by A. m Madden
“What’s wrong?” he asked, ten seconds through the door. “You’re pale.”
“Ronnie just called me.” I relayed the brief conversation, feeling even sicker hearing it the second time around. “He’s in New York.”
“Ang, you need to stay away from him. His real name is Ronnie Delarro.”
I looked at him blankly, not understanding what he was getting at. More important, why would Ronnie hide his real name from me?
“That’s not possible. I’ve seen his license, his personal documents.”
“They had to be fake. Delarro is his birth name.”
“Okay, so why would he change his name?”
“Because the Delarros are part of the Politto crime family.”
“The Mob?”
“Yes.” I sat stunned as Luca proceeded to share what he had found out about Ronnie and his family. “His father hadn’t involved him in his ‘business’ until recently. I’m not sure why that changed suddenly. It all makes sense now, the traveling, the secrecy. Delarro is grooming his son to take his place.” The more Luca dug, the more he regretted digging. “Ang, I still don’t know if my dad was indeed involved with Ronnie’s dad as your ex claimed, or why was he so focused on you.”
The Delarro and Politto names were so intricately entwined that Luca said he wouldn’t be surprised if the Delarros would be running the show someday.
I couldn’t share details of the pictures I received earlier. Doing so would expose Nick to my family, and it was better they didn’t know the real Nick yet, especially after my surprise package today.
“Ang, I have to be honest, I don’t know how to handle this. I have a lot to figure out, and a lot to think about. Opening up this can of worms is asking for a lifetime of angst.”
“Luca, I have to tell you something.” He looked at me expectantly, waiting for me to build the nerve to get the words out. “I’m pregnant.”
He covered his eyes with one hand and muttered, “Ronnie’s?”
“No.” When he looked at me again, relief instantly flashed over his face. “I’m afraid if he finds out he’ll hurt me,” I admitted. By the look on Luca’s face, he agreed. “He’s threatened me before, always dangled danger in my face. His threats were never concrete enough that I could go to the police for any reason. And now, knowing what we know about his family, I definitely can’t go to the police.”
“Shit, this motherfucker likes playing games.”
“Yeah, he gets high off manipulating me.”
“None of us saw it coming, Ang.”
Wasn’t that the truth? He fooled us all.
“How do you feel?”
“It’s been rough. I’m just taking one day at a time.” I took a deep breath and added, “I still need to leave. I had planned on leaving Chicago before the holidays because he was beginning to scare me, and nothing has changed. I was going to go to New York, but after knowing he’s there now, I’d rather go somewhere he can’t find me. I decided that I want to disappear for a while. I need your help, Luca.”
The only reason I desperately wanted to head to New York was also the reason I couldn’t…not yet at least. Ronnie made it very clear that Nick was on his radar. Once I was safely away from Ronnie, I needed to seriously consider telling Nick everything. I knew nothing about the Mob, besides watching The Sopranos on TV. Going to the FBI with nothing but a bunch of speculations couldn’t be safe for anyone.
“Disappear?” Luca asked incredulously. “What the fuck, Angela?”
“Luca, I’m scared.”
“We can go to the police…”
“And? What exactly would I say to them, Luca? My ex-boyfriend is mean to me and oh, by the way, his family is in organized crime?”
The cringe he displayed made it very clear he knew damn well I didn’t have a choice but to run as far as I could from Ronnie until we figured things out. He measured me up as my emotions got the best of me, causing my eyes to well with tears. With a frustrated swipe of my hand, I shook my head, feeling completely defeated.
“I don’t know if it’s because of pregnancy hormones, but I’m terrified something is going to happen to me. I need to protect this baby.”
“Do I know him? The father?”
I shook my head while continuing to wipe away the tears that wouldn’t stop. “No. Eve does. He’s just a great guy I met. Our paths temporarily crossed as he was passing through Chicago. We both had plans before we met. I can’t change the rest of his life with a baby just because we had an insane connection…but maybe someday I’ll be able to reconnect with him and we can try to pick up where we left off. In the meantime, I need to be by myself and hide.”
Luca couldn’t mask his concern. “Angela, you’re asking me to help you disappear? What about your parents? Eve? They’ll be devastated.”
“It’s temporary. I literally need to take one day at a time. Please, just until I have this baby, and maybe by then Ronnie will get bored and move on.”
“That won’t happen, Ang, he may never move on. You can’t run for the rest of your life.”
“I have no choice. If what we suspect is true, and he was involved with your dad’s accident, it won’t stop. He’s already mentioned my parents out of the complete and utter blue.” Luca scrubbed a hand over his face. When he looked into my eyes, my insides trembled from the fear lurking in his. My cousin had always been a rock, stable and levelheaded. To see him at a loss scared me. “Luca, please stop digging, it’s not worth it. If they find out…” I couldn’t finish my vile thoughts. If Uncle Carmine was involved with the Delarros, it needed to end with him. “Luca, promise me.”
“Ang, I can’t do that, especially now knowing what I know. I’ll be careful though, that I promise.” He pulled out his phone and scrolled through his contacts. “I have a good friend in Ohio. I’ve known her since college, and she’ll help you.”
Luca and I spent the next several hours securing my new life, a life where I’d be alone, away from everyone I loved, and where my one and only focus would be to have this baby.
Chapter 17
Angela
FEBRUARY 2014
Luca arranged for a new cellphone, and he’d be the only person who had the number. All communication would go through him, including any with his sister, Eve. The reason given for my sudden disappearance was pathetic. Eve was told it was to protect me and the baby from Ronnie, while my parents, aunt, and cousins were told it was to help a friend. Luca said they’d eventually get used to it, and all we were doing was buying time…my new life was temporary.
Nick was told an entirely different lie.
When my flight to New York once again came and went, he lost his patience with me. I gave another bullshit excuse for my delay, which he didn’t buy. That call ended in our first fight, and for the next few days I gave him time to calm down as I packed up my life. When I was about to leave Chicago, I called him on Skype one last time.
“Hi.” He looked so tired.
“Hi. How are you?”
Instead of responding, he pinned me with his eyes. The computer screen did nothing to lessen the intensity of his stare, or the hurt that altered his normally relaxed, handsome face. I was supposed to be there, with him, possibly having a romantic evening, making love all night. Instead, I was about to break his heart, and desecrate my own.
He sighed and waited a few seconds before he said, “Listen, Angela. For whatever reason you’re changing your mind about trying to have a relationship with me. I just want you to be happy, and if it means being apart then I’ll let you go.”
I wanted to say he was absolutely wrong and being apart was what caused my unhappiness. I wanted to admit I desperately missed him. I wanted to tell him the reason for my stress was because Ronnie was a criminal who was after me and anyone connected to me, including Nick himself. Most important, I wanted to tell him that even though I barely knew him, I had fallen in love with him and would do anything to protect our child.
But instead I agreed with
his sentiment, causing my heart to splinter in my chest from the absolute lies I was about to say.
“I decided to stay in Chicago. My life and my family are here. If we had met at a different time, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. If your new job were in Chicago, if my uncle hadn’t died, if we knew each other longer than we had, I’d absolutely be in your arms instead of staring at a laptop screen while you sit hundreds of miles away. But our worlds weren’t meant to mesh. We’ve been forcing our destinies to change course.”
I was met with a blank stare making the pain in my chest unbearable, but I needed to get out everything I had rehearsed.
“Nick, I hope to get to New York someday. When I do, and if our situations allow it, I hope you and I can pick up where we left off. I don’t expect you to wait for that, but I can just hope upon hope that our stars will somehow align. It’s really not a good time to leave my family.”
His silence was deafening. When he finally spoke, the hurt in his voice and on his face was obvious. “You do what you have to do, Angela.”
I waited for him to insist, or threaten to come get me himself, but there was no fight, no argument, and the fact there wasn’t hurt me more than I wanted to admit. His last comment solidified all I had feared up until then…that we really didn’t have anything substantial between us worth fighting for.
Knowing that we wouldn’t talk again for a while, I desperately tried to hang on to the connection that we had. Tears poured from my eyes as I caressed my belly wanting to tell him everything.
“Nick, I do care about you,” I whispered while staring into his eyes.
“I know, just not enough.”
No, I love you! But I couldn’t tell him that, not yet.
A door slammed in the background, and he turned his head toward the sound. “I gotta go. We’ll talk later. Bye, Angela.” He met my gaze one last time, and ended the call without another word.
Losing him suddenly sparked a fury deep inside my core. I deserved to be happy, and so did my child. That day I vowed to myself that Ronnie Delarro wasn’t going to win this fight.
SEPTEMBER 2014
OHIO
Dawn Thorton became my guardian angel. She was just as Luca described her—sweet, kind, and caring, but most of all she was intellectually the female version of my cousin. They had met at Ohio State and became very good friends. I could tell she adored Luca, just from the look in her eyes when she spoke of him.
She and Luca had tried a relationship, but it didn’t work out. His future was in Chicago, working alongside his dad. Dawn was hell-bent on becoming the DA in Cleveland. Deciding they were better suited as friends than lovers, they didn’t force the issue, parted ways, and remained close throughout the years.
Hearing their story made me think of Nick and how very similar our situations were. Sometimes reality thwarts fantasy, and in our situation I hoped it was temporary.
Dawn stayed true to her dreams and stayed in Ohio after graduation to continue with law school and her career. She owned a ranch in the country that was the perfect place for me to hide. She insisted I owed her nothing, financially or otherwise.
So, for the months that followed I did just that; I hid. It was boring, lonely, but at least my baby and I were safe. Ronnie was relentlessly badgering Eve at home. After showing up at the store one day, he admitted he knew all about my “affair,” as he called it, but forgave me for my indiscretion. He also claimed he’d find me, eventually. Eve threatened to call the police if he ever showed up at her store again.
After that, Luca had no choice but to tell Eve exactly what he discovered and the real reasons I was sequestered. Fear that Ronnie would do something to hurt Eve, or Nick, or anyone else in my family consumed me.
I decided once I had the baby, I was going to New York to tell Nick everything.
The day couldn’t come soon enough. My time in Ohio dragged by. My pregnancy wasn’t an easy one. Morning sickness plagued me the entire time, making it difficult to properly take care of myself. I felt the real reason I was so sick was from the stress, guilt, and regret that festered within me. Dawn found a wonderful midwife who helped settle my severe nausea with herbal remedies.
I filled a journal with silly little things that I could remember from the week I spent with Nick. I scoured the Internet looking for glimpses of his life, desperate to learn more about him. In one of my Google searches, I found out he was in the FBI. I couldn’t believe he was more than just a cop, so much more.
That information complicated things, because once Nick knew, he’d be forced to act on Ronnie’s threats. But I’d worry about that after I reconnected with him.
I became obsessed with finding any information I could on Nick. There were a few articles of cases he’d solved as well as a picture of him when he graduated from Quantico. I printed out that picture, and stared at it every day. The serious expression on his much younger face wasn’t one I often saw on the Nick I knew. I missed seeing his gorgeous, stunning smile that could instantly melt my heart.
I spent hours debating on calling him regarding Ronnie, and his family, and how it related to my uncle’s death. Fear of Luca’s involvement was what had me changing my mind, deciding to wait until we were face-to-face.
Dawn was there for me on the twenty-first of September when I gave birth to Nicholas David Cavello at her ranch. He came early, but thank God was healthy. What should have been a joyous day for me turned into one filled with sadness and guilt. As I cradled my son, I ached for all those in his life that weren’t there to welcome him into the world.
I promised I’d make it up to him, and there would be a day when we would be surrounded by everyone who loved him. I told him of places we’d visit. I remember memorizing his perfect, angelic little face while promising him the day when he could meet his daddy would happen very soon.
Chapter 18
Nick
OCTOBER 2015
She stared into space, probably reminiscing, with all the memories coursing through her mind. Suddenly, she stood and asked, “I need coffee. Do you want some?”
“Sure.”
The digital clock on the cable box read four a.m. She’d been talking for hours, and kept asking if I wanted her to stop, worrying that I needed to get some sleep. I insisted I’d survive, and asked her to please keep going. I knew she must have been exhausted, but I couldn’t let her stop yet.
She’d unleashed my deep-rooted need to know everything…every single detail I missed out on that brought her back into my life. It might be under horrific circumstances, but I needed to believe there was a reason she stood before me after assuming I’d never see her again
“Angela.” She turned to look at me at the sound of her name. Even with tearstained cheeks, messy hair, and wrinkled clothing she looked stunning. I missed seeing the fire in her bright green eyes, and the smile that stopped me in my tracks the night we met in Chicago.
With compassion in my voice, I said, “I’m sure this is draining you and I don’t want to add to all the stress you are carrying on your shoulders right now, but I can’t leave here without knowing everything.”
“I intend on telling you everything.” She offered a sad smile and turned to make coffee in her tiny kitchen. I watched, wondering what our lives would be like if we had remained together. Nicholas was on his way regardless of our separation. Would we be married? Would I be happy?
When she returned with two cups, one black for me, my heart softened toward her a tiny bit more. With each moment we spent together, I was slowly reminded why I fell for her to begin with.
“Nick, I do have a question.” I met her gaze, and she asked, “Why didn’t you put up a fight?”
Her question hit hard. I couldn’t ignore the irony that she picked up on the single thing I’d regretted since she ended it. “I don’t know,” I answered honestly. “I did call you a few days later. I also called Eve’s store, but anger had me hanging up before speaking to her.”
Her eyes widened in shock
. “You did?”
“Yes. You disconnected your number.” The disappointment I felt that day resurfaced along with the hurt. “I assumed you did that because of me. I considered using Jase to reach you. But then what? If you wanted to be with me, you would have. I had no idea what was truly happening.” I took a sip of my coffee, before adding, “Let me ask you a question. If I had, would it have made a difference in your decision to run?”
“I don’t know.”
When she looked at me I could see fatigue in the dark circles under her eyes. I felt bad for all she’d been through, alone. Having her a few feet away caused an inner conflict between wanting to pick up where we left off, and wanting to punish her for cutting me out of her life as she had. The one thing I did know as I sat there with her that night, I couldn’t easily walk away this time around.
“Why didn’t you contact me after Nicholas was born?” I reversed the conversation, asking a question I’d been dying to know the answer to. “Ronnie had no idea where you were, you successfully fell off the face of the earth, what happened to stop you from doing the right thing?” I couldn’t hide my accusing tone.
“I thought of you every day. When Nicholas was two months old, Ronnie traveled to Italy again with his family for the holidays. It was right before Christmas, and I couldn’t very well call you after not seeing you for almost a year. It needed to happen face-to-face. I told Luca it was time to have people know about Nicholas, including you.
“Knowing Ronnie would be gone for a while, on my suggestion Luca arranged for my parents to come see me. Time was dulling my logic, making me feel like I’d panicked and caused all this drama for no reason. It gave me a false sense of security that maybe he had finally given up on me.”
“Your parents didn’t see Nicholas being born?” I asked incredulously.
“No,” she admitted, the pain evident on her face. “They had no idea I was pregnant. I wrote them often, sending the letters to Luca, who would forward them to New Jersey, lying to them in each and every letter.”