by Olive East
After class I set up camp by the window and watched the house across the street. It took a while, but eventually Aaron’s truck pulled into the driveway. He was carrying a charming bouquet of yellow roses that I took to mean “Congrats on being knocked up by me.”
He paused to look at my car and cast a glance into the house, but that was it, and it was very brief. I felt nothing, absolutely nothing, as I watched him disappear inside.
It was a day when Brooks went to the hospital really late, so he came home even later. Boden and I were on our own for our after-dinner walk, but I didn’t mind the one-on-one bonding time. I tried my best to stay up and wait for Brooks, but I eventually found my way upstairs. I smiled to myself as I curled up in the middle of the bed. Only wearing one of his t-shirts, his favorite, I couldn’t wait for him to come home and make love to me.
It never failed to amaze me how quickly I could miss him.
Stretching out like a lazy cat, I slipped my hands under the satin-covered pillows on his bed. Something didn’t feel quite right, and I hooked it onto my pinky finger as I pulled my arms back down.
I recognized it immediately.
It was a hot pink, cheap, rhinestone-covered thong. I knew it was Sadie’s thong, because I was with her the night she applied rhinestone S’s to all her thongs. I knew she burned her fingers using the hot glue gun, and I also knew that was the first and last time she used said gun.
What I didn’t know was what it was doing in Brooks’s bed.
I became a statue. I was a weird work of art entitled Woman Sitting on Bed with Thong. Of course the obvious answer flashed in my mind. A woman’s thong in a man’s bed—I didn’t need anyone to draw me a picture, though I could draw a damn amazing one.
He wouldn’t. He would never.
She would, though.
It was kind of funny. Sadie was exactly the kind of woman a man like Brooks should be with. She knew how to work a room and was so much more experienced in the sexual arena. She was a prize his friends would envy. They belonged together so clearly it was almost cliché.
He wasn’t into her. He made it very clear.
But what if she threw herself at him? She could’ve showed up here wearing nothing but that thong. We weren’t together constantly, and she lived just across the street. There were plenty of opportunities for her to come over and…
There was that day I pulled up to his house and she was hanging around outside. Not to mention she just said she talked to him about the rehearsal dinner, and he was home all afternoon.
She blabbered on about how hot he was. All. The. Time. And it wasn’t like she never wanted what was mine before.
I deserved this to happen. I knew this would happen. Hell, I’d been looking for this to happen. I knew he’d crush my heart, it was only a matter of when. I was never meant to have something as beautiful as Brooks.
I was being dishonest and flirting with the idea. Brooks and I never said we were exclusive. Was that his loophole? Hadn’t I done almost the same thing with Aaron?
I felt relief with that thought. I could get over this. It was probably nothing. Right? Aaron and I kissed and it was no big deal.
Before I even decided to, I was up and pulling on pants. I gathered everything near me that was mine and shoved it into my duffle. I knew in my heart I’d never, ever get over this. The one and only man I’d ever had sex with, ever loved with everything in me, had Sadie too. I’d never forgive her and it’d never be the same with him again.
While I was packing, the thong sat on the bed mocking me. After I gathered as many of my things as I could, I took it and threw it, hard. Since it was a thong, nothing happened and I didn’t get any satisfaction from doing it. Then I got the brilliant idea to place it neatly on the bed, positive he’d see it, and wrote a note.
I had no idea what to say, but with the pressure of knowing Brooks would be back soon, I hastily scribbled,
Found these in your bed. Hope you had fun.
I paused at the front door to scratch Boden’s head. The thought of never seeing him again was overwhelmingly and unexpectedly wretched. I considered staying. I considered throwing the thong away and acting like it never happened.
We could be happy. I was happy. Then I thought of Alan and Gwendolyn and knew that wasn’t the life for me. It never once entered my mind that because Alan was a cheater, Brooks might be too, until that moment. Children, no matter how desperately they tried not to, always ended up like one parent.
Shit, I was a walking billboard for that school of thought and believed it so much I’d done the unspeakable to myself just to be like Dad and not Mom.
I shook my head as Boden watched me. I didn’t have sex with Aaron—the time we spent together was mostly friendly, and besides that, it was over. And more than that, Brooks knew the unpleasant details of my relationship with Sadie. He could’ve fucked the entire female staff at his hospital and it wouldn’t have hurt a tenth as much as him spending one second with Sadie.
Maybe it made me a hypocrite, but I couldn’t get over it.
I’d save him the trouble and me the heartache and just end it now. I knew it’d never work. I wasn’t the girl who gets the happy ending.
Chapter
Twenty-Five
I kept the lashes on so I could drive, then took them off as soon as I got home. My place seemed shitty and dull after spending so much time at Brooks’s. I knew that was how things would be for the rest of my life. After finding that much happiness with someone, no matter how briefly, I’d never feel that way again. Maybe that’s how everyone feels after a breakup. Maybe not. Maybe I was being dramatic.
But I did know I felt so horrible I’d never recover.
I cried as I unpacked. I cried as I stood in the kitchen and stared at the knives. I cried even harder when I decided not to pay homage to my dad. That’s how upset I was. I was unbearably hurt, so hurt that I knew nothing would help, not even him.
Curled in a ball on my bed, I wished I never existed. That was really all I wanted.
My options of people to talk to were so limited. Aaron and Sadie were one hundred percent off-limits, and my mother was so out of the loop it wasn’t worth the humiliation to talk to her.
Maybe Brooks was trying to call? The thought stabbed at my heart so hard I checked for blood. I’d turned my phone off the second I’d gotten into my car and knew turning it back on would be a horrible idea. Was there honestly anything he could say or do that would change my mind?
Probably.
The real problem was I would forgive him. I would see him and he would look perfect and smell perfect and sound perfect and be perfect and I would forgive him. And he would have all the power to do what he wanted, and when he eventually wanted another woman, he’d have her. Someone as perfect as he was, unlike me. Because if I was being honest, that was what it was really about—my inadequacies.
I didn’t want to let love be my excuse for being treated like crap. We weren’t married, we didn’t have children, and I wasn’t going to turn a blind eye to his indiscretions. A flash forward came of me standing in the lovely bathroom with our son’s lovely girlfriend telling her how sorry I was my husband tried to seduce her.
I would not be that woman.
As I lay in bed, I pictured Brooks coming home. Or at least I tried to. I had no idea how he’d react.
The door would swing open and Boden would eagerly greet him. Would he hurry upstairs to find me in bed, but find that damn tacky-ass thong instead? Then he’d…what? Cry? Get angry? Try to find me?
I grabbed a bunch of crap I’d need for the next couple days and threw it into some bags, since my duffle was already stuffed. Then I scrawled some contacts from my phone on my arm and left my apartment.
Running like I was being chased, I jumped into my car and sped off. But even in my hurry, I was positive I passed Brooks’s Lincoln going in the opposite direction, and because of that I drove aimlessly for almost an hour to make sure I wasn’t being followed.
Eventually I ended up where I intended to: the Holiday Inn by my mom’s house. Brooks didn’t know where she lived, so it wasn’t like he’d drive through the area and spot my car. I calmed myself enough to not look like a crazy lady checking in and booked my room for one night.
Before I handed over my never-used credit card, I had to decide if checking into a hotel less than forty minutes away from my apartment was a good idea, but I needed to be away from everyone, but I didn’t want to drive anymore. I was too upset. I thought about spending the extra money I didn’t have to drive to another town, comforting myself by saying I could always borrow it from Karl. With that idea, I knew I was willing to do just about anything to not run back to Brooks.
I thrust my credit card into the unsuspecting clerk’s hand, then profusely apologized for my rough action.
My normal person façade was a total fail.
The nice enough cookie cutter room was peaceful and mind-numbingly lonely. I was dead tired, but I just couldn’t get in the king-sized bed. So instead I unpacked everything I’d thrown together. I lined all my toiletries up on the spacious bathroom counter, placing my new and bought just for the wedding false lashes front and center. At least they brought me happiness.
Then, when I realized the shampoo was the bottle Brooks bought me, I threw it out in the hallway. It was an appropriate reaction.
After that it was time for bed.
Falling asleep was much easier than I thought it would be. Sleeping was also my favorite form of escape. If I could manage to sleep after my dad died, I could sleep through this.
When I woke up, I had renewed energy and a plan. The plan came to me in such crystal clarity I was almost certain it was divine intervention. Can someone receive divine intervention for something so devious? Maybe it actually came from below, but all I know is when I woke up that morning I knew exactly how I was going to get my revenge.
It’s weird to be so vengeful so early in the morning, but not entirely unpleasant. Really, I was feeling proud of myself. They say once your worst fear is actualized you have nothing to lose anymore. I know what that feels like.
All I needed to do now was not chicken out.
I called the numbers I had written on my arm, Sadie and my mom, and just checked in with them so they wouldn’t worry and told them my phone was out of commission. Sadie said nothing about Brooks and neither did I. It was surprisingly easy to be civil to her on the phone. That’s how strong my desire for revenge was.
“I can’t believe I’ll be married tomorrow.” She was mostly talking to herself.
“I’m pretty excited.” It sounded like a total lie to my ears.
“I should’ve taken off this whole week. You’re sleeping over tonight, right?”
Damn. That was the last thing I wanted to do. “Yep.”
“Great, great. Ugh, I can’t believe I’m knocked up.”
“Kind of ruins that fancy honeymoon you planned, doesn’t it?” Just pointing that out to her felt good.
“Um, yeah. It does.”
“Well, I’ve got to go.”
“Okay, but before you go, thanks for everything you’ve done for me and for this wedding. You’re my best friend, Ollie. You mean so much to me, more than you know.”
She sounded so sincere I almost wanted to say it back. I hung up.
I went into the shop extremely early so I could leave early and acted like a fugitive the whole time I was there. My efforts were unnecessary, though, because Brooks didn’t show up like he did the last time I disappeared. And that was what killed me. I hoped that he would, I convinced myself he would, and when he didn’t, it meant he didn’t love me. It meant he was guilty.
It meant I was right all along.
I went home after checking out of the hotel, even though I planned on going straight to the rehearsal dinner. It was just as well, considering I hadn’t packed anything nice to wear and I needed my bridesmaid dress. It was fitting that I so wildly overreacted. I convinced myself I needed a hotel room to get away from Brooks when he wasn’t even trying to see me. I blew everything out of proportion, from how he felt about me to how he’d react to me leaving.
After strapping on my never-worn sky high heels, I spent forever applying my makeup even darker than usual. I was preparing for a role and had to look the part. This Ollie, out-for-revenge Ollie, wears midnight eyeshadow, skimpy clothes, and a push-up bra.
With my black dress and lack of tights, I sorely stuck out from Sadie’s cousins and college friends, who were also serving as bridesmaids and dressed like trendy yet tacky cupcakes.
Everyone was so happy and smiley as we waited for the bride and groom to arrive at the gloomy Gothic cathedral. At least the location reflected my mood if the occasion didn’t.
I felt like it was a funeral. And in a way I guess it was.
When they actually showed up, a half hour late, Aaron hugged every single person in the room except me. He wouldn’t even look at me, but I didn’t care one tiny bit. Sadie pulled me in for a hug after she eyed my outfit. With a smile that played across her lips and even made its way to her eyes, she seemed to like what she saw.
I gave Mr. and Mrs. Kim each a bear hug right in Sadie’s line of sight. They never quite warmed up to her like they did with me, and they weren’t exactly afraid to show it. I loved them for that.
I had the misfortune of being partnered with Aaron’s oldest brother, Drew. He was attractive enough, maybe even above average, but I knew someone who was exquisite. It didn’t matter anyway, though; he practically elbowed me out of his way to get a better view of Sadie’s scantily clad cousin, Mariah. Which made me feel great on top of everything else. There I was, all tarted up with my tits practically to my chin, and I couldn’t even get his attention.
The priest ran us through the ceremony once and told us we could go, but Sadie insisted we go through the whole ceremony two more times. No one seemed to mind except me. Weddings make people idiots.
I watched Aaron with a sharp eye as he stood on the altar with Sadie. He wore a gray suit with a pale pink pocket square that matched Sadie’s puffy rehearsal dress perfectly, and he looked great. My worries of how I’d feel seeing him tie himself to Sadie for life were unnecessary.
I felt nothing at all but a deep loss for Brooks and a burning hatred for Sadie. I couldn’t say I hated Aaron—I never would—I felt he was getting what he deserved: a life with sadistic Sadie. Even if the marriage didn’t last, they still would have a child together.
Unless the baby wasn’t Aaron’s. Just because I only found that thong once definitely didn’t mean they only did it once. They could’ve been having sex for weeks—hell, years. With that thought, I almost blacked out.
Chapter
Twenty-Six
I tried to keep my breathing even as I sat in the first pew of the mostly empty church. Sadie and Aaron were practicing exchanging vows, but all I could think about was standing up and demanding a paternity test. Can a paternity test be done before the baby is born? I’d pay for it out of my own pocket if it could. That would surely ruin the wedding and enrage Aaron’s parents.
It didn’t matter.
Brooks was not now and never would be mine. Maybe he never even was. If he was her baby’s father, it didn’t affect me in any way. Flashes of the two of them bathing an infant and taking family pictures flashed in my mind. Would it be better or worse if he stepped up to the plate and dealt with the mess he made?
Bullshit.
I knew I’d never get over the situation as it was, but if he fathered her child? I wanted to die.
I thought I had a plan. I thought I could handle this wedding and come out with a bit of revenge and badass credit.
I, once again, thought wrong. How could he? How could Brooks do this to me? Sadie, of course, would do this, but him? He was different. As cliché as it was to say, he got me. And he wanted me and then he went and had sex with Sadie. Why?
An eruption of applause pulled me back to reality. Sadie and Aaron
were kissing, signaling the end of the walk-through. Aaron’s parents stood up to invite everyone to the dinner that immediately followed, but I just stayed in my spot.
Everyone else was filing out and my absence surely wouldn’t be noticed until they were all seated at the restaurant—maybe not even then. I could hear the chatter grow softer and softer, followed by doors slamming and cars pulling away. But Aaron came back for me. It was dark and he sank silently into the pew next to me like I knew he would. He sat so close we were touching, and then he placed his hand on top of mine.
The fact that I got him to do what I wanted with such minimal effort, or no effort at all, shot adrenalin through my entire system. I used it as a force to egg me on, as a sign that what I was doing was necessary.
“This is really hard,” he said in a hoarse voice.
“It is,” I agreed.
“It’s not too late, you know. For us. We can still call this whole thing off.”
Those words were all I needed. I couldn’t say who made the first move, though I wanted it to be me, as we started making out. I cupped his face and grabbed a fistful of hair while he decided to take a more X-rated route and squeezed my breasts with rough hands through my dress.
Brooks was all about the foreplay, warming me up before we got down to it, probably because he knew he needed to because of his size. But Aaron, not so much. He was being rough—desperate, needy. It could’ve been because the location didn’t lend itself to taking our time, but I think it would’ve been that way no matter where we were. He kept biting my lip and squeezing me just a bit too tightly. His excitement was so evident that it felt painful, and though we’d been physical plenty of times before, everything was different because we both knew this time would end with him inside me.
Before I could catch my breath, I found myself straddling my ex- and engaged boyfriend, in church, the night before his wedding. Getting his zipper down proved to be a bit problematic, but I was determined. Once I had him unzipped and free of his boxers, my plan was already halfway completed.