The Good Daughter

by Amra Pajalic

  My eyes were mesmerised by his hand. It was only centimetres from mine. All I had to do was take it in mine. He’d look at me and he’d know what I was feeling. I wouldn’t have to say anything. While he looked away my hand inched toward his, my breath caught in my chest as I got closer.

  ‘But that’s not important any more.’ Jesse took a step backwards and my hand landed in the empty space where his hand had been.

  I willed him to look at me. I knew that he’d recognise what was in my eyes.

  ‘Do you want to talk to him?’ Jesse asked.

  I followed his gaze to the school building and saw Brian peering at us from the corner. When he saw we were watching, he ducked back. I hesitated, desperate to tell Jesse that my feelings for him had changed, but the words kept sticking in my throat.

  ‘He wants to apologise for what he did,’ Jesse said, misinterpreting my silence, still looking at where Brian had been.

  ‘Okay,’ I said. Now wasn’t the time. I’d have to find a way to tell him later.

  Jesse signalled for Brian to come over. ‘I’ll leave you guys to talk,’ he said.

  ‘Hi…’ Brian appeared next to me. ‘I’m sorry—’

  ‘I’m sorry—’ We spoke at the same time and both stopped abruptly.

  ‘Why are you sorry?’ I asked Brian.

  ‘For kissing you.’ His hair was mussed and his normally immaculate clothes were wrinkled. ‘I only kissed you because I thought that if there was anyone I could not be gay for, it would be you.’

  ‘Oh…’ I murmured after a few seconds of silence. I didn’t know whether to be happy or angry.

  ‘Why are you sorry?’ Brian asked, his face creased in puzzlement.

  ‘For kissing you,’ I said. ‘I guess I always knew on some level you were gay, but I never allowed myself to acknowledge it…so I confused the friendship chemistry we had for boyfriend, girlfriend chemistry.’

  Brian drew circles with his finger on the picnic tabletop. ‘You know I love you, Sabiha,’ he said, his voice choked. ‘You’re my best friend.’

  I reached out and took his hand in mine. ‘I love you too.’ Before I knew it we were holding each other as we both wept.

  A group of kids passed in front of us. Conscious of their stares, Brian and I moved away from each other. He got out his handkerchief and wiped his face, before folding it over and passing it to me. ‘So we’re okay?’ he asked.

  ‘Yes.’ I gave back the handkerchief after I’d dabbed at my face.

  ‘Are you and Jesse okay?’ Brian nudged his head in Jesse’s direction.

  Jesse and Dina were waiting for us. ‘Looks like he’s forgiven me,’ I said.

  ‘That’s what you do when you love someone.’ Brian kissed the top of my head.

  In every class, either Jesse, Dina or Brian sat next to me and blocked the staring and whispers that started up when I entered the classroom. I waited for a chance to talk to Jesse, but the group stuck together. I realised that while I’d been gone Dina, Jesse and Brian had bonded without me.

  Maybe I wouldn’t have to say anything to Jesse? Maybe over time we’d be able to hang out together and it would be effortless and natural, the way it was before I stuffed things up.

  At lunchtime we sat at the front of the school, on the picnic bench again. Adnan passed by with his new girlfriend. Brian sat up straight, straining forward as he waited for Adnan to look our way. Adnan ignored us. Brian slumped. Dina took his hand. As I listened to Dina talking to Brian and Jesse, I couldn’t believe how things had changed.

  I’d spent ten years thinking of Kathleen as my best friend, yet I’d known nothing about her; but now I knew all of Jesse’s, Brian’s and Dina’s darkest secrets and they knew all of mine. We’d all started hanging out together, pretending to be friends, and somehow along the way the pretence had become reality.

  I’d once complained to Frankie about Mum not being a good mother. Frankie told me that Mum tried to be the best parent she could be and that I shouldn’t judge her for the things she did wrong, but instead look at the things she did right. I’d finally got it.

  Since we’d moved to St Albans I’d spent all my time complaining about what I’d left behind, and hadn’t noticed what I’d gained. I had a real family. I had a grandfather, an aunt, an uncle and cousins. They weren’t perfect, but they were here to stay.

  Auntie Zehra came to pick me up from school. I climbed in the car. ‘Let’s visit Mum,’ I said as I buckled my seatbelt.

  glossary

  Note: I have Anglicised the spelling of some words as these letters don’t exist in English. The Bosnian spelling is in brackets.

  Allah Arabic. God

  Babo Bosnian. Dad

  Bože sauvaj Bosnian. Colloquial, God save

  Chevapi (evapi) Bosnian dish of skinless sausages served in bread with sliced onion

  Dido Bosnian. Grandfather

  Dimiye (Dimije) Bosnian traditional garment, variation of harem pants

  Djamiya (Džamija) Bosnian. Mosque

  Djenaza (Dženaza) Arabic. Funeral

  Djenet (Dženet) Arabic. Heaven

  Djezva (Džezva) Turkish. Coffee pot

  Fildjan (Fildžan) Turkish. Small demitasse coffee cups

  Hadith Arabic. Oral traditions relating to the words and deeds of the Islamic prophet Muhamed

  Hijab Arabic head-covering for Muslim women

  Hodja (Hodža) Bosnian. Priest

  Hurmashice (Hurmašice) Bosnian dish of buns made from corn meal and baked in sugar water

  Qur’an (Kuran) Arabic. Islamic holy book

  Maslanica Bosnian dish of pastry layered with cheese and butter

  Mecca Arabic. Islamic holy city in Saudi Arabia that Muslims face when praying

  Mejtef Bosnian. Islamic classes for children

  Merhaba Arabic. Welcome

  Muhamed Bosnian spelling for the Prophet Mohammed who received messages from God that formed the Kuran

  Mutusha (Mutuša) Bosnian dish of pancake-like mixture with diced potatoes, baked in the oven

  Oklagiya (Oklagija) Bosnian. Rolling pin—a long stick the length of a broom handle

  Omarska Serb-run concentration camp in which Bosnians were imprisoned

  Pita Bosnian dish of pastry filling formed into a spiral shape

  Ramadan Muslim religious holiday in the ninth month when Muslims fast

  Shah Mat (Šah Mat) Bosnian. Checkmate

  Shamiya (Šamija) Bosnian. Headscarf covering hair

  Salaam Aleykum (Selam Alejkum) Arabic greeting. Peace be unto you

  Vlah Bosnian. Unbeliever

  Zabava Bosnian. Party

  Zeljanica Bosnian. Spinach pita

  Zdravo Bosnian. Hello

  acknowledgments

  Thank you to my wonderful husband, the love of my life, for his endless support and patience, in helping to make my dream come true. I couldn’t have done it without you.

  To my family for being a source of inspiration.

  To Jodi for being my critique partner and having the unfortunate distinction of reading everything I’ve ever written.

  To Renee and Jodi for being part of Degraves. I hope 2009 brings many more achievements for all of us.

  Thanks to Michael Heyward and everyone at Text Publishing for their support and belief in my book, and a special thanks to Penny Hueston for all her work in making The Good Daughter the best it can be.

  To Pippa Masson at Curtis Brown Australia for championing my book.

  Thanks to the judges—Joel Becker, Kevin Brophy and Lucy Sussex—of the State Library of Victoria, 2007 Victorian Premier’s Awards for an Unpublished Manuscript, for giving me a boost of confidence by shortlisting my book.

  Table of Contents

  COVER PAGE

  TITLE PAGE

  COPYRIGHT PAGE

  DEDICATION

  CONTENTS

  THE EXILES RETURN

  THE FAMILY REUNION

  A FRIEND IN NEED

  WOG MAKEOVER


  BOYS WILL BE BOYS, WILL BE GIRLS, WILL BE BOYS

  THE BOSNIAN WAY

  ST ALBANS FIGHT CLUB

  DICKSGUSTING

  GOING COLD TURKEY

  NIGHTMARE ON WOOLEY STREET

  WESTIES BESTIES

  THE INTERLOPER

  BAD HAIR

  BOSNIAN HIGH-NOON

  THE JEALOUSY GAME

  THE ALIEN INVASION

  THE SECRET LIFE OF WONDER WOMAN

  THE KISSING GAME

  WHAT COMES AROUND, GOES AROUND

  TO ERR IS HUMAN, TO FORGIVE DIVINE

  GLOSSARY

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS