caleb Carter?
I release the gun, and some of the anger drains away.
Of course I’m not going to. Fucking hell, I can’t kill someone like this. Maybe he deserves it, but I’m not a murderer or an assassin.
But he is a piece of shit, and he should pay.
I reach into my pocket and slide out my knife. I flip it open, eyeing his car, and grin.
I sneak across the driveway, keeping low, and slash each of the tires. They leak air with a satisfying sound and I laugh to myself.
This is better than killing Caleb. This sends a message. And as far as I can tell, nobody can see me doing it.
I finish slashing his tires and then I get out of there. I don’t linger. I head back the way I came, hop the wall, and stroll back to my truck.
Once inside, I put my gun away and lean back in my seat.