Mary’s smile assuaged his doubts as he fell in behind Mr. Langton. He turned slightly and watched as she took Ruth’s and Joshua’s hands and Elizabeth scooped up Rachel.
“Are you hungry, little one?” Elizabeth rubbed Rachel’s tummy.
“Yes, Mama. We eat?”
“Yes, my poppet. It certainly smells good.”
Ezekiel joined Barnabas. “So good to see you. I hear so much about you from Elizabeth, I feel I’ve been to your shop every day for the past month.” He chuckled and Barnabas appreciated the bit of levity.
“Mayhap you would come with her next time. I never tire of showing my hearth to anyone who will listen.” He turned to Mr. Langton. “You are welcome as well, sir. Come and visit the shop. Stay for supper.”
“Yes, very well, I may do that.” Mr. Langton took his seat at the middle of the long table and indicated to Barnabas to sit opposite him. Ezekiel took the seat to his left as the women settled the children.
Cook presented the beef, fat slices with the pan juices on the side, along with bowls of steaming turnips and onions. The bread on the side table had been prepared by Elizabeth and baked by Barnabas just the day before. Elizabeth cut a thick piece for each of the children, then arranged a platter with churned butter and various cheeses.
Mary and Elizabeth busied themselves with the children, chattering in between bites. Mr. Langton spoke of his sheep and horses and the price of wool.
Conversation, light and congenial, flowed, and Barnabas wondered if Mr. Langton had decided in favor of a courtship. He could not help look down the table at Mary and was pleased to see she looked back at him. He didn’t fail to notice the tinge of red that flamed her cheeks every time their eyes met.
Dinner ended with Cook’s plum pudding, and as if on cue, Ezekiel excused himself and took the children from the table. Mr. Horton’s ginger cakes awaited them in the kitchen, and afterward they would go out to the stable to brush the horses.
Mr. Langton beckoned his daughters to move up the table, closer. Once they were settled, he turned to Barnabas. “Mr. Horton, my wife held you in high regard. My daughters obviously do as well. I crave your forgiveness, but I understand your father is landed gentry, yet you are a baker. You are the eldest, are you not?”
“Aye, I am. My father disinherited me of his landholdings. Jeremy, my youngest brother, will inherit the land and mill. My brother Thomas shares my belief that the Church of England has become very pompous and its clergy relies too much on the Book of Common Prayer, not enough teaching straight from the Bible.” He adjusted his collar. “Our intent has never been to leave the church but to effect change from within. Our father has long supported reform in the church, and has opened his doors to meetings, but there are many points we disagree on. Of course, Jeremy fancies himself to be a shipmaster someday and has plans to build a ship. He has no interest in the land.”
“Interesting. An adventurer, is he?”
“Jeremy has sailed with our uncle since he was but a wee lad. Thomas and I did too, but Jeremy is the one who’s enraptured by the sea. I suppose there is a bit of adventurer in all three of us.”
“Adventurers, yes, if you think you might change the Church of England from the inside out. That is not without danger, I am sure you know. Terrible things are happening to those who will not conform. It would worry me greatly should you marry my daughter with those wild ideas.”
“Sir, I do not consider my ideas to be wild. Thomas and I consider ourselves to be conforming, rather than nonconforming.”
“But your relationship with your father? You have mended the rift, regardless of your differences?”
“Indeed. In the final analysis, he and my mother are very much involved with my two sons and we were able to forgive each other long ago. We now maintain a close relationship.”
“I will be straightforward with you.” Mr. Langton ran his fingers through his hair, a silver lock falling across his forehead. “It is a concern to me that you have so recently lost your wife. I know Elizabeth has expressed this concern as well. She is worried for her sister.”
“Aye. I do understand your concerns, truly I do. I am not quite certain what to tell you. I mourn my Ann a thousand times in a day. It is truly not something I would simply do and then move on, whether it be a week or a thousand weeks. I do not even know what during a day might trigger my grief for her. And I constantly despair that I will forget her, so I try to hold her close in my thoughts. Is it not the same for your grief?”
Mary and Elizabeth looked at their father. Mary’s sorrow showed as Barnabas spoke of his wife.
Mr. Langton picked at the crumbs on the table. “You ask that with much sincerity, so I will answer in truth. I do mourn Katherine every day. Aye, ’tis true the heart cannot decide when to put grief aside. But it would seem to me you marry with haste and I desire more than that for my daughter.”
“Sir, with all respect, you were rather unusual when you decided not to remarry. Elizabeth was grown, but you still had a young daughter to raise and most men would have indeed sought marriage. Mary is truly a gentle spirit. Over these weeks she has told me it is her desire that I always hold Ann’s memory in high esteem. She understands that the love we shared is a rare thing and does not desire to replace it. Indeed, she is simply content to bring me some happiness. Of course, I hope I shall bring her happiness too. She is a gift to me, and I treasure her for that.”
Mr. Langton regarded his daughter. She avoided his eyes. “She’s a nurturer, that one.” He looked back at Barnabas. “She tends to commit heart and soul. Are you ready for that?”
“My sons are in need of nurturing, sir.”
“She loves pretty things, and I must say I have encouraged that. What say you about that? Do you not believe that is wrong?”
“In truth, I find her a delight to the eye. I have no qualms with her clothing. I am tolerant in those regards, I believe. God reveals to each of us what we must know, in His own time. My argument would be with the priests who wear elaborate robes with much pomp, not with a lass who enjoys pretty things. Mayhap someday she will feel convicted, but I believe that is between her and God.”
“Truly? Is that not unusual for someone who has the Puritan’s beliefs?”
“Mr. Langton, those of us that believe in reform of the church do not call ourselves Puritans. It is a term used by those who would like to degrade us. I like to say I am a man of God who seeks to purify the church. But even so, if I be a Puritan, I am an independent Puritan. I have firm beliefs that I willingly share with anyone who will listen. But what is between each man and God—that is exactly what I am fighting to protect. Our freedom to have a personal relationship with God. That and the right to read our Bible.”
Mr. Langton smoothed the lock of hair from his forehead. “I admire your honesty. And I will say that I admire your courage to stand up for your beliefs. But I do worry about my daughter and the reality that she could be persecuted for your beliefs.”
“I shall not put your daughter at risk, I give you my word.” His eyes met Mr. Langton’s with conviction.
Mary leaned forward. “Papa.”
Mr. Langton regarded his daughter. “Mary, we shall speak, but not now.” He turned back to Barnabas. “I have considered that with the dowry I have for my daughter, not to mention the business connections that I have available, she could marry very well. Maybe even up—to a title—but Mr. Haskins of London is an obvious choice, because they have known each other since childhood, and his mother and I have a close business association. I must ponder this for a time. I promise you I will take what you have told me into consideration. Pray thee know that I will do what I think best for my daughter.”
“Of course.” Barnabas stood up, aware he was dismissed. “Good day, Mr. Langton. I do thank you for your consideration. The meal was superb and you a most gracious host. Mistress Fanning.” He bowed. “Miss Langton, good day to you.” He bowed once more, his eyes never leaving her.
Mary and Lizzi
e watched Barnabas depart. Papa turned to his youngest daughter. She’d remained obediently quiet during the exchange. Their conversation made her uncomfortable, but she dreaded more the discussion Papa would demand now.
“Mary, you know I want only your happiness and security. But, the reasons not to marry him are numerous and I caution you against this. I would implore you not to marry that man.”
He motioned for both to sit at the fire. “I know you feel you love Mr. Horton, but you will find someday, my dear, that love is not everything. I question if he can love again so soon, and I discern that he questions it as well. Someday his feelings could turn to anger rather than love, but it would be too late for you.”
He paced before them. “I have qualms that he entertains such Puritan beliefs. This is not the time for such ideas. People are being whipped and put in prison. Pray tell, if I would arrange a meeting with Robert, would you humor me? His mother buys my finest wool and I am sure it would be much contentment for her to have another woman in the household. You would always be well provided for. As children you were fond of each other. Could you not be happy with him?”
Mary leapt to her feet, hands on her cheeks. “No, I could not! Fondness is not love, Papa. How many times have we discussed this very thing? I do not know what happened. We grew up, I suppose, but he disgusts me now and I cannot feign otherwise. And don’t you see what a dolt he is? He lives with his mother because he cannot fend for himself.”
“That’s not true, my girl. She operates a substantial business and it behooves him to remain in her household and work for her. But I see the clouds form in your eyes. I must think on these things before I will give my answer. You think of this as a way to avoid a marriage to Robert, but you do not see the unhappiness that awaits you. That troubles me greatly.”
Lizzie went to Mary and embraced her. “Father, please remember that if she marries Mr. Horton, she will be close by. I planned to wait to tell you this, but Ezekiel and I shall have another babe. It would be comforting to me to have her close by when it is born.”
“Why, Elizabeth, how grand. Another child? You please me, truly.” He came to hug her and hugged both daughters.
“Lizzie—that is so wonderful. Papa, I would be so unhappy to not be here when she needs me. I know it is difficult for you to understand this, but if Mr. Horton desires to marry me, it is his sons that he is thinking of. I know that. He is desperate to have someone help him. You know that is not uncommon. ’Tis a bit amazing he has waited all these months.”
He drew back and looked at her. “’Tis no reason to marry him, my girl. Indeed, quite the contrary.”
She looked up at Lizzie and shook her head, then turned to Papa. “But he takes delight in me, he appreciates that I am well-read, and he even desires to teach me cooking. He finds me a blessing with his sons.” She looked at her hands, folded in her lap. “And I love him.”
He studied her with a look of disbelief. “I think he might find it charming in the beginning to have a wife that he might train, but you must realize it might get tiresome for him at some point.” His gaze went to the window. “I do not mean that in an unkind way. You are my baby girl and I truly want what is best for you.”
Did he want to ignore what she had just told him? That she loved Barnabas? “This is best for me. This is my chance for a family. I must tell you, though I desire your approval, I shall marry Mr. Horton, even if you withhold it.” She leapt to her feet and fled the room.
John listened to her retreat, her skirts swishing as she ran up the stairs. She’d never spoken to him in that manner before. It frightened him a little, but he loved her too much to withhold from her what she wanted so desperately. He knew what he must do. Give his permission as well as his blessing. Allow Mr. Horton to court his daughter. On the morrow he must send a message to Mistress Haskins. It would be a bit embarrassing, but she was a good friend. She might be disappointed—she thought of herself as a mother to Mary already—but it would not ruin their working relationship.
He would send a message as well to Mr. Horton, giving permission for the courting to begin. Elizabeth sat staring at him. “You are quiet, my dear, I forgot you were there.”
“I’m not sure who I should be more worried about. You or her?”
“Well, my dear, against my better judgment, I shall allow Mr. Horton to court your sister. How I wish your mother was still alive. She would know what to do far better than I.”
He ran his fingers through his hair. The burden of raising his daughter without a wife had certainly not been without its trials, but somehow he had thought it would get easier. Mary always said she would not settle for a marriage of convenience and here she was, going headstrong into one. Would she someday be filled with regret?
6
As he left the Langton estate, Barnabas decided against going directly home. He’d made his decision to take a wife, but in the wake of that, he felt no better. He nudged Baldy left when he reached the smithy and rounded the corner down Dag Lane. He passed the Horton House and mill and rode on until he found himself at the door of Thomas’s house. Thomas, the brother with his feet securely on the ground. The brother who would know the right thing to say to him. Jeremy would give his life for anyone, but he was a dreamer.
He pounded on the door, until Thomas finally appeared. “Well, well. Is it old Barn? What brings you my way? Are you all right? Come in.”
He stepped in the doorway. “You’ve known the void I have felt since Ann died. I try for the boys to stay on course, and I still open the bakeshop. But I have done something that troubles me and I need to talk to someone. Could I have your ear?”
“What say you we go down the lane to the inn? Jeremy will be there. Mayhap the three of us could talk?”
“I had thought to speak just to you, but mayhap it would be a good thing to get both views.” He waited while Thomas shrugged on his coat and informed his wife and daughter of their plans. Both Thomas’s wife, Mary Jane, and their little daughter, Mary Belle, came out to give Barnabas a hug. Belle clung to his legs. He bent and gently peeled her away, giving her a quick hug before handing her to her mother.
The two trudged to the inn in silence, horses left behind.
As they drew near, Thomas turned. “I know it’s been hard, Barn. Do not think for a moment that Jeremy and I do not understand. We are here for you, whenever you need us.”
“Thank you. I do know that.”
They went inside and found Jeremy at a table.
He looked up as they approached. “Heigh-ho, look who joins me.” He stood up and clapped both brothers on the shoulder.
“In truth, I did not plan to, but when Barn showed up at the door, I thought we should.” Thomas gave Jeremy a broad smile.
They pulled out chairs and settled into them. Jeremy gave a nod to the pretty maidservant, and she brought a large platter of crusty bread, with carp and hunks of cheese. She beamed at Jeremy, and Barnabas knew what Molly was thinking. The three of them had the Horton ruddy complexions and ready smiles, and their mere presence filled the room. She frequently said when the Horton men came in, business always picked up.
Molly set the fare down and nudged Jeremy. “Do you think that be enough? I wasn’t planning on a third brother here.” She nodded toward Barnabas with a grin.
Barnabas held up a finger. “Aye, we’ve plenty. I won’t be eating.”
Thomas looked at his brother intently. “We know you expect a joke from us, and most assuredly we do not let the opportunity slip by often, but, Barn, what’s on your mind?”
“I have asked Mr. Langton’s permission to court his daughter.” He put it out there simply and watched their reaction.
Both brothers stared at him, mouths agape.
“I encountered her at Webb’s shop and it occurred to me that she would make a wonderful mother for Joseph and Benjamin. I have been at a loss at how to manage them, and it seems everything I do is wrong. The day I met her they were misbehaving, but she helped me in such a gen
tle way. I know they miss their mother. I know Miss Langton cannot replace Ann. Not for me or the boys. But my children need a mother and I need a wife.”
Jeremy finished chewing and swallowed hard. He leaned forward. “It’s not wrong, Barn. It’s life. No need to explain.”
“I know, but her father has not given his consent yet. Moreover, I worry that I cannot give Miss Langton what I did Ann. She seems a very sweet girl and is certainly attractive. She would be very easy to live with and would give me many more children. But she is not Ann.” He ran his finger around the edge of his glass.
Thomas looked from Barnabas to Jeremy and back. “There’s nothing wrong with wanting to have a mother for your children. And you want more children, do you not? And she is another Mary. It is a beautiful name in my book.” He grinned. “I think you have made a good decision. Do you not agree, Jeremy?”
“Aye, I do. Hear me, Barn—you were very lucky in your marriage to Ann. Most people never experience love like that. You were so in love, you went and apprenticed her father’s trade. No, you are right, you will not find that again, but it is exceedingly more important to have a mother for those boys and you know that.”
It surprised Barnabas that Jeremy, the youngest of the three, made so much sense. “What about you, Jeremy? You do not need to work. You will inherit Father’s land, and yet you have plans to build a ship and sail the seas.” He looked at Thomas for agreement.
“It’s not a matter of needing to work for any of us.” Thomas set his mug down. “Only Father’s exceedingly strict work ethic that hounds us. But Barn, you and Ann were planning on sailing with Jeremy to the New World. Is this something Miss Langton would desire as well?”
“I am sure we w—”
“It’s the adventure,” Jeremy said. “I have always wanted to sail since I was a small lad. There will be money for certain, of course, but it’s the adventure I want. I’m working on the plans now. I’m going to name her The Swallow.”
A Place in His Heart Page 5