“I think I remember the day,” she said, surprising him. “The enemy was on the move all along the front. There were terrible casualties. My field hospital was overwhelmed, and Command was going to pull us out too, back to the Cassiopeia—”
“But you refused to go.” He studied her face for a moment. She was so beautiful, with her fine, almost fragile, features, yet her core was unbreakable steel.
She shrugged as if she’d been deciding something as inconsequential as whether to have eggs or ham for breakfast that tragic day rather than putting her life on the line. “I wouldn’t leave the men and women who needed me. How could I? You were giving your all, literally. How could I do anything less?”
He looked at his hands, now clenched into fists. “Jayna told me later I was black-tagged at the triage station immediately, no hope for me. She screamed and argued, but the corpsmen said I was done. She said you came over and ran the scanner yourself.”
“I hated to give up hope on anyone,” Emily murmured, eyes unfocused, lost in her own memories.
“I remember your face. And your voice. You were all I heard, the only thing I saw. You told me to stay, told me to live. And you would not let me die. It was as if I was standing there on the beach, watching you work over me.” He shook his head. “I don’t know how that could be, but I can tell you exactly what medical procedures you did, and I’m not even a medic. You operated on me right there. And you talked to me the whole time, ordered me to live, ordered me to fight.” He reached out and pushed her hair away from her face. “The only reason I didn’t let go and walk down the beach to the white light was that I couldn’t leave you, couldn’t make all your hard work be for nothing. Couldn’t bear to disappoint you. And then there was this tremendous pain, like nothing I’d ever felt. Not even in the explosion or when I was shot. For a moment, I was in my body, hurting bad, and then I passed out. When I woke up, I was in the Cassie’s sickbay. I asked for you—the angel doctor—and I was told the Cassie had bugged out, leaving you and a bunch of operators and medical people stuck on the planet.”
“You must have been on the last shuttle we got away,” she said. “The next one was blown up. My guys—the Team charged with guarding me and my staff—dragged me out of there right before the Mawreg swept over the beach. We were on the run in the mountains for months. Only a few of us survived.”
“The docs slapped me into the rejuve regenerator on the Cassie, made me good as new again and sent me into the field for more fun and games.” He shook his head. “The public thinks the rejuve is such a miracle, such a blessing. Maybe it is, but all I know is an operator like me costs the Sectors too much to train, carries too much embedded top-secret hardware and implants for them to let us die. That was my third trip through a rejuve, you know? I can’t do another.” He tapped the back of his skull. “I still have the fastlink implant and a few other things I probably shouldn’t discuss. I’ll never be one hundred percent normal again ever.”
“Are you sorry I saved your life?” Her voice was soft and hesitant.
Startled, he shifted on the couch cushions and focused on her. “No, of course not. Hey, I made a choice on that beach. The white light was right there, so close I could hear the music and voices calling me. But I couldn’t leave you.”
“And here we are.”
He pulled her closer. She came willingly, raising her lips to his, parting them slightly as the kiss began. He took the invitation; letting his tongue explore her soft, warm mouth, tangle with hers, even as he adjusted his hold to pull her full length against him. She lay across his lap as the kiss became more involved, hotter. He brushed the side of her soft breast with one hand, stroking, caressing, teasing the nipple as it pebbled under his thumb. He broke off the kiss with a final sensuous thrust, then lowered his head to take the hard bud into his mouth, laving the sensitive bundle through the silky cloth. She moaned a little, arching into his grasp and pressing the delectable curves of her ass against the hard steel of his erection. He raised his head to recapture her lips while he kept his hands on her breasts, kneading, massaging, relishing the fact she apparently hadn’t worn any lingerie under the clingy fabric.
They kissed again, long and passionate, but he had the impression she was holding part of herself apart, not fully in the moment, so regretfully he forced himself to pull back, to break off the caress. Gazing at her, he pushed her tousled hair away from her face. His voice hoarse with the effort of holding his desire in check, he whispered, “Say the word and I’ll stop.”
She stroked his cheek with one hand, the look in her eyes soft and tender. “I want you, Jake. You must know I’m with you all the way here. I’m not trying to hide it.”
He was so attuned to her he couldn’t deny the note of reserve he detected in her voice. “But?”
“But this, tonight, it’s about Fantalar, about the past. About the angel who saved your life. I can’t be her, not after this night ends. Never again. I won’t go there twice, not even for you. I’m Emily, just a woman who wants to know you better, to find out if the two of us fit, if there’s anything more to build on between us than what happened on a beach in the middle of a battle.” She shook her head slightly and averted her eyes. “I think I remember you now, but it may be because you’ve drawn the scene so vividly. I won’t lie.”
“And you’re afraid if we make love tonight—if I make love to you tonight, I’ll be with the angel in my head, not with the real you? I know the difference, Emily.” He tried to comprehend her reservations. “What did you think would happen here?” He gestured at the table. “With the intimate dinner, the wine, the conversation?”
“Are you angry?”
“No, of course not. I’m trying to understand what you’re attempting to tell me.” Gently, he turned her chin toward him so he could see her eyes.
“I’m telling you I’ll give you the Angel of Fantalar tonight if she’s what you want. That was my plan—I’m not a tease.” She reached one hand between them and rubbed his aching erection through the fabric of his trousers. He couldn’t stop himself from grinding his hips against the pressure she exerted. “And I’ll enjoy myself, don’t worry. But I’m afraid if we try to build a relationship on the ashes of Fantalar, we’re dooming ourselves. Maybe scratching a mutual itch is all you want? Have a hot and heavy affair while I’m on the Zephyr? And then goodbye, no chance of a more lasting entanglement? Book closed, story over? I can do hot sex with no strings. I’m a grown woman. I just…after sitting here talking all night, I think there could be a lot more between us. But not if we start in the wrong place. That’s all I’m saying, Jake.”
He shut his eyes, exerting all the self-control and willpower the Teams had beaten into him. Much as he hated to admit it, what she was saying made sense from her viewpoint. If he slept with her tonight, she’d doubt he really saw her, cared for her. She’d believe he was caught up in the rapture and satisfaction of bedding the angel he’d fantasized about. Oh yeah, he couldn’t deny she’d been the star of more than a few of his private dreams over the years since Fantalar. He might know the truth in the depths of his heart, a certainty the angel was nothing but a fantasy. The real woman was becoming more important to him than anyone he’d ever known, but Emily herself would never be able to feel sure of him.
Never confident he was with her for the right reasons.
And the doubts would eat away at any relationship between them, or whatever could have been between them, until there was nothing. It might take a year. It might take ten years, but they wouldn’t make it as a couple, and the end would be brutal for both of them.
What he did tonight would be the most important choice he’d ever make, with no assurances, because nothing was ever guaranteed in a human relationship. He and Emily might discover they didn’t fit as people, although he doubted that. But the two of them might not ever find the opportunity to be in an intimate position again. She was making it crystal clear she was available to be his willing partner in bed tonight, as the angel.
A one-time-only, take-it-or-leave-it gift from her to him.
But Emily herself would slip through his fingers.
And he didn’t want that.
Opening his eyes, he gently but firmly shifted her off his lap and onto the couch. Rising, he took a moment to adjust himself, trying to find some relief. “Thank you for a marvelous dinner and the trip down memory lane, Doc. I think it’s best I be on my way.”
She reached out to catch his free hand. “Are you sure? Are we okay?”
He drew her to her feet, holding her close. “I’m sure. Walk me to the door?”
Her eyes held a troubled expression, and her forehead was wrinkled in a frown, but she came willingly. He bent to kiss her on the lips, making no effort to deepen the caress as he had before. “Will you let me take you out to dinner tomorrow, Dr. Shane? And maybe a show at the casino afterward? Because I would like to get to know you better. Much better.”
The smile she rewarded him with was breathtaking. “I’d be delighted, Officer Dilon.”
A moment later, he was alone in the corridor as the portal slid shut, blocking his view of her smiling face. He leaned his forehead against the cool metal bulkhead and took a few deep breaths before pulling himself upright and heading toward the gravlift. He’d check on his people, walk the Zephyr, make sure everyone and everything was squared away, and then maybe he’d spend some time in the weight room up on Level 6. And probably finish his night meditating in the Tadochi Garden.
Not the program he’d planned on, but as he slipped into the antigrav stream, he felt happy on some deep level, calmer than he’d been in years. Hopeful. New dreams bubbling in his mind. Whistling, he threw his head back to admire the stark, shiny beauty of the Zephyr’s core and made plans for tomorrow night’s dinner date.
CHAPTER TEN
The next few days were a blur to Emily, although she took refuge in being kept so busy. The norovirus outbreak continued to rise for another twenty-four hours, and then the measures she and the captain had implemented seemed to kick in, and by Day 8 of her cruise, there were no new cases. The people who’d been sick recovered, except for Arln, and began appearing in the corridors and the dining rooms again. The casino was thronged, and the dance revue and other entertainments sold out. She and Jake had an excellent dinner and a fun time as promised at the performance of the new dance. The evening ended with a chaste kiss at her cabin door and a promise from Jake to repeat the experience soon. He was a perfect gentleman the entire evening, and now Emily found herself the one who was a bit frustrated at the slower pace he was setting. But she couldn’t complain, since she and Jake were unarguably getting to know each other as people, likes and dislikes, warts and all. The process was scary but intriguing.
“Doctor?” Vicente nudged her arm gently. “Do you have anything else for the staff to discuss before we end the meeting?”
Realizing she’d drifted off into a daydream while Relba was giving the supplies update, she made a little business of sipping her coffee before she said, “I think we made it through this pretty well. No new cases for twenty-four hours so we may be in the clear.”
“Nice to see an empty waiting room,” one of the nurses said. “I actually had a twisted ankle to treat earlier. The passengers are resuming their scheduled activities all right.”
Emily reviewed her notes, to see if there was anything else she wanted to discuss with them. Only Arln, the bodyguard, remained in sickbay, not yet having thrown off the virus, which was concerning. He was feverish and sleeping most of the time. Liora, the trideo star, continued to complain of nausea, but Emily ascribed the sensation to her early stage of pregnancy and the fact she couldn’t be given Galamialate. The Enzell mother and children were up and running around as before. The boys suffered mild cases, and the father remained symptom-free as he’d boasted he would. “I think I’m done. Anyone else?”
“We’ve had a little run of people with nosebleeds today,” the PA reported.
“Odd.” A tiny wave of apprehension zinged through her nerves, giving her pause.
“Dehydration maybe?” asked the head nurse.
“Could be. I’ll ask the Ship to double-check her humidity settings.” Emily hoped the answer was something so basic.
“The air balance throughout the Nebula Zephyr meets the ICC-mandated standards at all times,” Maeve said. “I monitor anything to do with the air continuously.”
“Previously undocumented side effect of Galamialate maybe?” Bevar said, glancing at Emily. “Want me to research the possibility? Although I have to say I think it’s unlikely. The drug has been in use in the Sectors for over a hundred years.”
“Go ahead and do the research anyway. We can never be too sure about anything. Let’s all keep an eye on the situation. Let me know if there are more patients, or people with additional symptoms.” She tapped her stylus on the desk.
Her comlink pinged. Jake was on the other end. “What can I do for you?” Emily asked, enjoying the tiny thrill of hearing from him unexpectedly. She waved one hand at her staff to signify the meeting was concluded, and the medical crew filed out of her office, talking among themselves. She keyed the display to visual.
“I hear the outbreak is about over.”
“We think possibly,” was her cautious answer. “So?”
Eyes glinting in good humor, Jake smiled. “Have dinner with me in the officers’ wardroom tonight? We can celebrate getting through the worst of the nasty stomach bug. Maybe go dancing later. Some of the others have been asking about you—they’d like to meet you.”
“To gawk at the Angel of Fantalar?” she asked, doodling on her prescription pad idly with the stylus. “Tell their grandchildren someday I was disappointingly human?”
“To meet their new ship’s doctor,” he corrected. “The entire officer corps wasn’t at the beach party last week. And some of the people you wouldn’t be likely to cross paths with in a normal cruise, but we’re still a team.” He studied her, blue eyes steady. “We’re informal, no white gloves, no polished silver, I promise. Whoever’s off shift and hungry shows up. The table talk will probably be all sports. You know the Sector professional tisba finals are going on?”
She knew he was right about meeting the other officers, as much as she hated to admit it. “All right, but I’m only agreeing to dinner there this one time. No commitments.”
“Great. I’ll swing by your cabin at seven, standard time. And I’m serious about the dancing. The casino has a swinging band.” He leaned closer to the vid. “And I’m guessing you can move those hips on the dance floor, once you let the music take over. I could see what a natural athlete you were when we played volleyball at the party. Graceful.”
“I’ve been known to show off on a dance floor every now and then.”
“Wear your good shoes.” He broke the link. Emily sat back in her chair, heart beating faster. It had been such a gamble not falling into bed with him that night. She’d wanted nothing more than to get their clothes off and continue the sensual exploration so promisingly begun, but already she couldn’t bear the idea of nothing more between them than a one-night stand or a short-term fling. Jake was the rare kind of man, appealing to her on so many levels. He was worth taking a risk for, worth trying to build a real relationship with.
“I’ve shown the first patient of the day into the examination room, Doctor.” Giving her an odd look, Vicente broke into her train of thought again.
“Right.” Grabbing her AI, Emily rose and headed for the door. “Anything exotic?”
“Twisted his back in the antigrav exercise machine yesterday. Trainers told him to see you before they’d let him on the equipment today.”
“So he’s upset we’re trying to make him take care of himself?” She was getting the hang of dealing with these entitled passengers.
Vicente laughed. “Exactly. And he’ll expect lavish praise for enduring our treatments.”
After she got off duty, Emily took a leisurely bath, filling the tub with the s
cented oils the ship provided in each cabin, even those of the crew, apparently. The day had been moderately exhausting, a lot of small complaints but steady traffic. Maeve had informed her all costs for treatment in sickbay were charged to the passengers’ cabin accounts. She hoped they realized that when seeking out her advice on minor bumps and bruises, but she was relieved not to have to handle the billing. Maeve had assured her sickbay was a profit center for the Line.
Soaking in the warmth, she considered the evening ahead. At least most of the officers she’d meet were ex-military. Jake said those with passenger-centric duties had to dine in the passenger dining rooms, rotating through the tables, a different one each night, but every fourth evening was left open to dine with their fellow officers or somewhere else. Passengers loved to say the ranking officers had been their dinner companions, but the experience wasn’t always as much fun for the crew.
Smoothing her hair away from her face as she settled deeper into the water, she hoped the elusive Takkei would be in the wardroom. She wanted to thank him for access to the garden. She’d returned twice since Jake had first conducted her through the portal and was seriously considering spending a chunk of her retirement nest egg on having a Tadochi Garden built at her father’s compound at home. Even without a special Mellurean blessing, she had the feeling time spent in the garden would be better for her than more secret trips to the dive bars around the spaceport. Safer too, if she wanted to continue practicing medicine. Pure luck no one had reported her on Harilon, although she’d never signed on for duty within two days of a trip through the bottom of a wine bottle.
Star Cruise - Outbreak Page 11