by Tia Siren
“Then what is it about at the end of the day?” I asked. “You told me to come here with you. You’ve done all these things for me that most people normally wouldn’t do, but you insist that you aren’t willing to go further with anything.”
“Are you expecting a relationship with me then?”
I didn’t like that question. I didn’t like the strange turn this entire conversation was taking, but I was more tired of second-guessing what Bastian wanted me to do. I didn’t expect a relationship. I didn’t even know if I was emotionally equipped to deal with another relationship to begin with.
“I don’t know,” I replied honestly. “I’m not sure about what I want at this point in time, but I can’t deal with this back and forth thing.”
Bastian swiped a hand over his face in aggravation. “That’s my point. I’m not good at being consistent with what I want because I don’t even know what I want at times.” He looked up at me. “I just don’t want to break your heart by getting involved with you is all, Joanna. I’m honestly not a good man. I have my demons to deal with.”
I came around the edge of Bastian’s desk to cup his face in my hands. I didn’t care whether he stiffened underneath my touch out of surprise or something else.
“You are not a bad man,” I insisted, gazing down at him. “You are a good man. I don’t care what you say about yourself; you are a good man. You just don’t see your worth because of your own scars.”
He reached up to gently pull my hands away from his scruffy cheeks. “That’s my entire point to you. We can’t have a relationship if we can’t look past our own personal issues.”
“Maybe you’re right, but I am going to try to move on from my own problems. Maybe you should give it a try, too.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” Bastian asked, his eyes narrowing in defense. “Are you implying that I’m refusing to move on from my ex-wife?”
“You’re implying that I’m not ready to move on from my ex-boyfriend.” I tilted my head up bravely then. “And you’re right. I may be fucked up for saying this, but I just wanted to feel good away from the shit that I have going on inside my heart. I just thought we could make each other feel good. That was it. I wasn’t asking for you to date me exclusively since we work together. I realize that isn’t even in the cards.”
“It can’t be in the cards,” he said. “Not while you are employed by me. Not while you are going through your thing.”
“You need to move on too, Bastian,” I said, shaking my head at him. “You honestly need to just move on from Sierra. You can’t keep going at the pace you’re going at.”
He flashed me a dark and humorless smile. “More reason to avoid a man like me, honey. I’m a good friend. I’m a good lover. I sure as hell ain’t a good anything else. I’m trying to protect you here.”
“I can protect myself. Believe it or not, I have been okay before you.”
“Really?” Bastian questioned sarcastically. “The bruises on your neck that are fading tell me a completely different story.”
The lash of words against me drew the air right out of my lungs. I stared down at Bastian in disbelief. Tears filled my eyes.
“Who are you?” I asked, shaking my head. “This isn’t the Bastian I knew before coming out to Park City.”
I twisted on the heel of my foot to leave the office before he could say anything else. I could feel a confrontation brewing. I wasn’t in the mood to battle with Bastian any longer about who had the worst scars to deal with. A thick snowfall was coming down outside when I entered the living room to gaze out the large and spotless windows. It was beautiful when the entire world was covered in a thick blanket of pure white. There was something utterly peaceful about going out to the forest in the middle of a snowstorm just to hear how quiet the world could be for a moment.
That had been what had lured me into my walk through the evergreen pines: the quiet stillness there and the muffled and distant world. I hadn’t even realized I’d been going in the wrong direction for at least an hour until Bastian stormed up on the snowmobile with a gun strapped to him. He could’ve just trusted that I would find my way back, but he didn’t want me to get killed.
I shook my head as I went back upstairs to grab my phone. I texted Sabrina, who texted back that she would call me after work. They were far behind on a few things in the office, which I was sure didn’t add nicely to Bastian’s already foul temper. He had left work to be with me for an entire week until things settled down with Sid, but they weren’t settling down. They were getting worse. Even if Bastian didn’t say a word, I could see that in his eyes. He wasn’t happy about having his office messed with, but it was only going to get worse when it came to Sid. Those photographs had been a clear and stark warning that it would only get worse the longer I tried to hide from him.
In need of a friendly voice, I called my mother, who was undoubtedly home and about to start lunch for my father. She answered on the second ring.
“Joanna, thank goodness you called,” she said into the phone. “Are you okay?”
I frowned as I curled up in front of the fireplace. “Of course I am. Why do you sound so panicked?”
“There’s a woman named Sabrina who has been telling me a few things about that boss of yours. She called me last night to talk to me.”
“Sabrina?” I repeated, thoroughly confused. “What are you talking about, Mom? I know Sabrina wouldn’t call you—”
“She has called me, though, Joanna. I think it’s a good idea if you tell me where you are now. Your boss does not sound like the greatest protector in the world.”
“I don’t understand what you’re talking about,” I said. “Who called you?”
“Sabrina did,” she said impatiently. “She’s worried that you’ve moved from one abusive relationship to another one. Quite frankly, I don’t blame her for being worried. Do you even have an understanding of what sort of reputation that Bastian Burke has with women?”
“Of course I know his reputation,” I replied hesitantly. “He isn’t like my ex, though. He isn’t verbally or physically abusive. He just doesn’t like relationships.”
“And how is that going to do you any good?” she asked.
“I never said we were going to have a relationship in the first place. How do you even know that I’m with him exactly?”
“Your friend told me, for the hundredth time,” she said, frustrated. “He sounds like a heartbreaker, honey. Just tell me where you are, and we’ll come get you in a heartbeat.”
“I can’t just leave.” I toyed with an errant string poking out of the couch cushion. “I don’t know if I can be out there with you until Sid calms down, Mom. He’s manipulating everybody.”
“I don’t doubt that, but what’s the difference between the two of them?”
“There is a huge difference,” I said. “I don’t even know why we are having this conversation right now. Sabrina wouldn’t tell you things like that.”
“She’s just concerned about you. She wanted to see if I had an idea of who you are staying with.”
Something didn’t sound right. I looked up when I heard Bastian move around upstairs before it went quiet again.
“Why don’t you give me that number?” I questioned. “That way I can call her myself to figure out what is going on.”
I wrote down the number she rattled off. I hung up after promising to call her back and then scrolled to my saved contact information for Sabrina. Dread filled my stomach as I compared the two numbers. Whoever had called my mother was certainly not Sabrina. The numbers didn’t match.
I debated on texting the number, or even calling it, just to see who it was. I resisted at the last second because a part of me already knew the answer. Sid was charming. He could easily tell a woman to pretend to be Sabrina calling in concern about my whereabouts when Sabrina already knew.
The walls of Bastian’s mansion suddenly felt as though they were closing in on me. It didn’t matter where I decided to hide;
Sid was always going to be there. He had his resources working double time in an attempt to figure out where I had gone. It was only a matter of time before he showed up at Bastian’s front door with his gun drawn.
I swallowed thickly as I rose from the couch to gaze out at the abandoned road leading up to the house. This wasn’t going to end well. I could already feel it in my heart.
Chapter 19
Bastian
Something drastically changed in Joanna’s demeanor over the following twenty-four hours. She kept to herself, rarely coming out of the guest room. It wasn’t until Roger arrived one early morning to drop of a few more documents that I needed to go over before returning to the office next week that Joanna emerged from the room showered and dressed.
“Morning,” she said to the both of us when she entered the kitchen to get coffee. “Roger, what are you doing here?”
“Dropping a few things off for Mr. Burke,” Roger replied, smiling over at Joanna. “You look good, Joanna. I’m glad to see you’re doing good.”
Joanna’s smile was strained as she poured herself a cup. “Thanks. Are you heading into the city to run errands?”
“There are a few things that I need him to do,” I answered, something burning in my chest. “He’s about to get a few things that I need from the store. Do you—”
“Can I go with you?” Joanna asked Roger bluntly. “I need some things in the city as well.”
“Um.”
Roger glanced over at me while I stared at Joanna in disapproval. I didn’t like the idea of her going out into the city with Sid trying to figure out where she was at every turn. The entire point of her coming to Park City was to stay out of sight until he eventually got the hint to go away.
“That’s up to Mr. Burke,” Roger said nervously. “I mean, you’re welcome to come with me. I don’t have complaints against it.”
“Mr. Burke doesn’t control what I do,” Joanna said. “Let me just grab my purse. There’s a few things that I need upstairs.”
She left before I could even utter a word. I watched her disappear from the kitchen before turning to look at Roger, who held up his hands.
“I tried to say it was up to you,” he said. “I won’t let her come with me if you don’t want her to go.”
I scribbled my name on the bottom of a new contract coming through my company. Anger burned in my chest, but something else burned there, too. I couldn’t put my finger on it, and I didn’t want to. Not when Joanna was clearly upset about our conversation yesterday, but also because I didn’t want to think about what she had said, either. I didn’t want to give it a second thought, so I handed the contract over to Roger with an indifferent shrug.
“She can go with you,” I said. “I don’t control her movements, but do keep an eye on who might be following you. I don’t trust that bastard cop for a second.”
“He hasn’t been calling since you placed that protective order on him,” Roger replied, tucking the contract into his briefcase. “So that’s a start, right?”
“It just forced him to leave my business alone. It doesn’t mean he’ll leave Joanna alone—yet.”
“I don’t think she’s ever going to report him to the police,” Roger said. “Most women don’t ever go to the police, and he is the police, too. That complicates everything even more.”
“We’ll see what she decides to do,” I said. Joanna entered the kitchen with a thick sweater on, along with her purse. “Be safe out there. Make sure to keep your eyes peeled for your ex-boyfriend trailing behind you.”
Joanna slid her cold eyes in my direction. “Funny. I didn’t think you really cared about him coming after me anymore.”
Those words whipped hard against me. I didn’t even have a response to them as she grabbed Roger by the arm and tugged him in the direction of the front door. It opened and shut a few seconds later while I heard their muffled voices carry on a heated conversation. I walked up to the living room window to watch as Joanna slid into the passenger seat with Roger getting behind the steering wheel.
Anxiety bloomed in the core of me. I didn’t like the idea of Joanna going out, but she had a point. I couldn’t tell her what to do, and neither did I want to. It was her attitude that was grating on my nerves. She had taken a completely different and distant position since our conversation, but I could sense something else brewing inside her.
I tried to keep her from my thoughts throughout the morning while I conducted a few phone calls from my office. I typed up a few emails that needed to be sent, but I kept checking the time on my computer and phone. It was close to noon when I decided to call Roger to see where they were.
“She wanted to get lunch,” Roger said. “I tried to tell her that I needed to get back to you, but she said she wants to enjoy her time out.”
“Yeah, well, tell her that she needs to get back here to collect a paycheck. The both of you within the next hour.”
“I’ll try to tell her. She wants to go apartment hunting.”
My heart fell to the pit of my stomach even as I tried to keep myself composed over the phone. Apartment hunting. I had known that this would happen, eventually, but it still didn’t settle well with me. I didn’t want to come back to the mansion to find it empty and cold as I once had. Having Joanna so close warmed up every room. I didn’t want to leave Park City after spending an entire week in Joanna’s company away from the rest of the world.
“Mr. Burke?” Roger prompted. “Did I lose you, or are you there?”
“I’m here,” I said in a strained voice. “Just tell Joanna that she needs to come back here for work reasons. Don’t take no for an answer.”
“I’ll try to get her back. We just sat down for lunch.”
“I don’t care, Roger. Just get your ass back here.”
I hung up without an ounce of guilt. Things were not going to go down this way between the two of us. I had done everything I could to protect Joanna from her ex-boyfriend, and all I did was push her away from me in the process. Because I also wanted to protect her from me, but I wanted her close at the same time.
I ran a hand through my hair with a sigh of aggravation. Running away from her problems here weren’t going to solve them any more than it would the ones she faced with Sid. I couldn’t run away from my own problems any longer, either. We were both scarred from the past and unable to move on. Now Joanna wanted to move on. She wanted to find her own place to get away from me.
That stung deeper than anything, but I had done it to myself. I had given her plenty of hints over the past week that I desired her, that I wanted our relationship to keep going further, but I pulled away at the same time. She was only reacting to what I was giving her.
Rising from my office chair, I left the stillness of my office to pace around the living room while I waited for Roger to return with Joanna in tow. If she even came back. Judging from my phone call with Roger, she had taken my words seriously. She wanted to give me distance, and she wanted distance from me if I couldn’t offer a steady relationship.
Could I, though?
After all this time, I doubted I could maintain a relationship. I couldn’t even remember the last time I had gone on a proper date. A few years? Since Sierra? I frowned as I stopped to gaze out the windows in the direction of the road. Sierra was the last woman I had ever felt deep love for. The physical intimacy had been a bonus, but I had fallen in love with the woman who knew how to tug on my heartstrings. Ever since then, I had done everything I could do to make sure that I wouldn’t ever get close to someone like that again.
I had built Joanna up before tearing her back down again. That was what I had feared from the beginning, but I wanted her. I wanted to be close to her. I wanted to bury myself back into that sweet heat of her body, too.
“Mr. Burke?”
I turned to find Marcie standing in the living room doorway, still wearing her heavy winter jacket.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I didn’t mean to startle you, but I wanted to let y
ou know that my husband is coming by in the next hour to pick me up.”
I nodded at her. “I’ll make sure to have the gate open for him. You can give him the key code, Marcie. I don’t mind.”
“I know,” she said, smiling. “I just respect your need for privacy. I better get to cleaning, so—”
“Hold on a second,” I said, and she paused in the doorway with a frown. “I know that I don’t ask personal questions, but I need to know something. More like if you can remember something.”
“Okay,” Marcie replied, turning to face me again. “What is it?”
I took a deep breath. “Do you remember the last time I did something romantic for someone?” I caught sight of her frown, so I clarified. “Like a romantic dinner date?”
“Oh, right. I can’t say how long it’s been, but it had to be with your ex-wife. That’s the last time I saw you do anything romantic.” A smile spread across her lips then. “Aside from doing what you are doing for Joanna.”
“I don’t count that as romantic,” I said, rubbing my face tiredly. “I’m really screwed up, Marcie. You realize that?”
“You are not screwed up, Mr. Burke,” she insisted with a soft shake of her head. “I’ve watched the both of you for the past week. I think you care for her in ways that might not be familiar to you, and she feels the same way. You two are drawn to one another.”
“You think so?”
“I know so,” Marcie said. “I know she has escaped a very dangerous situation, but she isn’t here because you saved her. She’s here because she wants to be here with you.”
The realization dawned on me then that I had developed feelings for Joanna a long time ago. Working next to her for the past few years, I hadn’t given myself the time to even realize why I had taken Joanna back to Park City with me. It had nothing to do with my sexual attraction for her. It had everything to do with the emotions I felt whenever she came near me, or the apprehension I felt knowing she was going to be away from my side and out in the city. I wanted to be with her, and even if I wasn’t sure if I could fully commit yet, I needed to get that point across to her.