Melody shook her head even as Ainsley’s stomach rolled.
“I haven’t,” Melody answered. “It’s so scary to think that it happened so close to my studio, and right on Loch’s property.”
Ainsley clenched her fists, nodding. “I know,”—she paused—“it’s almost as if someone wanted Loch involved.”
“Has he said anything to you about it?” Kenzie asked.
Ainsley shook her head, not meeting her friends’ eyes. He hadn’t spoken to her. Not really. At least not since their night together, and as she didn’t want to have to explain that, she knew she needed to move on from Loch in their conversation.
“With our schedules recently, we haven’t had a lot of time to talk. But I’m sure I’ll hear all about it soon.”
Kenzie gave her a weird look, but Ainsley went back to stretching. “When you do, ask him if he needs anything from us, or if he knows if there will be a service for Dennis. I know Dennis didn’t have any family here, but I don’t know much else about him.”
Ainsley nodded again. “I will. If Dennis was alone, I figure Loch will want to help. That’s just who he is.”
“And you’ll help him too because that’s who you are,” Melody added. “I might be new to Whiskey, same as Kenzie, but we know you both.”
They did, and that was the problem with Ainsley keeping secrets from them. She wasn’t any good at it. Hell, she was pretty sure they both already knew that she was in love with Loch, even if it was in her own way.
“Yeah, you do. And I’ll let you know what he says. Now, ready to dance?”
“Isn’t that my line?” Melody winked. “Okay, girls. Let’s do it!”
Ainsley’s muscles already ached.
“Watching these little kids dance reminds me that my body doesn’t stretch that way anymore,” Kenzie whispered from her seat on the floor next to Ainsley. They had finished their class the hour before and now sat watching the next class, the little beginners. Kenzie’s future stepson Nate was in the class, as was Misty. Nate’s mom couldn’t make it thanks to a cold, but Kenzie had said she’d drop off Nate after class.
The fact that both families were making things work now after a long and drawn-out custody issue when Nate was born meant the world to Ainsley. She loved Nate like her own family and tried to be the best honorary aunt ever, just like she was with Misty.
Of course, her relationship with Misty was far different since she was in the little girl’s life more than she was in Nate’s, but it didn’t matter, Ainsley loved those kids and watching them dance around the room and learn foot positions made Ainsley smile.
“We’re old, Kenzie. Elderly, even.”
Nate tripped over his feet, then righted himself as Melody worked with him on his footwork. The kid was talented and wanted to take the class because he liked Melody and wanted to hang out with Misty. And Ainsley figured he would learn balance to help him with football and other sports when he was ready to play those, as well. Nate loved all sports even at his young age, just like his dad and uncles.
“We’re in our twenties, ass,” Kenzie whispered. “I’m not old, just not as flexible as I used to be.”
“That’s not what Dare said last night,” she joked.
Kenzie snorted, and Melody gave them both a look, her lips twitching before she went to help another student with her arm placement.
“Dare does appreciate what flexibility I have,” her friend said dryly. “Maybe I’ll try more at-home yoga or something. Because I do not want to feel this achy.”
“We’re just out of practice. Growing up does that.”
“Too true.” She paused. “Now, are you going to tell me why you keep acting weird when I mention Loch’s name?” Ainsley opened her mouth to speak, but Kenzie held up her hand. “And don’t tell me it’s nothing. Both Melody and I know it’s something.”
Ainsley sighed. “We had a fight. We’ll get through it.” I hope. “But we need to talk about it first.” Soon.
“Do you want to talk about it with me?” Kenzie’s voice was low so the other parents couldn’t overhear, but Ainsley still didn’t want to talk about it.
“I’m okay.” At Kenzie’s look, Ainsley shrugged. “Really. I will be anyway. We just need to talk, and getting him to talk when he’s growly isn’t easy.” An understatement. “And between Misty, my job, his jobs, and Dennis, things have been a little hectic.”
Not to mention they were avoiding each other, but she didn’t say that.
“Well, if you change your mind, I’m here. Melody, too. And now, class seems to be over and the subject of our conversation just walked in. I hope it all works out.”
Ainsley hadn’t needed Kenzie to tell her that Loch was near. Her body had told her as much, and she hated that little alarm system of hers.
She stood up with Kenzie, and they both grabbed their jackets along the way. Ainsley immediately went to Loch’s side while Kenzie went over to talk to the mom of the other boy in class. Ainsley hoped both boys would stay enrolled. Dancing was good for the soul, at least that’s what Melody taught, and Ainsley figured it had to be true given how much it had healed Melody over the years.
Ainsley found herself standing beside Loch, aware that a few moms were whispering like usual when it came to the two of them. Many people in Whiskey figured she and Loch were having an affair behind closed doors, little did they know that the first time she’d touched him like she’d wanted to in her dreams had been only a few days prior.
“Hey,” Ainsley said, trying to keep her voice positive and upbeat. She was so damn tired of feeling weird, so damn angry that he’d kissed her and yet upset it hadn’t happened before that night. To say she was confused would be an understatement of epic proportions.
“Hey. Class over? Sorry I missed most of it. I couldn’t get away from the gym like I wanted. Phone calls and crap.”
She frowned at him, noticing the lines at the corners of his eyes and mouth. Something was wrong, and she didn’t think it had to do with her—at least not entirely. And as much as she wanted to ask him about it, this wasn’t the place to talk about anything important.
“Anything I can do to help?”
He didn’t meet her gaze, just shook his head. “You do too much already.”
She didn’t like his tone, the way he sounded almost defeated, so she frowned. “What do you mean by that?”
Loch didn’t have time to answer her as Misty ran up to them at that moment, her jacket already on, bouncing on her feet.
“Dad! You’re here. I can’t wait for our reci—rei—”
“Recital,” Ainsley and Loch helped at the same time, and she forced herself not to look at him and smile.
She hated things being so weird.
“Yeah, that. I can’t wait. You’re going to love it. Ainsley! All the other moms are going to talk about costumes. I can’t wait!”
She bounced and twirled around them both before taking Loch’s hand and tugging him toward the door.
“Ice cream! It’s after dance class, and that means ice cream!” Misty’s voice apparently only had one level today, but Ainsley could only hear every other word or so.
Other moms.
Misty had said other moms.
As in, Ainsley being one of them.
Her stomach clenched, and her hands started shaking, her skin practically breaking out into a sweat. She looked up into Loch’s eyes, hoping to hell she’d see something there that would make sense, that would help her figure out what to say. Only, she didn’t see anything.
Just coldness.
Darkness.
Blankness.
“Ainsley! Dad! We need to go!”
Misty tugged on both of them and, somehow, Ainsley found herself outside with Loch, alone on the street since everyone else seemingly had somewhere else to be or were on Main Street shopping or eating.
“Ice cream sounds good,” she said, her voice a bit wooden. “What do you say?”
Loch didn’t say anything. Instead,
he turned and walked toward the corner of the street, Misty’s hand in his. Ainsley followed, wondering what the hell she was going to do. It was just a slip of the tongue, Misty calling her Mom—even indirectly. It was an accident. Misty was young and still learning how everything worked.
And maybe Ainsley was the only one who’d had a reaction to the word at all. Maybe it was only her that was freaking out. Maybe Loch didn’t care. Maybe he didn’t look blank, or dark, or cold at all and she was imagining it.
Maybe it was all just Ainsley.
She hoped to hell and back that was the truth, but as Misty talked a mile a minute while eating the ice cream they’d purchased a minute ago, and Loch walked without saying a word with Ainsley following, she wasn’t really sure. They walked into the house, taking off their coats while Misty still rambled about class. That kid could talk for hours, and Ainsley had always found it cute. Right then, she thought it a lifeline.
“Misty,” Loch said quickly, his daughter quickly quieting down. “Go eat your ice cream in your room for a bit, okay? I need to talk with Ainsley.”
Misty frowned, and Ainsley swallowed hard, trying to smile and not look like she was worried at all. “But I’m not allowed to eat in my room.”
“Just a special thing today. Okay, baby?”
She nodded, and Ainsley reached out to instinctively hand over a couple of paper towels. Loch met her gaze, then ran his hand over his little girl’s head before turning to Ainsley.
“Loch.”
“This isn’t working out, Ainsley.”
She froze, her heart in her throat. She swore the thudding in her ears had intensified to the point where she couldn’t hear correctly. She couldn’t have heard correctly.
“What?” she croaked.
“This. All of this. You, me, Misty. It’s confusing her. You heard her in there. She doesn’t know what to call you and, fuck it, Ainsley, I’ve been relying on you far too much. I have since she was born, and that’s not fair to any of us. It’s really not fair to you. It would be better if you weren’t here. If you weren’t…part of everything and confusing her.”
“I’m your friend. It’s what friends do.” Why was she breaking inside? Why did this hurt so much?
He shook his head. “You’ve done everything a mom does for that girl, and you never asked for a thing. You’re putting your whole life on hold for her…for me, and I can’t ask you to do that anymore.”
Even as Ainsley broke, rage swirled inside her, causing her hand to shake. “You never asked. I gave.”
“And I never gave anything back.”
“I never asked you to. You always helped me, Loch. We’re friends. That’s what friends do.”
“And then we slept together and fucked it all up. Now it’s confusing, and Misty is just going to get older and be more confused.” He shook his head. “I’m going to find a babysitter or a nanny or something. Someone who has clear lines where I won’t hurt anyone when the lines get as blurred as they are. I should have done this earlier, but I relied on you too much. You need to go out and have a life, Ainsley. You need to be with someone who can give you something. That’s not me. Okay? I’m not safe. I’m not a safe bet. And having you in my daughter’s life as you are is just going to hurt you both in the end. I can’t do that. I can’t hurt her, Ainsley.” He paused, and Ainsley blinked away tears. “And I can’t hurt you.”
She licked her lips, trying to understand what was going on. What exactly could she say? There wasn’t anything for her to do or say. So much had been packed into that statement, it would take Ainsley hours to untangle it all, and she didn’t know if she had hours to give, not when she felt like she was dying inside.
“You already did,” she whispered, her voice hollow. “You already hurt me. I’m going to go. Again. Because I need to think. But don’t you dare tell that little girl anything. If you’ve ever cared for me, you won’t change anything. Not yet. But…but I’m leaving. Because it hurts to look at you right now. It hurts to be near you.”
It hurts to love you.
He didn’t say anything as she made her way out of the house, not even saying goodbye to the two people she loved most in the world. When she closed the door behind her, she let the cold wind cool down her face, her tears finally free to fall.
She had no idea what she was going to do next. What she was going to say.
All she knew was that her world had tipped off its axis and she was now tumbling down into the abyss.
And, somehow…somehow, she had to find her way out of it.
At least, she hoped she could.
Chapter 6
Loch was an asshole. He knew that, but he couldn’t change it. But as he tried to get through the day, sipping his afternoon coffee, he knew he’d never be able to figure out how that conversation could have gone better.
He’d known he needed to push Ainsley away to keep her safe—from himself and from what might be on the horizon—but he hadn’t known it would hurt so badly. He’d done it because of the company and what might be coming for Loch responsibility and past-wise. Being with him wasn’t safe. He’d always known that, but now that he’d pushed Ainsley away, he was afraid he’d broken something. Irrevocably.
He’d never be able to get that look on her face out of his head. The one after he’d said the words he hadn’t wanted to say. But he’d known he needed to speak them. Then she’d left, telling him she would be back to talk. He knew she would come, too, because that was Ainsley. She never backed down from anything. Always came at things from a logical if somewhat emotional place. It sounded like a contradiction, but it was all Ainsley.
He’d hurt her, he knew that, but he hadn’t known what else to do. They’d somehow woven themselves into each other’s lives so completely and had become so tangled that he wasn’t sure how to make sure he didn’t hurt her any more than he already had. Except to push her away. A clean break, a cut that could heal rather than a jagged scar that would never do so. If he let her stay in his life just as his friend, it would be torture for both of them.
Or at least for him.
He wanted her. He needed her. And if he actually thought about his feelings rather than burying them away like he’d been forced to do when he found out that he was going to be a father in a world where he didn’t have answers, then he’d realize he was drowning in a sea of what-ifs he couldn’t hold onto.
It wasn’t safe being with him. It never had been. Marnie had seen that. She hadn’t loved him, hadn’t wanted him except for the little money he could provide and a lot of sex. When she’d found out that she was pregnant, she’d freaked out and almost aborted Misty before Loch had even known they were having a baby.
She’d changed her mind at the last moment, and Loch had never been more grateful. Yeah, Marnie had signed over full custody and left Whiskey without a second glance, but he’d gotten Misty out of the deal.
And Ainsley had come with it, too. She’d been in his life for longer than the friendship they shared. He’d always known who she was, because she’d known his younger sister, Tabby. He’d thought her a pretty decent person who he’d let be in Tabby’s life because he was the overprotective brother that didn’t want his little sister hurt. And then Ainsley had grown up and stayed in Whiskey. And they’d become friends.
Best friends.
He wasn’t sure how it had happened, but one day, they were having coffee, talking about school for her and work for him; and the next, she was staying over on the couch because they’d had too much to drink. Sure, she’d been underage, and he probably shouldn’t have bought the beer, but he’d been an idiot. The next morning, they hadn’t looked at each other like they were crazy but had instead carried on a conversation as if sleeping over at a friend’s house were nothing.
They clicked. They meshed. They did all of that.
She knew almost every part of him, held nearly every memory within her.
He’d even told her about some of his past with the company, the things he’d been
allowed to say anyway. He might not work for them anymore, but he’d always kept the secrets he needed to for himself and his clients.
And now he owned the company.
Loch leaned against the kitchen counter, cradling his coffee mug in his hands as he tried to get his head on straight.
How the hell had this happened?
Why the fuck had Jason given him the company? The man had known Loch didn’t want anything to do with the place after he left. Marnie getting pregnant had been the final straw, but he’d been well on his way out of the company long before that. He’d been working on setting up his gym, and because he’d needed the money to make that happen, he’d also set up his security system business on the side. He’d done all of that while still taking the occasional job for Jason, being a bodyguard for some celebrity who hadn’t really needed him, or being extra security for clients he didn’t know the name of because he hadn’t been granted that level of clearance.
He’d never been a mercenary, contrary to what his brothers and sister might have thought at one point when they’d made offhand comments about it.
Riker and some of the other guys in the company might have been, though. And that had always worried Loch.
Riker worried Loch.
The man had been his second and was an arrogant asshole. Riker hated following orders that weren’t his own or didn’t come directly from Jason. It seemed he felt like he was next in line for whatever was coming next for the company.
Loch hadn’t heard from the other man since he’d quit the company and decided to stay in Whiskey instead of just making it his home base like before. And that worried him.
Why hadn’t the other man contacted him when Jason died?
Loch had done a quick search and had found a short obituary stating that Jason had died of natural causes. With no family, the other man had been put to rest by friends.
Jason had been a stern taskmaster and boss, as well as Loch’s mentor, but he hadn’t been someone Loch would call a friend. Not really. They were friendly but they weren’t friends, not in the sense of the word Loch had learned over the years with Ainsley and his brothers and sister. Yes, Jason had helped Loch get his head on straight and later let him talk some things out, but there had always been a sense that Jason was just a little older, a little more like a father figure.
Whiskey Undone (Whiskey and Lies Book 3) Page 6