by K. J. Dahlen
“It’s hard to lose your guidance at fourteen, it’s even harder when you never had it. Flynn was a weak man. He could never haul himself up out of the hole he fell into. He let the drugs and the booze overwhelm him, making him think and feel he was invincible when he wasn’t. Or maybe the drugs just allowed him to forget everything that went wrong in his life, who the hell knows or cares anymore. I know I don’t. Flynn was very good at putting the blame for his own actions and deeds onto other people. He never did learn to blame himself for his actions. I had my mother until I was three but I always remembered what she taught me. She knew she wouldn’t live long after Flynn got hooked, he was a mean bastard with no morals, but she gave me enough to get by on. When Flynn lost you, he didn’t have the kind of memories to guide him and he failed, as a father and a human being. He forgot everything you taught him when you were no longer there to tell him again and again, the difference between right and wrong. He drowned in self-pity because he had no one there to push him to do right.”
“Somebody still has to pay,” Donny said.
“Flynn has already paid.” Cassie reminded him. “You paid with twenty years behind bars, separated from the only family either of you had left. Let that be enough.”
“No, it will never be enough.” Donny growled. “Calderone Vincinti must pay for taking his life.” He gripped the gun in his hand and glared at her.
“If you go after Calderone, he will kill you,” Cassie warned him.
“Flynn was the reason I went to prison. I went in knowing I had saved his life. At least I had that, the knowledge that I saved his life. When I got out, I planned a life with him, he was my only blood and now he’s gone. Where I grew up, you paid an eye for an eye and when someone died by violence, someone else died for revenge. That’s just the way it was and still is.”
“Flynn wasted his life, so are you going to do the same?” Cassie asked quietly. “Or is the power of the promise of blood stronger than the right or wrong of things?”
“There is no right or wrong of things here,” Donnie defended. “Calderone got his revenge and so will I.” He raised the gun in his hand and pointed it at her. “You betrayed your own father; I should kill you just for that.”
“He betrayed me first,” Cassie reminded him.
“Yeah and you got your revenge, so how can you stand there and deny me mine?” Donny sneered.
“Then take it now!” She cried out. “Kill me and end the Rearden line forever. Do what your brother tried and failed to do all those years ago. If you pull that trigger, you will die tonight. Deke Tory will kill you. He will hunt you down and end your miserable life. And I doubt you’ll even get close to Calderone Vincinti. He’s way smarter than you’ll ever be and he knows you’re coming for him.”
“Shut up!” Donny yelled. He held the gun to his forehead and tried to think. His fists were wrapped around his temples and reason was warring with reality in his brain. “This doesn’t fit with what Fang told me about the night Flynn was taken. He said you dragged Flynn out of the shadows and screamed at Calderone to kill him.” He began pacing as he muttered to himself.
Cassie took a step toward her uncle. “I never would have known he was even there that night if he hadn’t said anything. He got my attention by calling out to me. He whispered my name and called me over to where he was standing. He ordered me not to tell anyone who he was. I never thought I’d ever see him again, I didn’t know he was still alive at that, nor did I care. The only mistake he made that night was demanding that I not tell who he was. After all the hell that man cost me, I wasn’t going to hide him from the consequences of his actions anymore.”
Her uncle stood still finally as he listened with rage on his face.
“I had no reason to protect the man who was responsible for my pain. All I did was tell the truth. When Calderone found out he had a traitor in his organization, a man who caused his wife’s death and sold his daughter to a kiddy ring, he was furious and rightly so. Flynn destroyed more than just my life. Calderone and Leon both had reason to destroy Flynn. All I did was tell the truth. If you think I deserve to die for that, then that’s on you.” She turned and went back to the bed and sat down. She was tired and her muscles ached. Her babies were busy moving inside her. She prayed the gun in his hand wouldn’t go off but she didn’t count out the possibility either.
Silence reigned in the room.
After a moment, she looked up and saw his eyes. Slowly, he raised the weapon in his hand and she watched as his fingers tightened on the trigger. She waited for the sudden burst of pain she knew was coming. Closing her eyes, she found she couldn’t look into the eyes of the man who would kill her.
The bang of the report of the gun echoed in the stillness of the room.
Cassie felt the sheer heat of the bullet as it ripped through her arm. Gasping in pain, she turned her head and stared at the red streak on her upper arm.
She heard footsteps running for her door and before she could look up, Donny was there gripping her jaw as he raised her to his height. “I won’t kill you yet. I need to know the truth about what happened that night. If what you told me is true we won’t ever need to meet again, but if you lied I’ll be back to finish what I started here tonight. You won’t know when or where the bullet will find you but it’ll come.” He smeared the blood flowing down her arm. He lifted his bloodstained fingers and marked her forehead with her blood. “Remember that.”
“Go to hell!” Cassie growled as she heard pounding on her door. Anxious voices called out her name.
Donny turned to the sliding glass doors and slipped out into the darkness of the night outside.
More footsteps rushed down the hall. These were heavier and Deke’s voice joined those of Paige and Peaches. Moments later, the door was kicked in and Deke, Deacon, Iceman and Gator rushed into the room. They had their weapons drawn and they were ready for anything.
“What the hell happened here?’ Deke demanded. Rushing toward the bed, he noticed the streak of red running down her arm.
Cassie lifted tear filled eyes to him. She couldn’t speak for a moment, then burst into tears.
Deke dropped down beside her and wrapped his arms around her. Pulling her head to his chest, he whispered, “Are you okay? What happened?”
Cassie wrapped her arms around his chest. When her injured arm went around him, she hissed in pain. “I’m okay. It’s just a graze.”
Deke pushed her away and looked at her wound. The blood was already slowing. He glared at the wound and his eyes sought hers. “What happened? Who did this to you?”
“Donny Rearden was here.”
Deacon swore. “Dammit! Donny was here in this house?”
Cassie nodded. “He said he was here to kill me.” She looked at Deke and whispered, “He didn’t believe me about what happened the night Flynn was taken. Hell, he didn’t even know he was my uncle.”
As more of Deke’s men filled the room, he glared over his shoulder. Snarling at them, he ordered, “Do a search of the grounds! Donny Rearden broke into my home.”
The men all scattered and began their search.
Cassie leaned forward and rested her head on Deke’s chest. Her arm hurt and she was getting a headache. Tears ran down her pale cheeks. “I’m so tired of the bullshit with the Rearden men,” she told him quietly in the chaos of what was going on around them. “I’m just so tired of it all.”
Deke tightened his embrace. The desolation in her voice caused him to let out a frustrated sigh.
Cassie closed her eyes and allowed her mind to go blank. She felt more than saw someone at her side checking out her wound. She hissed in pain as it was probed and prodded. Then she heard Peggy speaking to Deke. He lifted her into his arms and carried her to the bathroom. Setting her down on the toilet, she opened her eyes to watch as Peggy wet a washcloth and began cleaning her wound.
Wiping off the blood, they found the injury wasn’t as bad as it looked. It wouldn’t even need stitches. Peggy wrapped a g
auze pad around her upper arm. When she was done, she left them alone.
Deke reached out and lifted her chin. “What happened?”
“Donny came here looking for revenge. He didn’t like what I had to say about his brother.” She shrugged. “I didn’t tell him about Paige either. It was the only way to protect her. Flynn, apparently hadn’t told him about either of us.”
“Did he believe you?”
Cassie shook her head. “He didn’t want to think his brother was anything but a good person. He spent twenty years behind bars thinking and believing he’d saved his brother. He didn’t want to think his brother never was any good. When I told him about what Flynn had done to me, he couldn’t believe it.”
Deke squatted down to her level. “Go on.”
Cassie shook her head. Fresh tears ran down her face. “When I told him Flynn sold his daughter for his next fix, he didn’t believe me. He said Flynn would never do drugs. He came here looking for Cassie Ryan, but he didn’t know I was his brother’s kid. He said what I told him didn’t jive with what he’d heard happened that night. He said he was going to check things out and that if what I said was the truth, he’d never come back but if I lied, I’d never see the bullet coming.”
Deke gathered her to him. “I’ll hunt him down and take him out. He won’t get close to you anymore.”
Cassie inhaled his scent and was calmed by his closeness. Then she pushed away from his embrace. Looking straight into his eyes she whispered, “I hope for his sake he finds the truth. Flynn was no good and he created havoc everywhere he went. Donny needs to know what his brother turned out to be without him around and what he did. He said what I told him didn’t jive with what Fang told him.”
Deke growled. “Fang wasn’t close enough to what happened to know what was going on. He was outside the warehouse that night. He might have seen what happened but he didn’t hear firsthand what was said.” He got to his feet and assisted her to hers. “Come on you need to rest.”
Cassie walked slowly back to her bed.
Peaches, Iceman and Paige were waiting for them. As she crawled into bed and Deke covered her with the blankets, Peaches came over to the side of her bed and asked, “Are you okay?”
Cassie glanced up at her friend and noticed the tears in her eyes. Reaching out to her, she smiled. “I’m fine. This…” She motioned to her arm. “…was a warning. Donny didn’t like what I said about Flynn. Apparently, someone told him I betrayed Flynn but not the reason why. I don’t know if he believed what I told him about his brother or not.” She peeked around to find Iceman’s eyes watching her. “Your man Fang told him about what he’d seen the night Flynn was discovered. I don’t think Donny was happy with the truth.”
“Did you tell him about me?” Peaches wanted to know. “Is he coming after me next?”
Cassie reached up and pulled Peaches toward her. “I would never put you in harm’s way. I claimed Flynn as my father but I never told him about Paige either. I told Donny about what Flynn did but I didn’t tell him your name.”
Peaches burst into tears. “I’m sorry, I’m just so scared. I know you would never betray me.” Wiping her eyes, “I’m just not used to all of this yet. All our lives it was just the two of us, now I have a father and a grandfather and…” Turning her head, she smiled at Iceman before she turned back to Cassie. “Now, I have Iceman too. Not to mention I have a baby growing inside me.” She placed her hand on her stomach. “I know it’s selfish but I don’t want to lose what I have right now. I have my family back and I want to keep it.”
Cassie smiled and held her hand. “It isn’t selfish to want all of that. It’s what we both wanted all our lives. I would never take that away from you. Nor would I allow anyone else to take it away either.”
Peaches leaned forward until her forehead pressed on Cassie’s. “Thank you,” she whispered. “Thank you for taking care of me all my life. I never would have survived on my own.”
“We survived together and we always will,” Cassie whispered back. “It’s still you and me against the world.”
Peaches giggled softly. “No it’s you, me, Iceman, Deke, Calderone and Leon, not to mention your babies and mine against the world. And that’s not counting Paige, Max, Peggy, Deacon and the rest of both MC’s and all of the guys at Redemption House.”
Cassie threw back her head and laughed out loud. “I guess our world has expanded.”
“Yes, it has.” Peaches beamed. “Ain’t it great? We have a family again!”
Cassie smiled but didn’t say anything. She turned her head to watch Deke.
He was staring at her and frowning slightly.
Again, she felt him pulling away from her but she didn’t know how to stop the feeling she was losing him. Her babies kicked inside her and she rubbed her big belly.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Later that night after everything had settled down, Cassie was feeling lonely. Everyone else had gone home and her house was silent again. She laid there in the dark alone. She didn’t know where Deke was only that he wasn’t beside her in their bed. He hadn’t been for several days.
She rubbed her big belly and tried to hold back her tears. She didn’t know when Deke became so important to her but he had. Now, it seemed like she was losing him and she couldn’t bear it. All her life she had been alone then for a brief few months, she had something with him that made her feel alive. At least he had given her one thing, he’d given her the babies. She knew she would never really be alone again, even if her life had changed.
Demon jumped up on the bed and laid his huge body next to hers. Her fingers buried deep in his long hair. “Oh Demon, what am I gonna do without him?” she whispered. “I love him so much.”
The shadows moved and Deke knelt beside the bed. Taking her hand in his he whispered, “He loves you too, you know. I’m not going anywhere.”
Cassie turned tear filled eyes toward him. “I thought you didn’t want me anymore. I thought I was losing you.”
Deke smiled. “Not gonna happen, lady. At least not in this lifetime.”
“I’m sorry. I’ve just felt like you were pulling away. I’ve lived my whole life alone and I guess I never expected a happy ever after.”
Deke chuckled. “I can’t be near you without wanting to make love to you and we can’t do that at the moment.”
Cassie grinned. “We may not be able to make love but there are other ways to satisfy certain urges.”
Deke raised his eyebrow. “Doc said no excitement for the next two weeks.”
“Yeah, well look how far that went?” Cassie snorted. “I feel fine, the babies are fine.” She hesitated then whispered, “I need you so much, now and forever. I think I’ve been waiting for you my whole life and now, I don’t want to live without you in it.”
Deke couldn’t help himself. He crawled into bed and held her for a moment then his lips found hers.
Cassie felt him harden against her belly and she groaned. She couldn’t help herself, she wanted what only he could give her. She ripped open his shirt and pressed kisses down his neck and on his wide chest. She suckled his hard nipples and she could feel his heart beating in his chest. The rhythm was increasing and she kissed down his belly and nuzzled his jeans where his cock was, hard and throbbing.
Her fingers fumbled with his belt and she pushed his clothing aside. Her hand slipped under his boxers and reached for his hardness. Pushing the cloth barrier of his boxers down, her lips closed around him. As she tasted his pre cum she felt him grow harder inside her mouth.
Groaning, she swallowed and heard him moan. She felt his hands at the back of her head and he lifted his hips to her mouth. His cock hit the back of her throat. She could smell his musky scent and she wanted more. She wanted him to give her everything he had. Her fingers wrapped around his cock and she began an age long rhythm. She moved her hips in time to his and before long, she felt him explode in her mouth. Swallowing his load, she felt herself rubbing her body on his. His knee found her
sweet spot and she let go, awash in desire.
Deke hauled her body up and his lips pressed to hers. His tongue pushed into her mouth and dueled with hers. Desire renewed in both of them and Deke had to break away. “We can’t, as much as we both want it, we can’t.”
Cassie groaned and hid her face in his neck. “I know.”
Deke pulled her close to him and held her tight until his heart slowed down and he felt the calm engulf him. “Please don’t think I don’t love you or that I’m pulling away from you. From the moment I saw you at the club, I wanted you and over time that want became so much more.”
Cassie bit her lower lip. “But I’m badly damaged, Deke and what you think you know of me isn’t all the bad there is.”
“Honey, we’ve all done things growing up that we wish we’d done differently. You didn’t have a choice in what happened to you, you never did. But you did what you had to do to survive.” He brushed the hair away from her eyes. “You aren’t damaged, maybe a little scuffed up, but not really damaged.”
Cassie closed her eyes for a moment. “How can you say that?” she whispered. “You’ve seen my scars…you know what Robbie did to me and what he would have done if he’d been able to.”
“Yeah, I see your scars but inside your heart, you aren’t bitter about what life has done to you. You cared enough about other people to make your dreams of a safe home like Redemption House a reality. You kept Peaches alive when you could have left her on her own. Damaged people are people like Janelle Walden, people who don’t care what they do, or what harm they cause others. That’s not you. You are stronger than anyone I know, strong enough to overcome whatever happened in your past.”
Cassie felt a tightening in her throat. “I’m not so sure I’ve overcome all my past. I deal by pushing it out of my mind. Sometimes, I worry about my past coming back to haunt me. There’s so much more in my past that nobody knows yet, things I’ve done I don’t talk about, not with anyone. Things even Peaches doesn’t know about.”
“That’s okay.” Deke hugged her closer. “You aren’t alone anymore and your past can’t hurt you if you don’t let it. Turn those bad memories into something good.”