by Amari, Nina
She watched his expression shift to indecision as he rubbed the nape of his neck muttering, Lucky break for February.
The two of them strolled into the gardens, as an elaborate pattern of carefully cropped shrubs jammed their focus. Danielle halted and studied the ornate precision with narrowed eyes. "It's like a work of art isn't it?" she said, swaying her hand in midair over the course silvery evergreen, "This is amazing."
The garden was formal and symmetrical with ornate carpets of floral designs and walls of hedges decorated with statues and fountains. It was vastly grandeur. Symbolic of the Impressionist paintings anchoring the walls of Roman's SoHo apartment.
Every hedge sheared to perfection. Tree-lined cobblestone and arching arbors crawling with spiny vines angling ornate precision. Pops of violet and pale yellow dotted a sea of green. Bright blue skies burst gleams of golden sunshine on the nearby pond-- On every wave cresting foamy bubbles, and every feathered fowl swimming, dipping and shuddering a string of ripples across the watery calm.
Sprawling acres held the main gardens. But, this quaint garden off the beaten path wasn't a big place. It still housed a couple weathered deck chairs stained with last season's coat of optic white recently shellacked, while few blossoms drew themselves out of season.
Danielle sandwiched his huge grassy footprints with her Barbie-sized heels, as she bounced from one immaculate scene to another shadowing his angora wool that peeked beneath his leather cuff.
Suddenly, she stopped short of the deck chairs. Roman turned around when he hadn't felt her shadow trailing his, or the scent of lavender whisking his shoulders.
He flung his jacket over his arm, bursts of sun sizzled the creases in the leather like melting licorice, as he straddled toward her. She automatically glanced around to see if anyone was within earshot. "I can feel nature tugging my soul," she sighed, as she shrugged her motorcycle jacket off her shoulders.
Her heart was in her throat and she could feel her pulse booming in her ears as she slipped one hand into his, tightening to hers. Doing his best not to take hold of her with a passion of shooting stars, he mulled over his thoughts and towered intensely into her eyes that sparkled more like emerald outside.
The intoxicating scent of lavender and sandalwood surrounded her, and the heat radiating off his masterful body caressed her like a sultry breeze. It took every ounce of self-discipline to restrain. But that moment of weakness wouldn't last long.
She pulled him toward the deck chairs as he stumbled over her anklet heel, landing on top of her. The overnight bags slid off his arms, as their jackets pillowed the fall onto slatted wood. Instantly, Danielle soaked up his manliness and pulled him closer, as his chest muscles pressed into her. And then the next second, she was smiling a star-crossed lovers smile.
"T...There's something I want to tell you," she stammered, as he levered over her. She pulled his arms around her, and settled deeper into his warmth as she brushed her cheek across his lips. A soft sigh overcame her akin to the blush that swathed her complexion light crimson. And, at that moment, she knew there was clearly no turning back.
Either she was crazy in love or crazy for believing he felt the same way about her.
She looked straight at him, with eyes smoldering a dark intensity as she pressed the words against his mouth, "I love you Roman." His skin was velvety everywhere she brushed it. And then she paused, waiting for him to lift his eyes from her perky bosom surfing her glinted hem-- waiting... watching his expression.
"Danielle, I--" She pressed a finger over his lips.
Danielle looked up into his eyes as she slipped her arms around his. She pressed her lips to the curve of his neck and shoulder-- his wool threads began to tickle her nose amidst the airy breeze. In between kisses she said softly, "I'm in love with you," as she pressed another kiss to his neck, drawing her mouth upwards.
Roman's eyes were wide open, as she slowly pressed her mouth against his, suckling every moment that was cut short before. His eyes could've melted an iceberg, judging by the way her lip quivered the moment she'd kissed him. This time she was going to savor each and every delicious moment-- in slow motion.
A groan wafted through her, long and theatrical, arousing the breath within her.
Then, she pressed a slow kiss to his forehead, a moment before he turned his profile. Her arms slowly released his, as he looked back impassively. Danielle relaxed on the deck chair sensually poised in a shaft of sunlight that sparked the gold metallic threads of her stretchy strapless bustier and set her gold earrings sizzling.
She couldn't keep from shaking, waiting for him to take her in his arms-- or maybe it was just the gentle breeze of the season, raging an all out war with her thoughts.
Still, she waited for him to say it. Love was the one word she'd waited to hear cross his lips and warm her skin aside from the sun blaring its dome of unseasonable warmth. She'd hadn't braced herself for the worse, not when she'd found so much pleasure with a man that had yet to play by her rules.
At that point, he'd obviously had no choice but to yield to that tantalizing tingle quivering his flesh. Finally caressing all that velvety bronze skin hidden under her golden knit. Yet, she was starting to sense-- something wasn't quite right about the situation.
And at that precise moment, silence fell upon the gardens. Except for the bird scavenging for its young-- echoing patchy whistles of song perched atop rows of heady oaks. While a wistful fountain spurted radial fizz several yards away, nothing could prepare her for what he would say seconds later.
Roman pulled back and eased out from her, "When did you decide to love me so much?" His offhand manner didn't preclude her earlier qualms.
Surprised at his question, she glanced up, and was caught by his eyes again. The strong brown, warm and rather intense, now glinted hazel.
The breeze felt like a cool brush of winter against her shoulder, sweeping across her back with an idle chill, and a patchy slap of wind. And suddenly, that was when the chill had grown air apparent.
He raised himself on his elbow, and looked down into the face of a woman he'd become attracted to. Her bronze was all aglow; lush lashes and sparkling emerald electrified his soul.
But fickle, temperamental differences made him submit his heart to suffer.
He'd started the question lightly, as if he was teasing, but by the end of it he wasn't kidding at all. As she gazed into his eyes with an intense focus, she was stunned to see that his expression was fairly serious, rather than playful like he always seemed to be when they met a few days ago.
Danielle had been honest. Rather than coax an admission of his feelings for her, considering he was bound by-- god knows what kind of secret peril. In her eyes she'd only known his actions were a confession of his soul that was simply saying, he hadn't felt the same way about her.
Despite how deep their feelings ran, he could deny the warmth that inched up his spine. He'd rather fight this feeling rather than having to face her.
Roman was a realist like Danielle was, but his admission came at a time when he feared she wouldn't be able to accept it.
Instead of acknowledging his prompting, she gave him a playful shrug. Roman was pierced with the knowledge of how far their relationship drifted. He didn't want commitment. He only wanted love when he was ready to give and receive it.
She'd caught him totally off guard, especially when they'd have to work closer than ever. At the climax to everything, she springs this on him.
Optic white slatted a glossy backdrop against her long dark hair when she said, "I know I sprung all this on you when we're supposed to be--" Danielle pulled forward, gliding him toward the edge of the slotted wood.
He looked down at the manicured lawn, "The truth is--" She shifted uncomfortably on the chair when she interrupted him. "You don't have to say a word. Your face says it all." Suddenly, what had felt so good and warm fell faster than heat melting the ice that had become his heart.
The way he'd just blown her off let loose a heated spark. Roman
's eyes narrowed, a muscle jumping in his jaw at her comment.
She seemed cool and composed, despite the fact that he'd practically kicked her to the curb. That was of course, until she knew what was really happening.
For a moment, she couldn't form a balanced thought. She couldn't have been more stunned if he'd flat out said, "I never loved you."
Danielle closed her eyes for a brief moment, and then forced them open. The crushing words were mind-blowing. She was too stunned to speak and much too careful to be vulnerable when it comes to loving again.
She shook her head in a vain attempt to understand. She was barely aware that he hadn't come to the point of loving her the way she needed and wanted to be loved.
"We could've had something real. But you just let it all plunge before it could sizzle." She ranted. "Y'know to be honest; this was all kind of surreal. You awakened... you aroused something in me I'd thought I'd lost." She paused, frowning. "But I'd been a fool to love you. A damn fool."
He drew a small breath, reminding himself that he had to protect himself and her from the truth she would later come to understand.
"It figures. This was all too good to be true," she sniffled softly, "Me... meet a fantastically gorgeous honest guy. Could I ever be that lucky?" she sighed, as she swooped her hair to a phantom ponytail. Danielle muttered to herself, not intending for Roman to hear.
Speaking as gently as his lips could utter, he said, "I'd hoped you'd understand me Danielle." Roman held out a hand to her. But at that moment, all she did was look straight through his gesture.
The whole afternoon had turned on the memories of when they'd first met... The memories of her having felt that he was just not the man she'd thought he was.
But something wasn't right. She didn't feel contentment. She didn't feel tranquility anymore. Even in the midst of such beautiful landscape... The strangest feeling enfolded her. Tension had welled up inside her, smoldering a volcano. Steam was sizzling until it sparked and let loose a tongue fused with a blazing inferno...
Chapter Twelve
"What's there to understand Roman-- that you're an ass-- At least I don't flirt like some conniving jerk." Impassivity swathed his expression as he reeled back, blinking.
Suddenly, she couldn't suck it in anymore. Before she'd realized what was happening, she had tightened her fisted knuckles until the pale contrasted against the rest of her tan. She was staring in rage. Her eyes might as well have blazed midnight from where he sat. The sun was blaring down on her hair, but she didn't even notice as the heat quickened her reaction.
She'd hardly noticed the weather parting its warmth toward late afternoon. But, the volcano spiking her overheated skin was just about ripe to the point of rupture-- to the point of severing her nerves on edge. If nothing else, it was a good thing she'd sported strapless.
Danielle fisted his shoulder like a madwoman. Suddenly, in the heat of the moment, she couldn't recall the kind and gentle heart she'd known over three days ago--only the clandestine guy--hiding whatever trove of secrets he'd refused to bring to light.
She didn't stop until a tremor rippled through her elbow. When she came to a standstill, she panted, realizing she'd lost control. But even after it all, all she did was stop and pause, as she looked straight at him. All the while, in the back of her mind, she knew lashing out at him wasn't her nature. It wasn't right. Clearly, her emotions ruled the situation.
His arm shuddered as he stroked his limbering muscle, still thumping from her anger. And then he managed to stammer, "I...I can understand you're angr--"
Roman started another imprudent response, just when she'd cut him off before he could finish.
"Jackasses must run rampant." Her lips shaped into a sassy poutiness flaunting a kind of livid beauty. Danielle looked straight at Roman, trying to catch a breath as she leaned forward on the deck chair and dug her heels into the ground, piercing the taut grass underfoot.
Knowing she wouldn't feel any better sticking around in the same light that bathed him in a bronze glow. She wouldn't be satisfied until she gave him a piece of her mind.
Scooting her tush slightly off the deck chair, scanty splinters pricked the flesh riding her ripped denim, as she met his languid and impassive expression. At that instant, her fingers curled the rim of the shellacking, as she glided herself off the slippery gloss.
But then all of a sudden she'd found her grasp slipping as she scrambled with vigor to maintain her balance, tugging for the closest thing to prop herself up which was sitting right next to her-- in the form of Roman's arm.
Danielle had no choice but to catch hold of his muscle to stand up, but instead she'd found herself slipping again. One finger stuck between the slats as she'd landed straight between his legs.
Danielle was panting, feeling outside of herself. Her vibrations thumped hard and pounded his muscle everywhere she'd clung to it. Although, Roman appeared as if he didn't even notice. He was calm considering the out of control woman was in no better place than he could've imagined her being at this very moment. If only her inner wiles had been wild for him instead of out of control... If only their feelings had been mutual.
Suddenly, her eyes drifted toward a flock of birds riding the sudden squall of wind, as she eased out of him, pursing her lip. With a little vigor, Danielle pulled her nimble finger out of the slat, but in the next second, she'd careened off balance. This time she'd landed her hand between his groin, as she fell into the heaviness of his chest looking straight up into his eyes.
Even if she was scowling at him, what she didn't know was his eyes were steadily focused on the way the sun haloed an almost cosmic glow around her.
"You're right. I mean-- about me," he said. "I shouldn't have--"
His words were cut, the instant she pulled away and stood up, having regained her breath. She opened her mouth in the next beat, "Don't screw with me Roman. I've had just about enough of your games. I guarded my heart for like-- forever-- and the moment some guy piqued my interest, the moment I opened my heart to love-- it's been nothing but heartbreak... You... Jack... "
He stared back, totally mummified. "Who's Jack?"
"Just another jackass. How appropriate—‘Jack’ ass-- I was engaged to."
Roman looked up and gave Danielle a slanting glance. "Engaged? You never told me." His eyes darted toward the horizon before dropping his head.
"And..." she countered, "That's been at least a couple years ago."
Still chinned toward the lawn, he started, but then he'd paused for a moment. "Well..." he said. Then he gazed up seconds later before saying, "Here you are accusing me of not being honest. But what'd you call that?"
"That's different." Danielle explained to Roman, "We've only known each other for like three days for god's sake. It's totally different. I would've gotten around to telling you. We weren't there yet-- romantically I mean, to drop all the deep stuff."
Circling the deck chair, Danielle mused, "It seemed like ages ago. I thought I knew what love was. Just like I thought I knew now. Boy, was I wrong." She straightened and drew a long sigh. "I've been such a fool to make the same mistake twice."
He could feel it in his bones. He could tell she was a woman who withheld painful chapters over time and her true meaning of a woman wasn't everything she stood so strongly for.
Sounding instantly riled, her voice grew an octave. "Maybe I was settling okay. I am pushing thir-- all right, I'm thirty," she admitted. "I guess I thought that not too many chances like that come along...for marriage I mean. I had feelings for that jackass, but apparently he didn't for me."
She came back with a quick retort, barely missing a beat.
That lying cheating bastard!
Danielle hesitated, as she flung a hand to her hips, looking straight at Roman with slightly glassy eyes. She felt a sob overcome her, as she said, "When I think about it now, I wasn't really in love with him. I was in love with the ideal of marriage -- of a husband to call my own -- a family -- and never being alone ag
ain."
Her words added a tone of weariness when she felt her muscles stiffening.
"But who knows now if that'll ever happen." His eyes were slightly glassy when she bolstered, "Men. Need I say more?"
For a man who prided himself on non-committal gestures and love that he'd turned on and off like a faucet, he was overcome with quaked nerves. The heaviness he felt was suddenly pulverizing his insides.
Fishing the pocket of her jeans, she snapped the hotel key to her palm. "Don't interrupt me with another one of your excuses." His languid gaze was intensely focused as she bolstered, "I've just got to let it out."
Danielle hadn't expected to feel the brazen audacity to piranha his guts right then and there. She was hurt. She'd never felt more alone, given she was an entire continent away from home, but she did. And still, the man that pushed her away couldn't simply erase all of the memories.
Tossing back her hair, she waved the key with a healthy vigor, "You just don't understand women and biological clocks. We don't have time to waste. Especially when you're in your thirties. We've got to account for the time," she explained. "Finding and meeting the man... Falling in love..." And god only knows how long that would take. She mumbled.
"Then, of course, the guy has to fall head over heels in love and propose."
Her subconscious had been reeling, trying to figure out what she was going to do about it. How a woman already in her thirties was going to "make it happen." Maybe not overnight. But she'd gotten a little more than worried these days ever since the big 3-0 clocked another year into a game plan without any options.
She paused before saying, "Plus, you've got to consider the baby making time too in all this." God, was thirty even enough time to start all this. I feel like I'm way behind already, she said to herself.
Her tone was somber and reflective, but then she'd tried to convince herself that she'd made the right choices in what seemed right in her life at the time.
Kinda figures, she muttered.
"How could I have been engaged with that mindset? Let alone marry a man whom I loved, but wasn't in love with."