Rough Rider

by Harley Fox

  Will picks up the phone and punches in a number. Holding the receiver to his ear he looks up at me, but I still haven’t moved.

  “Didn’t you hear me?” he says with a glare. “You’re fired! Now get out of here.”

  Craig gives me that cocky grin and makes a little shooing motion with his hands. My heart hammers in my chest. Will’s rolling his eyes, waiting for the other line to pick up. I open my mouth and the words come out before the thought is fully articulated:

  “I’ll do it,” I say.

  Will glances up at me. A tinny voice appears through the phone and he says, “Call you right back,” before hanging up.

  “You’ll do what?” he asks, tilting his head at me.

  “I’ll get the paper signed,” I say. “I know Jake, I can do it. It’ll be easier for me. Plus … you don’t want the fire. After that fight, the police will definitely get suspicious. You’ll get noticed, or caught.”

  Will stares at me, his eyes not moving from mine. Finally he says, “Fine. You get that paper signed and back here and maybe I’ll reconsider keeping you here.”

  “Thank you,” I say.

  “Is that what you want, Merryn? To keep working here?”

  I swallow.

  “Yes it is, sir. Very much.”

  Will narrows his eyes.

  “And what about my son? You know you broke his heart when you left him. Are you ready to consider dating him again?”

  I look at Craig and find him smiling widely again. I swallow a second time before looking back at Will.

  “Happily,” I say, putting a smile on my face. “I was going to anyway. I was just waiting for the right time.”

  Will looks at me for a long time but I stay standing, not moving, not saying anything. Finally he nods.

  “Go,” he says. “Take the car, get the paper. You have one hour or you’re through, do you hear me?”

  “Yes sir,” I say, nodding. “Thank you very much sir. I won’t let you down.”

  I turn, being careful not to meet Craig’s eyes as I do, and leave Will’s office, closing the door behind me and walking back to my desk.

  Oh, fuck that guy, I think, trying to suppress the bile in my throat. And fuck this place. I’m going over there to warn Jake about Will’s plan to start the fire, and then I’m going to the police to tell them everything. With Jake on my side we should be able to get Will arrested for sure.

  I reach my desk and grab my purse, then walk over to Lindsay’s desk. She’s doing something on her computer but she looks up as I arrive.

  “Hey,” I say to her in a soft voice. “I’m leaving.”

  Lindsay looks up at me. “What?”

  “I’m leaving. I just wanted to come and say goodbye.”

  Lindsay blinks for a second and then nods.

  “You’re quitting?” she asks.

  “Yeah,” I say.

  She drops her gaze, but then stands up and walks around the desk, pulling me in for a hug.

  “I always knew you would,” she says in my ear as I hug her back. “Good luck.”

  “Thanks,” I tell her. We pull back and I look at her. “Good luck to you too.”

  Lindsay gives me one last smile before I head to the elevators to take me down one last time. I reach the parking garage and go to the booth to find the old man reading in there again. The key fob I left is gone and when I knock on the glass he turns his head slowly to look at me. He sighs, marks the page in his book, and slides the glass window open.

  “There you are,” he says slowly. “You know, that fob could have been taken by anyone.”

  “Well, now I need it back,” I tell him. “I forgot to do something.”

  He looks at me.

  “You’ve been gone for two days. What did you forget to do?” But I don’t answer and he slowly lifts his eyebrows. “Fine, don’t tell me. Company ID please.”

  I fish my ID out of my purse and hand it to him. He takes it and slowly looks me up on his computer, then takes out the box from underneath the desk and pulls out the same key fob as I had before.

  “Here you go,” he says, handing me the items. “Hope you figure out what you need to get done this time.”

  “So do I,” I say, and I walk away, going through the underground parking to space C32.

  I unlock the door and get in, a strange sense of deja vu coming over me. I start the car and back out, leaving the lot as I drive out into the sunshine.

  My heart beats fast as I leave PharmaChem — leaving it for good this time — and drive toward Jake’s neighborhood. What’s he going to say when he sees me? Is he still going to be mad? I hope he’ll give me a chance to explain everything. At least I can count on Emily to help me out there.

  I drive perhaps a bit faster than I should but I can’t wait to get there. To right these wrongs and set things straight between us. I reach his road and turn onto it, just making the orange light. I drive down his tiny street and when I reach his apartment I pull up to the curb and park.

  The first thing I notice getting out of the car is that the garage door has been closed. The metal still looks twisted and warped, though, and all of the windows are broken in. But I turn to the apartment and walk up, stopping in front of the door. I take a deep breath to steady myself and knock three times.

  I stand there, waiting. Half a minute passes so I knock again, louder this time. Another minute passes and now I try the handle, but of course it’s locked. I bang on the door now, thinking maybe they’re asleep. Still there’s no answer.

  The key. The spare key, I think. I look around, trying to remember where it is, then I spot the pile of bricks and broken bottles. I pick up one brick but the key’s not there, so I put it back and pick up another.

  “Hey!”

  I drop the brick and stand up, turning around. Standing near the garage door is a squat-looking man, about my height, with a pot belly and a comb-over. He’s looking at me with narrowed eyes.

  “What are you doing over there?” the man asks me.

  “Sorry,” I say. “Um, I was just looking for Jake Hawksley.”

  The man keeps his eyes narrowed for a moment before saying, “He’s not here. Can’t you see his bike isn’t here?”

  I look over and, indeed, Jake’s bike is gone. I didn’t noticed before.

  “Oh,” I say. “Um … do you know where I can find him?”

  “Say …” the man says, “are you that PharmaChem woman?”

  I blink at him.

  “Um, yes, I am.”

  The man nods and walks toward me, crossing the street. As he does he reaches behind him and pulls a folded sheet of paper out of his back pocket.

  “Jake gave me this to mail out, but I ain’t got the time for that. You can just take it, since he said you brought it here anyway. Save me the postage too.”

  He hands me the paper and I take it, looking down at it.

  “Name’s Larry, by the way,” he says. “Larry Addleman.” He looks back at the burned garage door and shakes his head. “Strange. Just a few days ago Jake fought me on the phone to keep this place, saying he’d pay the increased rent. Now, all of a sudden, he just hands it over.”

  I unfold the sheet, hoping it’s not what I think it is. Of course, life never works out that way. In my hands is the paper I brought over. The one I tried to get Jake to sign when I first showed up here. And down at the bottom, in scrawled handwriting, is Jake Hawksley’s own signature.

  Jake

  The mood in the bar is quiet. Sullen. Those of us who are left mill around, unsure of what to do with ourselves. Nobody’s playing pool. Hardly anybody speaks. Some people sit on the couches, cradling glasses of beer. People cry; others comfort them. Nobody wants to be here, but nobody wants to leave. We’re here honouring the memories of our dead.

  Sal. Tyler. Isabelle. Howard. Vinnie. Scarlett.

  All good people. All people who didn’t deserve to die. We got as many or more of the Chains and Slingers, but that doesn’t matter. It won’t repl
ace those who we lost, or make it hurt any less. Mandy is in the corner alone, not crying, not saying anything. I know she misses Scarlett more than anything in the world. I don’t know how to comfort her, though. I’m sitting at the bar beside Sal’s old spot, respectfully left empty.

  On my other side is Emily, her glass of juice only half-drunk, and while she sympathized with us at first I think it just hasn’t affected her as much. She’s pointing her camera around the bar, taking pictures now. Pictures of us. Picture of the bar. It doesn’t matter. I hear the click again and then Emily stares at the display screen. She showed me a couple at first but stopped when she realized that I didn’t care.

  I lift the glass of beer to my lips and take a long drink, feeling the liquid pool down in my stomach.

  Of course, the Bullets are going to attack us again. Why wouldn’t they? Our numbers are down and they want us gone. They’ll strike us when we’re weak. Sooner or later it’s going to happen. It’s only a matter of time.

  But the Chains members aren’t the only things I’ve lost today. Merryn, and my shop. Both of them, gone. Half a week ago I thought everything was going to be fine. Now it’s all fucked up. All of it. I met this beautiful woman and now everything is gone to shit. She brought this on us. It was all because of her.

  I just wish I could get rid of this feeling inside of me as well.

  “Hey,” comes Emily’s voice, and I look over at her. Her camera is down and she’s looking at me. “It’s going to be okay. Things will get better.”

  I swallow down something. Sadness? Regret? Something. And then I shake my head and down the last of my beer. Down at the far end of the bar Ruby is talking in low tones with Dave.

  “No,” I tell her. “It’s not.”

  “Jake, don’t say that.”

  “But it’s true, Emily,” I say. “Everything is gone.”

  “I’m still here,” she says, her eyes burning. “Okay? You’re still here. And look around you.” She waves her hand out. “Everyone who made it out is still here. They’re here at this bar together because they love each other. And they love you.”

  There’s a tightness in my throat. I try to push it down but it’s hard now, even harder than when Merryn left. I feel it bubble up and suddenly my eyes burn, and when I blink two tears make their way through. I quickly wipe them away.

  “Jake,” Emily says in a softer voice as she leans in closer to me. “It’s okay to feel sad. It’s okay to feel those emotions. It’s not something bad or weak. It just shows that you care.”

  My lips are quivering now and I pick up my glass but it’s empty. I put it down again and the empty thunk sounds so final. Sal used to drink here. And everybody else … and Merryn …

  Two new tears roll down my cheeks and Emily watches me as I open my mouth, but my throat feels too tight and painful to actually say anything. More tears come down and she reaches forward, putting her hand on my arm, squeezing it.

  “Why did she do that to me?” I croak, my face screwing up. “How could she just … use me like that?”

  Emily rubs my arm as I look down, my tears falling onto the dirty bar floor. I feel myself start to sob and more tears come, all of them falling like rain. My nose is running and I can’t remember the last time I cried. Was it when Mom and Dad died? I honestly can’t remember.

  I lift a hand and rub fiercely at my eyes, sniffing hard. Swallowing moves the tightness down and I suck in a deep breath, filling my lungs, letting it out slowly. I lift my head and look at Emily.

  “I’m getting some air,” I tell her, and her hand trails off my arm as I get up from the bar. I’m about to walk away but I stop for a moment before turning back to her. “Thanks,” I say in a low voice, and Emily smiles up at me. Then I walk out the bar.

  The fact that the sun is shining and it’s a beautiful day feels like a slap in the face to me. It should be raining. The skies should be dark. I shouldn’t be able to see kids on their bikes off in the distance, like nothing at all happened last night. I take in a few breaths of fresh air and try to clear my head.

  What am I doing here? What’s going to happen to me now? My shop is gone. Sal is gone. It’s implied that I’m going to be the next Chains leader, but … I don’t know if I want it or not. I don’t know if this is the best path for me to go down.

  I joined the Chains two years ago so Emily and I would have some protection. Protection from gangs, protection for my shop. It’s been a lucky two years in that I only now experienced a real fight. But one fight doesn’t make a war, and this thing is far from over. The Bullets are going to attack us again. And I don’t know if I want to be here when it happens.

  The door to the bar opens and I turn to see Ruby walk out. We catch eyes for a moment and then I turn back, staring out at the town. She steps up beside me and takes out a pack of cigarettes, putting one in her mouth. She lights it up and sucks, blowing out a stream of white smoke.

  “How you doing?” she asks. I nod.

  “Good,” I say. I’m still staring straight ahead. She takes in another lungful of smoke and blows it out.

  “People are starting to talk,” she says, “about what we’re gonna do now. About who’s gonna run the Chains.”

  I nod, not saying anything this time.

  “Your name is coming up a lot,” she tells me. “People want you to lead them.” Another drag and a stream of white smoke. “What do you think? Are you up for the job?”

  I take a deep breath in and let it out. I can feel Ruby looking at me, and I know that if I tell her I’m leaving that she’ll understand. Of course she’ll understand. They all will. But everyone else is going to stay. Alan, Mandy. Jeremy and Bernie. Abby and Dave. They’re all going to stay because this is where they belong. Without each other we’d all just be lost, wandering, and looking for a purpose.

  So I’m not surprised when I feel my head nod and I look over at Ruby.

  “Yeah,” I say to her. “I’m up for the job.”

  She takes in another lungful of smoke and smiles, breathing it out.

  “Good,” she says. “I was worried that you weren’t going to.”

  Ruby turns to look out over the town and I do the same.

  “I heard what happened with that girl,” she says. “The fight you two had. Emily told me bits and pieces, and the others filled me in what happened at the warehouse.

  “You know Jake, when you and that Merryn girl came here for that meeting I didn’t think too much of her. Well, that’s not entirely true. I found myself feeling jealous of her.” I glance over at her and Ruby gives me a sideways looks. “Don’t act like you’re surprised, Jake. You know how I feel about you.” She takes in another breath of smoke and lets it out. “I thought I had you after our night together but I couldn’t hold you down. You were too quick. Off to the next girl, and the next one after that. They all gossiped, of course, about that piece down between your legs and I’ll admit, that’s what made me want you in the first place. But after spending that one night with you, I knew there was more to you than just a big cock.

  “But none of the girls seemed to know it, and they didn’t care, either. Except for Merryn. She knew it. I could tell, because she had the same look that I do, Jake. That look where I know there’s more to you than meets the eye. I wanted you, and I needed you to want me too. But you didn’t, and I accept that now. I acknowledge it. But that Merryn girl … she looked at you the same way. And you? You gave her that look right back.”

  Ruby takes one more drag before throwing her cigarette on the ground, crushing it beneath her shoe. She blows the smoke out and then pats me on the shoulder before walking back into the bar. I watch the front door close behind her and then turn and look back out over the town.

  Except for Merryn. She had the same look that I do.

  Was that true? I was so drunk I didn’t notice anything. Of course, she could have just been faking it.

  But then, outside the apartment this morning:

  Jake please. I had no idea this
was going to happen!

  I wanted to believe that was true, but I had to keep my guard up. And I still do, now. I’d been double-crossed and I … hadn’t I? Maybe it was just one big mistake. Maybe she actually didn’t know that guy … Craig … was going to do what he did.

  And if that’s the case then maybe … maybe …

  But I sigh. It’s over. It’s already finished. What happened between Merryn and me was … something, I don’t know. But it’ll never happen again. I do know that.

  I turn and go back inside, and as I walk to the bar I notice that people are looking at me. In their eyes they’re asking that unspoken question. I stop beside Emily where she’s busy looking through pictures on her camera. Then I turn around, facing the rest of the gang.

  “Everybody!” I call out, and the Chains members come and crowd around me. “Ruby told me that you’ve all been talking. About what we’re going to do next, and who’s going to take over.”

  “You going to do it, Jake?” Abby asks, and I look at her and nod.

  “Yes, I’ll do it,” I say, and for the first time today I see people actually smile. “We can keep this gang going strong, but our first priority is to protect ourselves against The Bullets.”

  People mutter in agreement, nodding their heads.

  “We need to come up with a plan of attack. If we hit them first, maybe as early as today, then they won’t be expecting it. They’ll think we’re still all down.”

  “Jake?” comes Emily’s voice, but I ignore it. I’ll convince her we’re going to be safe later.

  “If we go to the Slingers’ hideout we can take over easily and get their resources. Guns and ammunition. That we can put to use against the Bullets.”

  “Jake?”

  Emily hits my shoulder now so I wheel around.

  “What is it?” I say, my patience wearing thin. She’s holding her camera out in front of her, and on the display screen is a dark-looking picture. There’s a mixture of excitement and insistence in her eyes.

  “Jake, I think you should look at this,” she says. “You may not need to attack the Bullets after all.”