“Because he wasn’t important, Chino. He was just a guy at the same college, who I had some classes with. We became friends. That’s it, nothing more!”
“So, you and this fool have classes together and shit. And now that I’m locked down, you two stepping out together and shit.”
“Chino, we ain’t stepping out. I just needed to get out of the house, and he was somebody to talk to.”
“You can get out of the house with Tomiko! And what the fuck you mean, he was somebody to talk to? You know this nigga like that? You trust him? You confide in him? You two are that muthafucking close?”
Pam exhaled and lowered her head into her hand. She was growing more frustrated and flustered by the moment. “Chino, will you listen to me?”
“I’m listening! I’m listening to you tell me how you have a nigga at school that you can talk to and confide in and shit.”
“Chino, all I talk about is you! How I miss you, how I want you to come home, how I love you. That’s all I talk about!”
“You can tell that to me. How you gonna go out on a date with another nigga? Damn, Pooh, at least let my side of the bed get cold! That’s fucked up!”
“I ain’t fucking him!”
“That’s what you telling me. Obviously, the nigga means something to you. Who is this mark-ass nigga?”
“I told you. His name is Erik.”
“Who the fuck is Erik? Where this nigga from?”
“He’s from NewYork.”
“New York? You fucking with a New York nigga?”
“I ain’t fucking with him.”
“You know we got major beef with them niggas, and you fucking with one of them? Have you lost your muthafucking mind!”
“For the last time, I ain’t fucking with him! He’s just a friend. He understands what I’m going through.”
“What the fuck you mean he understands what you’re going through? How the fuck he understand what you’re going through?”
“’Cause he knows about this type of stuff.”
“About what type of stuff?”
“About jail, and catching case, and stuff like that.”
“What, is the nigga in law school or something?”
Pam shook her head. “No, he be hustling.”
“He’s a dope boy? A fucking New York dope boy! Bitch, you’re fucking insane! You fucking a New York dope boy behind my back. You sleeping with the fucking enemy? I can’t believe this shit!”
“I’m not sleeping with anybody, Chino!”
“I thought I could trust you, Pooh! I thought that you were different! But you turned out to be just like all the rest! You a skank just like all these other hoes running around here!”
“Chino, don’t say that!” Pam said, crying.
“You a ho! A funky-ass slut!”
“Chino, you don’t mean that!”
“The fuck I don’t!”
“I haven’t done anything. I would never cheat on you! I love you too much to do anything.”
“And to think that I was going to marry you?” Chino said, shaking his head. “I would have been setting myself up. You probably would have helped them niggas jack me.”
Pam was crying and shaking her head. “Chino, don’t say that! I would never hurt you or allow anyone else to hurt you! I love you!”
“Get the fuck outta my face!”
“Chino!”
“I don’t want to ever see you again, Pooh! I hate you! You’re a fucking slut, a ho, and a skank-ass bitch! Don’t ever come in my face again!”
Pam rose from the seat inside the booth and ran out of the visitation room in tears. She was beyond hurt. She loved Chino with all her heart. All she had wanted to do was get out of the house for a little while, and now that decision would cost her the love of her life. It was too much for her to bear. If God took her Chino away, then he might as well have ended her life right then and there. She couldn’t live without him.
Chapter 37
Betrayal
Pam burst into tears once again. She was in her and Chino’s condo, sitting at the kitchen table. It was the dead of winter, and she had already been home from Christmas in Detroit for a couple of weeks now. Her family had begged her to move back home, but Pam refused.
She couldn’t count the number of times that she had burst into tears, replaying her and Chino’s last conversation. He hated her, all because of a stupid yet innocent little trip to the movies. And now here she was, desperately in need of someone to talk to, someone who would understand, and she couldn’t talk to anyone. She damn sure couldn’t talk to Erik. The last thing she needed was for someone to spot her talking to him again. Chino would probably break out of jail and kill her. So now she was stuck having to carry this burden alone. In fact, it was an even bigger burden now, because her man hated her. She was lost and felt like a rowboat adrift in an enormous sea.
“Pam, what exactly did he say to you?” Young Mike asked.
“I told you!” Pam snapped, through her sniffling. “He hates me now!”
Young Mike closed his GED book. “Look, you just have to look past all of that bullshit that my man was talking. You got to understand what he’s going through. He’s in there alone, missing you, without any of his family or partners; he’s fighting a case and just trying to survive. You got to be strong, and you can’t give up.”
“He doesn’t ever want to see me again!” Pam said.
“He didn’t mean that.” Pam looked at him with hope in her eyes. “Look, there’s a lot of history between us and them New York cats. There’s a long beef since back in the day. You gotta understand that. You not from here. You stepping out with a New York cat is like a Phillies cat wearing a Pirates jersey. Or a like the Celtics and the Lakers kicking it together. It’s straight up bullshit. Granted, you didn’t know that, but still.”
“I wasn’t stepping out,” Pam said. “I just needed someone to talk to.”
“Hey, no offense taken,” Young Mike said sarcastically and shrugged his shoulders. “I do live here with you. I ain’t been to college and I know I’m not the sharpest pencil in the box, but damn, ma!”
Pam laughed. “No, it’s not that. You got to understand, you’re never here. Especially when I need you. Erik is a friend from school. I ran into him at a vulnerable moment and broke down. It wasn’t about me and Erik, it never was. It was always about my Chino, and me missing him.”
“That may be so, but you got to look at it from my man’s point of view. He’s locked up, and all of a sudden this new cat appears out of nowhere. And you stepping out with the dude and telling my man that he’s a friend from school, someone you never brought up before, and on top of that, you tell my man that he’s in the game? Damn, that was twisted, ma!”
“I didn’t mean it like that! Erik is just a friend!”
“That’s how it always starts and that’s what they all say. He’s just a friend. And when you in jail, all you have is time to think and your mind be thinking some crazy shit. He’s wondering every second what the fuck you doing and who you’re doing it with.”
“I’m not doing anything!”
“You know that, and I know that, but he doesn’t know that!”
“He should! Chino should know by now that I would never cheat on him!”
“He knows, but prison is a fucked-up place. He’s seeing these other niggas’ women breaking left, and he’s hearing these stories about how they are stepping out, and that’s fucking with his head. His mind is playing tricks on him right now. The last thing he needs is to hear about another nigga.”
Pam shook her head. She understood Young Mike’s point. “I wasn’t trying to hurt him.”
“That’s usually when it happens. The road to hell is paved with good intentions, ma.”
Pam smiled. “You sure you’re not the sharpest pencil in the box?”
Young Mike held up his GED book.
“That tells me that you’re pretty damn smart,” Pam told him.
“Why do you
say that?”
“Because you’re sitting here studying for your GED and trying to better yourself. A lot of guys your age wouldn’t be thinking about getting their education. They’d be in the streets right now. I’m proud of you.”
“Thanks, ma. And just so you know, I got your back. I’ll let my man know what kind of woman he’s got in his corner when he gets out.”
“I wish you could let him know right now. I miss him so much.”
“I’ll write that fool a letter or something.”
“Thank you!” Pam told him. She stood and hugged Young Mike tightly.
“Don’t give up on him.”
“I won’t.”
“Don’t let that fool push you away. Right now he doesn’t know whether to shit or go shopping. He’s fighting his case, he’s worried about you, and he’s got a lot of other shit on his mind. By pushing you away, he’s trying to get rid of one of his worries, but don’t let him do it.”
Pam stared off into space and nodded. “You’re right. I’m going to fight for what we have.”
“You two big heads belong together. Trust me. I knew my man since way before you came, and I see how my man is after you came. He’s better because of you.”
Pam kissed Young Mike on his cheek. “Thank you for saying that.”
“Just telling the truth,” Young Mike told her. He opened up his GED book again.
“What are you studying?” Pam asked.
“Just the basics. I got two more tests and I’m done.”
“That’s great! I am really proud of you. I can’t believe that you actually did this.”
“I had to do something. I didn’t want to be in the streets my whole life. With my GED and the money I make hustling and boosting and fencing, I think that I might go to college.”
“Are you serious?” Pam asked excitedly.
Young Mike nodded. “Maybe junior college at first, and then maybe transfer to a big college.”
“That’s great,” Pam told him. “What do you want to major in?”
Young Mike leaned back and his eyes darted around the apartment.
“There’s no one here but us,” Pam said.
“I know. But promise me something.”
“What?”
“Promise me that you won’t tell anybody that I want to go to college. And promise me that you won’t tell anybody what I want to major in.”
Pam held up her right hand. “You have my word.”
“I want to major in nursing.”
“Nursing?”
“Kinda crazy for a dude to want to be a nurse, right?”
Pam shook her head. “No. But what made you decide on nursing?”
“My aunt is a nurse. She used to tell me how bad the hospitals need male nurses. And my counselor at GED class tells me that nurses are in demand and that they make a grip. He also said that I could go back to school and become a physician’s assistant. He said that it was something like being a doctor.”
“It is. Why not just go ahead and become a doctor?”
Young Mike nodded and winked at her. “One step at a time, right.”
Pam smiled. She knew what he meant. He really wanted to be a doctor but was afraid to come out and say it. He told people something much lower than what he was shooting for, to keep people from laughing and telling him that he couldn’t do it. His dreams would be their secret.
“One step at a time, Mike.” Pam nodded. “But remember, you can do anything you put your mind to. And I just want to say this. You say that you’re not the sharpest pencil in the box, but you’re a pretty damn sharp one. I love you, baby boy.”
Chapter 38
Keeping Secrets
Pam hesitated to see Chino. Walking away was definitely not an option. She had come to love her gangster husband. He was her Clyde, and she was his Bonnie. There was no more Chino without Pam, and no more Pam without Chino. She had to go to that place and make him see that. She had to make him understand. They could no more go their own separate ways than a right leg could walk away from the left one. They were one now. One body, one soul, one spirit. Their hearts shared the same rhythm. She could feel his pain, and she knew when he needed her. He needed her now. Especially now, more than ever. She would go to him.
“What are you doing here?” Chino snapped.
“I’m not going anywhere, Christonos,” Pam replied. “You can say what you want to say, you can curse me out, but I’m not going anywhere. I love you, and I would never do anything to hurt you. And I’m going to fight to the death for what we have.”
Chino exhaled and looked down.
“I know that you’re going through hell in here,” Pam continued. “I can’t say that I know exactly what it’s like, but I know that it’s rough on you. I know that you have a lot on your plate, and this is where I come in. A real woman doesn’t walk away and leave when the chips are down. A real woman stands by her man, and she fights with him. I don’t know what kind of woman these other niggas in there have, but I’m not them. We’re not them. Nobody knows what we’ve been through, and we can’t put ourselves in somebody else’s shoes, and nobody can walk in our shoes. This is our relationship, Chino. Only we can decide what’s best for us. Only we know us. Nobody can tell me anything about my man, and nobody can tell you anything about your woman. You know me, and I know you. Let’s fight through this thing.”
Chino nodded. “Who is this nigga that you was with?”
“Chino, I told you. He’s just a guy that I had classes with at school. I just wanted to get out of the house. I talk about you twenty-four seven, Chino. That’s all anyone around me hears about. How much I love you.”
“You got feelings for this nigga, Pooh?”
Pam shook her head. “No, not like that! Not at all. He’s a guy from school, Chino, that’s it. I love you. No one can take your place!”
“Tell me the truth, Pooh, have you did anything with this dude?”
Pam held up her right hand. “I swear to you, Chino. I have never done anything with Erik. I have never even thought of doing anything with Erik. You are my heart, Christonos. I could no more betray you than I could cut out my own heart.”
Chino shook his head. “Man, are you still going to be going out with this nigga?”
Pam shook her head. “No. I realize now that it looked bad and I don’t want to put you through anything more than what you’re already dealing with.”
“And you’re going to see this cat on campus?”
“Chino, I’ll switch my schedule around if that’s what it takes. I’ll drop the class that we have together. Whatever it takes to make you believe me. I’ll do whatever it takes to make you happy, baby.”
Chino nodded. “I didn’t mean those things that I said to you, Pooh.”
She raised her hand, silencing him. “I know, Chino. I don’t want to talk about that. I know that you were just hurt and lashing out. Let’s just move on from here, baby.”
Chino nodded.
“Have you talked to the lawyer?” Pam asked.
Again he nodded. “I talked to that fool yesterday. I’m thinking about firing his ass. He only come down here when it’s time to ask for some more money.”
“You want me to look in the phone book for another lawyer?”
“Yeah. This big-time cat in here got this big-time Jew lawyer. He’s supposed to be the best in Ohio. I got to get his name again. I’ll call you when I get it, and I want you to call him and see what he’ll charge to fight my case.”
“I’ll take care of that,” Pam reassured him.
“This cat I got now is telling me that we are going to have a motion to suppress hearing. He says that’s where the state has to present all of their evidence to the judge, who is going to rule on what evidence they can bring to trial. He says that we might be able to get the money suppressed, because the park rangers didn’t have a search warrant and so they shouldn’t have searched my car. He said that the state is going to say that they could, because of the shootout,
and because they found the drugs on Malik. But that’s bullshit, because old boy that searched my car wasn’t nowhere near those other cats when they finally searched Malik. Those were two different searches and two different groups of police cats.”
“So, you think you are going to beat it?”
“Well, not the pistol case. It was self-defense on the shooting, so they aren’t charging me for assault with a deadly weapon. My lawyer was thinking that they were at first, just to try to throw a bunch of shit at me, so I can get scared and plead out. But right now he thinks that the only thing that they have is an unlawful carrying case.”
“But the gun was legal, wasn’t it?” Pam asked.
“The gun wasn’t stolen or anything, so that part is straight. It’s just that I didn’t have a license to carry a weapon. And if I say that I was transporting it, then they are going to testify that I didn’t go into my trunk to get anything out. You can transport a weapon, but the gun has to be inaccessible to the clip. One has to be in the glove box, and the other in the trunk, or something like that. They gon’ say that there is no way I had time to pull a clip out of the glove compartment and then the gun out of the trunk, while being shot at.”
“There’s got to be something the lawyer can do.”
“We’re fighting it, Pooh. I’m in the law library every day, trying to fight this shit. I might have to plead out to the unlawful carrying and roll with that.”
“What does that mean? You have to go to prison?”
“Just for a short time. Maybe go and get a number and do a turnaround. That shit is like a five-year bid at the most, so I can’t see me doing nothing but going through diagnostics and getting a number.”
“No!” Pam said, shaking her head. “No, Chino! You can’t go to prison! I can’t do this without you. I need you out here with me. You find a way to beat it. You find something!”
“Baby, I’m looking! Trust me, I don’t want to go. I’m just keeping it real with you. Would you rather me lie to you?”
Pam shook her head. “No.”
“You just keep strong on your end, and keep it tight. You can wait for me, can’t you?”
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